Why Is It So Popular to Be Vague About Relationship Status?

[henry15]

A middle class married, Thai man or woman seldom use the word Parraya (wife) or Samee (Husband) they always introduce or refer to them, as "fein". I thinlkmany aliens think they mean Friend, bud "fein" is a Thai word. Many times they adress eachother in public also as Fein.

Educated middle class Thai never use the word "Mia" (wife) or Phue (Husband).

Sometimes they use the description" Mia Luang" (first or head wife)

[nsimmons]

Anyway, I don't really care about them anyway b/c I wouldn't get serious with a girl that has a free pass to have sex with anyone she wants provided he pays her money.

I bet you are under 40yo and think these women are "prostitutes", so technically correct, "someone who exchanges money for sexual favours"

But as a guy over 50yo twice married and who has lived in multiple countries. There is *always* a financial aspect in every relationship, and my ex-wives got far more

that any bar girl, they just got it in a lump sum ; )

Many many many of my "dates" in Aus gave/had/enjoyed sex with me for a nice dinner and/or a trinket or two.

In Aus, you may be right, as we have "social security" and if you have no money the Govt provides quite enough to live etc. Here you can starve if no job/man/family.

Also, many Western hookers have drug addiction problems HIV etc. Here you will find 90% are single mothers with a kid or two with mum

in Issan (etc) The father "smoked and drank and never came home at all" She sleeps with you "thinking of the King" so she can send almost all of it back to raise the kid.

I find many of the girls occupy "the moral high ground" compared to Mr Judgmental, who likes/uses the goods, but does not value them due to how they were

made.

NS

[eldragon]

Anyway, I don't really care about them anyway b/c I wouldn't get serious with a girl that has a free pass to have sex with anyone she wants provided he pays her money.

I bet you are under 40yo and think these women are "prostitutes", so technically correct, "someone who exchanges money for sexual favours"

But as a guy over 50yo twice married and who has lived in multiple countries. There is *always* a financial aspect in every relationship, and my ex-wives got far more

that any bar girl, they just got it in a lump sum ; )

Many many many of my "dates" in Aus gave/had/enjoyed sex with me for a nice dinner and/or a trinket or two.

In Aus, you may be right, as we have "social security" and if you have no money the Govt provides quite enough to live etc. Here you can starve if no job/man/family.

Also, many Western hookers have drug addiction problems HIV etc. Here you will find 90% are single mothers with a kid or two with mum

in Issan (etc) The father "smoked and drank and never came home at all" She sleeps with you "thinking of the King" so she can send almost all of it back to raise the kid.

I find many of the girls occupy "the moral high ground" compared to Mr Judgmental, who likes/uses the goods, but does not value them due to how they were

made.

NS

Love the post. And I agree on every point, especially the bit about Thai working girls versus western ones. And I'm not judging any of those girls, or guys that rent em... I get that all relationships are more about money than many lead themselves to believe. I'm just not comfortable knowing almost any guy can hand my girl cash and have sex with her.

[Strangebrew]

I suggest that the OP go out and about there are more places and things to see other than Soi Cowboy and walking street. You see if you hang at places with titty shows you get those type replies from the ladies there.

Edited October 23, 2014 by Strangebrew

[eldragon]

I suggest that the OP go out and about there are more places and things to see other than Soi Cowboy and walking street. You see if you hang at places with titty shows you get those type replies from the ladies there.

Ha ha. I was waiting for one of these holier than thou posts. But I'm not talking about those kinds of girls, mate. If you haven't noticed this in TH- or you think it only exists among low class girls- then you're not in the game. Look at the DP25's post about the kindergarten teacher. Or ask one of your stand-up Thai female friends if they, or any of their friends, mislead foreigners about their relationship status.

[atyclb]

Why be concerned with trivialities when the qualifying yes or no is the ability to suck the chrome off of your hubcaps.

[seancbk]

Ive been in thailand for years and have never experienced what you describe

In the West people who are married pretty much always wear a wedding ring.

Whereas in Asia many people don't.

I've lived my whole life in Asia and noticed the same thing as the OP. You can't always rely on checking a person ring finger to see if they are married and when it comes to dating Asians seem to be very guarded about announcing they are in a relationship.

With expat friends you learn very early on if they are shagging someone, because you either meet their current partner or get told about their sex life.

I don't think any of my Chinese friends have ever told me about a shag they had last night or any tidbits about their love lives.

Edited October 23, 2014 by seancbk

[huawei]

Thais are vague, farangs make their lives up when they come here.

It's all a game..

[Beetlejuice]

i agree, i come across this all the time.

e.g. someone tells you they're married and then they tell you they're not married... because they didnt sign the paper.

there is a general vagueness that seems to permeate the life of a thai whether this is intentional or just the way they are i dont know. its all part of the colourful tapestry of living here

To be frank, who cares.

If people tell me they are married but in actuality are only living together or just in a relationship, what difference does it make?

Was it really worth the OP`s while creating a thread on such a totally insignificant subject?

Um, anyone that doesn't like wasting their time with a proclaimed single girl that suddenly tells you she has a serious bf or is about to get married. Besides the normal frustrations that come with that, there is a safety issue. In case you haven't noticed, certain Thais can apparently do what they want to us and blame it on the Burmese.

The oppressed and the persecuted. Life must be very stressful for you in Thailand. Or perhaps you are one of those who blame all your problems on everyone else, because you were not able to hack it here?

[eldragon]

i agree, i come across this all the time.

e.g. someone tells you they're married and then they tell you they're not married... because they didnt sign the paper.

there is a general vagueness that seems to permeate the life of a thai whether this is intentional or just the way they are i dont know. its all part of the colourful tapestry of living here

To be frank, who cares.

If people tell me they are married but in actuality are only living together or just in a relationship, what difference does it make?

Was it really worth the OP`s while creating a thread on such a totally insignificant subject?

Um, anyone that doesn't like wasting their time with a proclaimed single girl that suddenly tells you she has a serious bf or is about to get married. Besides the normal frustrations that come with that, there is a safety issue. In case you haven't noticed, certain Thais can apparently do what they want to us and blame it on the Burmese.

The oppressed and the persecuted. Life must be very stressful for you in Thailand. Or perhaps you are one of those who blame all your problems on everyone else, because you were not able to hack it here?

I normally enjoy your posts quite a bit, but that's a little harsh, mate. I'm hacking it just fine, and I'm not blaming anyone for my problems. My current gf has all her cards on the table, or she hides em rather well. It's just a simple question about my observations here and a difference between cultures. It doesn't need to get more personal than that.

[1BADDAT]

I suggest that the OP go out and about there are more places and things to see other than Soi Cowboy and walking street. You see if you hang at places with titty shows you get those type replies from the ladies there.

Ha ha. I was waiting for one of these holier than thou posts. But I'm not talking about those kinds of girls, mate. If you haven't noticed this in TH- or you think it only exists among low class girls- then you're not in the game. Look at the DP25's post about the kindergarten teacher. Or ask one of your stand-up Thai female friends if they, or any of their friends, mislead foreigners about their relationship status.

So true. I went out on a date with a girl recently who is a quality manager at an international company. She has a masters degree, owns a house and condo...blah blah blah.

She asked me if I had a girlfriend and I said no because I don't. Asked her the same question and she said she was single and not only that not dating anyone else. She told me she wanted a serious relationship and I was honest and told her I am just dating at the moment. We still talked a little bit off and on and then one day she calls me and tells me she has a boyfriend in Germany that she has been with for years. He wants her to quit her job and move there. She did not want to do that so she broke up with him that day.

So she expects me to be 100% committed to her and she can use me as a trial BF. I don't think so. It would have been so much easier if she just told the truth. I mean I had already told her that I was dating other girls so why would she not take that opportunity to tell me the same? And then to tell me after she broke up with him is even stranger.

[slipperylobster]

You might be comparing apples and oranges.

A bad girl/scammer/bargirl might find it in her own interest to be sly about relationships.

A good girl will be forthcoming....most of the time.

A third way to look at it is......she may be a mia noi or play toy for a married man....which is oftentimes the case. It is a bit of thainess to save face and be covert about that.

Nope. I've found almost every kind of girl can be like this. In fact, bar girls are usually more forthcoming about their relationship status. They normally don't care what people think about them. Anyway, I don't really care about them anyway b/c I wouldn't get serious with a girl that has a free pass to have sex with anyone she wants provided he pays her money.

Lol...... right. Bargirls always tell the truth eh? No boyfriend....you number 1. LOLlllllllllllllll

[1BADDAT]

I've been living in TH for a few years and have come to accept the fact that it's popular for people (mostly Thais) to be vague about their relationship status. But I don't understand why. I guess the easy answer is they want to leave their options open, but sometimes it's so obvious that I wonder why they try to be deceptive. I mean, it's to the point that I'm slightly shocked when someone tells me they have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse. Like, my mind hesitates and I ask myself if I heard the person correctly.

Anyway, if you've been here any amount of time, you know what I'm talking about. I'm just curious if anyone has a good anthropological explanation about why the culture is this way with regards to relationships.

Nope - it's just you

No it is not just the OP

Lying and deception is the default here when there is something to gain or. They say whatever they want to make the situation advantageous to them. A lot of the time it is SO obvious that they are lying. You would think that with all that practice, they would be better at it by now. Of course this does not apply to every Thai person, but it is pretty prevalent.

I have noticed this with friends, business dealings, and with relationships.

[eldragon]

I suggest that the OP go out and about there are more places and things to see other than Soi Cowboy and walking street. You see if you hang at places with titty shows you get those type replies from the ladies there.

Ha ha. I was waiting for one of these holier than thou posts. But I'm not talking about those kinds of girls, mate. If you haven't noticed this in TH- or you think it only exists among low class girls- then you're not in the game. Look at the DP25's post about the kindergarten teacher. Or ask one of your stand-up Thai female friends if they, or any of their friends, mislead foreigners about their relationship status.

So true. I went out on a date with a girl recently who is a quality manager at an international company. She has a masters degree, owns a house and condo...blah blah blah.

She asked me if I had a girlfriend and I said no because I don't. Asked her the same question and she said she was single and not only that not dating anyone else. She told me she wanted a serious relationship and I was honest and told her I am just dating at the moment. We still talked a little bit off and on and then one day she calls me and tells me she has a boyfriend in Germany that she has been with for years. He wants her to quit her job and move there. She did not want to do that so she broke up with him that day.

So she expects me to be 100% committed to her and she can use me as a trial BF. I don't think so. It would have been so much easier if she just told the truth. I mean I had already told her that I was dating other girls so why would she not take that opportunity to tell me the same? And then to tell me after she broke up with him is even stranger.

The odder thing is if you try using that same type honesty you speak of it's usually not received very well.

[Nobleman1]

I am with the OP. I look like i am 30 and i the girls in their 20s rarely say the have bf or husband. I live in A bigger city in Isan and that is what happens to me with traditional thai girls. Not bar girls or sponsored. People who dont experience this are unattractive and have no interest in you. Thais like to keep their options open.

[eldragon]

I've been living in TH for a few years and have come to accept the fact that it's popular for people (mostly Thais) to be vague about their relationship status. But I don't understand why. I guess the easy answer is they want to leave their options open, but sometimes it's so obvious that I wonder why they try to be deceptive. I mean, it's to the point that I'm slightly shocked when someone tells me they have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse. Like, my mind hesitates and I ask myself if I heard the person correctly.

Anyway, if you've been here any amount of time, you know what I'm talking about. I'm just curious if anyone has a good anthropological explanation about why the culture is this way with regards to relationships.

Nope - it's just you

No it is not just the OP

Lying and deception is the default here when there is something to gain or. They say whatever they want to make the situation advantageous to them. A lot of the time it is SO obvious that they are lying. You would think that with all that practice, they would be better at it by now. Of course this does not apply to every Thai person, but it is pretty prevalent.

I have noticed this with friends, business dealings, and with relationships.

Thais seem more willing to accept lies, which is probably why they don't make great efforts to conceal them. In fact, if you've ever confronted a Thai about their lie, you've probably found you quickly became the bad guy.

[maidee]

it depends where OP spend his time ...

they might even say they have several sponsors

and looking for +1

[nithisa78]

Ive been in thailand for years and have never experienced what you describe

Thank you. Same here. I read many of the posts and always think what Thailand do these people live in. Why do they think these experiences are Thai exclusive, etc.

enjoy the day.

[1BADDAT]

Ive been in thailand for years and have never experienced what you describe

Thank you. Same here. I read many of the posts and always think what Thailand do these people live in. Why do they think these experiences are Thai exclusive, etc.

enjoy the day.

I live in a Thailand where I have a professional job and in my mid 30s. I date girls from 25-40 from different education levels, job positions, and social status. They are from Rayong, Sriracha, Bangkok, Pattaya and other places as well. In 3 months of dating, I have experienced as many lies (that I have found out about) than the previous 20 years put together. And for the past 10 years I have not dated a white girl so I do have experience with Asians from different areas. Is that enough information to make my opinion believable?

[laobali]

I suggest that the OP go out and about there are more places and things to see other than Soi Cowboy and walking street. You see if you hang at places with titty shows you get those type replies from the ladies there.

Ha ha. I was waiting for one of these holier than thou posts. But I'm not talking about those kinds of girls, mate. If you haven't noticed this in TH- or you think it only exists among low class girls- then you're not in the game. Look at the DP25's post about the kindergarten teacher. Or ask one of your stand-up Thai female friends if they, or any of their friends, mislead foreigners about their relationship status.

So true. I went out on a date with a girl recently who is a quality manager at an international company. She has a masters degree, owns a house and condo...blah blah blah.

She asked me if I had a girlfriend and I said no because I don't. Asked her the same question and she said she was single and not only that not dating anyone else. She told me she wanted a serious relationship and I was honest and told her I am just dating at the moment. We still talked a little bit off and on and then one day she calls me and tells me she has a boyfriend in Germany that she has been with for years. He wants her to quit her job and move there. She did not want to do that so she broke up with him that day.

So she expects me to be 100% committed to her and she can use me as a trial BF. I don't think so. It would have been so much easier if she just told the truth. I mean I had already told her that I was dating other girls so why would she not take that opportunity to tell me the same? And then to tell me after she broke up with him is even stranger.

You're beginning to see the light, but it's still heavily shaded. If she had told you the truth (really, you only have her version of things) mightn't you have walked away?

[eldragon]

I suggest that the OP go out and about there are more places and things to see other than Soi Cowboy and walking street. You see if you hang at places with titty shows you get those type replies from the ladies there.

Ha ha. I was waiting for one of these holier than thou posts. But I'm not talking about those kinds of girls, mate. If you haven't noticed this in TH- or you think it only exists among low class girls- then you're not in the game. Look at the DP25's post about the kindergarten teacher. Or ask one of your stand-up Thai female friends if they, or any of their friends, mislead foreigners about their relationship status.

So true. I went out on a date with a girl recently who is a quality manager at an international company. She has a masters degree, owns a house and condo...blah blah blah.

She asked me if I had a girlfriend and I said no because I don't. Asked her the same question and she said she was single and not only that not dating anyone else. She told me she wanted a serious relationship and I was honest and told her I am just dating at the moment. We still talked a little bit off and on and then one day she calls me and tells me she has a boyfriend in Germany that she has been with for years. He wants her to quit her job and move there. She did not want to do that so she broke up with him that day.

So she expects me to be 100% committed to her and she can use me as a trial BF. I don't think so. It would have been so much easier if she just told the truth. I mean I had already told her that I was dating other girls so why would she not take that opportunity to tell me the same? And then to tell me after she broke up with him is even stranger.

You're beginning to see the light, but it's still heavily shaded. If she had told you the truth (really, you only have her version of things) mightn't you have walked away?

If she told me "I have a bf in Germany, but I'm not sure about him" I'd still see the girl and approach the situation accordingly.

[dfp]

Once down at Marriott Hotel Riverside (now it is Anantara) we were waiting for the boat to Taksin Station. Marriott has or had a bar at the waiting area and we ordered some drinks while waiting. One girl working at the bar was extremely honest. She said she had one boyfriend and 5 giks. Day # 7 was her day off.

[Ace of Pop]

Me and my Mates here are rather Vague about everything here after the 5th Large Leo. .45 Mins to Go.

[benalibina]

It seems, and experienced it myself regularly, that some thai women dont know when a white lie is needed or not. Not telling the truth is like a national sport. Never trust a person who lies to you.

[laobali]

You're beginning to see the light, but it's still heavily shaded. If she had told you the truth (really, you only have her version of things) mightn't you have walked away?

If she told me "I have a bf in Germany, but I'm not sure about him" I'd still see the girl and approach the situation accordingly.

She (Thai woman) doesn't think the same as you (farang). Apart from generalisations you are two individuals. There is no right answer.

[benalibina]

You're beginning to see the light, but it's still heavily shaded. If she had told you the truth (really, you only have her version of things) mightn't you have walked away?

If she told me "I have a bf in Germany, but I'm not sure about him" I'd still see the girl and approach the situation accordingly.

She (Thai woman) doesn't think the same as you (farang). Apart from generalisations you are two individuals. There is no right answer.

Ohhh....honesty and the truth are not universal then ?

[laobali]

It seems, and experienced it myself regularly, that some thai women dont know when a white lie is needed or not. Not telling the truth is like a national sport. Never trust a person who lies to you.

That's a bit harsh. I'd say never fully trust someone who has lied to you. You're both better off.

[laobali]

You're beginning to see the light, but it's still heavily shaded. If she had told you the truth (really, you only have her version of things) mightn't you have walked away?

If she told me "I have a bf in Germany, but I'm not sure about him" I'd still see the girl and approach the situation accordingly.

She (Thai woman) doesn't think the same as you (farang). Apart from generalisations you are two individuals. There is no right answer.

Ohhh....honesty and the truth are not universal then ?

In a word, no - not in the real world.

[benalibina]

You're beginning to see the light, but it's still heavily shaded. If she had told you the truth (really, you only have her version of things) mightn't you have walked away?

If she told me "I have a bf in Germany, but I'm not sure about him" I'd still see the girl and approach the situation accordingly.

She (Thai woman) doesn't think the same as you (farang). Apart from generalisations you are two individuals. There is no right answer.

Ohhh....honesty and the truth are not universal then ?

In a word, no - not in the real world.

You correct, sadly enough.

The world is what we make of it.

[1BADDAT]

I suggest that the OP go out and about there are more places and things to see other than Soi Cowboy and walking street. You see if you hang at places with titty shows you get those type replies from the ladies there.

Ha ha. I was waiting for one of these holier than thou posts. But I'm not talking about those kinds of girls, mate. If you haven't noticed this in TH- or you think it only exists among low class girls- then you're not in the game. Look at the DP25's post about the kindergarten teacher. Or ask one of your stand-up Thai female friends if they, or any of their friends, mislead foreigners about their relationship status.

So true. I went out on a date with a girl recently who is a quality manager at an international company. She has a masters degree, owns a house and condo...blah blah blah.

She asked me if I had a girlfriend and I said no because I don't. Asked her the same question and she said she was single and not only that not dating anyone else. She told me she wanted a serious relationship and I was honest and told her I am just dating at the moment. We still talked a little bit off and on and then one day she calls me and tells me she has a boyfriend in Germany that she has been with for years. He wants her to quit her job and move there. She did not want to do that so she broke up with him that day.

So she expects me to be 100% committed to her and she can use me as a trial BF. I don't think so. It would have been so much easier if she just told the truth. I mean I had already told her that I was dating other girls so why would she not take that opportunity to tell me the same? And then to tell me after she broke up with him is even stranger.

You're beginning to see the light, but it's still heavily shaded. If she had told you the truth (really, you only have her version of things) mightn't you have walked away?

I don't understand what you are trying to say.