David48 Posted September 5, 2014 Author Share Posted September 5, 2014 To the OP...................Nice account of your thai family.Let me paint a completely opposite picture.Really a sad one. I was very new to thailand,met a lady,after 2 years got married,after 2 years we separated. During that 4 year period....FIL died of cancer age 66. stepmother hung herself,step daughter killed in a motorbike accident.One uncle shot and killed another uncle.. SBC ... that's awful. I don't have words for what you have experienced. Undoubtedly, both sides of the coin are out there, I'm just lucky to come up Heads and not Tails. ... no pun intended. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BradinAsia Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 I married my wife cause I loved her - not her family. My old grandpa always said: Marry for money, you get money Marry for a farm, you get a farm Marry for intelligence, you get intelligence But... marry for love and you get an eye opener. I think marrying for love is the biggest mistake people can ever make. It's one of the main reasons sl many marriages fail. Just my 2 baht worth... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hotsoup Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 When we all sit down to eat; wife children, brothers, uncles, parents in law, nieces etc..about 25 to 30 people it is the closest I have come to the French family of my childhood. Many miles away from most UK and even French life now. Of course there are squabbles, but there is an unusual degree of mutual support if anyone needs physical or financial help. My life is not wholly farm life but some. The only thing in your rather charming story that made me raise an eyebrow (people seem to have taken to writing novels on TV. I already asked if one published 'look inside' was available in whole on Amazon!) is the thing about not raising the children here. I have some experience of this choice and my conclusion is that it not helpful to take the children away. The women don't like it, much, and want to come home; and the grandparents won't be that enthusiastic, either. Anyway if you buy a SEAT, what do you expect to happen!!? How did it get here?! Good luck 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morakot Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 PS. I have now learned the hard way to never trust anyone... Good man, you could start trusting yourself. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krisb Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Never get married. Ever. Best advise I can give any man Get married. Best advice I can give any man. You will live longer, proven. Yes, correct, live a much longer BORING waste of time life, PROVEN ! Sorry to hear your life is boring. Marriage is certainly not to blame for this, nor are the inlaws. Granted we don't choose inlaws, we choose our partners, and if you made a bad decision perhaps previously, I'm sorry to hear that, but chin up tiger, plenty more out there. Try a hobby perhaps? It may help if you have too much spare time, which is what creates boredom. Anyhoo...here's a link which I hope, is correct. http://www.dailylife.com.au/health-and-fitness/dl-fitness/do-married-people-live-longer-20131025-2w69o.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muffy Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Most learn when it is too late . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krisb Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 I married my wife cause I loved her - not her family. My old grandpa always said: Marry for money, you get money Marry for a farm, you get a farm Marry for intelligence, you get intelligence But... marry for love and you get an eye opener. I think marrying for love is the biggest mistake people can ever make. It's one of the main reasons sl many marriages fail. Just my 2 baht worth... So marry cause you hate her? Sorry but Grandpas old saying don't make much sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David48 Posted September 5, 2014 Author Share Posted September 5, 2014 When we all sit down to eat; wife children, brothers, uncles, parents in law, nieces etc..about 25 to 30 people it is the closest I have come to the French family of my childhood. Many miles away from most UK and even French life now. Of course there are squabbles, but there is an unusual degree of mutual support if anyone needs physical or financial help. My life is not wholly farm life but some. The only thing in your rather charming story that made me raise an eyebrow (people seem to have taken to writing novels on TV. I already asked if one published 'look inside' was available in whole on Amazon!) is the thing about not raising the children here. I have some experience of this choice and my conclusion is that it not helpful to take the children away. The women don't like it, much, and want to come home; and the grandparents won't be that enthusiastic, either. Anyway if you buy a SEAT, what do you expect to happen!!? How did it get here?! Good luck ... that was the 'shortened version of the story ... My Partner, who is also a member here (MissFarmGirl) has visited my place in the West. spent close on 1 year there over a an extended period. We have weighed up what is best for us, both as individuals and as a Couple and, very importantly, what is best for the kids ... now and in the future when they are grown men and can make their own life choices. We have (all but) decided that the West is best for their education ... but equally important is their Cultural and Family ties to Thailand ... both for the Twins and for my partner. They are 1/2 Thai after all. So we will do our best to school them in the Western way, but educate them of the Thai way. Great in theory ... but I reckon we will stumble and get over the tryline / touchline / goaline and score. About the SEAT ... well, it was cheap and, thanks to the Farm Father, not that expensive to repair ... I just wish the realibility was better so that Me, the Lassie and the Boys could have the confidience to travel more, explore Thailand to the full and meet of a few of the members who have befriended us over the years. . 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morakot Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 I never heard anyone debating this in my country, but as soon as "we" go to LieLand we ask these stupid questions. What do people talk about in your country? Any inspiring example? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krisb Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 I never heard anyone debating this in my country, but as soon as "we" go to LieLand we ask these stupid questions. What do people talk about in your country? Any inspiring example? Still waiting.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piersbeckett Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 She is the " Right Lady " when she never asks for money,she never accepts any money and you never have to give her any money. " 2 people should be together because they love each other " Farang Jaidee ( " the romantic farang " ) You must be young Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Somtamme Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 I totally agree, it is important to have a supportive family, for if there are difficult times ahead you may well be in need. But it's not just helping with a broken car, it can be more than this, emotional etc. It's like Buddhist philosophy, you meditate to give you strength through all times in life, not just the good. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krisb Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 I totally agree, it is important to have a supportive family, for if there are difficult times ahead you may well be in need. But it's not just helping with a broken car, it can be more than this, emotional etc. It's like Buddhist philosophy, you meditate to give you strength through all times in life, not just the good. I appreciate the way you think It's a fantastic bonus in life having supportive family to lean on and help with guidance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BradinAsia Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 (edited) I married my wife cause I loved her - not her family. My old grandpa always said: Marry for money, you get money Marry for a farm, you get a farm Marry for intelligence, you get intelligence But... marry for love and you get an eye opener. I think marrying for love is the biggest mistake people can ever make. It's one of the main reasons sl many marriages fail. Just my 2 baht worth... So marry cause you hate her? Sorry but Grandpas old saying don't make much sense. If you make a list of all the qualities you want in a woman, then look for a woman who best measures up to those qualities, you will come to love her because of the excellent kind of person she is. If you choose a woman based on some emotional whim, such as love, over time you will likely curse the day you met her because once you get to know her you find that she comes up short in most areas. Grandpa had great wisdom. Your idea is the stuff of juvenile romance novels. Edited September 5, 2014 by BradinAsia 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 I married my wife cause I loved her - not her family. My old grandpa always said: Marry for money, you get money Marry for a farm, you get a farm Marry for intelligence, you get intelligence But... marry for love and you get an eye opener. I think marrying for love is the biggest mistake people can ever make. It's one of the main reasons sl many marriages fail. Just my 2 baht worth... So marry cause you hate her? Sorry but Grandpas old saying don't make much sense. If you make a list of all the qualities you want in a woman, then look for a woman who best measures up to those qualities, you will come to love her because of the excellent kind of person she is. If you choose a woman based on some emotional whim, such as love, over time you will likely curse the day you met her because once you get to know her you find that she comes up short in most areas. Grandpa had great wisdom. Your idea is the stuff of juvenile romance novels. My ex wife of 20 odd years, we would always hold hands, have a smooch when we came home from work, THEN, suddenly, ,......... to this day I wake up thinking, how, why, don't understand this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krisb Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 I married my wife cause I loved her - not her family. My old grandpa always said: Marry for money, you get money Marry for a farm, you get a farm Marry for intelligence, you get intelligence But... marry for love and you get an eye opener. I think marrying for love is the biggest mistake people can ever make. It's one of the main reasons sl many marriages fail. Just my 2 baht worth... So marry cause you hate her? Sorry but Grandpas old saying don't make much sense. If you make a list of all the qualities you want in a woman, then look for a woman who best measures up to those qualities, you will come to love her because of the excellent kind of person she is. If you choose a woman based on some emotional whim, such as love, over time you will very likely curse the day you met her because once you get to know her you find that she comes up short in most areas. Grandpa had great wisdom. Your idea is the stuff of juvenile romance novels. I never read much. I will say I never met any Grandparents who ended up divorced. My 92 year old Grandfather says it's the drinking water these days is what's to blame. And who's to doubt him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
off road pat Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Nice story,......I have been in Asia for the last 24 Years....traveled around Thailand every year with my jeep....I have been traveling extensively around Laos, Cambodia, Malaysia,Indonesia, The Philippines, Myanmar, Vietnam.....in these 24 Years. fooled around with the usual bar girls for 10 years.....met a well educated girl on the street (not a bar girl,) started talking .....fell in love with her personality.....traveled together with her to all those country's again and again........our love never stopped growing....got married 7 Years ago, .....and I'm the happiest man on earth...for the last 14 years. thank you Buddha..!!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buhi Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Where to live with a Thai wife, here or abroad? Fortunately the answer to this came before our son was born, long before. We went to England and within a week my wife wanted to go HOME! Two weeks and I took her to the airport and told her I would return as soon as I had sorted out various things in England. We have been together for nearly twenty years now, always living close to her family in Bangkok, no farms involved. Her family are important to all its members and that includes me. Not a day goes by without contact , especially MIL, by phone or visit, the main family home is just a few minutes away by car or motorcycle. Never been asked for any money, in fact for anything. Family homes , her parents, her brother's and ours are open house to all family. My step son lives with us and sometimes my step daughter too. Because of these strong bonds, when we decided to have a child it was never a question as to where we would live, here in our home. My son is part of a wonderful extended family, spending a lot of time with his aunts, uncles, cousins and of course his grandparents, Education, yes a minus, even though we pay for a private school. Family will always be there no matter and that is more important. No , more than that, we as a nuclear family living in the UK could never provide the life skills that family provide, plus as stated it is impossible, my wife could not live away from here and neither could my son or myself. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krisb Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 My old grandpa always said: Marry for money, you get money Marry for a farm, you get a farm Marry for intelligence, you get intelligence But... marry for love and you get an eye opener. I think marrying for love is the biggest mistake people can ever make. It's one of the main reasons sl many marriages fail. Just my 2 baht worth... So marry cause you hate her? Sorry but Grandpas old saying don't make much sense. If you make a list of all the qualities you want in a woman, then look for a woman who best measures up to those qualities, you will come to love her because of the excellent kind of person she is. If you choose a woman based on some emotional whim, such as love, over time you will likely curse the day you met her because once you get to know her you find that she comes up short in most areas. Grandpa had great wisdom. Your idea is the stuff of juvenile romance novels. My ex wife of 20 odd years, we would always hold hands, have a smooch when we came home from work, THEN, suddenly, ,......... to this day I wake up thinking, how, why, don't understand this. HER loss, not yours Trans. Blessing in disguise. You'd be freezing your ass off, wishing you were in Thailand otherwise. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 My old grandpa always said: Marry for money, you get money Marry for a farm, you get a farm Marry for intelligence, you get intelligence But... marry for love and you get an eye opener. I think marrying for love is the biggest mistake people can ever make. It's one of the main reasons sl many marriages fail. Just my 2 baht worth... So marry cause you hate her? Sorry but Grandpas old saying don't make much sense. If you make a list of all the qualities you want in a woman, then look for a woman who best measures up to those qualities, you will come to love her because of the excellent kind of person she is. If you choose a woman based on some emotional whim, such as love, over time you will likely curse the day you met her because once you get to know her you find that she comes up short in most areas. Grandpa had great wisdom. Your idea is the stuff of juvenile romance novels. My ex wife of 20 odd years, we would always hold hands, have a smooch when we came home from work, THEN, suddenly, ,......... to this day I wake up thinking, how, why, don't understand this. HER loss, not yours Trans. Blessing in disguise. You'd be freezing your ass off, wishing you were in Thailand otherwise. But I always have the same thought come into my head "What did I do wrong".... Yeh, I did develop an incurable disease that might have been a wheel chair job in the future, well it did look like the outcome, and as she was younger than I might have been something to do with it. Came to LOS, not cured but no drugs, no pain, manageable, hmmmmmm, very strange eh... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrfaroukh Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Once you find a girl who would like to live with you where ever you are and do not ask you to build a house on their land, give money to parents, take care of brother and other family members and willing to live with even if you are not rich. Then I guess you found the right girl, only if after marriage the demands does not start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJP Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Once you find a girl who would like to live with you where ever you are and do not ask you to build a house on their land, give money to parents, take care of brother and other family members and willing to live with even if you are not rich. Then I guess you found the right girl, only if after marriage the demands does not start. The old give me, get me, I want! No sooner had she gone and stopped doing it the kids started!!! Such. Is. Life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kinmaew Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 As far as I am concerned, if at the initial meeting with a prospective girls family, they ask you for money, I would politely excuse myself telling them I need to go to the ATM and never return. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 As far as I am concerned, if at the initial meeting with a prospective girls family, they ask you for money, I would politely excuse myself telling them I need to go to the ATM and never return. Unless it was your avatar........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evolare Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Absolutely if the girl you find has a good family that will make your life a whole lot easier and happier as the gf will be happier too. BTW the Seat is Spanish not French... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kannot Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Or............remove half the equation and have both parents already dead when we married............which is my case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Somtamme Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Right Girl - Right Family ... How do you know when you have found them? Can you choose the right Girl, but get her Family wrong? I couldn't have done it without both the support of my Partner and her Family. ] I think you have answered your own question. But, I guess you have queried this, not understanding what your Thai family can offer, especially if as you say you're likely to move the west to eventually raise your family. Like I mentioned earlier, you never know when you may need the support of your family, and this can manifest itself in many different ways. So, yes it is important to have the support and blessing of your family. Because your gf's father could help you in this instance, walking on one leg, may have also given him some meaning and bring you closer. As my wife says many times, do the best as you can and something normally will come good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sipi Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Excellent post/ thread. Thanks David. I adore my wife and her entire family. Please don't tell me I "just got lucky". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Somtamme Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 I appreciate the way you think. It's a fantastic bonus in life having supportive family to lean on and help with guidance. Thanks, I totally agree. Both my wife's parents were teachers, and now in later life my Thai father-in law has become a monk, but whilst we try and make our own life, we always value any help and guidance along the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kurnell Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Never get married. Ever. Best advise I can give any man Get married. Best advice I can give any man. You will live longer, proven. pffttt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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