Thais supporting the parents?

[Somsrisonphimai]

Basing on their posts, I have seen some members having an issue with Thais supporting their parents. I cannot see the issue with it. Perhaps, I was brainwashed when I was growing up, lol. Since my parents took care of me when I was young, I believe it is my duty to take care of them as they age. Why do you feel Thais should or should not support their parents? Please try to give critical response instead of lashing out the culture.

[danbradster]

I believe the difference in thinking is that westerners believe adults should plan for their own future, e.g. saving and investing for retirement, not spending most or all of what you receive then relying on your children.

[rgs2001uk]

Since my parents took care of me when I was young,

Isnt it called responsibility, if they werent prepared to take care of children, why have them?

Would you rather they abandoned you?

I believe it is my duty to take care of them as they age

What you believe or not is no concern of mine, please define "take care"?

Why do you feel Thais should or should not support their parents?

What have the parents been doing all their lives?

Personally from my viewpoint in Bkk, most children married and having children of their own are still reliant on their parents to provide for them and the grandchildren.

Examples include, living as one communal family, grandparents paying childrens education costs etc.

What Thais do is no concern of mine.

I suspect for many the problem arises when the farang is expected to provide.

It all starts with the selction process.

[sipi]

I haven't seen the difference between Thais and any other culture. Some Thais don't care less about their elderly parents, and a lot of other cultures do; and vice versa.

[pigeonjake]

in the uk i have 2 children,

my son passed his driving test,

got a car from his grandad, then emailed me, dad i need some money for my insurence,

as a perent its our job to look after our children, we brought them into the world, to love and take care of,

not to sit back and let them keep us,,

its different here, but i will say one thing, its not all thai families

[kurnell]

I'm hoping my kids fark off and leave me alone to be a dirty old man. Wandering up soi Cowboy to ask for 1,000 baht might be a bit embarrassing for them

[Eddy B]

A few years ago I was asked the question "How much money do you send home to your parents per month"? by a Thai teacher. My response was none of course. She could not understand and even asked me why not? I said because they are still working and they pay into pensions for when they retire and they do not want my money or even ask for any. She was gob-smacked and said she always pays money to her parents every month. I was not rude to her but just told her that I did not ask to born, I was and so, as parents they have to take responsibility for it. Not expecting me to be a money making machine for them in the future. Obviously, if my parents as they get older require help I will but it is not pushed upon us as it is in most Asian cultures. She just looked completely blank. It's what they are taught from a young age and is ingrained into their minds and not alot will change it.

[BritManToo]

Great if they earn enough money to meet their own responsibilities.

Not so great if they're leaching off a foreigner.

[slapout]

I have noticed a lot of people in this world, incuding Thailand, tend to over emphasise their wealth, possesions, brillence, what they do/have done for others, etc I can honestly say that I have not heard even 1% of the alleged receiptents of this help mention it. I have heard many say their children just don't come to see them nor help any more, while they are selling/seeking mortage on their land as children are not working and need a little help.

Believe little of what you see and less of what you hear when you approach this and other old wives tales.

[DP25]

For people that don't understand why man old Thai people need help from their children to survive, you have to remember that not so long ago Thailand was a dirt poor 3rd world country. Most old people simply didn't have any money making opportunities when they were of working age. It was a struggle for them to put food on the table every day, let alone saving or investing money for 'retirement'

I don't think many foreigners have a problem with helping out parents that genuinely need help. The problem is when they feel they are being taken advantage of. Supporting people who are still healthy and of working age but just drink all day, or waste the money gambling, or the money ends up going to other family members who also don't work. It's quite common for a foreigner to end up supporting a bunch of worthless leeches, and that's where the resentment starts.

[David48]

Somsrisonphimai ... may I ask ... how much do you fund your Family with?

Per Month?

[Gecko123]

Bar girls sending money back home to help out their parents?

Maybe yes, maybe no.

Personally, I think this is a myth in many cases. Don't see/hear of much anecdotal evidence of this where I live.

If these bar girls are sending money back home, my observation is that most of the time it's for child-care costs for their own child (children).

If anyone has hard evidence of regular consistent parental support, I'd very much like to hear from you.

[David48]

Bar girls sending money back home to help out their parents?

Maybe yes, maybe no.

Personally, I think this is a myth in many cases. Don't see/hear of much anecdotal evidence of this where I live.

If these bar girls are sending money back home, my observation is that most of the time it's for child-care costs for their own child (children).

If anyone has hard evidence of regular consistent parental support, I'd very much like to hear from you.

MissFarmGirl ... no kids, lived at the Farm (still does) when I met her.

No kids

Good job.

She used to give Bt 11,000 per month, plus paid the phone/internet account ... so add another Bt 1,000

Just your typical (old fashioned) arrangement. She was the 'educated one', Uni degree paid by the Family, Management job in an International company, earnt a decent Salary (for Thailand) thus the one who gave the most back to the Family.

[Gecko123]

Bar girls sending money back home to help out their parents?

Maybe yes, maybe no.

Personally, I think this is a myth in many cases. Don't see/hear of much anecdotal evidence of this where I live.

If these bar girls are sending money back home, my observation is that most of the time it's for child-care costs for their own child (children).

If anyone has hard evidence of regular consistent parental support, I'd very much like to hear from you.

MissFarmGirl ... no kids, lived at the Farm (still does) when I met her.

No kids

Good job.

She used to give Bt 11,000 per month, plus paid the phone/internet account ... so add another Bt 1,000

Just your typical (old fashioned) arrangement. She was the 'educated one', Uni degree paid by the Family, Management job in an International company, earnt a decent Salary (for Thailand) thus the one who gave the most back to the Family.

Not at all to refute or question the above but...

a cousin of my wife's has hooked up with a guy from Singapore who reportedly sends her 20,000 baht per month and has built her a house and purchased a new car for her.

She is living with her grandmother. According to family gossip (and my observations) precious little of this new found off-shore largess finds its way to the grandmother who is living hand to mouth.

Edited December 4, 2014 by Gecko123

[David48]

^^ Mate, like most things in thailand ... most people, most situations are different.

Your example, if the things I read and hear are quite common.

Mine is also common.

As for ... '20,000 baht per month' ...

Plus a House

Plus a Car

As we / they say ... good luck her ...

Edited December 4, 2014 by David48

[Morakot]

I'm not Thai, but I also would give to my parents, if they no adequate funds and in the absence of such funds -- a suitable welfare state that would provide an adequate pension and medical health care benefit.

Edited December 4, 2014 by Morakot

[David48]

I'm not Thai, but I also would give to my parents, if they no adequate funds and in the absence of such funds -- a suitable welfare state that would provide an adequate pension and medical health care benefit.

Caring and taking care ...

.

[Boo]

I think the issue is that many are being fleeced on the pretext of "supporting the parents".

My thai husband sends £100 a month to his elderly widowed mum, his brother who is in Thailand sends 1,500 baht. This is expected of them as their mum doesn't have a pension but she does own her house outright & has no debts, this money covers cost of living for her, her 2 older sisters & a niece. My husband has offered to send more as he earns UK pounds & can afford it, she has said no. She supplements by having her own chickens, rice paddies & small fishery. Apart from telephone, electric & water bill, the rest of the money is used for normal shopping. They don't want for anything but also aren't greedy.

My mum in Uk owns her own property, car etc outright, has a small pension & is frugal & cautious. No different to his family at all. If she was without the pension I would provide for her in the same way my husband does for his.

If the MIL was asking for 10k + a month then he & I would have an issue with it or if she expected us to buy new cars, build new houses & all the opther "stories" this forum has thrown up over the years then I'd complaining too.

It also matters that this money is earned by thai husband & doesn't take away from our family or child, this is paid AFTER our own bills & household costs are covered, from his own spare cash.

[n210mp]

Since my parents took care of me when I was young,

Isnt it called responsibility, if they werent prepared to take care of children, why have them?

Would you rather they abandoned you?

I believe it is my duty to take care of them as they age

What you believe or not is no concern of mine, please define "take care"?

Why do you feel Thais should or should not support their parents?

What have the parents been doing all their lives?

Personally from my viewpoint in Bkk, most children married and having children of their own are still reliant on their parents to provide for them and the grandchildren.

Examples include, living as one communal family, grandparents paying childrens education costs etc.

What Thais do is no concern of mine.

I suspect for many the problem arises when the farang is expected to provide.

It all starts with the selction process.

I refer you to post 10

Your wisdom and bitterness should be reserved for the culture you come from and not the one you have/or not chosen to reside in

[crazygreg44]

In the West, it was the norm that children had the moral obligation to care for their elders.

Upon industrialization the obligation got watered down, as Pop and Mum were able to comply factory jobs until

they hit the bucket.

The Thai norm is, that children should pay their parents once they decided to give up working, as there is no social or welfare system.

Right now , at the pace industrailization and converging of workforce happens in Thailand, the society is within a rapid change.

The obligations that you are to help your elders, paying back them for brin ging you up, is vanishing amongst the Thais.

Actually, a very sad thing in the happening

[sdanielmcev]

I believe the members that complain about it are probably just a bunch of cheap-os, cannot understand any other culture but their own, and do not consider that their own children may wind up paying for said members' retirement.

As stated before, in an agrarian society, the shelf life of a worker is much shorter than an industrial society. It wasn't that long ago that the "west" had the same traditions.

[rgs2001uk]

Since my parents took care of me when I was young,

Isnt it called responsibility, if they werent prepared to take care of children, why have them?

Would you rather they abandoned you?

I believe it is my duty to take care of them as they age

What you believe or not is no concern of mine, please define "take care"?

Why do you feel Thais should or should not support their parents?

What have the parents been doing all their lives?

Personally from my viewpoint in Bkk, most children married and having children of their own are still reliant on their parents to provide for them and the grandchildren.

Examples include, living as one communal family, grandparents paying childrens education costs etc.

What Thais do is no concern of mine.

I suspect for many the problem arises when the farang is expected to provide.

It all starts with the selction process.

I refer you to post 10

Your wisdom and bitterness should be reserved for the culture you come from and not the one you have/or not chosen to reside in

I refer you to post 10

Did you read it?

"I don't think many foreigners have a problem with helping out parents that genuinely need help. The problem is when they feel they are being taken advantage of. Supporting people who are still healthy and of working age but just drink all day, or waste the money gambling, or the money ends up going to other family members who also don't work. It's quite common for a foreigner to end up supporting a bunch of worthless leeches, and that's where the resentment starts."

I refer you to post #12, couldnt have written it better myself.

Your wisdom and bitterness should be reserved for the culture you come from and not the one you have/or not chosen to reside in

Wisdom based on living here and seeing what happens.

No bitterness on my part, it dont affect me, I refer you to post #10,

"It all starts with the selction process."

Carry on, good to see farangs having a firm understanding of "Thainess"

I fully understand that 300lb, Hans from Hamburg at 70 years old who choses to marry a 25 year old "hottie" from SC or NEP may well have a differing view of Thailand than me.

Doesnt mean either is right or wrong.

[benalibina]

Lived with a thai woman in my homecountry. The moment she was eligable to work she transferred every month money, which she earned herself, to her parents. Upon me asking, after a while, why do you not sent enough for 3 months in 1 time to save bankingcharges....she laughed, shook her head and said ....No No i am not that stupid....

This also applied to the fact that she only called once a month to her mum. The dad was a typical thai villagedrunk and the mum was not able to work due to infection by a snakebite years before. Her younger sister, living in England, seemed not to be pushed for financial support.

Once thing always surprises me......many of us foreigners have always picked out, luck i guess, the most responsible daughter of the family.

[Somsrisonphimai]

Since my parents took care of me when I was young,

Isnt it called responsibility, if they werent prepared to take care of children, why have them?

Would you rather they abandoned you?

I believe it is my duty to take care of them as they age

What you believe or not is no concern of mine, please define "take care"?

Why do you feel Thais should or should not support their parents?

What have the parents been doing all their lives?

Personally from my viewpoint in Bkk, most children married and having children of their own are still reliant on their parents to provide for them and the grandchildren.

Examples include, living as one communal family, grandparents paying childrens education costs etc.

What Thais do is no concern of mine.

I suspect for many the problem arises when the farang is expected to provide.

It all starts with the selction process.

In this contact, take care means you do what you can to help your parents, maybe "help out" would be a better word of choice than "take care".

[Somsrisonphimai]

Lived with a thai woman in my homecountry. The moment she was eligable to work she transferred every month money, which she earned herself, to her parents. Upon me asking, after a while, why do you not sent enough for 3 months in 1 time to save bankingcharges....she laughed, shook her head and said ....No No i am not that stupid....

This also applied to the fact that she only called once a month to her mum. The dad was a typical thai villagedrunk and the mum was not able to work due to infection by a snakebite years before. Her younger sister, living in England, seemed not to be pushed for financial support.

Once thing always surprises me......many of us foreigners have always picked out, luck i guess, the most responsible daughter of the family.

Maybe that is how the man attracted to the girl in the first place, her family values.

[David48]

Somsrisonphimai ... may I ask ... how much do you fund your Family with?

Per Month?

Somsrisonphimai ... care to share?

[Somsrisonphimai]

in the uk i have 2 children,

my son passed his driving test,

got a car from his grandad, then emailed me, dad i need some money for my insurence,

as a perent its our job to look after our children, we brought them into the world, to love and take care of,

not to sit back and let them keep us,,

its different here, but i will say one thing, its not all thai families

I don't get why the western parents still support their grown kids? Their kids are adult, in good health, and capable to work and earn a living.

[Somsrisonphimai]

Somsrisonphimai ... may I ask ... how much do you fund your Family with?

Per Month?

Somsrisonphimai ... care to share?

I was just about to get to your other post but what the heck.

I work since I was 11 years old. I was a home factory worker, yep I was. I earned 400 baht/m. I gave them every baht I earned.

At 14 years old I went to work for hiso Thai family who my aunt renting a place from in BKK. I was a living nanny and maid. I did everything, cook, clean, any house chores you name it. Yep again I was a child taking care of 3 children, but sometime the child is more responsible than the adult to the adult job. Again, I gave them every baht I earned. I made 1,200 baht/m. My dad came to take advance payment at time. I was happy to help them.

Fast forward, I helped them built a decent house, purchased a family farm for them to farm, and opened a small shop for them. I helped pay for my 2 brothers and my sister to go to university, they all earned a degree by the way. Currently I am making a decent living, so I send them on average 10,000 baht/m. Sometime I send them more depending on my mood, lol.

Anyway, taking care does not have to be giving parents money, it could be cook, clean, and take them to doctor visit, etc.

[David48]

^^ thanks for sharing ... nice post ...

.

[Somsrisonphimai]

^^ thanks for sharing ... nice post ...

.

You think so? It sounded cliche.