I want the change handed back to me.

[Sirbergan]

Ruins my day every time! How dare they give the bill and the change to someone else?

[NoshowJones]

Two scenarios.

Usually in a restaurant it is no problem as the change is left on a small platter or inside a wallet.

Almost everywhere else they give or try to give change to the woman I am with unless she is standing some short distance away. Rarely do they offer it to me first.

As CharlieH says... ATMs only give, they do not receive

Besides, what is yours is hers and what is hers is hers too

I was sure I saw a Thai woman putting money into an ATM, maybe paying a bill?

[Thanet]

They are shy, and they don't speak your language, so hand the change to your wife in case there is any query. She will be able to deal with it better than you.

They assume that you share things with your wife anyway.

Not a big deal.

Get over it.

[NoshowJones]

In the US they shame you by asking 'do you want your change back?'.

They don't shame me, I hate this tipping culture, I would just say "yes, every cent", although I do admit to tipping, I call it paying a bit extra, if I rely on this person doing a job for me. ie, in my village, there are two computer shops, one is unreliable, I then found another one, who never fails to turn up when I need him, I always give him extra because I rely on him.

[Neeranam]

First question for the Op - can you speak Thai? If not there's your answer.

Also, are you over 60 years old? That is old here and they maybe think you need help from the youngers.

Did you make the order?

Look at it from the point of view of the waiter/assistant - they regularly see guys come in with Thais and they are like little children who can't do a thing for themselves.

Maybe the kids were talking about you and the waitress overheard.

Are they your kids? I think Thai people, and myself, are confused as why a rich guy would come here and hook up with a woman with baggage.

why are you confused? I find having kids around is satisfying

Satisfying! Wow, do you actually have any kids? Have you ever spent 2 months with kids during the school holidays? Have you ever had to go to work after 2 hours sleep because of sick/crying babies?

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Weird. They give me my change.

In fact, sometimes they even give me the change when it was my wife that paid.

Neither of you is Thai!

They hate you both equally.

[smotherb]

We don't exist here, we are merely coming to life when with other Thai whom act as validation.

Today I went to complain because my moban is not providing me with the same bus service as Thai people.

The officer had to call my landlord, and talk to it about it. He does not know much about it but he's my Thai representative.

Also many people jump queues in front of me... I don't exist...

Costas, you and Kitsune have only shown your cultural indifference/limitations. Many Thais are timid/ashamed/apprehensive of dealing with farangs because they do not speak English well and do not want to lose face/be embarrassed/exposed for not speaking English by being asked questions they do not understand. Your 15 year old son looked old enough to take care of the situation and not risk the lost face/embarrassment/exposure. When husband and wife are together, the wife usually pays the bill and receives the change. If you are still handling the money when out with your wife, I don't doubt she is given the change. To address Kitsune, the concept of ques is decidedly individualistic/Western in origin and the bus service; perhaps they were not aware you were entitled to it.

[Neeranam]

"A man is the foreleg of the elephant and the woman the hind leg" - guess this old Thai saying doesn't apply to some farang.

[NoshowJones]

How will the Thais think when they see a Scotsman wearing a skirt (kilt)...

Worst ladyboy ever?

Yes, especially if they have a red beard.

[Neeranam]

How will the Thais think when they see a Scotsman wearing a skirt (kilt)...

Worst ladyboy ever?

Yes, especially if they have a red beard.

I've seen worse in Khon Kaen fish market.

[AYJAYDEE]

First question for the Op - can you speak Thai? If not there's your answer.

Also, are you over 60 years old? That is old here and they maybe think you need help from the youngers.

Did you make the order?

Look at it from the point of view of the waiter/assistant - they regularly see guys come in with Thais and they are like little children who can't do a thing for themselves.

Maybe the kids were talking about you and the waitress overheard.

Are they your kids? I think Thai people, and myself, are confused as why a rich guy would come here and hook up with a woman with baggage.

why are you confused? I find having kids around is satisfying

Satisfying! Wow, do you actually have any kids? Have you ever spent 2 months with kids during the school holidays? Have you ever had to go to work after 2 hours sleep because of sick/crying babies?

my kids are grown now. very proud of them. glad i had em.

[Beetlejuice]

Costas, she is terrified that you may give her a tip. She learned in school of beware of Greeks bearing Gifts and knows she will have bad luck if you give her a tip.

Next time you go to the restaurant, roll in on a wooden horse waving a toy sword and have your wife tell them it's an old Greek custom to counteract the bad luck of accepting a tip from you. After that she will be able to hand you back your change without fear.

Is there such a thing as Greeks bearing gifts?

[Neeranam]

First question for the Op - can you speak Thai? If not there's your answer.

Also, are you over 60 years old? That is old here and they maybe think you need help from the youngers.

Did you make the order?

Look at it from the point of view of the waiter/assistant - they regularly see guys come in with Thais and they are like little children who can't do a thing for themselves.

Maybe the kids were talking about you and the waitress overheard.

Are they your kids? I think Thai people, and myself, are confused as why a rich guy would come here and hook up with a woman with baggage.

why are you confused? I find having kids around is satisfying

Satisfying! Wow, do you actually have any kids? Have you ever spent 2 months with kids during the school holidays? Have you ever had to go to work after 2 hours sleep because of sick/crying babies?

my kids are grown now. very proud of them. glad i had em.

Yeah, so satisfying when they move out, and start earning!

Edited October 7, 2014 by Neeranam

[cbluck58]

Why does it matter ?

The only thing that worries me about change is if it's short !

[slipperylobster]

It is just that they do not want to get into a conversation...as their english might be poor.

Another reason may be previous close encounters of the 3rd kind with rude farang customers...perhaps nitpicking the bill and asking silly questions. They probably are gun shy ....

[baneko]

I wouldnt worry as long you get change.

[smotherb]

Costas, same happened with my daughter and me - first time she was about 7-8. Menus to her, food to her, bill to her, change to her. I was totally ignored, I did not exist, to the point that even when I ordered in Thai this bimbo answered to my daughter. I felt totally humiliated. A 7-8 year old child with her father and I'm not worth even looking at. No excuses, no young country girl excuses, no shy in big city excuses, no me shy farang excuses. She deserved the dressing down I gave her afterwards. I was with a Chinese colleague from HK in a foreign theme bar. Waitress spoke to her in Thai, so I politely said my friend is not Thai and does not speak Thai. Yet still I was ignored and the waitress kept going to my friend and speaking Thai, and I had to interrupt several times to draw the conversation back to me to interpret. How <deleted> stupid. And so another dressing down and lecture about rudeness, sigh. A pity, cause she was cute .

Jesus, that sounds awful insecure. I would have been proud and allowed my daughter to pay the bills and receive the change--she needs to start sometime.

[Neeranam]

It depends on how the Thai server perceives the farang/Thai relationship.

They want more tip so if they perceive the guy as being the cash buffalo and she is taking him for a ride, they'll give her the change as she'll give them a nice tip.

if they see her as the economical kind and the relationship is a normal one, they'll try the farang.

[smotherb]

I don't care who gets the bill, who pays, or who gets the change.

However when going out to eat 9 times out of 10 the bill is padded. My wife reads every bill like an eagle, Either it is that something appeared on the table that was not ordered, but charged for, or that was ordered and never appeared, or that 2 bottles Heineken charged, not one. And that is invariably with Thai people eating. Was in the hospital the other day. Charged twice for my zimmer frame. Wife laughed and said: "They think you look so old they probably thought you needed one for each leg".

I rarely find I am overcharged. Where do you live and how long have you lived there? Sounds like it may be the tourist trap mentality.

[MW72]

The OP made me smile. I thought I was the only one this happened to. Most people give the change to me but some try to give it to the GF. Every time this happens she refuses the money and points to me. I used to ask her why they tried to give her the money but she couldn't explain it.

I don't get offended, I just thik it is weird and slightly amusing.

[manfredtillmann]

most of you guys must be living in a different thailand to me. i don't speak thai, can mutter sounds that resemble the proper expressions for the food i like, know, recognise and speak numbers and can ask for the bill.

in restaurants, waiters know (or sense) that I am the one who tips, my girl definitly does not. she checks the bill and collects the change, i just pay to the nearest larger note and leave. so what if some poor peasant likes to enrich herself by over - charging a few cents? i can buy a whole, healthy meal for two up here in the north east for the same amount as what a fatty big mac costs me in oz.

and as for the barging in: there is not a country i have been to where this does not happen. germans are great 'draengler', if you like to be overlooked there is a good place to feel comfortable.

be assertive and stand proud and no one will over - look you, no matter where you are.

[smotherb]

It depends on how the Thai server perceives the farang/Thai relationship.

They want more tip so if they perceive the guy as being the cash buffalo and she is taking him for a ride, they'll give her the change as she'll give them a nice tip.

if they see her as the economical kind and the relationship is a normal one, they'll try the farang.

Not my wife. She has always handled the money for the household and when we are out together. She ensures the bill is correct, the proper change is returned, and the tip is comparable to the service received.

[baneko]

most of you guys must be living in a different thailand to me. i don't speak thai, can mutter sounds that resemble the proper expressions for the food i like, know, recognise and speak numbers and can ask for the bill.

in restaurants, waiters know (or sense) that I am the one who tips, my girl definitly does not. she checks the bill and collects the change, i just pay to the nearest larger note and leave. so what if some poor peasant likes to enrich herself by over - charging a few cents? i can buy a whole, healthy meal for two up here in the north east for the same amount as what a fatty big mac costs me in oz.

and as for the barging in: there is not a country i have been to where this does not happen. germans are great 'draengler', if you like to be overlooked there is a good place to feel comfortable.

be assertive and stand proud and no one will over - look you, no matter where you are.

Waiter....normally the lady who cooks charges. Big shot. You should try the real stuff sometimes....Cheaper and better...Sep...

[manfredtillmann]

@ baneko

when the lady who cooks charges (or the guy as it happens frequently), she / he just tells me how much.

if i get a written bill it comes from a waiter / waitress.

[laobali]

I have had a simular problem with the wife. , The wife and i go out to eat together, We both order together. but a few times the waiter has brought my meal before the wife's, I sit there waiting for the wife's meal to be brought but it does not arrive i just sit and sit, waiters come up to the wife and ask is there a problem with the meal, I say yes its cold now because its bad manners to start to eat before your wife, that usually gets a few stupid looks from the Thai waiters and i make them take the meal back because its cold. Is it me .

At least you have the choice to eat it hot. Many Thai restaurants prepare one dish at a time. If you want the food all served together, some (sounds like yours) will be getting cold in the kitchen while the rest are being made. The wife would understand that too. So yes, it is you.

Edited October 7, 2014 by laobali

[Jonmarleesco]

I either remind them that the change is mine, or ignore it, dependent on my mood.

The more irritating issue is their tendency to talk to the Thai family, though addressed by me, and irrespective of whether or not their English is fairly good, or I am using Thai. Then I get annoyed, and show it, pointedly.

[laobali]

I don't care who gets the bill, who pays, or who gets the change.

However when going out to eat 9 times out of 10 the bill is padded. My wife reads every bill like an eagle, Either it is that something appeared on the table that was not ordered, but charged for, or that was ordered and never appeared, or that 2 bottles Heineken charged, not one. And that is invariably with Thai people eating. Was in the hospital the other day. Charged twice for my zimmer frame. Wife laughed and said: "They think you look so old they probably thought you needed one for each leg".

I don't think it's necessarily padded, mistakes can happen either way. I've often left a Thai or Lao restaurant being hurried by the other half, to be told they forgot a dish or two on the bill. Local couples or groups always have someone go through the bill minutely for discrepancies which are usually easily rectified if you're being overcharged.

[MW72]

I have had a simular problem with the wife. , The wife and i go out to eat together, We both order together. but a few times the waiter has brought my meal before the wife's, I sit there waiting for the wife's meal to be brought but it does not arrive i just sit and sit, waiters come up to the wife and ask is there a problem with the meal, I say yes its cold now because its bad manners to start to eat before your wife, that usually gets a few stupid looks from the Thai waiters and i make them take the meal back because its cold. Is it me .

At least you have the choice to eat it hot. Many Thai restaurants prepare one dish at a time. If you want the food all served together, some (sounds like yours) will be getting cold in the kitchen while the rest are being made. The wife would understand that too. So yes, it is you.

A few weeks ago we visited Sukhothai. Went for a meal with the GF. Ordered 4 dishes. Took about 20 min to get the first dish, around 15 to get the next one and after about another 10 min the GF lost the plot with the waitress. When I say lost the plot I mean she started barking Thai to the waitress. Not sure exactly what was said but she wasn't a happy bunny.

We ate at one place where she got her meal first and about 10 min later I got my main course even though I ordered a started. It came about 5 minutes after the main course. When I spoke to the GF about it she just said mai pien rai.

[Kabayo66]

Although I agree that , in part, it may be a matter of the staff attempting to save face, as they may feel intimidated by their poor command of English, I don't believe it is a racist gesture. In Thailand, most businesses are owned and managed by women. In Thai families, the wife generally manages all financial transactions. It's part of Thai culture. I have noticed however, that they rarely hand anything directly to me (money, documents or most anything), but rather place it on a counter or table in front of me, instead of placing it into my outstretched hand. I assume it's also a cultural difference, as I've seen them do the same with Thai customers, too. Life's too short to be offended by anything. Live with love and compassion. What you sow, you will reap.

[tomyumchai]

an invisible person cant give a tip.....if they dont exist. no point in argueing with them as they couldnt give a toss about what you think anyway. they only give a toss about money......so dont give any.

i just look them in the eye and say "you cant see me? then you cant see my tip either".