My partner does not communicate

[jacko45k]

You are still trying g to figure out women, are you?

Good luck with that.

My wife is one of the best communicators I have met, so I can't really help you as I haven't experienced what you are talking about.

Generally with women, they either talk too much or don't talk at all... You pick one or the other.

Best of luck.

I wish mine would give it a rest frequently.

[lcp0761]

Ahh - where to start?

The Thai culture and Thai way of thinking are so very different than from western ways!

- If you have moved in with your Thai girlfriend, she will refers to you as her husband. With/without a marriage ceremony or agreement to any vows.

- Thai's have two (2) ways of marriage, the cheap way of just living together and the second way via a formal wedding ceremony. The wedding ceremony is for the parents to show-off to their friends and relatives.

- for a Thai girl marrying a farang, it's important for the family to show others what their daughter has snagged - "a western money bag".

- Thai women have it rough as it is common for a Thai man to regularly have extra sexual partners and even a 2nd wife. A lot of Thai women either deal with the Thai man's infidelity or boot them out. The second scenario is when they look for a farang as westerners tend to be more faithful. So, maybe it's not that she doesn't trust you but she doesn't trust men.

- Thai women become very independent and strong willed because of the above. As Thailand's reputation goes - "Land of Smiles" - smiling on the outside but unhappy on the inside.

- Thai's are very money/gold conscious. It's all about the show - the glitter. So a fancy Thai wedding may cost 3-4 years wages (a Thai annual wages).

Recommendation - regardless on how beautiful and sexually attractive a Thai woman is, if your not comfortable then it's best to part or live apart. You are the foreigner in her country and her family will have great influence on her, and how she treats you. Look at her parents relationship (mother/father dominance towards each other) to envision how she will look to "shape" you.

Don't be in a hurry to get married or live together, as separating will just about cost you your life (or your manhood). And you already said that there isn't a lot of sex, so she has her farang.

Summary - there are a lot of great Thai women (fish in the sea) so don't compromise you standards, even if it's for that last 10%.

[JLCrab]

Ahh - where to start? Let me know when you figure it out.

[A1Str8]

If she doesn't even communicate with you that is a clear sign that she has no interest in you.

Being generous with money and paying for stuff is not a sign of love and does not indicate anything serious. I regularly pay for things(dinner, cinema, etc)when i am with a woman because i am a gentleman and because i want to f..k them but that doesn't mean i am in love with them neither it means that i want to live with them or marry them etc. When someone is generous with you but clearly not interested in you(no communication, no sex are clear indications)then you can bet, that person is being generous for a selfish reason. She wants to keep you with her, so she doesn't need to be alone, she needs someone to control etc.. Only you can figure out the reason. But instead of trying to put the pieces together, i suggest you to move on and find a woman who deserves you.

Edited August 15, 2014 by A1Str8

[JDGRUEN]

OP ... I had a relationship experience that parallels your very closely. She has a good job, good benefits,will get retirement benefits, owns a house outright, has a car, a motorcycle. We talked for two years on Skype ... had our ups and downs... Came here - things went just fine for 2 months... then started going downhill rapidly. She began talking about a big house, sin sod... and when I didn't respond as she wanted she began a silent campaign of rejecting me. She could never really talk about exactly what she wanted and would never say what I did offer was good or bad. I found I couldn't negotiate anything because she never revealed much of anything...

She began faking not liking sex and amazingly said one day that I could go travel over Thailand meet some of my American friends and a year later I could come back and we could get married. And I said - well - what about you hating sex - that is makes you sick and you hurt for weeks at a time ? What about that - how do we get around that? She answered - 'it will be fine - no problem after we get married and build house and have sin sot... WOW!!! It took me 10 minutes to get my dropped jaw back closed... Wow!

Earlier I said (about sin sot / sod) that not wanting to be harsh but sin sot for a previously married woman of age 49 is not really on the table... and if it was I would present it (here in modern Thailand) and your family would return it after the wedding -- and we could use it for the furnishing the house or what ever... She answered no -- the money is for me - I keep it...

I packed my things and left after 2.5 months of living with her... as she got much worse in her manipulation and near vengeful actions... We were never able to reconcile - came close - but the same issues rose up... And to this day she still cannot - will not communicate her inner feelings in any effective way.

I had mistakenly thought that since she had more than what 90% of non hi so women in Thailand have ... at least in the top 10% of everyday Thai female wage earners that my offer of sharing our incomes to build a future would be sufficient ... she wanted no part of working together to build a future - she wanted it NOW - not even next year - but now.

And come to find out via a mutual American friend that she did not believe that I wasn't rich and that I had been lying to her that I was not rich. I have plenty to live on and have a good life in Thailand - but not rich... My friend assured her I was not lying .. this was at about the start of the downhill run. Sharing was just not in her vocabulary.

Needless to say OP that I was greatly disappointed ... but leaving was the only choice... as IMO your g/l is acting very much like mine did ... You will be much better off - if you just go... it is not fixable ...

What a story.

You absolutely did the right thing in my opinion

I must admit still not really understanding this SinSod request from her, as she was secure anyway

Was it to improve her self worth perhaps? I cant see that it was for financial gain (though clearly there would be some) as you were both financially in a good place...

The common theme with a lot of these posts is not really understanding your other half...Maybe im just old fashioned but despite all the other attributes the gf/wife offers, if you cant communicate, the relationship is destined for failure so get out when you find there are just too many points left unanswered.

Thank you for you comments... I was hoping the OP might recognize some of the similarities. I did not understand the sinsod request either to say the least. I have suspected she had some kind of un-revealed debt... maybe had been scammed and owed a debt or lost money or I don't know. Or she wanted to keep me around for a few years - new house - cash from sinsod - then dump me. It happened big time to a buddy of mine. She had a traumatic past - but not untypical in some ways -- but one very tragic way - loss of twins just after birth. I tried very hard to discuss things in a calm manner with her and treated her very well - believe me I have never tried harder in any previous relationship... but she showed some pretty bizarre behavior. One time when I tried to engage her into a discussion about a misunderstanding she just clammed up ... I dropped it ... then later when I tried to explain it - she suddenly bolted into the bathroom and begin violently throwing up ... I was packing my bags when she came out ... she went nutty - dropped to her knees and begged me to stay... I just said - Okay ... please sleep... I believe at her age of 49 she was entering heavily into menopause ... with wild hormone swings... And before any of your ladies jump on me - I have a medical education and work background - I am not shallow and flippant about menopause and the wild swings of behavior - case closed on that... Despite everything I have wrote about her - you need to understand she has many endearing qualities and talents - she is a good person ... Just nearly impossible to understand at times. She speaks - reads and writes English quite well - and I do pretty good in Thai -- so I believe it was other factors beyond my understanding or knowing ...

[bigguy]

I've been married to a Thai lady for 5 years, I work 28/28, and when I'm home the 28 days, my wife talks the entire time,, I think she even talks in her sleep. If she is doing laundry, she'll ask me to come sit and talk, cooking, cleaning she wants me near to tell me everything that's going on from the neighbors gossip to what the kids have been doing.

So if your GF, doesn't talk a lot,, wow, YOUR BLESSED ...

[JDGRUEN]

I think that there are at least a couple of women on this thread whose comments remind me of a big reason why I left the U.S.

Not so closet men haters....

[CapeCobra]

To OP's GF: Get rid of this loser as fast as you can.

[ChiangraiTony]

We don't know so many details, her age, what kind of job does she has, are you working or do you stay in the house all day, etc...

Depends on so many variables. What are you doing to make her feel like she wants to smile?

From my limited experience it seems to me that unless you and her are old then there has to be a problem if there is no sex.

If there is no sex then what about the kiss?

It's her house, she is being nice. Her not saying anything is another way of communication. She is letting you know something without words. Many Thai people are not going to open their words and communicate in the same way as you may expect.

It may be that she doesn't feel comfortable and not have enough confidence in herself to communicate with you. You could sit with her and talk to her Heart. She will understand... You need to be more understanding of the Thai-way or it's the Hi-way for you...

[Bigfarang1948]

Confused? The signals are clear. She wants you out but you cant convince yourself it is true. I cant either but if you are able to make it on your own and dont care about bumping uglies with her, just go and find another girl or guy which ever. Cant see the sense in staying with a gal who will not talk. I wish mine would shut up once in awhile LOL I love Thailand sorry for your dilemma Farang but you have an easy way out and it is called the front door.

You are still trying g to figure out women, are you?

Good luck with that.

My wife is one of the best communicators I have met, so I can't really help you as I haven't experienced what you are talking about.

Generally with women, they either talk too much or don't talk at all... You pick one or the other.

Best of luck.

[JDGRUEN]

Yes - Mind reading ... he should just know what I want ,.. he should just sense it ,.. why should I have to tell him .... he should read my mind,.. this condition seems to have crossed cultural barriers ...

No Lek - he cannot ... you are in a relationship with a Farang - not with a Thai man - who can go ask his mother or your mother what the hell is going on ... you need to tell the Farang man... he has lots of magical powers - but reading minds is not one of them...

[neverdie]

Confused? The signals are clear. She wants you out but you cant convince yourself it is true. I cant either but if you are able to make it on your own and dont care about bumping uglies with her, just go and find another girl or guy which ever. Cant see the sense in staying with a gal who will not talk. I wish mine would shut up once in awhile LOL I love Thailand sorry for your dilemma Farang but you have an easy way out and it is called the front door.

You are still trying g to figure out women, are you?

Good luck with that.

My wife is one of the best communicators I have met, so I can't really help you as I haven't experienced what you are talking about.

Generally with women, they either talk too much or don't talk at all... You pick one or the other.

Best of luck.

Big Fella,

You are right.

[Straight8]

If your smart enough you will be able to figure it all out. Firstly find out if your still welcome to stay [subtly]

Seems to me this relationship has run its course.

Gather your nuts, grow some confidence, move out and enjoy some independence. I see a couple of positives in that fact that she is not bleeding you financially [yet] but weighing up what you are living through it just aint worth the trade off.

Being called boring, wanting to control you, no sex [my vag is tired] and doesn't communicate and what... you're still hangin around like a lap dog.

Time to give her a few ultimatums. You will soon know exactly where you stand?

Guarantee it will work

[One golden rule of many.. never be with a woman you love more than she loves you, or you will always end up being her fool]

Edited August 15, 2014 by Straight8

[biggles45]

"Learning to speak Thai might help with your communication issues."

Not really as it will be a long time before he can communicate meaningfully in Thai.

Have no qualms about looking elsewhere as you don't seem happy and I don't see why you continue. As others have said, Thailand is an easy place to be without a live-in partner and offers many options.

[seancbk]

to theguyfromanotherforum:

I am curious what your GF is like around she is around other friends and her family. Is she the same way with them as she is around you? If she a ChattyCathy with everyone else except you that should tell you something? I was also struck by your comment: "I suspect that it is because I have been slow to marry her." If communication is so bad that you can only guess whether this is an issue, that's a pretty serious problem. I completely share Berkshire's views about the value of being able to speak your GF's native language. It can sometimes really help in the intimacy and communication department, and help humanize you in the eyes of others.

I don't know. Comparing her with other Thai girls I think she is more reserved in general.

However like other Thai girls she spends a lot of time on FB and reading crap.

I think some women are the type where you have to guess what they think, to be honest.

Do you mind telling us how old she is? And are you close in age?

How often do you take her out clubbing or to nice bars?

Do you go out socially with her at all, on her own or with a group of mutual friends?

[Pattaya Lous]

If she's hot, I'll take her of your hands, I don't care about talking. Actually I prefer they shut up all the time.

Good for them to shut up mostly talk rubbish anyway

[belg]

i think it is time for a new one

[richardathuahin]

Sounds to me as though you are 'on show'. Thais are considered one status up if they have a farang in tow. You're an ornament to show her friends by the sound of it

Sorry but have you actually BEEN to Thailand?

Lived here for 15 years. Bangkok, Khon Kaen and Hua Hin. WHY?

[KhnomKhnom]

Girlfriend, at the risk of stating the obvious, sounds very emotionally withdrawn. Very hard to figure out what is driving girlfriend's behavior based on thumbnail sketch provided. Curious how much time you spend together with her, but not trying to by prying. Wish you the best.

Well, we live together, so 100% of the time.

Of course I can't spend time at her office job.

Thank you for your reply.

Now you know you picked a girl of the wrong social class... middle class. Before you were more wrong by picking HiSo girl. These two classes of Thai women will NEVER mesh with a Western husband; there is no reason to do so. She has her own money, her own friends, her own Thai boyfriend, and her own mind.

Living together/marriage is a power relationship. One of the partners will rule, it is natural force and unavoidable.

Only poor class of Thai girls now respect the old, look for good heart instead of handsome wrapper, and are devoted to family and family values. This culture of the poor still exists in Thailand, especially in rural areas and it is from that group that a Western man must choose for a wife/gf. Then, she gives over the power to the man as a natural part of her beliefs and upbringing. THEN, you can be kind and gentle because your power allows you to GIVE freely to her....... love and money. She will not fight you for the role of boss and will accept your power position openly and with gratitude.

But, picking the right poor Thai girl and just finding her is the big job. Good luck as you change partners.

[Paulzed]

Tell her you want to have a gig in your life, see what she says?

[rotary]

Move when she goes to the super market, change your mobile number and block her emails. Problem solved.

[biplanebluey]

"Sex is also non existent after a year of being together."

Have more sex. It's the spice of life.

Learning to speak Thai might help with your communication issues.

Good luck.

Don't know how you have stuck it for so long(without sex!!!).Thailand is full of prospective partners that suit all sorts of partners.When first here I had a new girlfriend every night and gradually cut it down.(every other night).Seriously though,life is too short to mess about like you are doing.Get out there and SAMPLE the merchandise.There is someone( or two) that are perfect for you but you have to do the walking.

[zierf1]

You live with her for free and you wonder why she is not talking to you. Hmmm...

[Cypress Hill]

Sounds to me as though you are 'on show'. Thais are considered one status up if they have a farang in tow. You're an ornament to show her friends by the sound of it

Sorry but have you actually BEEN to Thailand?

Lived here for 15 years. Bangkok, Khon Kaen and Hua Hin. WHY?

Because what you wrote is total drivel.

Don't you think she'd get far more of a boost in status by having a nice, gainfully-employed Thai man in tow than a gormless farang she can't understand?

Most Thais tend to look DOWN on women who knock around with farangs; almost as if they've let themselves down.

[richardathuahin]

Sounds to me as though you are 'on show'. Thais are considered one status up if they have a farang in tow. You're an ornament to show her friends by the sound of it

Sorry but have you actually BEEN to Thailand?

Lived here for 15 years. Bangkok, Khon Kaen and Hua Hin. WHY?

Because what you wrote is total drivel.

Don't you think she'd get far more of a boost in status by having a nice, gainfully-employed Thai man in tow than a gormless farang she can't understand?

Most Thais tend to look DOWN on women who knock around with farangs; almost as if they've let themselves down.

I bow to your superior intelligence. You've obviously been here longer than me and have a superior knowledge of Thai culture

[mraitchison]

Got to say your post sounds like whining little boy and you bored me, and I haven't even met you yet let alone lived with you or copulated with you.

What makes you think she is the problem? More than likely she is just hoping you will sling your hook and she can get back on with her life.

Do the right thing

[Cypress Hill]

I bow to your superior intelligence. You've obviously been here longer than me and have a superior knowledge of Thai culture:rolleyes:

I'm not arrogant enough to claim to have a "superior" knowledge of Thai culture but I DO know that having a farang in tow is not a status thing unless you're talking about the poor buffaloes and their wallets being led up Isaan-way to meet a delighted extended family who can't wait to move into the big house the lummox is going to build.

Clearly, the OP is not with that type of Thai woman, is he?

[maximillian]

To the OP:

Leave her because she wants you to leave.

[cbluck58]

We are not in a place where we are stuck for choice mate - move on if you are unhappy - it will take all of 15 minutes to get a new model....

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Hi Buddhas! The never ending love life sagas continue, eh?

Hey! Wazzup?