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What is your understanding of being married in Thailand?


Costas2008

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I lived in a Thai village for a few years that had about 30 farangs. Most were over 65 with a small retirement package, far from being rich but able to get by ok. I think most of them met their wife's in Pattaya or some other farang tourist area and moved to the village. Normal day was meeting other farangs at a local drinking hole and getting pissed. They spent their time bitching about Thais, telling jokes, discussing how to solve the world problems etc .... Mostly just having a laugh and watching life go by. When the wives were around they would always sit at another table and talk about what ever Thai ladies talk about. Some ladies were sweet but there were some nasty ones that were real nutters. The way they spoke to their husbands was terrible. Zero respect and just down right nasty HOs ...

I always found it amazing what some people will tolerate but " up to them" ... Live and let live .....

Yes, there is a good chance that if you met your woman in a Pattaya or Bangkok bar, go go bar, or special services massage joint, that she was in it for the money, that she was with over 1,000 men prior to you, that she is incapable of having a healthy attitude toward ANY man, and that the relationship might be less than healthy. But, you are singling out a very specific group of women, and many of us here did not go that route, thankfully.

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It shouldn't be anything different being married in Thailand, but it is to many. Marrying a woman you KNOW very well, is a key ingredient for a successful marriage. Marrying a woman who can't communicate in a language you understand, is difficult. Marrying a woman you have known from the bar stool and subsequently in the hotel room over the course of a week, is not a receipe for success. I met my wife overseas where she was working as a staff in a five star hotel and needless to say, she speaks very good English so after two years of dating I knew everything about her and she knew me equally well, we got married and have two kids. Also, I have never visited a sleazy bar in Thailand since I met her. Never. As a married man, I would never mingle with prostitutes in my home country, Thailand should not be different.

Prostitutes in my home country seemed a bit ...... yuck .... so never associated with them.

Prostitutes in Thailand are fun, sexy, and don't want you out the door as fast as possible.

It isn't really a fair comparison.

Actually Thai prostitute Vs my British wife isn't a fair comparison either, as my Brit wife was cold, calculating, controlling and manipulative. All my British friends also appeared to have British wive's with similar qualities. Cold, calculating, manipulative, controlling.

Maybe we are all making a fundamental mistake, and the occupation of the woman is irrelevant, and only the nationality counts.

Edited by BritManToo
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First I guess you are referring to Farang men and Thai wives.

Second, I think the company you keep and people you meet are a good indicator of the vast percentage of Farang men that know bugger all of what a real relationship means.

Meaning, since near all were never desirable to women at their home, they came over here with there inept manliness and lack of any great articulation, and you get what you so astutely observed.

I doubt you are a rung higher.

In a previous post, and I reiterate, I look forward to the day when I see more astute, handsome, well to do farangs partnered with same in Thai girls.

I'm beginning to see it a little in BKK but not near the Farang enclaves.

Marriages of well do to Farangs with Thai wives are exactly as what I see in the west but, these are people of the same socio-economic background, appearance and are driven people.

The rest are...well....extremely average.

Think I'm full of shit?

Have a quick glance of the Thai people observing you and your wife and then tell me honestly where your marriage fits.

Ok, I'll tell you;

If you're "Joe Average" with his Thai sweetheart wife, then it doesn't matter how good you think your marriage is, Thai people will look down on you.

Must be a shame, when deep down, the people in the country you call home really, honestly, and truly think your marriage is a farce....and I bet you know it.

BLACKFOX,,

can i ask you 1 question,,,?

what happened to love?

you mention everything in your post

you say you look forward to the day when you see,more astute,handsome,well to do falang,with the same in thai girls,

so being well to do would be ok, your saying they would be happy,

your saying if you see 2 handsome people together they would be happy,

its not all about how much money you have and how handsome you are,, not you personaly,

im happy that i love my wife for what and who she is,

if its about money, we should be great, im not shy of a few quid, ive worked in the oil and gas industry all my life and still do to this day,

but i dont go on about that, i talk more about our pig farm,,

we started with a barron piece of land and we have turned it into a home, a farm that makes good money, both in pork,eggs, and veg, forgot the fish,

thats the way i see it about in this country, not stroling alone in some hi so district of bkk,

my wife and i have built our lifes together, built on love, hard work and understanding,

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In bangkok, I have seen what you say. Common but not majority! Not close. Many couples here have met at work (here or other country) or in their home country while studying. These marriages have balance. Communication. Longevity.

Some men do want the subservient wife.Food.Sex.Cleaner.Translation services. The wife must get something out of it?

Costas, do you live in Issan? I have limited experience there.

For me. I will tell all who listen that I am the boss in my relationship, unless mrs Frolly comes within earshot. Then I meekly smile.

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weve been mattied 8 years,, look at my post history,,

i not onlt love my wife and care about her feelings i repect her as a person,

Now deduct all the nights you weren't with her from those 8 years.

Really, you've been with her for 2 years.

if you look at it like that it would be 4 years, im on even rotation,,,

anything else cleaver ass

keep it coming boys,, ive got big shoulders,,

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my wife and i have built our lifes together, built on love, hard work and understanding,

Every sucker claims this before they get taken, me included (and I was with her every night for 30 years).

Hope yours is for real, mine wasn't.

Edited by BritManToo
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It shouldn't be anything different being married in Thailand, but it is to many. Marrying a woman you KNOW very well, is a key ingredient for a successful marriage. Marrying a woman who can't communicate in a language you understand, is difficult. Marrying a woman you have known from the bar stool and subsequently in the hotel room over the course of a week, is not a receipe for success. I met my wife overseas where she was working as a staff in a five star hotel and needless to say, she speaks very good English so after two years of dating I knew everything about her and she knew me equally well, we got married and have two kids. Also, I have never visited a sleazy bar in Thailand since I met her. Never. As a married man, I would never mingle with prostitutes in my home country, Thailand should not be different.

Well said.

A woman you know well.

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Costa's you should stick to topics you are an expert on such as milking mammals

and trying to pick up guys in 7-11smile.png

Actually I guess there is one thing about being married to a nurse. When she gets mad enough to cut it off she may decide to stop you bleeding to death.

Edited by harrry
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my wife and i have built our lifes together, built on love, hard work and understanding,

Every sucker claims this before they get taken, me included (and I was with her every night for 30 years).

Hope yours is for real, mine wasn't.

one thing im far from a sucker,

i do agree with you that it dosnt matter if your with them every night or not if its going to go tits up it will, and its us the blokes that loose out,

if it went wrong for me here i would walk away having lost say 40k english,, to me that would be a good deal for having 8 great years and a beautiful daughter

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Everyone thinks they aren't a sucker.

I thought I wasn't a sucker.

But it turned out I was.

50% of married men turn out to be suckers.

So statistically out of you and David, one is gonna get done over.

Please, the two of you keep reporting back, some of us have cash riding on this.

Edited by BritManToo
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There are a lot of happy marriages in Thailand but many like to discuss the ones that fell apart...

I married a Thai and for several years we had a great and loving relationship... our son died of Leukamia and the stress and heart ache was tough .. The wife started hanging out with her friends from "way back" many were bar girls and the wife went off the rails... not for the money as such as she was seriously well spoiled but she and I drifted when I was working in Indonesia but home to Korat every month....250,000 THB a month wasnt enough to keep her from slinking off to Pattaya chasing Farangs for the extra... lol anyway rather than get all pissed off I said bye bye teerak She is now broke her new bf dumped her for being greedy and demanding aint life sweet when Karma comes and bites ...

there will always be bad or sad stories but hey Life is short enough.... move on

I would be entirely faithful to you for 250k/month.

Please PM me for contact details.

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lets put it another way then,

we try not to be a sucker,,,

the thing is with thailanmd, from what ive sean over the years, everyone sees things differently,

you read it on here, my girls the best, shes hi-so and all that,

i dont get into all that,

rich poor whatever, its the heart that matters,

my wife was from a poor farming family, not issan, not that makes any difference my friend live there,,

but again many on here jump on the band wagon and think all girls from issan must of worked in a bar,,

when in fact they dont, havnt, yes some have, big deal,

some on here cant see past there own nose,

you onlt have to read some threads,

how to check on my wife, i need to keep tracks on her, if you feel like that pal,,leave,

im my mind trust come first, if you dont have that you wont have anything,

im not a young kid im 54, i dont get jelouse, if i see others smiling having fun, im happy for them.

if i read something on here, im happy for them too,

and i wouldnt laugh if someone came on here and said they had lost everything,

like i say im 54 not a kid,

im away for christmas and new year, ill miss mt family like hell,

but we have skype,phones, sms,its nice to keep in touch

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Jake... I hear you I am not a kid.... bottom line is Life is all about choices.... we can all make mistakes and invariably do.... No need for bitterness just move on... I still join her for a drink if I am in Thailand....and my Indonesian wife cannot understand why I take it all so lightly..... Live every day like its your last..... one day it will be

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You are correct, conversation is very important for marriage.

For wife and me it was 5 years adjustment period until we completely understand together,

converse with no problem in mixed Thai/english Married 45 years now,

Lived and worked in USA, Malta, Libya, Saudi Arabia. Now retired in Thailand 8 years.

Most important.. Wife is a college grad, certified teacher, intelligent, fits in where ever we live.

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Costas, you have struck a nerve, and one in which I tend to agree--at least much more than I agree with your posit to identify ladyboys by the writing behind their ears.

I have real-time experience with farang and Southeast Asian marriages for more the 50 years. A great percentage of the marriages I know were based on limited compatibility, but many have endured. I agree many couples can hardly carry on a conversation, and in many of them, their children cannot even speak the farang's native language well. However, the vast majority of those limited-conversation marriages have stayed in the Asian spouse's native country. The language capacity of both foreign spouse and children drastically improves when you take them away from their native countries. Doing so also opens doors for educating the spouse, availing her with a better grasp of the farang culture, a legitimate career, farang friendships, and a sense of personal worth. The children benefit likewise. However, there are farangs who do not want to educate or inform their spouses, even when they go back to farangland. Their Asian wives in farangland only survive homesick for family, friends, and things native to their culture and country.

Regarding the supposed sexual and utilitarian servitude of the Asian spouse, I also tend to agree. Many farang husbands have had unfortunate relationships with Western women, and wanted something different from the frequently large, sex-witholding, coarse-speaking, unfeminine, domineering Western woman. Mind you, not all Western women are like that, and those Western women tend to hold-on to their husbands--gee, wonder why.

The great debate on age difference also rears its ugly head. Compatibility is often the gist of the argument. Most naysayers will cry it is impossible to be compatible with someone much younger than you and from a foreign country and alien culture. However, I've been there. I was twice the age of my current wife when we married. I've heard all the cries of cradle-robber, impossible compatibility, improbable loving relationship, buying a partner, and ineptitude with Western women--not only from strangers, but from family and friends too. However, we have been married for 36 years and she has won over the family and friends--so much so, I do believe they prefer her to me.

Some farangs want someone to take care of them, let them be the man in the relationship, and are more than willing to take care of the spouse in return. In these situations, Asian women are far more amenable than Western women. Some call this a maid with bed privileges relationship and it seems especially prudent for older farangs--not so bad, from my perspective; especially when both partners are satisfied and a loving relationship often does evolve.

Other farangs simply prefer Asian women. I have often heard the beauty and femininity of the average Asian woman far surpasses that of the average Western womenin that too, I tend to agree. I have had three wives, one American, one Vietnamese, and one Filipina; and contrary to most other men, I am still friendly with my ex-wives, my wife is also friends with them. If I would ever marry again, I doubt it would be a Western woman.

Still others acquired an Asian wife as the luck of the draw. For whatever reason; job, education, travel; the farang met the Asian and sparks flew. This was most assuredly the case in my first Asian marriage. When my American wife and I divorced there was no animosity; we had no children, we had so few assets to split there was no issue, and she was still young and beautiful. I dated Western women afterward; in fact, I was living with an English woman when I met the Vietnamese.

The major issue, as I see it, is the vast majority of Asian women married to farangs were poor and uneducated, and many were prostitutes. Under those circumstances, the Asian spouse has a lot to overcome--language, culture, religion, economics, family, friends, fears of a polygamous relationship, being ridiculed as an ex-whore, or being easily replaced, etc. In many cases, the Asian culture infers the 'buffalo' approach to such marriages; treating the farang as a meal ticket and treating the marriage as a blood family support vehicle. Former prostitutes may even see the farang as a permanent bar-fine customer, the buffalo. Even the girls who did not sell their bodies before are encouraged to do so now by family, just to keep the farang ATM lubricated.

My advice, if you really love the Asian woman, is to treat her that way. Show her your soft side. Think of her first. Educate her; she will only survive formal education if she wants it too, but educate her to other ways of life. Show her other countries, cultures and people. Expose her to the truth about your past, your friends, family, and financesI think you may be surprised how the thoughts ubber-rich-farang so quickly disappear when the Asian spouse realizes your real situation. No better way to show her than to take her to your country; let her meet your family and friends, see where you lived and worked, let her hold the money and pay all bills. Honesty in a relationship goes a long way.

Very impressed indeed.

Thank you very much for a very informative and sensible post.

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My wife and I have an excellent relationship, she being Thai and I, the farang. She has two degrees, specialises in and teaches the Thai language and has no intention of being housebound until she retires in 9 years. We have no trouble in communicating and do so in either Thai or English. Her skills have helped me immensely in reading, writing and speaking Thai, while through our communication her English has improved substantially. If there is no communication, then, no matter what the nationality, couples would nearly always experience difficulties in their relationship.

We married because we found trust, friendship, love and the happiness that this brought us. She is a mature woman (51) and being no major age gap we found a lot in common and enjoy being together. We share many things together around the home, as she works 5 days, and through this we have established a solid respect for each other.

Even though she works away from our home town, we are only separated two days a week as I join her for three days in the city where she works and we always spend the weekends together at home. We eat out most nights and if a party is held at home, my wife and the other women, who attend, always cook, following which we all eat together at the same table.

What I've noticed, with many farang/Thai couples, is the age gap. The man is older (55-70) while the women can be quite young. (25-35) With such a huge age gap no wonder they don't have anything in common. I often see couples in these age groups when they are out shopping, they don't walk together, one or the other is in front. It is like they are embarrassed to be seen together.

I know, through my wife, that Thai's, although not saying anything, frown upon these type of relationships I don't know but it could be a reason why they don't walk together. I also notice that when we eat out, many of the couples around us don't talk, whilst the woman is using the mobile. Not only the farang/Thai but Thai/Thai, with the latter covering a wide range of ages.

Most Thai women do not like showing affection when they're out but my wife and I always walk together and hold hands no matter what. Haven't seen many of the age gap couples that I mentioned do this, so is it possible that Costas has also observed this thus giving rise to his post.

If a man elects for his wife to stay at home, then that is up to him and his spouse and should not be frowned upon. Nor should any one indicate that because of certain aspects that the woman is subservient or there purely for the sexual gratification of her partner/husband. We do not live with them so one would not know but to note what one observes, if factual, should not be criticised either.

Edited by Si Thea01
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My wife and I have an excellent relationship, she being Thai and I, the farang. She has two degrees, specialises in and teaches the Thai language and has no intention of being housebound until she retires in 9 years. We have no trouble in communicating and do so in either Thai or English. Her skills have helped me immensely in reading, writing and speaking Thai, while through our communication her English has improved substantially. If there is no communication, then, no matter what the nationality, couples would nearly always experience difficulties in their relationship.

We married because we found friendship, love and the happiness that this brought us. She is a mature woman (51) and being no major age gap we found a lot in common and enjoy being together as often as we can. We share many things together around the home, as she works 5 days, and through this we have established a solid respect for each other.

Even though she works away from our home town, we are only separated two days a week as I join her for three days in the city where she works and we always spend the weekends together at home. We eat out together most nights and if a party is held at home, my wife and the other women, who attend, always cook, following which we all eat together at the same table.

What I've noticed, with many farang/Thai couples, is the age gap. The man is older (55-70) while the women can be quite young. (25-35) With such a huge age gap no wonder they don't have anything in common. I often see couples in these age groups when they are out shopping, they don't walk together, one or the other is in front. It is like they are embarrassed to be seen together.

I know, through my wife, that Thai's, although not saying anything, frown upon these type of relationships I don't know but it could be a reason why they don't walk together. I also notice that when we eat out, many of the couples around us don't talk, whilst the woman is using the mobile. Not only the farang/Thai but Thai/Thai, with the latter covering a wide range of ages.

Most Thai women do not like showing affection when they're out but my wife and I always walk together and hold hands no matter what. Haven't seen many of the age gap couples that I mentioned do this, so is it possible that Costas has also observed this thus giving rise to his post.

If a man elects for his wife to stay at home, then that is up to him and his spouse and should not be frowned upon. Nor should any one indicate that because of certain aspects that the woman is subservient or there purely for the sexual gratification of her partner/husband. We do not live with them so one would not know but to note what one observes, if factual, should not be criticised either.

Hey, Si Thea01, if you see another farang holding the hand of his Thai wife, when you are out, it's me.

Thank you for a very nice post.

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My wife and I have an excellent relationship, she being Thai and I, the farang. She has two degrees, specialises in and teaches the Thai language and has no intention of being housebound until she retires in 9 years. We have no trouble in communicating and do so in either Thai or English. Her skills have helped me immensely in reading, writing and speaking Thai, while through our communication her English has improved substantially. If there is no communication, then, no matter what the nationality, couples would nearly always experience difficulties in their relationship.

We married because we found friendship, love and the happiness that this brought us. She is a mature woman (51) and being no major age gap we found a lot in common and enjoy being together as often as we can. We share many things together around the home, as she works 5 days, and through this we have established a solid respect for each other.

Even though she works away from our home town, we are only separated two days a week as I join her for three days in the city where she works and we always spend the weekends together at home. We eat out together most nights and if a party is held at home, my wife and the other women, who attend, always cook, following which we all eat together at the same table.

What I've noticed, with many farang/Thai couples, is the age gap. The man is older (55-70) while the women can be quite young. (25-35) With such a huge age gap no wonder they don't have anything in common. I often see couples in these age groups when they are out shopping, they don't walk together, one or the other is in front. It is like they are embarrassed to be seen together.

I know, through my wife, that Thai's, although not saying anything, frown upon these type of relationships I don't know but it could be a reason why they don't walk together. I also notice that when we eat out, many of the couples around us don't talk, whilst the woman is using the mobile. Not only the farang/Thai but Thai/Thai, with the latter covering a wide range of ages.

Most Thai women do not like showing affection when they're out but my wife and I always walk together and hold hands no matter what. Haven't seen many of the age gap couples that I mentioned do this, so is it possible that Costas has also observed this thus giving rise to his post.

If a man elects for his wife to stay at home, then that is up to him and his spouse and should not be frowned upon. Nor should any one indicate that because of certain aspects that the woman is subservient or there purely for the sexual gratification of her partner/husband. We do not live with them so one would not know but to note what one observes, if factual, should not be criticised either.

im 54 mt wife is 30,

when we are out having a meal,,,we talk,,

but do you know what else,,,, we laugh,,,

many on here bring the age card out, my wife in the uk was 14 years younger then me, ive never been with a lady older then me,

if you are happy with you wife of the same age as you with her 2 degrees, i really am happy for you,

im more then happy with my 30 year old wife, without degrees, but can deliver a litter f pigs, cut there teath, tails and balls,

then put 30 duck eggs in our incubator and let them hatch,

ive been trying to say we are all different, we look for different things in our ladys,

i was from farming stock in the uk my mum still has a small farm,

so me and my wife are a match made in heaven,

many things make this strange world of ours go round, and there is nothing stanger then people

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My advice, if you really love the Asian woman, is to treat her that way. Show her your soft side. Think of her first. Educate her; she will only survive formal education if she wants it too, but educate her to other ways of life. Show her other countries, cultures and people. Expose her to the truth about your past, your friends, family, and financesI think you may be surprised how the thoughts ubber-rich-farang so quickly disappear when the Asian spouse realizes your real situation. No better way to show her than to take her to your country; let her meet your family and friends, see where you lived and worked, let her hold the money and pay all bills. Honesty in a relationship goes a long way.

555, the sucker approach!

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