Acceptance of each others cultures

[keithkarmann]

Have been with my girlfriend for nearly two years and have promised to marry her and build her a house in her small lost in time mooban.Have met the family several times but I wanted to see how they would fit into my culture as I am expected to accept their culture fully. So I took them 900km south to Hua Hin for a holiday in a five star pool villa, I expected problems as they had never left their village. Cut a long story short I took them to the night market and they were to come to the Irish bar after the market and I thought to have a drink with me. But on arrival at the bar they refused to come in have a drink with me apart from the girlfriend.Instead they went off to find some food of their own. By this time I was getting very angry as I had paid for everything and I was basing my house build in their village on the fact that I would be able to call them friends and have a drink with them in a bar in their village. In short I have cancelled the house build but I have said I will still marry my girlfriend but without any dowry and without the family involved in any way. She has agreed. Anyone had similar problems. I am in the right or not as my girlfriend was looking forward to a wedding with family involvement.

[Crazy chef 1]

with such "immense" cultural problems i would suggest to cancel the marriage as well and go home...

what's your point?

[kannot]

Thai way or the highway!!

[welsh1]

No never had this problem.

Me and the misses work hard, when we have free time, we like to get away,( Alone) I have enough headaches from the family,, with out taking them on an all inclusive 5 star hotel trip some where nice,,and have them spoil my holidays aswell .

Besides they wouldn't appreciate it,, and you will barley get a khap khun kap, for you troubles,,

PS,,, Most of the family don't know how to hold a knife and fork correctly,, So taking them any where fancy is out of the question

Edited September 30, 2014 by welsh1

[Dave8237]

Seriously, you got angry because they didn't want to go into an Irish style bar.

You say you expected problems as they have never left the village, and got angry when you got problems.

[keithkarmann]

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No never had this problem.

Me and the misses work hard, when we have free time, we like to get away,( Alone) I have enough headaches from the family,, with out taking them on an all inclusive 5 star hotel trip some where nice,,and have them spoil my holidays aswell .

Besides they wouldn't appreciate it,, and you will barley get a khap khun kap, for you troubles,, alt=thumbsup.gif>

PS,,, Most of the family don't know how to hold a knife and fork correctly,, So taking them any where fancy is out of the question alt=tongue.png>

Thanks for that, you are right in everyway but the cost of the holiday has been well worth it as it has saved me about 1 million baht by not building the house

[AnotherOneAmerican]

What sort of bar, respectable Thai family won't go in certain sorts of bar.

Many Buddhist women won't enter a bar under any circumstances.

Anyway, foreigner bar for Thai family = bad idea.

Next time KFC, McD, etc.

PS

House build for a foreigner in a village is rarely a good idea, not many foreigners can take the isolation, and the house has little or no resale value. For your own mental well being better to have a house near the big foreigner centers, CM, HH, Pats, etc.

Edited September 30, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[keithkarmann]

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What sort of bar, respectable Thai family won't go in certain sorts of bar.

Yes respectable, no girls as I was waiting for my girlfriend

[Gsxrnz]

MK or similar would have been a better idea.

Thais take their food very seriously, they would have known they stood no show of getting any food they could eat at an Irish Bar.

I just can't see any up-country older Thais sitting down to eat Lamb Shanks or Bangers and Mash in a bar on their first ever trip to the big smoke - serious culture shock for them.

Edited September 30, 2014 by Gsxrnz

[keithkarmann]

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with such "immense" cultural problems i would suggest to cancel the marriage as well and go home...
what's your point?

Apart from small relationship problems, which are forgotten about in bed I do not have problems with the family as they live 240km from us. One or two girls have said that I am difficult to live with but I do try my hardest so I do expect some minor differences between me and my girlfriend but I am getting what I want without crawling the bars.

[makasanstop]

Isnt the hole point f coming to Thailand is to avoid hassles with women?

Edited September 30, 2014 by makasanstop

[thailiketoo]

How many Thai women have you married?

[uptheos]

Nip out the back Jack

Make a new plan Stan

No need to be coy Roy

Just set yourself free

[BobbyL]

Outrageous behaviour. I'd call the whole charade off ASAP.

Stand strong my man, ain't nobody gonna bring you down.

[keithkarmann]

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What sort of bar, respectable Thai family won't go in certain sorts of bar.
Many Buddhist women won't enter a bar under any circumstances.
Anyway, foreigner bar for Thai family = bad idea.
Next time KFC, McD, etc.

PS
House build for a foreigner in a village is rarely a good idea, not many foreigners can take the isolation, and the house has little or no resale value. For your own mental well being better to have a house near the big foreigner centers, CM, HH, Pats, etc.

Yes her mother was with us so I can understand that but my girlfriend is also buddist and she joins me the bars. But her brother who is about 30 years old would not join us and he was one of the ones I was counting on to be a friend in the village who I could go for a drink with so I would not feel so isolated. In reality I was looking for excuses not to build a house and I found my excuses because I do like to go in a few bars (maybe not so respectable) while my girlfriend is away at her village and if there are any bars in her village they probably would be respectable.

[keithkarmann]

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How many Thai women have you married?

Only one up to now and I had family problems there, like been attacked with a machete and ending up in the police station

[AnotherOneAmerican]

........ if there are any bars in her village they probably would be respectable.

Nope, these are invariably a thin cover for prostitution.

Only one sort of woman in a village bar.

How many Thai women have you married?

Only one up to now and I had family problems there, like been attacked with a machete and ending up in the police station

Part of the fun of living with a Thai lady, you haven't lived until you've had a machete attack!

(so far I've had 1 machete and 1 carving knife attack, different women, best to avoid the police ending, makeup sex is a so much better ending)

Edited September 30, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[willyumiii]

Somewhat related.

I work with a man from Africa who is constantly complaining that Thai people have no respect for his culture.

He wants to teach them about his better way to live!

I have told him time and again that this is Thailand.

There is no reason why they even want to know abut his culture.

They never invited him to come here and teach them about his way, even if he is convinced that his culture is better.

In Thailand, or anywhere else you travel to, the only relevant culture is the local culture.

I have never heard anyone in any country ask," Please come here and teach me to be like you."

Have you?

You want them to fit into your culture???

God luck, it will never happen!

Choke Dee!

Edited September 30, 2014 by willyumiii

[keithkarmann]

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........ if there are any bars in her village they probably would be respectable.

Nope, these are invariably a thin cover for prostitution.
Only one sort of woman in a village bar.

How many Thai women have you married?

Only one up to now and I had family problems there, like been attacked with a machete and ending up in the police station

Part of the fun of living with a Thai lady, you haven't lived until you've had a machete attack!
(so far I've had 1 machete and 1 carving knife attack, different women, best to avoid the police ending, makeup sex is a so much better ending)

Wow just like me and how often been threatened to have your dick cut off, I have had to hide the sharp knives several times but not with my present girlfriend but she has said she would do it if I messed about with someone else

[Sigurris]

Good on you. Let the family know who wears the trousers. I had years of being told, "This is Thailand, you must respect my culture". Yet when I wanted to have some respect for my culture I was seen as insensitive. Well B***s to all that. There is a corner of a foreign land that is forever England. And that is my home. I will respect Thai culture but come into my home and you had better respect mine. This is about a cross cultural marriage not about forcing cultures on people. The OP just wants to show his potential family some of his culture. It is not like he is a missionary or forcing it down their throats.

They have made it clear that they will not make one step to understanding, respecting or even pretending to accept you. This is often the way here. So you become a pussy or you man up and set your conditions.

If she loves you then she will understand. Give her the freedom to visit her family whenever she wants but make it clear you will have nothing to do with them until they start behaving in a respectful way. Everyone can learn to accept differences so why should you put up with people who don't.

Oh yes. And don't give them a satang.

Edited September 30, 2014 by Sigurris

[SoiBiker]

Isnt the hole point f coming to Thailand is to avoid hassles with women?

Speak for yourself. I came here because I like it here.

[ClutchClark]

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What sort of bar, respectable Thai family won't go in certain sorts of bar.

Many Buddhist women won't enter a bar under any circumstances.

Anyway, foreigner bar for Thai family = bad idea.

Next time KFC, McD, etc.

PS

House build for a foreigner in a village is rarely a good idea, not many foreigners can take the isolation, and the house has little or no resale value. For your own mental well being better to have a house near the big foreigner centers, CM, HH, Pats, etc.

Yes her mother was with us so I can understand that but my girlfriend is also buddist and she joins me the bars. But her brother who is about 30 years old would not join us and he was one of the ones I was counting on to be a friend in the village who I could go for a drink with so I would not feel so isolated. In reality I was looking for excuses not to build a house and I found my excuses because I do like to go in a few bars (maybe not so respectable) while my girlfriend is away at her village and if there are any bars in her village they probably would be respectable.

Sounds like you found a good family that isn't looking for a drinking companion.

Maybe, instead, you could buy a bicycle and make your brother-in-law your "riding buddy" to avoid isolation.

Personally, I think your expectations were 100% likely to fail and you knew it at some level before you even attempted such a show of extravagance.

[kannot]

........ if there are any bars in her village they probably would be respectable.

Nope, these are invariably a thin cover for prostitution.

Only one sort of woman in a village bar.

How many Thai women have you married?

Only one up to now and I had family problems there, like been attacked with a machete and ending up in the police station

Part of the fun of living with a Thai lady, you haven't lived until you've had a machete attack!

(so far I've had 1 machete and 1 carving knife attack, different women, best to avoid the police ending, makeup sex is a so much better ending)

I must lead a very sheltered life!!

[claffey]

Troll topic. How could anybody be so stupid!!!???

[keithkarmann]

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Good on you. Let the family know who wears the trousers. I had years of being told, "This is Thailand, you must respect my culture". Yet when I wanted to have some respect for my culture I was seen as insensitive. Well B***s to all that. There is a corner of a foreign land that is forever England. And that is my home. I will respect Thai culture but come into my home and you had better respect mine.

They have made it clear that they will not make one step to understanding, respecting or even pretending to accept you. This is often the way here. So you become a pussy or you man up and set your conditions.

If she loves you then she will understand. Give her the freedom to visit her family whenever she wants but make it clear you will have nothing to do with them until they start behaving in a respectful way. Everyone can learn to accept differences so why should you put up with people who don't.

Oh yes. And don't give them a satang.

My sentiments exactly with regarding to our own space and it will forever be our own part of England. Not sure if Girlfriend would stay if it was not for her allowance she would probably be on the first bus back to her village but most people I know here are of the same opinion no money no honey.

[thailiketoo]

Troll topic. How could anybody be so stupid!!!???

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/705884-dowry/

my first wife has been certified mentally ill, my second wife died in a motor accident and you know what happened to my Thai bride so by getting married again it could end up with disaster as my daughter keeps telling me. So why should I get married and risk losing a wife and a dowry as well.

Edited September 30, 2014 by thailiketoo

[ClutchClark]

Good on you. Let the family know who wears the trousers. I had years of being told, "This is Thailand, you must respect my culture"... There is a corner of a foreign land that is forever England. And that is my home. I will respect Thai culture but come into my home and you had better respect mine. This is about a cross cultural marriage not about forcing cultures on people. The OP just wants to show his potential family some of his culture. It is not like he is a missionary or forcing it down their throats.

If she loves you then she will understand. Give her the freedom to visit her family whenever she wants but make it clear you will have nothing to do with them until they start behaving in a respectful way.

Geez, if thats not "forcing it down their throats" then I don't know what is.

And we have Hispanics to move to the US and try to turn it into Little Mexico. They fly their Mexican flag instead of the US flag. They refuse to speak English. They refuse every bit of US culture.

Its very insulting. Why move to a country if you are going to snub your nose into aspect of the hosts culture?

[Crazy chef 1]

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with such "immense" cultural problems i would suggest to cancel the marriage as well and go home...

what's your point?

Apart from small relationship problems, which are forgotten about in bed I do not have problems with the family as they live 240km from us. One or two girls have said that I am difficult to live with but I do try my hardest so I do expect some minor differences between me and my girlfriend but I am getting what I want without crawling the bars.

are you shagging the entire family to forget the problems?

[keithkarmann]

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What sort of bar, respectable Thai family won't go in certain sorts of bar.
Many Buddhist women won't enter a bar under any circumstances.
Anyway, foreigner bar for Thai family = bad idea.
Next time KFC, McD, etc.

PS
House build for a foreigner in a village is rarely a good idea, not many foreigners can take the isolation, and the house has little or no resale value. For your own mental well being better to have a house near the big foreigner centers, CM, HH, Pats, etc.

Yes her mother was with us so I can understand that but my girlfriend is also buddist and she joins me the bars. But her brother who is about 30 years old would not join us and he was one of the ones I was counting on to be a friend in the village who I could go for a drink with so I would not feel so isolated. In reality I was looking for excuses not to build a house and I found my excuses because I do like to go in a few bars (maybe not so respectable) while my girlfriend is away at her village and if there are any bars in her village they probably would be respectable.

Sounds like you found a good family that isn't looking for a drinking companion.

Maybe, instead, you could buy a bicycle and make your brother-in-law your "riding buddy" to avoid isolation.

Personally, I think your expectations were 100% likely to fail and you knew it at some level before you even attempted such a show of extravagance.

The show of extravagance was not for them the holiday was for me and my girlfriend and she asked if they could come along. And yes he does like to have a bike ride but what is the point of that if you can't go for a drink in a seedy bar afterwards.

[Crazy chef 1]

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with such "immense" cultural problems i would suggest to cancel the marriage as well and go home...

what's your point?

Apart from small relationship problems, which are forgotten about in bed I do not have problems with the family as they live 240km from us. One or two girls have said that I am difficult to live with but I do try my hardest so I do expect some minor differences between me and my girlfriend but I am getting what I want without crawling the bars.

are you shagging the entire family to forget the problems?