Why do heavy drinkers insist you drink along?

[Briggsy]

Some heavy drinkers (i.e. drinking every day) that I know and count as friends get offended if I don't drink when with them. I would have thought their relationship with drink was between themselves, their alcohol dependence and their own blood alcohol level and would have nothing to do with others. It has happened with different people who don't know each other. It has happened in their homes, in bars, in restaurants; it has happened in the evening, in the afternoon and even in the morning.

I don't fully understand their displeasure at my declining of their offer of an alcoholic drink. Can anyone explain this behaviour?

[SoiBiker]

Maybe they're trying to persuade themselves that they're having fun?

[Brit_Doggie]

If they are buying i'll join em lol,but then it doesnt happen does it,i guess you could say they were trying to be sociable.

Which seems to offend you,each to their own so to speak.

[huawei]

It's more a problem that they expect you to drink at their speed or when your glass is empty to immediately fill it up.

[tifino]

make me dink too much get headache

[Briggsy]

If they are buying i'll join em lol,but then it doesnt happen does it,i guess you could say they were trying to be sociable.

Which seems to offend you,each to their own so to speak.

Them getting angry with me for no good reason other than saying no thanks is not my idea of being sociable, it feels more like them being bullying.

e.g.

Friend : "Here, have a beer."

Me : "No thanks, I'm driving. / I have things to do later / I have to work later."

Friend : "What's f***ing wrong with you. Get it down you."

Me : "No thanks."

Friend : "Have a f***ing beer, you puff."

Me : "No thanks."

and on and on, demanding I drink up to 10 or 20 times.

So, I don't really understand your post.

There must be an underlying reason which makes them angry by my not drinking.

[GrahamF]

Heavy drinkers and alcoholics like you to drink with them so they can keep kidding themselves that they don't have a problem. Look, everyone else around here is drinking as much/as fast as I am, therefore I don't have a problem. Conversely, when you stop drinking around them, it exposes themselves to themselves.

Keep doing what you're doing. Sometimes, your not drinking might give someone the impetus to take a look at their drinking and push them to get some help.

[GrahamF]

If they are buying i'll join em lol,but then it doesnt happen does it,i guess you could say they were trying to be sociable.

Which seems to offend you,each to their own so to speak.

I've heard that "I'm just being sociable" excuse from a lot of drunks when they are trying to get you to drink more. It's a load of crap.

On a side note, if you are worried about being sociable, you might want to think about shouting a round or two yourself, and not waiting around for someone else to buy.

[h90]

First of all drinking every day is not heavy drinking...in most of Europe people drink every day. A glass of wine or beer to the dinner isn't heavy drinking. Heavy drinking is when you drink huge amounts.

And as long as you aren't addicted, some more from time to time is no problem.

But considering your next posting you friends are in the heavy drinking.

"Friend : "What's f***ing wrong with you. Get it down you.""

With a sentence like this, this person wouldn't be a friend of mine anymore. I know when I start drinking I can't stop it (or at least not easily) and I had a lot friends that pushed.

But really no one in such an aggressive way. More in a whining "I want a drinking mate" way.

[big carl]

My experience was that no body wanted me to drink with them. Had several friends tell me after I had got of the merry go round that they would talk to me if I ever felt like drinking. Don't know for sure if they were being friendly or just didn't want to put up with me. They both knew my habit.

Years ago I took my sister to an AA meeting. They were talking about what to do at the family reunion when some one offers you a drink. My sister couldn't believe that family would offer their own relatives a drink.

That was the last thing my relatives wanted to see. I have two brothers and two sisters in recovery. They were still drinking when I packed it in or it packed me in. They still did not want to see me drinking.

You might want to consider changing friends who you can socialize with out having to drink with them. I have friends who drink but it doesn't bother them that I don't.

[ClutchClark]

Because they think that your choice not to drink is passing judgement on them.

There is nothing more dangerous than even appearing to come between an alcoholic and his addiction.

Well, except for a women scorned.

[OLDAUSSIE]

A lot of heavy drinkers feel lonely that is why they are looking for drinking mates, that can keep up. I know I did. I could never understand a person who would come into the bar have 2 drinks & go home. I was a violent drunk and unpredictable, I could be singing " Moon River" at midnight and been smashing a chair over your head 5 minutes later. At the end of my drinking I couldn't find anyone to drink with and "WONDER WHY"

I have had freedom from Alcohol since August 1980, thanks to AA. So please don't come on TV and tell me it don't work.

[robblok]

First of all drinking every day is not heavy drinking...in most of Europe people drink every day. A glass of wine or beer to the dinner isn't heavy drinking. Heavy drinking is when you drink huge amounts.

And as long as you aren't addicted, some more from time to time is no problem.

But considering your next posting you friends are in the heavy drinking.

"Friend : "What's f***ing wrong with you. Get it down you.""

With a sentence like this, this person wouldn't be a friend of mine anymore. I know when I start drinking I can't stop it (or at least not easily) and I had a lot friends that pushed.

But really no one in such an aggressive way. More in a whining "I want a drinking mate" way.

Real good point anyone talking to me like that would not be a friend for long. Same goes for food actually if you don't eat all that is offered or decline something people look at you like your crazy.

People just think what they are doing is the norm and when you don't conform to their norm your wrong it never comes up to them to check if maybe they are wrong.

[robblok]

A lot of heavy drinkers feel lonely that is why they are looking for drinking mates, that can keep up. I know I did. I could never understand a person who would come into the bar have 2 drinks & go home. I was a violent drunk and unpredictable, I could be singing " Moon River" at midnight and been smashing a chair over your head 5 minutes later. At the end of my drinking I couldn't find anyone to drink with and "WONDER WHY"

I have had freedom from Alcohol since August 1980, thanks to AA. So please don't come on TV and tell me it don't work.

Aggressive drunks are the worst, real dangerous people as they are drunk so no inhibitions and don't think about the consequences of their actions.

[OLDAUSSIE]

A lot of heavy drinkers feel lonely that is why they are looking for drinking mates, that can keep up. I know I did. I could never understand a person who would come into the bar have 2 drinks & go home. I was a violent drunk and unpredictable, I could be singing " Moon River" at midnight and been smashing a chair over your head 5 minutes later. At the end of my drinking I couldn't find anyone to drink with and "WONDER WHY"

I have had freedom from Alcohol since August 1980, thanks to AA. So please don't come on TV and tell me it don't work.

Aggressive drunks are the worst, real dangerous people as they are drunk so no inhibitions and don't think about the consequences of their actions.

Correct, I had no fear of anyone when I was drunk, sober I am a different person. To the point I have had some people say "I cant believe you are an Alcoholic" but then they have never seen me drunk.

[Naam]

If they are buying i'll join em lol,but then it doesnt happen does it,i guess you could say they were trying to be sociable.

Which seems to offend you,each to their own so to speak.

Them getting angry with me for no good reason other than saying no thanks is not my idea of being sociable, it feels more like them being bullying.

e.g.

Friend : "Here, have a beer."

Me : "No thanks, I'm driving. / I have things to do later / I have to work later."

Friend : "What's f***ing wrong with you. Get it down you."

Me : "No thanks."

Friend : "Have a f***ing beer, you puff."

Me : "No thanks."

and on and on, demanding I drink up to 10 or 20 times.

So, I don't really understand your post.

There must be an underlying reason which makes them angry by my not drinking.

select different "friends". as simple as that.

[robblok]

A lot of heavy drinkers feel lonely that is why they are looking for drinking mates, that can keep up. I know I did. I could never understand a person who would come into the bar have 2 drinks & go home. I was a violent drunk and unpredictable, I could be singing " Moon River" at midnight and been smashing a chair over your head 5 minutes later. At the end of my drinking I couldn't find anyone to drink with and "WONDER WHY"

I have had freedom from Alcohol since August 1980, thanks to AA. So please don't come on TV and tell me it don't work.

Aggressive drunks are the worst, real dangerous people as they are drunk so no inhibitions and don't think about the consequences of their actions.

Correct, I had no fear of anyone when I was drunk, sober I am a different person. To the point I have had some people say "I cant believe you are an Alcoholic" but then they have never seen me drunk.

I have almost never been in fights (years and years ago 20 maybe) but aggressive drunks and stupid people scare me a lot. The fights I have been in I have always been careful not to do too much damage to the other person (and of course not getting beat up myself). But being in a fight with someone who would take a knife and go for the kill or club you to death is scary.

[pinkpanther99]

Perhaps to make themselves feel better about their own insecurities?

[angelbat]

Since I quit drinking (1 1/2 years ago), I've discovered that many of my "friends" and acquaintances who drink are uncomfortable when I'm around because I'm not drinking. It's clear that some of them think that my choice not to drink somehow translates into my passing judgment on them, which is nuts! i don't give a darn what anyone else does, it's none of my concern. I quit drinking because it wasn't good for ME. End of story. So I distance myself from the people who have this attitude (it's not enjoyable to hang out with them, after all), and spend time with my friends who are respectful of my decision not to drink.

Angela

[AlphMichaels]

A true friend respects a personal decision and never passes judgement or badgers you. If they do, they drop in status on the "friend list".

Don't be swayed or concerned with one who "doesn't get it".

[pgrahmm]

When I worked for a large company in Los Angeles....all the executives would go out together and have "executive lunches" with their accompanying choice of drink.....

Lunches were ususally at some fairly exclusive, trendy, "hot", theme, or movie shoot familiar place....

They would always insist that I drink too - no matter what - the lunches could last 2+ hours.....if I drank I was toasted the rest of the day...they didn't seem to mind - must have been the plan.....get back toasted and while away the afternoon.....

How did I stop them.....? I started ordering ice cold milk......the wait staff would freeze in place as would everyone at the table.....If they got more bull headed I would stop the waiter and ask for ice......since a few of these eateries were not equipped for milk they would have to make a "milk run".....

I was drinking - just not what they had....physically not contest there either - I was out playing sports at night while they sat home and drank or drugged......

They stopped badgering - and every once in while I'd order a rum & coke just to keep them off balance.....

Edited October 10, 2014 by pgrahmm

[abhaya]

Misery loves company.

[larsjohnsson]

Some heavy drinkers (i.e. drinking every day) that I know and count as friends get offended if I don't drink when with them. I would have thought their relationship with drink was between themselves, their alcohol dependence and their own blood alcohol level and would have nothing to do with others. It has happened with different people who don't know each other. It has happened in their homes, in bars, in restaurants; it has happened in the evening, in the afternoon and even in the morning.

I don't fully understand their displeasure at my declining of their offer of an alcoholic drink. Can anyone explain this behaviour?

If you don't like to drink. Why spend you morning, afternoon and evening with heavy drinkers in their homes, bars and restaurants ? Edited October 10, 2014 by larsjohnsson

[thejcb]

Maybe they're trying to persuade themselves that they're having fun?

scribbled the self styled oracle of Thailand in its usual smug style

[Dogbreath]

Before I stopped drinking over thirty years ago, I did not seek the company of those who did not drink or drank sparingly. They reminded me of my own inability to control my drinking after the first one and made me uncomfortable, to say the least. The old saw, "misery loves company" comes to mind.

[Thaddeus]

If you can't go out to any gathering/function without needing an alcoholic drink, you have a problem. If you can't go out to any gathering/function without your 'friends' berating you for drinking a non-alcoholic drink, they have a problem.

The OP is not the one with the problem.

[dotpoom]

There is a simple answer to your question.....Alcoholism is know as the... "Lonely Disease".

[csabo]

It a shame that drinking is still some test of manhood. I notice drug users also often want to share. It seems this erases some inner guilt or something. I have enough charachter at this point to decide what I do, when I do it and to what extreme. I don't let comments phase me. However, what's worse is that my old job was so dependent on alcohol that of you were not out drinking with the clique every night then you were skipped over for promotion! That's unfortunate but I still choose to do it my way and let the chips fall. I have also lost numerous good friends to DWI accidents. They made thier choices and died with them. I LIVE with mine.

[Pundi6446]

Give the poor bastards, some space, can't you see they want to commit suicide by themselves. Or maybe just give them a knife and let them end it faster, by cutting their own throats, or escorting them to the top of some condo building so the can jump, like so many do .

Just let them die in peace

[thhMan]

They like to have their "mates" come out drinking.

Wont be long before they wont ask you again...

Then you can spend time at home, day in day out with your blood alcohol level at zero...

Happy now!