A Question for the Thai Ladies

[hdkane]

I have retired in Thailand, for most of the obvious reasons (e.g., cost of living, weather, culture, & nature).  Of course, another important reason for my choosing Thailand as my ultimate destination is that I would like to marry.  The stereotype is that Thai women are family-oriented and faithful, more so than most Western women.  Naturally, I've been disabused of that notion through my encounters and experiences. Thai men, on the other hand, have a well-deserved and earned reputation for being cheaters and deadbeats. Yes, I know that everyone is different.  You cannot judge an individual, but you CAN judge a group.  This is how the social sciences identify trends, averages, and predictions.

 

I want to pose a difficult question.  And I'm hoping that I won't be too disparaged for even broaching the topic.  So here goes...

 

Why on earth would any Thai woman date, marry, or have children with any Thai man? The laws in Thailand are misogynist. Men are not required to support their children or family in any way. So why even risk the consequences to yourself or your child?  Yet, Thai women continue to have kids with Thai men, even knowing the men are married or otherwise involved with other women. From my experience and observation, I estimate that 90% of the prostitutes and bargirls work to support children who are not cared for by the father.  For college grads (e.g., secretaries, office workers, & teachers), my estimate is about 50% of women in these positions are the sole provider for their children (I know the mother's parents help financially, but where is the father).  For professionals with advanced degrees, it's about 25%.Further, I've met plenty of Thai men who are doctors, attorneys, and government workers who simply do not provide for their children.  The available option is to simply walk away from this responsibility for a new wife, and they take it. The answer is not simply education, by the way.  Even poor Issaan girls know about condoms. 

 

I've asked this question before to Thai women I consider familiar friends, and they cannot answer it. As if the issue never crossed their thought.  I ask them if they will tell their daughters to avoid Thai men, and they simply state, "No.".  I am at a loss.  If a jet plane had a 25% of crashing, would anyone even risk getting  ticket?  Thailand is not the same as USA or UK, where there are social supports that will provide for the welfare of children.  Thus, the risks here are exponentially higher.  Generations are affected by this behavior. 

 

So...why...even for a moment...would a woman consider a relationship with a Thai man?  Moreover, if you are a single parent whose spouse or boyfriend abandoned the family, why not tell your daughter to avoid Thai men at all costs?  Similarly, why are men not shamed by family or society? Women are an underclass here in Thailand, and I find it so disappointing that they seem to contribute so openly and easily to their own oppression, as well as the struggle of their children. 

 

Please do not suggest that it's "culture"...that term is flabby/meaningless and used as an intellectual escape for poor behavior.  Truly, I want to  know what actual thinking underlies these decisions.

 

 

 

[Boo]

I always find it interesting when westerners with little experience of thailand come on here and make these ill informed statements. There are very few thai women posting on thaivisa but as a women who has spent alot of time with thai people and in Thailand your opinions are very different to my own. But hey, those "terrible"thai blokes must be doing something right but some find it hard to understand that for 99% of thai women they'd rather have a thai bloke than even look at a foreigner.

[Goinghomesoon]

And if the OP actually read any of our previous posts he would know a significant number of us are happily married to Thai men.

[Jdiddy]

Your taking a far too logical approach to this, women are not logical creatures

[kevozman1]

OP just look at how the birth rates have fallen in the last decade or so amongst Thai women. That should tell you that women in Thailand are being more wise when it comes to starting families. There is a new generation of Thai women who do not feel like they need a partner and also a generation who when they were young could see many Thai women struggling to bring up a family alone with no assistance from the father or the state.

 

I guess a lot of Thai women will think about dating or meeting with a foreigner at some point, but to be fair when you look at the pool of foreign men in Thailand I should imagine that puts a lot of them off. Not exactly the best catches ever... and when a handsome level headed foreign man moves to Thailand he will be inundated with ridiculous amounts of female interest and therefor usually be taken. 

[Berkshire]

"Why on earth would any Thai woman date, marry, or have children with any Thai man?"

 

The answer is this:  Because Thai women tend to fall in love with Thai men.

 

Is the OP going to ask "why?"  Because the reason(s) would be largely the same as other women the world over.  Women fall in love with men for various reasons, and none of them requires the OP's concurrence or approval.

[hdkane]

So is it merely a matter of distance and convenience? Just to clarify a point, I'm not arguing or even presuming that Thai women would/should prefer foreign men. My point was why would any girl even want to marry, when the societal norms are so obviously against them.  Surely, the point is valid that many Thai women are happy with the many good and decent Thai men that live here.  It seems that some readers mistook my genuine question for a trolling post. If so, you missed the point.

[bplaayai]

As Berkshire said Thai women tend to fall in love with Thai men    Not so strange why will anyone stay in a relationship that is not quite right ? Love is a strange thing     Why do women stay with a man that beats them?    There are many people who we may think should get out of relationships but do not it may take years before the move is made     What is it Love ?   Fear?     Oh the human mind a complex and strange thing hey   The question is have you been one of these and waited ages before making that scary break i know i have and after the dust has settled i wonder why was i there for so long There is no real answer to this question