A true but funny story.

[Liquorice]

Having just posted a topic 'How to use a squat Toilet correctly and laughing at some of the replies, it reminded me of a very true experience I had in China some years ago. Rather than include it in the previous topic, I thought maybe we could share some of our funnier travelling experiences in another topic.

I'm sure a few of you have some light-hearted and funny stories to tell?

Back around 2010 I was visiting Nanning in China and staying in a condo.

One evening my ex girlfriend and I went out for a meal and a couple of drinks with some friends.

Nice evening, nothing untoward, back to the Condo and sleep.

At 4am in the morning, I woke up with stomach ache and grumbling pains.

I tried to get back to sleep but the grumbling was slowly getting worse.

About 5am, the griping pain, the one where you know you have to go.........and quickly.

Diving out of bed and flying down the lounge to the toilet, I only just made in time.

Woooooooosh.

Such relief, but for the next 20 minutes I couldn't move off that toilet.

By now my ex girlfriend was half semi conscious and asked if I was OK.

"Yeah", but I was fully awake now, no chance of sleeping again and it was around 5.30am anyway.

I filled the wash basin with water and proceeded to shave.

After a shave I turned on the shower and submerged under it.

As the water ran down my body, in particular by back and then between my buttocks, I had a severe burning sensation.

It felt like the diarrhoea had taken the skin from around my backside and god it was sore.

I always take certain medicines with me, so to this extent I was equipped with Immodium tablets and 'Savlon' antiseptic soothing cream.

Searching through my wash bag for the Savlon, my ex, who was now awake asked again if I was ok.

"I will be in a minute" peering around the bathroom door to look at her, whilst still rummaging through my bag.

Squeezing a large dollop of cream onto my fingers, I slapped it between my buttox.

Jeeeezus F Christ!

I was on fire.....someone just lit a Bunsen burner under my arse.

F...F...F I was in agony, tears were coming to my eyes.

I quickly grabbed the towel and dunked into the wash basin which was still full of water.

Holding the towel between my legs, one hand at the front, the other hand behind me, I moved my hands back and forth trying to get that towels as far as I could up my backside.

F...F...F... I was on my tip toes running back and forth, up and down the room.

My ex was fully awake now, not knowing what to do.

"What's up, what's up" she kept crying, becoming more and more concerned.

Jesus! My arse is on fire, rubbing the wet towel back and forth between my cheeks.

After a few minutes, but what seemed an eternity, the pain and burning started to subside.

"What the hell did you do" asked my ex.

"Nothing", I replied, "I had diarrhoea and my backside felt sore, so I put some Savl.............." as I reached around the bathroom door to pick up the tube, which read............... 'Colgate for whiter teeth'.

[Costas2008]

OP, instead of the towel you should have used the tooth brush to recover the toothpaste.

Don't like wasting things I paid for before.

[Crossy]

Deep Heat would have solved the problem.

[Liquorice]

Crossy, on 04 Nov 2014 - 17:02, said:

Deep Heat would have solved the problem.

I was wallowing in 'deep heat', believe me!

[ATF]

I went to China before the toilet was invented. Just a ceramic tiled trench and a bucket under the stairs in the bars.