The Hired Help never speak with me ... is it 'Me' or 'Them' ?

[bheard]

Many reasons.

Most common one is - they don't have anything to say, really.

Other reasons are they don't enjoy talking with foreigners - those who don't speak English assume it will be difficult to communicate. Most have had experiences of not being able to communicate with farang and assume this will be another. Many times they look at a Farang approaching and just assume that anything coming out of this guys mouth will be impossible to understand. Also, we can seem rude to them. And frankly, many farang are rude whether they know it or not.

Another issue is that culturally they are comfortable with ambiguity, and unclear situations and most foreigners are not. Hence the context for confrontation that is uncomfortable for them and often silence which is uncomfortable for foreigners.

Excellent response, thank you Minnihaha.

And the bit:

"Another issue is that culturally they are comfortable with ambiguity, and unclear situations and most foreigners are not. Hence the context for confrontation that is uncomfortable for them and often silence which is uncomfortable for foreigners"

really hits the nail on the head!

[Songlaw]

They have learnt from farang that farang do not respond to anyone. Even the hired help can see this.

In many cases, not even to each other. Of course the inconvenient truth is that most of us are just not that interesting to engage. It is likely that over the course of many years, some Thai have been burned when attempting to engage farang in conversation. The Thai are exceptionally good at "letting sleeping dogs lie" when there is even the remotest possibility of embarrassment or tension. Also, "It is better to keep one's mouth closed and be thought a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt," is a saying that comes to mind as being an intuitive safeguard against disappointment for many Thai, likely first learned among their own. Another gem that would occasionally benefit many here on TVF, me included.

[ggt]

It is because you give him the same evil eye...that you give posters...who can look without withering away...

[GertrudeL]

Unlike in Europe, in asia you should gain respect! You should know the importance of money, gold, skin color, the floor in hotel you book, manners... the last ones are so brutal in some case that you may never accept them. If you do not accept then you will never be respected... Even simple greeting has enormous value in identifying your status (that's why foreigners are not respected, they broke rule of greeting)... I personally enjoy learning being Asian/Thai ^^ Just one example: locals tilt/lean their head whenever they are passing me (especially when I am sitting) as they should not be higher than my head... that's respect!

[jimbeam1]

What always amuses me is if my good lady and myself are out shopping, I hand the money over, she is always offered the change, without exception.

jb1

[KhnomKhnom]

You are witnessing a centuries old tradition of showing deference and respect to "one's betters." In Asia, anyone deemed to rank higher than a person is supposed to treat the "betters" with downcast eyes and never to volunteer to speak to them. Even if pressed, the person should answer briefly and with downcast eyes.

Thai are just showing you respect and you are too uninformed to understand that tradition.

Reading the www.thaivisa.com comments, I see clearly that many typing here do not respect anything.... not their fellows who ask for help, not those who volunteer help and info, and perhaps not even themselves. No wonder RESPECT is a mystery to some folks here.

I know Brits come from a "ruling class" mentality including a trained feeling of superiority to other people, especially very foreign and with darker skin. So a Brit should already know how to act around his conquered subjects... study UK dealings with India, for examples.... even if that only includes his gf and hirelings I guess you typists do not understand the undeserved honor Thai are extending to you.

Thailand is not UK nor America.

[KhnomKhnom]

^ Nope you are not Trolling, but be careful because maybe your other self may get banned her on TV

You are witnessing a centuries old tradition of showing deference and respect to "one's betters." In Asia, anyone deemed to rank higher than a person is supposed to treat the "betters" with downcast eyes and never to volunteer to speak to them. Even if pressed, the person should answer briefly and with downcast eyes.

Thai are just showing you respect and you are too uninformed to understand that tradition.

Reading the www.thaivisa.com comments, I see clearly that many typing here do not respect anything.... not their fellows who ask for help, not those who volunteer help and info, and perhaps not even themselves. No wonder RESPECT is a mystery to some folks here.

I know Brits come from a "ruling class" mentality including a trained feeling of superiority to other people, especially very foreign and with darker skin. So a Brit should already know how to act around his conquered subjects... study UK dealings with India, for examples.... even if that only includes his gf and hirelings I guess you typists do not understand the undeserved honor Thai are extending to you.

Thailand is not UK nor America.

[Jedsada3]

Maybe your employee is simply deaf mute...

[kovaltech]

Some Thai people are like this. They do not talk, they often don't listen to what you are telling. And if you persists they tell you that they thought you are talking in yourself. Most annoying! It is quite simple, kick them out and find a new help. I have several family members who are like this. They are only busy with themselves and have no interest what ever in other people.

could it be that they are just shy and polite ?

that they don't want loose face not being able to comprehend what you try to explain them ?

[lucifer666]

I frequently talk to myself. When my missus asks why, i tell her it's the only way that i can have an intelligent conversation.

[Strangebrew]

I happened to talk with a Thai about this. I was told they are most likely shy because there English is not good. So I try to speak in Thai to them but my Thai not good and I let them know in advance and hope they forgive me. It has to do with the myth that all Farangs are rich. In Thailand poor are looked down upon. Took three months to get security guard to talk but after that could n't shut him up but did learn a good amount of Thai in short time with him.

[David48]

Unlike in Europe, in asia you should gain respect! You should know the importance of money, gold, skin color, the floor in hotel you book, manners... the last ones are so brutal in some case that you may never accept them. If you do not accept then you will never be respected... Even simple greeting has enormous value in identifying your status (that's why foreigners are not respected, they broke rule of greeting)... I personally enjoy learning being Asian/Thai ^^ Just one example: locals tilt/lean their head whenever they are passing me (especially when I am sitting) as they should not be higher than my head... that's respect!

Most amusing response thus far.

Not saying I'm agreeing ... but certainly did make me ...

.

[nithisa78]

While staying in Ubon year or so ago. It was long visit. At night, mostly remained in VIP suite.

However, one evening I was at the restaurant and lounge. Young very attractive woman talking with some others.

The others were people I had known. Young woman says nothing to me. Fast forward several weeks. Same place.

Now the woman speaks with me and has vigor. She mentions it herself, I saw you in here before. Didn't think I had right to speak to you.

This was nice young woman from good family. Not poor of money. These weren't her exact words, though this is what she said.

However, whenever I am in situation where person doesn't speak with me, I always think it must be me and I just need to continue making better person of myself.

How can we truly know what goes on in the hearts and mind of another person. We're all just trying to get by.

Enjoy the day.

Edited September 29, 2014 by nithisa78

[herb59]

i am fine , if they dont speak. its often better than the western crap i hear.

[GertrudeL]

I happened to talk with a Thai about this. I was told they are most likely shy because there English is not good. So I try to speak in Thai to them but my Thai not good and I let them know in advance and hope they forgive me. It has to do with the myth that all Farangs are rich. In Thailand poor are looked down upon. Took three months to get security guard to talk but after that could n't shut him up but did learn a good amount of Thai in short time with him.

Youare right but all foreigners have two options

1) show that you are rich and then you must share it

2) show that you are poor and have no respect at all

Many foreigners elect first option but get no respect... Do you know why? If you pay for a party (you must do this time to time to keep face of rich master) you must be treated accordingly - as a master. If you just pay for a party than you will be treated without any respect as all thais know how party owner must be treated, if you do not demend it (respect) you are stupid and stupid people are not respected in any country

[ggt]

I'm sorry David...did I miss something...are you hiring people for entertainment purposes...or to do farm work...?

Are they required to talk while doing their work...or are they trying to give you your monies worth by working instead of talking...?

Maybe you could hire a helper...to follow your around and talk to you so that you do not feel rejected...

Just a thought...

Your welcome...

[harrry]

If they do speak to a farang they want to be paid Thai Teacher (NTS) rates, about 300baht an hour to start.

[David48]

ggt maybe misunderstand the context ... quite understandable as I didn't supple all the details.

The Farm consists of a number of people working and /or living here. Some work and live, some relatives just live and some cross over that boundary.

At the Farm lives, or should I say, used to live, my gf's Aunt. Her Mothers blood Sister. She had a Thai bf.

They have a house next to the main FarmHouse. We all got on well.

The Aunt and the bf split. Moved out of the House The ex bf is now that Farm laborer.

So, he has gone from that of equal social standing to a lower class of paid help.

Apologies for the somewhat clumsy definitions, but the best guidance I can give with what I know of Thai Culture.

I left the Farm for 5 months and had to return back to the West for Business reasons. I arrived back here 10 days ago.

He knows who I am very well, but, no eye contact, no brief smile hello, nor even recognition ... I just find that a little strange.

.

[MAJIC]

Just watch a Thai Soap and you will soon realise how you are supposed to react,no it's not you it's not them,it's all about years of Brainwashing to show your position in the Heirarchy!

[pgrahmm]

ggt maybe misunderstand the context ... quite understandable as I didn't supple all the details.

The Farm consists of a number of people working and /or living here. Some work and live, some relatives just live and some cross over that boundary.

At the Farm lives, or should I say, used to live, my gf's Aunt. Her Mothers blood Sister. She had a Thai bf.

They have a house next to the main FarmHouse. We all got on well.

The Aunt and the bf split. Moved out of the House The ex bf is now that Farm laborer.

So, he has gone from that of equal social standing to a lower class of paid help.

Apologies for the somewhat clumsy definitions, but the best guidance I can give with what I know of Thai Culture.

I left the Farm for 5 months and had to return back to the West for Business reasons. I arrived back here 10 days ago.

He knows who I am very well, but, no eye contact, no brief smile hello, nor even recognition ... I just find that a little strange.

.

Probaby a face thing...he was an equal when you left....now a laborer...the family drop out....you've been away from the frey & he's in a no win situation...it's probably been pretty ugly for him whether earned or all one sided.... Edited October 2, 2014 by pgrahmm