Up to you

[THssii]

Well I'm ready to marry her. i stopped sending her any money, and she is still with me. I might overreaceted.

Took me 5 years to completely trust my wife & another 7 for us to get married. Two years is to short of a time frame. Just my opinion & just advise

I can see what you mean, but because its long term relationship it's much more complicated. If we were living in the same country then it would be possible to wait that long before marring. I think 2 years knowing each other before getting married is average time for most people. Many get married even earlier.

[THssii]

You see what emotion does to you?

Not sure what you mean, but yes. Lately been depressed about my situation, but I know I overanalyze and -react, so these have been causing lots of stress.

[geronimo]

You see what emotion does to you?

Not sure what you mean, but yes. Lately been depressed about my situation, but I know I overanalyze and -react, so these have been causing lots of stress.

Buddhism teaches that emotional attachments are a main cause of suffering. If you really think about it, almost all suffering comes from emotion (at some point down the line) therefore to eradicate the forming of emotional attachments leads to a sense of calmness and when making decisions, things are much clearer.

Not being emotionally attached must not be confused with not caring, if someone needs help, give it but do not let emotions cloud judgement. To cease forming attachments to material things is the way to begin. It is harder with people, especially family but I think I've cracked it.

[thailiketoo]

You see what emotion does to you?

Not sure what you mean, but yes. Lately been depressed about my situation, but I know I overanalyze and -react, so these have been causing lots of stress.

Buddhism teaches that emotional attachments are a main cause of suffering. If you really think about it, almost all suffering comes from emotion (at some point down the line) therefore to eradicate the forming of emotional attachments leads to a sense of calmness and when making decisions, things are much clearer.

Not being emotionally attached must not be confused with not caring, if someone needs help, give it but do not let emotions cloud judgement. To cease forming attachments to material things is the way to begin. It is harder with people, especially family but I think I've cracked it.

I think it's dentists. I tried not forming emotional attachments with them; didn't seem to make a difference. Nitrous oxide helped.

[ravip]

So, you have been together for over 2 years already.

Was she like this from day 1? Or it started at a later stage?

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Took me 5 years to completely trust my wife & another 7 for us to get married. Two years is to short of a time frame. Just my opinion & just advise

Took me 25 years to discover my trust in my wife was totally misplaced.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

You see what emotion does to you?

Not sure what you mean, but yes. Lately been depressed about my situation, but I know I overanalyze and -react, so these have been causing lots of stress.

Just go out and sh_ag a hooker.

Works for me!

[jspill]

Girl explained to me if used often 'up to you' shows discontent / resentment ('mai porjai') and sarcasm (prachod)

[jspill]

If she was just after my money why would she still communicate with me?

It doesn't take much effort to keep in touch and send a few 'what you doing?' messages, girls like that have nothing much going on in their lives other than their phones. She is probably stringing along a few other guys on Line keeping her options open, hoping one day one of them invests himself financially.

[michael12345]

Yes I'm now seriosly reconsidering about getting married, she feels indifferent up to the point that it hurts. Or is the "up to you" answer common in thai culture? Seem I've been too stupid to end this relationship in the beginning. Its been emotionally taxing, but Ive started to feel disconnected from her already, I guess she only cared about my money.

And the biggest negative aspect is that about 1 year ago I met chinesse girl who really seemed to be into me and I felt good chemistry between us, but I didnt do anything about it, because I was disillusioned that this thai girl really loves me, now its too late.

Time to send that Chinese girl an email.

[Gayllips]

If she was just after my money why would she still communicate with me?

It doesn't take much effort to keep in touch and send a few 'what you doing?' messages, girls like that have nothing much going on in their lives other than their phones. She is probably stringing along a few other guys on Line keeping her options open, hoping one day one of them invests himself financially.

Hi jspill darling, how are you keeping my honeybunz?

I haven’t seen you for sometime and didn’t see you in the Telephone bar, so I thought that you had run of with a docker, lol.

I see that you have shed your clothes, so if you are not using your old avatar, can I purloin it for my own use (your avatar was so yummy and mine is so yucky).

Anyway, must rush honey, what do you want for dinner tonite?

[mrtoad]

Girl explained to me if used often 'up to you' shows discontent / resentment ('mai porjai') and sarcasm (prachod)

Would think it's pretty obvious, just by the tone in which it is spoken is often a big give away

[animatic]

Passive aggressive for sure.

I don't want to, but I can't dispute you,

So I make it your choice, but will become

emotionally closed off if you do it anyway.

My Mrs. has never used this phrase except when joking.

She is pretty direct; No, I don't like it or Yes, Ok.

If they can't be direct with you after they have been told they can be;

Change lobsters and keep dancing

Edited October 20, 2014 by animatic

[Cereal]

Went through this scenario ad nauseum many times with my Lao wife. The Lao and Thai are very similar in many ways.

Nonetheless, I got tired of it. I finally backed her into a corner.

It's up to me, correct?

Yes.

Whatever I decide is fine, correct?

Yes.

No matter what I say, it's up to me and you are 100% okay, correct.

Yes darling. It's up to you.

The decision is up to me correct? No matter what.

Yes.

Okay. My decision is, it's up to you!

That spun her out. But, she's never said it's up to you again. Been 9 years!

[Gecko123]

//deleted//

internet service problem.

Edited October 23, 2014 by Gecko123

[Gecko123]

I used to hear that phrase.

But once I got married, I never heard it again.

[malt25]

I've tried to discuss with her about this situation many times. I've been telling her that I often feels that she's totally indifferent about our future, because she likes to talk about house and restaurant she wants to have one day, but when I try to talk about getting married and moving here she just says kha and keeps quiet. Ofter she starts to cry and tells me how can I say something like that? She says that she always have loved me, so why I still feel like that.

Also there have been many occasions when she have lied to me, one day I asked her to take selfie and send it to me, she said no proble, and then she sent the same photo which she took and sent me day before (I just gave money to buy a new mobile), it was just took from different angle, but I noticed it immediately, then I asked her why she sent me old photo, but she insisted that she just minute a ago she took that photo. My mind was racing why she lies something like this, and was sure that she was hiding something, She didnt want to show me where she actually was, because she told me that shes been working whole day. So finally I got her to admit that yes she took that photo day before, Then she started to cry and told me that she didnt yet know how to take photos so she sent the photo which her friend took yesterday, because she was too ashamed to ask her co-workers to show how to take photo with her new phone, So in the end she made me feel bad, because I made her to lie to me. But when I asked her to open camera conversation she tried to stay in dark places so I wouldnt see her, but I was that she was wearing new clothing and had all yer yewerly on, like she was shopping, not working.

And before this occasion before going back to work in Phuket, she told me that she went look for a work from Hua Hin, something like selling food or cloth washing but finally would go to wok in massage parlor, which dosent sell sex. So for over a month I was beliving she was working in Hua Hin, and she sent me lots of photos, and little by little I noticed that the place she was working at reminded me one of her earlier workplace in Phuket. And I made some backround work with Google Earth and indeed it was clear that she was working in Phuket all a long, even that she tried to hide it from the phots by taking them inside the parlor. So after a having long conversation over phone with her, she constantly insisted that she was in Hua Hin, even tho' I hinted her that even if she was working in Phuket I wouldnt mind it, as long she didnt lie to me, because in the past two years I've told her several times that no matter what, we always have to speak the truth, I would forgive her if she just was sincere with me, Finally she was angry and asked who told me, and finally ended up in crying and told me that she lied because she didnt want me to get hurt or get woried, because before she went back to her home village, I told her that I didnt like Phuket and its not good working place for woman like her.

And now the most recent case that made me finally accept the truth. About three weeks ago she asked if it was ok her to go work in Bangkok as fabric seller, but finally telling me that she found only work as a janitor in massage parlor. But from photos I saw that she was wearing minishorts and sexyshirt, just the type that sex massage parlor workes to wear. And this tiome I got really angry, adn again she started to cry. and i was stupid enough to believer her that these were her sleepign wearing and there was noone in parlor at the time, etc.

After reading all of this, you must think the most stupid man on the earth. And yes thats true, but you must understand the manipulation she has been using. She always made it look like she is good buddhist and never would do anything that causes pain to others, every buddhist sabbath she went to temple to listen teaching, she told me she was mediating and reading buddhist books. So I was believing her, because I was in the illusion that no thai would lie something like, use buddhism to lie other people. And she constantly told me no to think too much, because Im always overreacting and I should forget the past, that she has changed her. She cried many times that "she tries to do the best, but I still dosent trust her" "she in completely different person now", and so on. She was very convincing and every time she cried she made me feel very bad, made me feel that I'm the one doing wrong and causing her great pain by accusing her for many things. She is very good lier and knows how to manipulate people without the victim ever noticing it. She always makes it look like she is the victim and she have had very hard life, playing mind games that I just think too much, that I should stop thinking about the many warning signs.

Ive knows this for 2 years, but she has been very good making me feel emotionally dependent on her and every time there has been some problems I've made myself to forget and believe that Im just overthinking and beeing paranoid. She always cried that she respects me and made me feel that actually Ive been causing her to lie, but she always have been controlled me, made me think that im controlling her not otherwise.

But now Im emotionally exhausted, yesterday I told her that I stop supportig her, because it seems she gets enough money from her job. And after this she hinted me between the lines that tghen she have to start selling her again and stop the relationship with me, because she is so busy nowon. Yes ive been sending her money, because she made me believe that she send all the money to her sister that takes care of her son. What kind of mother doesnt even want to stay with her son, even when I gave her the change by sending enough money so she wouldnt need to work?

Ive been total idiot, I know, I've finally accepted the truth and now I try to get rid of her. But in the back of my mind I have deep worry that maybe she really tells me the truth, maybe im just overthinking, like she always have told me, and Im making the biggest mistake in my life by dumbing her. Its sick how succefully she have played games with my mind up to the point that Im doubting my sanity, that Im actually the sick person here who can trust anyone and doesnt understand thai culture.

Sorry for typos, as my keyboard dosent work as it should,

Mate, have you any friends ? I mean real friends. Sounds to me like you need to confide in a friend or two for some advice or just to have a good old heart to heart chat. Reading between the lines, sounds like some personal company will be lots more beneficial than looking on TV for support.

Just my opinion.

Lots a luck..... Mal.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Went through this scenario ad nauseum many times with my Lao wife. The Lao and Thai are very similar in many ways.

Nonetheless, I got tired of it. I finally backed her into a corner.

It's up to me, correct?

Yes.

Whatever I decide is fine, correct?

Yes.

No matter what I say, it's up to me and you are 100% okay, correct.

Yes darling. It's up to you.

The decision is up to me correct? No matter what.

Yes.

Okay. My decision is, it's up to you!

That spun her out. But, she's never said it's up to you again. Been 9 years!

I was expecting something hot.

[wow64]

Went through this scenario ad nauseum many times with my Lao wife. The Lao and Thai are very similar in many ways.

Nonetheless, I got tired of it. I finally backed her into a corner.

It's up to me, correct?

Yes.

Whatever I decide is fine, correct?

Yes.

No matter what I say, it's up to me and you are 100% okay, correct.

Yes darling. It's up to you.

The decision is up to me correct? No matter what.

Yes.

Okay. My decision is, it's up to you!

That spun her out. But, she's never said it's up to you again. Been 9 years!

Awesome.. some of girls i know that would have made their head explode.

Sent from my c64