Costs & Expectations of Expat Aging Gay

[rgs2001uk]

So I wasn't going to bother coming back to this thread after some guy decided to troll me, unprovoked. But then I saw a name I wasn't familiar with so thought I ought to be polite and check. And I'm glad I did. I'll do my best to avert my eyes to anyone who gets off on trolling me. I'm really not into that. Please go find someone else to fight with. I do however see some considerate posts and so wanted to thank those who bothered. Thank you sustento (you can be a little rough though, can't ya?), scott and especially dundas. Dundas your post was particularly lovely and I appreciate it much.

To the presumptuous person who seems to have trouble following a thought or a thread, you are a very rude person and I'll simply comment here but afterwards will not further engage you. You are wrong about my potential visa status. I never said what my income was limited to. I said what I wanted to restrain my budget to. I would have no difficulty getting a retirement visa. As well you are wrong to side with the guy who wanted to troll me though I don't recall what he said about work as that one is already out of my mind. To clarify if need be, though I'm pretty sure I posted this at least twice: I would not require work in Thailand for income. I do however have concern about working to keep life interesting and that is the only regard to which I mentioned work, which might keep me stateside as my understanding is that Thai jobs are for Thai people which makes sense. I don't know yet how I feel about working into my future and will be visiting for a few-month to test run a Thai retirement option.

Aging is not eerie, these are simply facts of it. I've buried partners, so you can take your "oh please" and use what imagination you can muster to figure out what to do with it. That you've a problem with aging and death is no justification for your rudeness towards me. So no thank you for your "advice".

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You've had plenty of answers. The fact that some of them might be unpalatable doesn't alter the fact that in order to decide whether you like somewhere you have to visit it first. If you come for 30 days or less you won't even need to organise a visa.

Edit: You won't find any other forums about Thailand that have a tenth the expertise that's contained on Thaivisa especially as far as gay questions are concerned.

I got some answers here but also some questions seemed ignored. My issue isn't a matter of an answer which might be unpalatable but an answer that was either never offered or one offered more as attitude than as fact. I didn't come here to do battle. Not real into jousting. I purposely left my lance on the corporate desk.

The difficulty is that every question answered raises more questions. It gets to be a little circular in nature.

A lot of your questions can't really be answered. As one posted suggested, you need to make a visit and see if you like the place. Many of your questions will be answered after you have been here. You will have many more questions, but they will likely be a little more focused and thus easier to answer.

I do plan to visit and certainly then I will have a ton more questions. If you feel I've been unfocused, I'd certainly be willing to clarify should you specify. These are questions going through my mind on considering this possible step in life and so these are the questions I've asked. What is unfocused about asking what happens to aged expats in Thailand? Certainly there are not the support systems we have in the states so I think the question is a valid concern. I hope to not have offended by asking.

I agree with everyone - make the trip.

My Thai students advised me many years ago to visit Chiang Mai because "it's a lovely little place in the hills" ... and when I eventually got here in 2009 the plane was a 747, which told me that maybe CM was now a little bigger than it was all those years ago. I've seen photos of "peak hour" in CM in the 70s, and the road was choked with ... bicycles. Wind the clock on 30 years, and the road was full of motorcycles. Now, it's full of new cars. Ricefields all around CM are being bulldozed for some fairly ghastly housing estates, even as I'm writing these lines. The ever increasing built environment means it's not that cool (temperature wise) a place as it once was. Get here before it becomes unbearable, is my advice.

Somewhere earlier in this thread you asked about swimming pools; the 700 years stadium is out of town but I sometimes enjoy having the whole 50 metre Olympic pool to myself - or, as is more often the case, just sharing with a few others.

The place has a membership deal where you pay B500 for a year, and get in each time for B30. That's half the normal admission, one dollar. There's a basic gym, too, but that is a dollar extra (for members, as I recall).

Other random thoughts:

When you come here, if you want to stay in the one place for a while, you'll find some hotels rent rooms by the month - there's one near where I live, walking distance to the main Chiang Mai University campus, which will rent a clean comfortable air-con room for around $200 for the month, plus utilities (electricity, wifi). By the day, but including utilities, about $20. So renting by the month can make sense.

One thing I would suggest if you're up to it - get yourself a motorcycle licence, if you don't already have one. Even if you don't want to ride a bike, you should at least get an international driver's licence so that you can drive around and be covered by your insurance. Car rental places will often rent you a car (or a motorcycle) but will only worry about the formalities (motorcycle licence/international driving licence) after the accident. Oh, and people drive on the wrong side of the road here, so - like when I drive when I'm in the US - that might take some getting used to.

If you fly directly into CM (possible on Cathay Paciific/Dragonair through Hong Kong/Korean Air through Seoul), arriving here is much better than in Bangkok. Immigration processing time is lightning fast, it's friendly (customs have always waved me through) and you're out in the terminal before you know it.

On my first visit here I go to know the locals by doing a basic Thai massage course (kinda fun), and then by spending a week in a Tao-ist resort outside CM, which was an interesting experience, and much more Thai than it sounds. You don't have to do sightseeing to learn something about aspects of Thai life. Actually, to learn about aspects of Thai life, you only have to ride a motorcycle for more than a minute on any public road, really, but that's a whole other story.

Having said all that ... I agree with everyone, make the trip ...

I had already learned of that pool, looks real nice but as you say out of town. And I have to keep in mind that in many aspects I won't have the conveniences I have here. But there are benefits there that I don't have here. And yes, a visit would help me weigh that.

$200 a month is incredible. Maybe I would contact you again as I get closer to deciding what to do if you do not mind. I was thinking of this year but my brother convinced me to do a different trip. I might still be able to squeeze it in while the weather there is nice. I'd like to come for a month minimum, preferably for three months to get a good feel of the place.

I'm not at all concerned about the development there. I'm certain it would still be a complete adventure for me. That aspect is similar to many places. Those living in growing places--and I have and do--saw what growth they did, but newcomers experience it as new. And they will see development from that point forward to reminisce about the good old days to the next generation. The only concern about that would be eventual rising costs but that's happening world wide so I'd imagine relative, over what's left of my life, it should still be a bargain in my later years.

Though of concern with that is how I'd imagine the world will be exporting their elders for care. So that could wind up increasing those costs, but still it would never be as ridiculous as it is in the States. And my big concern with that is having family and friends but not having children to check on me so I wondering if living in a more compassionate Buddhist culture might reduce some suffering and potential abuses of aging stateside.

so I wondering if living in a more compassionate Buddhist culture

JT will be along in a minute to tell you all about the "compassionate Buddist culture" of the Jomtien baht bus drivers.

You are totally clueless, as mentioned before, get over here and check it out.

[thaicurious]

so I wondering if living in a more compassionate Buddhist culture

JT will be along in a minute to tell you all about the "compassionate Buddist culture" of the Jomtien baht bus drivers.

You are totally clueless, as mentioned before, get over here and check it out.

That every system has abuses doesn't mean one isn't better than another overall. That every culture has faults doesn't mean one isn't more compassionate than another. That every internet forum is filled with rudeness, doesn't mean I might not connect with good people there.

Craziness exists everywhere and probably in similar proportions to any given population, though the stresses of each society probably exacerbates or facilitates its expression. Certainly internet forums, for instance, make it easier for people to inflict abuses on each other. So there might be just as much of a chance winding up with a sociopathic "caregiver" in a western adult care facility as in a Buddhist one, but also, and especially with regard to being gay, Buddhism, by its central nature of seeking compassion, ought to provide a more compassionate setting overall, than being cared for as an aged gay man by minimum waged workers from very homophobic cultures as is often the case stateside where first generation immigrants tend to take those jobs.

One of the issues of aging is that if you get dementia, and a staggering 1 out of 3 elders die with some sort of dementia--so it would be dumb to not consider--the dementia often robs a person of their inhibitions. So while some elders find they have to go back into the closet when entering a nursing home, there's a threat of outing yourself as you deteriorate. I find comfort in considering ways to alleviate the potential of harm given the possibility of that future.

It is one of my major reasons of considering Thailand. I've been a student of Buddhism for most of my life yet have been living in Western culture so I think I might enjoy experiencing a Buddhist culture while my mind is intact. And should I succumb to the ravages of dementia in my older years, should I miss my window of opportunity to cut short my life, I am considering that I might benefit by aging there.

My apologies if that upsets anyone.

Edited October 24, 2014 by thaicurious