Stories from Thailand that just make you smile :-)

[David48]

Stories from Thailand that just make you smile ...

Currently, I'm doing a shift in Australia and my Thai Partner, MissFarmGirl (MFG) with our Twin boys is still in Thailand ATM.

MFG just sent me an email ... and for those who don't know, there was a man yesterday who was killed by a 'White Pointer' shark (same as JAWS) yesterday, in Australia @ a place called Byron Bay.

Oom is MFG's Nephew.

'Naa' means 'Aunt'

The conversation went like this ...

Oom News Report ...

This morning Oom ran from the kitchen room to our bedroom and tell me.

Oom : Naa! Naa! I watched the news...The shark bite and ate Australian guy.

He was play surfboard in beach! Naa, I think of Khun Da. He is Australian man. Is that him?

MFG : No way Oom don't worry that. Khun Da doesn't play surfboard.

Oom : Oh Yes!...I forget...He is too big for that.*

Then he walked back to the kitchen room watch another news.

* Oom : Oh Yes!...I forget...He is too big for that. ... I think that was a 'polite translation' ...

Any funny stories to share?

Any messages from Home (Thailand) when you are away that make you ...

.

[Gecko123]

On my first visit to Thailand, I was in Chiang Mai for Loy Kathrong. For dinner I ordered curried chicken and rice at this fancy outdoor restaurant. They delivered the rice before the curry chicken arrived at my table. I started to complain that the rice was getting cold, and I kept saying, "I want the rice WITH the curry." Confused, the waiter took the rice away, and before too long brought back a plate of curried rice along with a plate of curried chicken.

Eating all that spicy food, I had one of the worst cases of heartburn I've ever had in my entire life. Never made it to the Loy Kathrong celebrations that night. Really taught me a lesson about being too picky over here. I guess they figured, 'This guy really likes curry,' and added a little extra for good measure.

Edited September 10, 2014 by Gecko123

[HeijoshinCool]

Sometimes we smile at things now, that weren't so funny back then.

When I moved here, I brought my three dogs from the States. In three of the extra-large airline-approved plastic kennels, with sturdy wire-grid doors.

120 bucks each.

I rented a house on Koh Chang. Small, no storage. So I built an attractive lean-to on the side of the house. There, amongst gardening tools, I place the kennels. The house is in a very rural area, no neighbors. What could go wrong?

Nothing. I am a very positive thinker.

One day I go to tidy up. Something’s missing. The kennel doors. Why, I wonder, would someone steal the doors, not the whole kennel?

*@#*

Weeks later, I go to pay the rent. The landlord is not home. Which is okay. I don’t like him.

But his Cambodian GF is quite nice and having a bikini pool party with some of her BG friends. All are well-oiled (as in very drunk) and frisky and fawning and gather around me and …

Anyway, as I wait for the receipt, GF asks if I would like some barbecue out by the pool. I say, why thank you.

I follow her to where they have a couple of those clay pot bbq’s fired up. And there’s two of my doors right there. With chicken satay and pork ribs spread over them.

[David48]

^^ That's a sad story.

But they say that comedy = Tragedy + time.

Still sad though.

... anyone wish to lighten the mood?

Uplifting antidote?

.

[BaldPlumber]

He'd stolen the kennel doors, not BBQ'd the dogs!

[Bulldozer Dawn]

Nearly two decades ago I lived at Boring Bay and was diving with Sun Dive at the cod hole at Julian rocks. I was diving with a good Canadian friend of mine. There were a couple of rather large grey nurse sharks sitting in the hole. I swam down to one that was about 12 foot long and pulled her tail. She just waddled off. Upon reaching the surface my Candadian friend was hysterical. He thought that I was trying to commit suicide. I calmed him down and informed him that although they look quiet fierce, there are no reported attacks from a grey nurse.

Later that day, a young lady was diving the very same spot with her new husband. They had just been married. A white pointer the size of a minibus, 5 meters in length, cruised through and tried to eat the girl. The husband shoved her to the side and the shark ate him. What ensued was a complete media circus descending upon the Bay. They ran the whole Romeo and Juliet line on the story...sacrificing himself for his wife...

My Canadian friend flew back home the next day. We are still best friends, but he no longer believes anything I tell him about sharks.

The hump back whale population is increasing steadily now that hunting them has all but ceased. They make their way north up along the East coast of Australia each winter to calve in the sheltered waters of Hervey Bay, Queensland, just north of Byron Bay that is located on the North Coast of New South Wales. Great whites, big ones, follow the whales up in anticipation of snacking on after birth and other treats. The sea mullet also run this time of the year, an entree for the sharks, prior to the main meal. But the runs don't have the numbers they used to because of over fishing.

Thirty years ago there was a meatworks and a whaling station located on Belongil Beach at Byron. These factories both had blood and offal pipes that ran out into the bay. Some of the old timers I knew told me that on some days you could walk out to sea on the back of the sharks.

Byron is a great location if you are a surfer, but be mindful of the risk of shark attack in winter.

Oh...and David...you are never to "big" to surf. PM me when you are back in LOS and I will teach you for free.

Edited September 10, 2014 by Bulldozer Dawn

[David48]

He'd stolen the kennel doors, not BBQ'd the dogs!

My Bad ... Sorry about that.

I read that as ...

" I follow her to where they have a couple of those clay pot bbq’s fired up. And there’s two of my doors dogs right there."

Phewwww ... much better ...

Edited September 10, 2014 by David48

[JLCrab]

I did a stint at a Thai Foundation where there were some blind students. One of the teachers who was legally blind could make out shapes during the day and he often road a motorbike down to the Jiffy Mart on a back road. He once asked me if I wanted to ride with him. I said:

I'll pass. I wouldn't want to have to explain to folks back in the USA that I was injured in an accident while riding on the back of a motorbike driven by a blind person.

[HeijoshinCool]

I did a stint at a Thai Foundation where there were some blind students. One of the teachers who was legally blind could make out shapes during the day and he often road a motorbike down to the Jiffy Mart on a back road. He once asked me if I wanted to ride with him. I said:

I'll pass. I wouldn't want to have to explain to folks back in the USA that I was injured in an accident while riding on the back of a motorbike driven by a blind person.

.

That reminds me ...

For Once, A Short Story From Rhek Thum.

Rubber buyer dude down the block from me has two eyes. One doesn’t work.

He and his buddy are drinking.

Drink. Drink. Drink.

I hear the next day, when they run out of drink, they decide a trip to Seven is in order.

Yes, on a motorbike.

But the guy with two good eyes admits he isn’t capable of driving. So he climbs on back and One-Eye drives.

50/50 odds. A large beetle hits One-Eye’s good eye at 60 kph.

The End.

[geronimo]

I have one that happened 33 years ago. I was sitting outside a small corner shop in a Bangkok Moo Bahn, drinking an ice cold beer.Along comes a fruit seller on his tricycle, ambling toward me on the opposite side. Then I caught his eye and he just stared and stared ....... until he disappeared down a ditch! Ran straight off the road and the was gone! I was going to go over and see if he was ok but then I realised I'd probably give him a heart attack. To think we can speak too!!!!!!

[AnotherOneAmerican]

But his Cambodian GF is quite nice and having a bikini pool party with some of her BG friends. All are well-oiled (as in very drunk) and frisky and fawning and gather around me and …

Forget the doors, tell us more about the well oiled bikini bar girls .............

[ktm jeff]

And photos of girls , please.

[Torrens54]

Years ago with a bunch of other "Junketing Journos from Oz" after several nights of Dinners hosted by various Hoteliers down South, who went out of their way to impress us with masses of Seafood ( I have to admit I'm not that fond of Fish, aside from BARRA) I mentioned in advance to the TAT guy who was traveling with us, that I am ALLERGIC to Sea Food.

I thought this was a polite way of getting out of another meal of "smelly" Fish.

The Chef and his staff obviously were informed and went to great lengths to produce a Special Main Course for me....

LIVER and that horrible Congealed Blood. If there was anything I wanted LESS than "smelly" Fish it would have to be, Liver & Blood!

I made some effort to chew a bit of it without choking and then gave the remainder a "decent burial" under some salad.

Enjoy your trip home. My wife would only venture out Ankle Deep in the Indian Ocean at Bunbury when we lived there but my daughter had no fear what so ever. Used to go and pat the Dolphins near where we lived at every opportunity.

Edited September 10, 2014 by Torrens54

[1FinickyOne]

I went to the lady where i usually buy chicken parts to give to the dogs… they are usually 3 for 20 baht… one day, they were smaller than usual and she said, "I can give you 4 for 20 baht today or a pair of glasses so they will look bigger" - -

sure, I should have taken the glasses… more expensive than an extra piece of chicken.

[Pii Kate]

I live in a condo and have water delivered weekly. 45 baht per 20 pack. I changed to glass bottles which are half the size and cost 60 baht for 20.

first week paid the 600 baht deposit on bottles and the next week had to explain that because the glass bottles are only one half liter I needed twice as much water. That would not compute for the manager so I just had to tell her how many cases to send up each week. Payment time comes and I was told to pay 600 baht because that is what I paid last week. Long discussion re: bottle deposit vs. pay by case. Finally it was decided I owed 60 baht per case. Okay, so 60 baht x 4 is 240 baht. Manager continues to insist it come to 300 baht. I do the math several times 60 x 4 = 240. Now a crowd has gathered around and someone decided to use a calculator. Guess what? 60 x 4 = 240. So she does this three times with the same result each time.

They decide it must be the battery needs changing in the calculator.

At this point it stopped being funny. Threw my hands up in the air and said, bring me 4 cases each week and I will give you 240 baht...done deal.

It's my favorite story.

[KhnomKhnom]

Real humor writers need not worry about TV typists being able to tell funny stories.

Real humor writers' jobs are safe and secure.

Now my "two hammer" story... now THAT is funny.

[kinmaew]

On my first visit to Thailand, I was in Chiang Mai for Loy Kathrong. For dinner I ordered curried chicken and rice at this fancy outdoor restaurant. They delivered the rice before the curry chicken arrived at my table. I started to complain that the rice was getting cold, and I kept saying, "I want the rice WITH the curry." Confused, the waiter took the rice away, and before too long brought back a plate of curried rice along with a plate of curried chicken.

Eating all that spicy food, I had one of the worst cases of heartburn I've ever had in my entire life. Never made it to the Loy Kathrong celebrations that night. Really taught me a lesson about being too picky over here. I guess they figured, 'This guy really likes curry,' and added a little extra for good measure.

In the arab area of Nana I asked for a "Little bit of this one and a little bit of that one" i.e. chicken curry and fish curry. They brought me full servings of both and rice and if it wasnt for the banter with a couple of poms from Manchester i dont think I would have finished it. The dessert pie was also Mega, in soi Nana Arab they do NOT do things small size and loving it!

[umbanda]

I was just 2 weeks in Thailand. Visiting a small town, I met another farang in my age living here for long time, and he invited me to visit him and have dinner in his house with his Thai family. I called him later and I did it. At his home, and present for the ocassion, was his wife's friend, a Thai teacher in her 40's, showing big interest in my future plans in Thailand. I didn't gave her much attention, also because she was not my type. After dinner she offers to take me to my hotel. During the short drive, she told me that if I want to get married with her we can do it the next day. Also she said that it will cost me only 90000thb to pay for the 100 guest party. I tough was a joke, but she was serious about, and I have to old my laugh...She didn't stopped in that, she said that marrying her I will get a bonus, because she was divorced for 15 years and never had sex after, and she was like a virgin.

Was not easy to hold my laugh, but I have to let it go, when she completed the sentence saying that if have doubts she can take me to a date motel to show me that she was telling me the true. I asked why on a date motel, and she said that she is very well known in town, and that will be very bad for her image to let the town to see her with a farang... in other places...???????

I had fun then..and I still having fun every time I remember.....

[jaywalker]

"Italian" restaurant in Pattaya once. I ordered pizza with bell peppers, pepperoni & onions. I came out with 1/3rd bell peppers, 1/3rd onions, & 1/3rd pepperoni......My pizza had sections.....<deleted>??????

[dotpoom]

When Thai's say "big body" they mean tall....not fat...so not an insult.

[maybefitz]

Not long after moving to the present village, 70k N of Chiang Mai, I was listening to the morning burble from the headman over the loudspeaker system in the village. Yaddayadda yadda 'Falang" - yadda yadda 'falang'. Hold on, thinks I - I'm the only falang in the village; he's having a go at me !! I ask the wife, "what's going on, he's talking about farangs"? She laughed "He's talking about potato prices."

[Gsxrnz]

I've posted this golf story before on TV, so here's the short version.

My caddy (who has moderate English skills) once asks me "what mean 'ship-shaper'". Being a bit confused about the question I explained that a ship was the same as a boat, and a "shaper" might mean to shape something. So, a ship-shaper might be a boatbuilder in English.

Caddy looks confused and insists that cannot be correct, even after I prove to her on my phone language app that a ship is a boat etc. So I asked where she heard the words. She says "customer yesterday chip in the hole for birdie and his friend say 'ship-shaper' to him many times".

Now I'm confused, so I ask what country were the men from as maybe they weren't speaking English. She says one was from New Zealand and one from Australia, and the NZ man got the birdie.

I think for a while and then the penny finally drops - the Aussie called the Kiwi a "sheep shagger" for fluking the birdie!! She heard "ship-shaper".

After we all stopped laughing, I then had the problem of translating the slang into Thai for her. That was a mission in itself!!! Somehow "poo-chai thap gae" doesn't translate humorously into Thai.

[Pattayarox]

I went to a temple in the sticks with the missus and we were walking down a long narrow road towards the temple when a baby boy about 2 yo was crying hysterically, as we approached his shack he was screaming more and more then as we got to his shack he looked at me while whaling and suddenly stopped dead quiet, his mother was saying "look Falang" "sow wow, falang ma" he was dead quiet looking at me and I looked back at him, then just for the hell of it I shouted "BOOOOO" and off he went again in a rage, his mother was giving me some evil's 555555

[Gsxrnz]

I went to a temple in the sticks with the missus and we were walking down a long narrow road towards the temple when a baby boy about 2 yo was crying hysterically, as we approached his shack he was screaming more and more then as we got to his shack he looked at me while whaling and suddenly stopped dead quiet, his mother was saying "look Falang" "sow wow, falang ma" he was dead quiet looking at me and I looked back at him, then just for the hell of it I shouted "BOOOOO" and off he went again in a rage, his mother was giving me some evil's 555555

Good story, I did something similar while visiting "the village".

I was in the market and 100 pairs of eyes were upon me as we walked around buying food. A Farang was obviously a novelty up there, particularly one with such devastatingly good looks as me . And I felt that the looks although not hostile, certainly weren't overly friendly. It wasn't the first time we'd been to the market so the "being stared at thing" was really getting up my nose.

After 15 minutes of being stared at by literally everybody in the market, (and admittedly, it was early in the evening and I had a couple of beers under my belt), I started dancing Isaan style to the Isaan music being played over the speakers, and kept it up for an entire song. For those unfamiliar with Isaan music, a short Isaan song goes on for about 15 minutes.

Anybody who wasn't looking before was sure looking now. But after a few minutes the novelty of the dancing Farang lost its appeal and everybody went about their business. The missus by this stage had managed to go and hide herself somewhere. I sauntered off looking for her. And then I noticed all the smiles and wai's as I walked along, as well as a couple of hands offered for a handshake.

It was a good day.

[Irishrogue]

When I first arrived in Thailand I was out having dinner with another Farang who asked the waitress for "Cow Pat Hoi" (excuse the spelling) obviously practising his limited Thai and the waitress was shocked. I later was told rightly or wrongly that the translation was "Pussy fried rice" and it was definitely not on the menu.

[Costas2008]

OP, being an ordinary farang living in this country, I can't share with you any funny stories, as I never encountered any.

I am enclosed in my miserable self, oblivious of anything funny happening around me.

But nothing sinister here.........we are the majority

[jaywalker]

Walking down Ramkamhaeng Road one hot Sunday from my apartment to Villa Supermarket. Much quicker to walk than drive. Stopped for 2 minutes in the shade at a bus stop (it was HOT!).

A nice lady sitting a few seats away, and here comes a cement truck doing about 120 kph, with the front bumper torn half off, rubbing the front left tire, smoke billowing everywhere...........

I speak basic Thai & asked her what that was? She shrugged her shoulders and replied, in perfect English, This is Thailand.

[jaywalker]

This has to be the best thread/topic ever.

Yeah my wife had a kid before I met her. Poor baby was 3 years old, living w/ Grandma & Grandpa in Isaan.

First time she saw me she cried, and cried, and cried, and cried.....Poor baby. She'd never seen a Caucasian! Poor baby thought I was sure enough a BOOGEY Man!

I married her mother & legally adopted her a couple years later. She calls me Daddy now. She's a sweet kid.

She's 17 now.........uuuhhh? Momma YOU are in charge of this....I just pay the rent.

-----------

Humorous - Actually NOT story, some 19 year old punk tried to get after her when she was about 13. She was supposed to baby-sit her 4 year old sister that night. Here's the humor. She got home an hour late, and all 4' 11" (1.5 meters) anf 99 lbs. (45 kg) wifey took a wooden flute to her......Didn't hurt her, but scared her to death.

The kid was and still is a couple inches taller than Mommy, but she's been a model citizen ever since the "Flute" incident.

I just sat on the front porch with the little one & kept my mouth shut.

[BadBouy]

Sometimes we smile at things now, that weren't so funny back then.

When I moved here, I brought my three dogs from the States. In three of the extra-large airline-approved plastic kennels, with sturdy wire-grid doors.

120 bucks each.

I rented a house on Koh Chang. Small, no storage. So I built an attractive lean-to on the side of the house. There, amongst gardening tools, I place the kennels. The house is in a very rural area, no neighbors. What could go wrong?

Nothing. I am a very positive thinker.

One day I go to tidy up. Something’s missing. The kennel doors. Why, I wonder, would someone steal the doors, not the whole kennel?

*@#*

Weeks later, I go to pay the rent. The landlord is not home. Which is okay. I don’t like him.

But his Cambodian GF is quite nice and having a bikini pool party with some of her BG friends. All are well-oiled (as in very drunk) and frisky and fawning and gather around me and …

Anyway, as I wait for the receipt, GF asks if I would like some barbecue out by the pool. I say, why thank you.

I follow her to where they have a couple of those clay pot bbq’s fired up. And there’s two of my doors right there. With chicken satay and pork ribs spread over them.

WOW! Not the happy ending I expected!

[Hawkman]

Was teaching this really sweet girl with lots of personality a few years back, who was also a bit left field, funny and a joy to teach.

So, one lesson we are going through some Business vocabulary.

Me: Ok, Marketing. Very good. What about people in business?

Her: Hmmm. Enter penis.

Me: Um... Sorry?

Her: Uh! Enter Penis!

Me: I.. think I may have misheard you. One more time (no pun intended!)?

Her: ENTER PENIS!

Me: hmmm ok let me look; write it down for me. (I look over) ah!!! Entrepreneur!!!!

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