Queries about divorce....my 'wife' turned out to be a total crackpot

[lips]

Rob,

I think in my mind as a SEA person, your ex seems to think that she is still your wife, no wonder asking for the sinsod. She might have had some regrets but she also has kids to take care off, which she didn't think properly about before going to the UK.

Now, you would have to be trouble free from her. You do what you must as you can't be wasting your money coming to Thailand just for a divorce. I doubt she would be coming to UK on her own. It would cost too much for her.

It is true that we are close to our extended family but that doesn't mean we have to let our foreign husband, beak his back to please all.

I hope you would be able to settle it all in a proper manner later, move on and meet some nice girl later on.

Don't be afraid of coming back to SEA region but next time work out the communication skills a bit and don't get entangled into anything you don't understand.

[HooHaa]

Rob180, and you're surprised because???? Sending money home is normal practice & so is the speed with which they spend, unless they've been born into money it doesn't appear to last long in their hands & if your girlfriend /wife was working as " hairdresser" masseuse " bar maid" money doesn't seem to last long, old adage , eat come easy go, really applies here. I have Thai friends who've married Falangs & they're not sending money back to the "familiy" chances are it's her " real" husband she's sending it to. Aside from everything else, just as Thailand can cause culture shock to Falangs, so to does the western world have massive culture shock on Thais or anyone else. My suggestion to anyone marrying a Thai is to research research & learn about the culture.

old adage , eat come easy go,

that is definitely not the old adage i grew up with.

[choochoo]

the best advice for future mans is IF the girl from ISANN stay away.................lol. No exceptions to the rule.

Go for bkk surburbia type middle class women. There must be at least 10 or 20 interested in men who come visit bkk for nefarious reasons and who think they are some great catch for a thai girl...................lol.

[choochoo]

justread an article. a thai girl said isarn is a world with its own mindset that even proper thais dont even understand it.

[Songlaw]

"Laughably enough, at the moment she's sending texts suggesting she might want to come back to the UK. Crazy?"

Not crazy at all. When she was there her family got money every 7 days now how much are you sending? Her "wanting to come back" can best be translated as "wanting for the weekly baht infusion to continue". Her family just doesn't want the money spigot to stop and they'll send her back to beg from you in person because that's more effective.

Understand you are dealing with Thais. How do they think? A little history... so it's medieval Europe and you decide to sell your seed for next years harvest in exchange for mead/whiskey/hooch or whatever will you get you drunk - what happens? You DIE. You don't plant and decide to be lazy? Death. It's hot/cold/rainy/foggy and you don't want to work in the fields? Death. Now what was life in Thailand like in comparison? Nobody plants anything. Harvest season is all year round and the last time someone froze to death it was the last ice age. You walk around in the hot sun all year round and when you are hungry you kick a tree and food falls out. Your biggest concern is getting killed by criminals or being impressed into some army. Future planning? What the hell is that? If you have something EAT IT NOW USE IT NOW as tomorrow isn't important. In Europe if you thought this way you died and such people were quickly culled out of the population but in Thailand those that saved were simply objects of begging, taxing, raiding, criminal theft, etc. and nobody cares about starving in winter because it doesn't exist.

So you get idiotic stories like this with Thais demanding way too much way too quickly and their lack of patience kills the golden goose after a single egg. Its stupid to us because the people we grew up with have a future mind set - the Thais DON'T. Drop them in Europe circa 1000 B.C. and subject them to 3,000 years of pummeling by nature and maybe they'll think differently (or die). Her family is acting as a spoiled child acts - everything must be NOW NOW NOW NOW. The only thing a person can do is make it very clear that there will be a set amount of money at a set point and this will not increase nor will you be moved by whatever fake emergency they come up with. The sun sets and will not come up until morning - all the screaming, shrieking, guilt, manipulative attempts, and lies will not change this. Be as immovable as the heavens, there is no other way when dealing with this.

Right on the money. It is astounding how many long-timers never even come close to grasping these cultural dynamics. This should be made into a handout for new arrivals at Suvarnabhumi. It would save both farang and Thai a lot of needless heartache. You could add to this the insight that Thailand, in comparison to other nearby lands, has never been effectively colonialized by an advanced industrial power. As such, Thailand has never been forced to employ alternative (and occasionally better) ways of doing things, reinforced over time by observation of results. So methods and techniques for doing things, have gone virtually unchallenged forever. This is the foundation which underlies the resistance to alternatives that for many of us would seem to be obvious, or perhaps more sensible. The "Thai Way" has become the best way, for the most part, by default. Acceptance is crucial to survival here.

[slipperylobster]

What was it about her that attracted you in the first place?

Perhaps she had a Magnetic Personality.

Attractive from the back but repulsive from the front...

[Rob180]

What was it about her that attracted you in the first place?

Perhaps she had a Magnetic Personality.

Attractive from the back but repulsive from the front...

She is beautiful and had a lovely personality. At the end of the day she came here with good intentions, she even took the 40,000 baht to the Embassy herself which I transferred to her bank in Bangkok. She just went into meltdown after 3 months, as someone else said.....maybe 'culture shock'. Since she went back she's asked me for 50k for signing divorce papers, but didn't persist with that after I told her I can wait 2 years and get a divorce for very little, just chancing her arm because she's not coming back. The year before she came and when she was here she never tried to scam me with any sick buffalo stories. There was never any hint of her trying to scam me or making up fairy stories to get money. She was very normal until the day she seemed to go into some sort of panic mode about having to go home. I could post 100 photos and video clips on here of her and her with me on 100 different days in Thailand and in the UK and I can guarantee you you would find it incredibly difficult to believe anything went wrong, she looks 100% genuinely happy in them all Something just went wrong inside her head after 3 months and had probably been building up for 2 or 3 weeks before it. Maybe the excitement of being in 'extended holiday mode' wore off after 2-3 months then she just paniced. Or maybe the daily phone calls to family who didn't have the brain cells to get off her back for a few months until she at least settled and found a job were partly responsible because I saw how worried and guilty those calls made her feel. There are other things I know which I can't go into here, but she has told me why she had to go back and stay in Thailand. They are not things I can change now or in the future because I have no influence or control over them, so I just have to accept her decision.It's a sad ending but I have nothing but good memories of her in the whole 15 months I knew her before she went into 'meltdown'. At least I can keep those happy memories. I just have to accept it wasn't meant to be.

Many thanks to everyone who posted (1 or 2 idiots apart), I appreciated all your help, advice and support.

Edited September 16, 2014 by Rob180

[benalibina]

What was it about her that attracted you in the first place?

Perhaps she had a Magnetic Personality.

Attractive from the back but repulsive from the front...

She is beautiful and had a lovely personality. At the end of the day she came here with good intentions, she even took the 40,000 baht to the Embassy herself which I transferred to her bank in Bangkok. She just went into meltdown after 3 months, as someone else said.....maybe 'culture shock'. Since she went back she's asked me for 50k for signing divorce papers, but didn't persist with that after I told her I can wait 2 years and get a divorce for very little, just chancing her arm because she's not coming back. The year before she came and when she was here she never tried to scam me with any sick buffalo stories. There was never any hint of her trying to scam me or making up fairy stories to get money. She was very normal until the day she seemed to go into some sort of panic mode about having to go home. I could post 100 photos and video clips on here of her and her with me on 100 different days in Thailand and in the UK and I can guarantee you you would find it incredibly difficult to believe anything went wrong, she looks 100% genuinely happy in them all Something just went wrong inside her head after 3 months and had probably been building up for 2 or 3 weeks before it. Maybe the excitement of being in 'extended holiday mode' wore off after 2-3 months then she just paniced. Or maybe the daily phone calls to family who didn't have the brain cells to get off her back for a few months until she at least settled and found a job were partly responsible because I saw how worried and guilty those calls made her feel. There are other things I know which I can't go into here, but she has told me why she had to go back and stay in Thailand. They are not things I can change now or in the future because I have no influence or control over them, so I just have to accept her decision.It's a sad ending but I have nothing but good memories of her in the whole 15 months I knew her before she went into 'meltdown'. At least I can keep those happy memories. I just have to accept it wasn't meant to be.

Many thanks to everyone who posted (1 or 2 idiots apart), I appreciated all your help, advice and support.

My guess is that the origin of the problems is.....peer pressure......a pity for herself and you.

[DogNo1]

When I worked part-time as a nurse's aide at a psychiatric hospital while going to San Diego State, we occasionally had women from Asia as patients who were said to be suffering from adjustment psychosis. There is a lot more involved in adjusting to another culture than meets the eye and some people are better equipped mentally to handle it than others. Yes, adjustment psychosis is a real diagnosed condition.

[Support]

Closed as thread has run its course