Greg Nixon Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Do not let them know you speak Thai, although your gf probably already has. If you are in Issan they will be speaking Issan or Lao. Do as several have advised, wai well and show respect. You obviously already know or should know much about Thai customs. Polite and silent might be a good idea, let your gf do a lot of talking for you at least this visit. Did I say do not let them know you speak Thai yet. If they insult you, perhaps that would be the time. You probably wouldn't want to do as I did the first time I met my wife's parents. Very good people, no drunks, self sufficient, sent kids to college/university. Although I had been coming here since early '02 (this in'07) I had never gone to met any parents, ever. To say I was uncomfortable would be a great understatement. At some point after supper the father was looking at me and speaking to my wife to be. She got a 'funny' look on her face and said "My father says only reason farang come to Thailand is for sex". Well, being the smart ass I am, without hesitation I raised my hand and said "khap khun krap, that's me" with a big grin on my face. I don't believe my sense of humor was too well appreciated, but frankly at that point I didn't and still don't care. Her father understood and spoke English although she had neglected to inform me. I didn't get the translation of what he said...lol. To this day, I've never heard a word of English out of him. Meeting the grandparents saved me. Although, there have been times I wished it hadn't...lol. In the end, even if they like you, like you a lot, you are still an ATM and you will never, ever be accepted as anything but the farang husband of their daughter, who should have married a Thai man. Good luck, may the good Buddha bless and keep you. You obviously missed you chance with your future father - in - law. You should have said, " you are right. Would you like to see my huge pecker? " 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thaiberius Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 One of the best ways of gaining merit with Buddha and the in-laws is to spend a day in the paddy with all the associated fishy/eel type things and an aching back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Nixon Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 When I first met my future in-laws, I was received well by my mother in law. I gave my father in law a gift prescribed by my future wife. I am the same age as my father in law ( give or take a few years). He decided he did not like me and had a favoured black toothed labourer make some half baked passes at my future wife's daughter. I all but threw the labourer out of the second story. There was some shouting. My wife cried. She was angry with her father and we left. We were later married in the temple with my mother in law present. My father in law shot at me when I was in the field but he missed. My mother in law died. My father in law enjoyed the status of my presence at the funeral. I bought a lot of the food for hundreds of friends and family. Some time later he boasted of my income after I had paid for labor on his farm and helped harvest the rice. Although he has much, I doubt if he makes the best use of it and instead is cheap and thinks of what he has not. The lady I married is extremely resourceful and has supported herself for many years while advancing her lot in life. She has a very happy daughter ( sign of good mothering) and has invested wisely in land and property. Her older sister has been given all the advantages by her parents but does not prosper as much. I have insisted and taken the wife's fair share even against the parents wishes. I had to throw the mother in law and sister in law and family out of my wife's second house next door. The sisters husband abandoned her and her teenaged daughter. Justice has been served but it will not make up for my wife's past hardships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canuckamuck Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Ridiculous OP post Is this forum a Kindergarten ? Please, we prefer the term adult daycare. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dotpoom Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Sometimes I wonder how people got this far in life when they have to ask a bunch of strangers what they should say when they meet new people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ericthai Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Do not let them know you speak Thai, although your gf probably already has. If you are in Issan they will be speaking Issan or Lao. Do as several have advised, wai well and show respect. You obviously already know or should know much about Thai customs. Polite and silent might be a good idea, let your gf do a lot of talking for you at least this visit. Did I say do not let them know you speak Thai yet. If they insult you, perhaps that would be the time. You probably wouldn't want to do as I did the first time I met my wife's parents. Very good people, no drunks, self sufficient, sent kids to college/university. Although I had been coming here since early '02 (this in'07) I had never gone to met any parents, ever. To say I was uncomfortable would be a great understatement. At some point after supper the father was looking at me and speaking to my wife to be. She got a 'funny' look on her face and said "My father says only reason farang come to Thailand is for sex". Well, being the smart ass I am, without hesitation I raised my hand and said "khap khun krap, that's me" with a big grin on my face. I don't believe my sense of humor was too well appreciated, but frankly at that point I didn't and still don't care. Her father understood and spoke English although she had neglected to inform me. I didn't get the translation of what he said...lol. To this day, I've never heard a word of English out of him. Meeting the grandparents saved me. Although, there have been times I wished it hadn't...lol. In the end, even if they like you, like you a lot, you are still an ATM and you will never, ever be accepted as anything but the farang husband of their daughter, who should have married a Thai man. Good luck, may the good Buddha bless and keep you. First of all Issan is not limited to just Issan and Laos languages it can include Kehmer all depends on where in Issan they live. If they live near Lao then possibly Lao, if they live near Cambodia then possibly Khemer. Also not all Thai's look at an expat as an ATM and want their daughter to marry a Thai. My wife's family has never asked me for any money. When we got married I paid the Sin sod and it was given back the next day and a few months later her day gave us land about 8 rai I think it is. To the OP just be polite and be yourself. Your GF knows her parents so you need to ask her the do's and dont's she knows best. If you don't really like Thai food that much I suggest you go to the market on the way to the house and buy things you would like to eat, this will help steer the food cooked to something you might like. As for bringing beer and whisky, again I would ask your girlfriend if she thinks that's a good idea or not. A friend of mine bought whisky and beer when he meet his future in-laws, big mistake. The future father in law was a big drunk and they tried to keep him from drinking. The father in law was happy but the mother in law never forgave him. It would be a good idea to stay at the house, again if you girlfriend thinks it's a good idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davejonesbkk Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 Ok guys, I think that the OP has gotten the answer to his question. As such, you shouldn't need to post any further comments, unless they are specifically related to the Thai Language Yes thanks SlyAnimal, I posted here specifically to avoid the general forum crowd and the 'TAKE YOUR ATM CARD' type comments, I'm looking for some real Thai language tips here... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davejonesbkk Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 To give a bit more info and some more questions: Im not going to there home, we have a 3 day vacation planned to the beach with me and the gf, the parents, one of her sisters and some cousins, we are taking a minivan there and I will be meeting the parents when they first arrive at our condo where the mini van will pick us up from so it will just be a quick hello and then into the van where we may chat further. I suppose Im just looking for something to say after the usual 'Hell0 and nice to meet you both' in Thai, they will have travelled down from the north the night before so I supposed I could ask how the journey was? Any suggestions of what else to say then would be welcome. Tbh even in English Im not sure, I guess I would comment on the weather or something... One of my concerns is that if the old-boy takes me to one said and gives me the 'dont mess around with my daughter' speech, what should I say? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grindting Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 To give a bit more info and some more questions: Im not going to there home, we have a 3 day vacation planned to the beach with me and the gf, the parents, one of her sisters and some cousins, we are taking a minivan there and I will be meeting the parents when they first arrive at our condo where the mini van will pick us up from so it will just be a quick hello and then into the van where we may chat further. I suppose Im just looking for something to say after the usual 'Hell0 and nice to meet you both' in Thai, they will have travelled down from the north the night before so I supposed I could ask how the journey was? Any suggestions of what else to say then would be welcome. Tbh even in English Im not sure, I guess I would comment on the weather or something... One of my concerns is that if the old-boy takes me to one said and gives me the 'dont mess around with my daughter' speech, what should I say? You are thinking waayyy to much into this. Just relax for <deleted> sake. you're not dating donald trumps daughter, there won't be any 3rd degree, did your gf even tell you if they can speak English or not? Chances are NOT, even affluent families in the north/north-east that send their daughters to khon kaen university and the like, the parents cannot speak a word of English. You are putting on quite a show bringing the whole family down and they are the ones who are most likely nervous. You are probably going to be shelling out a fair few quid on meals and whatever else crops up as well for everyone every day so just keep your cool, as you were the one that set it up, don't expect anyone to put their hand into their pocket! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
POSA290103 Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 To give a bit more info and some more questions: Im not going to there home, we have a 3 day vacation planned to the beach with me and the gf, the parents, one of her sisters and some cousins, we are taking a minivan there and I will be meeting the parents when they first arrive at our condo where the mini van will pick us up from so it will just be a quick hello and then into the van where we may chat further. I suppose Im just looking for something to say after the usual 'Hell0 and nice to meet you both' in Thai, they will have travelled down from the north the night before so I supposed I could ask how the journey was? Any suggestions of what else to say then would be welcome. Tbh even in English Im not sure, I guess I would comment on the weather or something... One of my concerns is that if the old-boy takes me to one said and gives me the 'dont mess around with my daughter' speech, what should I say? You are thinking waayyy to much into this. Just relax for <deleted> sake. you're not dating donald trumps daughter, there won't be any 3rd degree, did your gf even tell you if they can speak English or not? Chances are NOT, even affluent families in the north/north-east that send their daughters to khon kaen university and the like, the parents cannot speak a word of English. You are putting on quite a show bringing the whole family down and they are the ones who are most likely nervous. You are probably going to be shelling out a fair few quid on meals and whatever else crops up as well for everyone every day so just keep your cool, as you were the one that set it up, don't expect anyone to put their hand into their pocket! You are right, he's thinking way too much. Smile be polite and soft spoken. Saying less is probably better. Too much conversation may be looked at as being too familar. Let them get to know you at their pace, slowly. If you are paying for all the accomodations and transportation it appears they aren't HiSo. From my experience with the in-laws and relatives who are from a small village in Roi-et they will probably sit around most of the time doing nothing. I saw this on vacation as well. Mealtime and SHOPPING are the highlights of the day and you will pay for EVERYTHING! Have plenty of baht on hand but it may be a lot cheaper than you think. They probably won't go near getting into the water whether it be ocean or pool. If there are young ones along that's a plus for you. Once the children get used to you they will be all over you. That is a easy card to play don't miss that opportunity. Let them SEE how much you love their daughter and you will be fine. On the odd chance they have no intention of accepting you, so what. While it would be nice to have the family on board you really don't need them to be happy. Give them plenty of space and accept whatever comes with courtesy and a smile. In conclusion, I do believe you don't have anything to worry about and you are over thinking this, be yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thailand49 Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Now that you can speak and even write some learn about the culture if you have not already or read the book Thailand Fever? That there is a standard for you and another much lower expectation standard for a Thai man. Unless you are rich and it doesn't matter at all! Need to find a way to say I love your daughter but can't support everyone with buying you a house etc? see how far your Thai get you? Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dublin Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Firstly smile and give a Thai greeting hello how are you.. after that they will smile back and you will be left out of the conversation for the rest of the night. You will be the but of a few jokes you will know this when your sweetheart rubs your leg and smiles at you . Keep the beers and whiskey flowing and some good food and you will do alright, 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strangebrew Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Just say I'm your daughters new ATM, oh and add you need new water buffalo? Best to sit with dumb look on face.slam a few beer's belch and fart. For the most part they will ignore till time to pay check.then the traditional hand out for the cash. Next Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canuckamuck Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 (edited) Firstly smile and give a Thai greeting hello how are you.. after that they will smile back and you will be left out of the conversation for the rest of the night. You will be the but of a few jokes you will know this when your sweetheart rubs your leg and smiles at you . Keep the beers and whiskey flowing and some good food and you will do alright, This is right on, they will talk around you for hours and they won't think anything of it. It won't hurt of course to know some Thai and answer some questions if they come. But they'll not expect it or be bothered if you don't. If you really want to improve your standing, eat what they eat and act like you love it. But that being said, it is really difficult to impress them, and the lower down the social status they are, the less likely you will be treated like family and more likely you will be treated like an odd new pet. Edited July 30, 2014 by canuckamuck 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canuckamuck Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 (edited) Double Edited July 30, 2014 by canuckamuck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belg Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 wear a t-shirt with : i am not an atm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grindting Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Firstly smile and give a Thai greeting hello how are you.. after that they will smile back and you will be left out of You will be the but of a few jokes you will know this when your sweetheart rubs your leg and smiles at you . Keep the beers and whiskey flowing and some good food and you will do alright, So he's invited a large group of her family down to be a guest in his house, paid for the transport and all other sundry expenses, no doubt taken them all for a slap up meal incl alcohol, all sorts of excursions for 3 full days and nights. He introduces himself in a humble and polite way, yet he is going to be ignored, better yet, the butt of their jokes? And he's still expected after this despicable behaviour to continue to put his hand in his pocket an allow these people to stay under his roof?? <deleted> that mate they'd be out in a heartbeat if it were my inlaws in my own house Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlyAnimal Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 This thread has probably given the OP about as much advice on what Thai you could say to them as what it's going to. Thread closed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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