Meeting the parents - what to say?

[davejonesbkk]

So Im meeting my gfs parents soon, we have been living together for over a year and are quite serious so this is important.

I have a fairly good/ok grasp of Thai and converse just fine along with being able to read and write (a little). Im trying to think of what I will say when I first meet the in-laws and Im drawing a total blank, all I can think of is 'Hello, nice to meet you' and beyond that nothing

Can anyone give me some tips?

[phuketsub]

Sometimes it's better to pretend you don't know any Thai at all, especially when potential in-laws are involved.

[Bung]

A big wai, suwadii Khrup along with a cheesy grin would help! I think in this situation anywhere in the world just being yourself is the best way. If you're lucky a brother will get you outside for a couple of beers and some relief from mom and dad.

[canuckamuck]

I live with my inlaws, I still don't know what to say.

[Bulldozer Dawn]

If she is from the North East, or the North West, or the south, no one will understand a word of your Thai anyway.

Just keep smile and point to things. If you can hunch your back over a bit and try to take on a blockish form, similar to an ATM, that will also help things along.

[SlyAnimal]

You should be very polite, so give them the good Wai.

Also when you speak Thai to them, speak softly, don't kinda "bark" it out, as one of my mates did when he first met his gf's parents (His gf gives him a huge amount of crap about it).

Also you should refer to her mother and father as Mair & Paow (Or Khun Mair & Khun Paow if you want to be super polite, but depending on the situation it might be too much. I'd maybe use that only for the first time I meet them).

Otherwise, just be generally polite (If you've been in Thailand for a while, and have had a Thai gf for a while, I'm sure you know most of the cultural norms already?).

Which region are they from?

[CBR250]

Whosoever's sensibilities I may have offended with my tawdry humour, I offer humble apologies. (But it's true - I do have daughters - I know what the whole bringing the boyfriend home requires - the same degree of sensitivity that I demonstrated).

[puukao]

Common sense, no aggression. Fake smile throughout. Act interested in everything. Offer to do anything, even dishes. I did dishes before, and was told I used the soap improperly. LOL. I smiled. Talk about very shallow things, keep it light.

Just keep telling yourself: This is only for a few hours. Take the pain. It will be like exercise.

Then, after a few meetings (hopefully only 1-2 a year) you can relax.

[CBR250]

I actually like both my daughters guys, and am pleased to have them around on the rare occasions they do turn up. One even came here to visit me here on his Uni break when he was down in Phuket with school buddies. No daughter in sight. We had a great time.

Juts relax, let the occasion flow along. Don't try to win 'em over, but be polite and smile.

[Roel]

Don't do the dishes. They will all laugh for weeks after you left.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Don't go, the only reason you are invited to meet the parents is for a giant sinsot request.

If you go, you will wish you hadn't.

PS

Unlikely you will understand anything they say, parents always speak funny rural village dialects.

Edited July 28, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[VocalNeal]

If they don't speak any English they will be as worried as you.

Take a box of good beer and a bottle of Red Label, and don't expect to drink any of it yourself. Take some photos of your parents.

Smile a lot , show interested in the house, garden, farm whatever. Look around for evidence of a hobby like fishing or.. ask to go. Find something broken and fix it.

If they are rural start pacing out the plot next door!

They may simply wish to know that you are the right man for their daughter.

[Thaiberius]

Be polite and expect to be relieved of a large wad of cash at some point.

[kotsak]

If she is from the North East, or the North West, or the south, no one will understand a word of your Thai anyway.

Just keep smile and point to things. If you can hunch your back over a bit and try to take on a blockish form, similar to an ATM, that will also help things along.

Actually no need to become one, you can wear one as well..

[Somsrisonphimai]

Just be yourself and try to be interested in them. Ask them some general questions like you would ask if you were to be dating a girl in your country. You could ask about their way of life, how did they meet each other, what do they think of your relationship with their daughter. Tell them you love their daughter and such. They are just normal people you know, and some of them are not money grabbing like some the forum's members implied.

[Somsrisonphimai]

Don't do the dishes. They will all laugh for weeks after you left.

Not true! He would get their respect if he helps them clean and spends the night at their home.

[Aforek]

Just be yourself and try to be interested in them. Ask them some general questions like you would ask if you were to be dating a girl in your country. You could ask about their way of life, how did they meet each other, what do they think of your relationship with their daughter. Tell them you love their daughter and such. They are just normal people you know, and some of them are not money grabbing like some the forum's members implied.

True, just speak of everyday life, not philosophical issues : many things to talk with Thai people: they are pragmatic

[SlyAnimal]

And of course, be aware that questions regarding when you are going to get married will likely come up. So have an answer prepared which will keep them happy, without necessarily setting an expectation in regards to when.

As although going to visit your gf's parents in her hometown doesn't mean that you need to get married straight away, it does usually imply that you're very serious about each other and expect to get married in the future.

Although every family is a little bit different, particularly depending on if they live in a rural or urban environment.

[bkkjames]

I suggest to take a new top load washing machine... You don't want to set the bar too high.

Sent from my LG-P970 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[transam]

I live with my inlaws, I still don't know what to say.

You l i v e with the inlaws................ ..................

[canuckamuck]

Just write down a figure on a piece of paper and hand it to the old man.

[tifino]

1. the dishes.. heh heh

I got told off because I offered, by simply starting to do them. Now-missus had me over the barrel, my mind stuck somewhere in the middle between a rock and a hard place - because she 'advised' me Thais don't want something done for them that They had not asked for me to do in the first place.

(gee I wish I could recall the exact words, because it came out like a lightning bolt).

ya just can't win....

2. Letting them know you can speak (even a bit of) Thai stifles their want to talk about you in front of you - and that includes the missus too...

[jonnyscot]

Don't do the dishes,,,, my FIL came in and saw me doing the dishes on one of the rate occasions I do and gave the wife a good tongue lashing,,,

keep smiling, be polite and show an interest in their activities

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[canuckamuck]

I live with my inlaws, I still don't know what to say.

You l i v e with the inlaws................ ..................

Jealous?

[transam]

I live with my inlaws, I still don't know what to say.

You l i v e with the inlaws................ ..................

Jealous?

Absolutely..... .....................

[SlyAnimal]

Don't do the dishes,,,, my FIL came in and saw me doing the dishes on one of the rate occasions I do and gave the wife a good tongue lashing,,,

keep smiling, be polite and show an interest in their activities

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Yeah it would make them feel greng jai if you do the dishes, or they'll sorta lose face, since you're a visitor so should be relaxing and putting your feet up.

Remember that when you visit, you're not just trying to impress them, but they're also trying to impress you with their hospitality. So they might even organise a special dinner just because you've come to visit, and they'll almost definitely cook more food than what you can possibly eat.

@OP Your best guide on what to do/say, would be to ask your gf and follow her lead in regards to the personal pronouns she uses etc. Since she would know what her family is like.

Also I'm sure you already know the different in Thai vs Western culture in regards to food, but I'll say it just in case. In western culture (Or at least NZ culture) we should try to eat everything if possible, to show that we really enjoyed the food, but in Thai culture you should leave a little bit on your plate at the end of the meal to show that you're really full. This will then show the hosts that they've catered well for you.

[F4UCorsair]

If she is from the North East, or the North West, or the south, no one will understand a word of your Thai anyway.

Just keep smile and point to things. If you can hunch your back over a bit and try to take on a blockish form, similar to an ATM, that will also help things along.

Love it!!!

[sgtsabai]

Do not let them know you speak Thai, although your gf probably already has. If you are in Issan they will be speaking Issan or Lao. Do as several have advised, wai well and show respect. You obviously already know or should know much about Thai customs. Polite and silent might be a good idea, let your gf do a lot of talking for you at least this visit. Did I say do not let them know you speak Thai yet. If they insult you, perhaps that would be the time. You probably wouldn't want to do as I did the first time I met my wife's parents. Very good people, no drunks, self sufficient, sent kids to college/university. Although I had been coming here since early '02 (this in'07) I had never gone to met any parents, ever. To say I was uncomfortable would be a great understatement. At some point after supper the father was looking at me and speaking to my wife to be. She got a 'funny' look on her face and said "My father says only reason farang come to Thailand is for sex". Well, being the smart ass I am, without hesitation I raised my hand and said "khap khun krap, that's me" with a big grin on my face. I don't believe my sense of humor was too well appreciated, but frankly at that point I didn't and still don't care. Her father understood and spoke English although she had neglected to inform me. I didn't get the translation of what he said...lol. To this day, I've never heard a word of English out of him. Meeting the grandparents saved me. Although, there have been times I wished it hadn't...lol. In the end, even if they like you, like you a lot, you are still an ATM and you will never, ever be accepted as anything but the farang husband of their daughter, who should have married a Thai man. Good luck, may the good Buddha bless and keep you.

[Straight8]

Be polite and expect to be relieved of a large wad of cash at some point.

Spot on !!

[sanuk711]

Depends if their younger than you or not..............................