How Do You Feel About Your Kids Mixing With Thai Kids?

[bowerboy]

There is an Australian couple with 2 children living in the same housing village as us and after the first 2 weeks of seeing them often I never see them at the pool or playground in our village anymore.

I bumped into them the other day and asked why I never see them around any more and they told me quite simply that they don't want their children hanging out with or being around Thai kids because they felt the Thai kids were out of control and they did not want their kids picking up their bad habits. We live in a nice housing compound which is about 80% Thai and 20% farang and the Thai families are all professionals and all nice people.

That couple are teachers at a good international school and I am assuming they know more about kids and kids behaviour than I do. I had also long thought the Thai kids were completely out of control but I had no frame of reference, however know I do see it more clearly and I think the couple are 100% right to not want their kids hanging out with the Thai kids (again they are from nice families who are engineers and business people and go to nice schools).

My wife's nephew stayed with us for 2 weeks recently and at that time I said to her that in future holidays he could not stay with us again. He is a nice kid but at 11 years of age he is incredibly immature and i felt a bad influence to have around (not because he is a bad kid but rather that he is not a smart kid and I don't want my kids to see him as something to emulate).

My wife is Thai and so my kids are half Thai however now I think more about it I really don't want them spending any time with other Thai kids. At best they will never learn anything good from them and at worst it could seriously impede their progress.

What are other peoples thoughts on this matter? I know I will get the usual "move back to your own country" answers but would love to know the thoughts of people in the same situation as me (Thai wife with young kids that are likely to be spending time with Thai kids sooner or later).

Thanks for your thoughts and no offence intended with my question or thoughts on the matter.

[nithisa78]

the backbone , foundation for most children's lives , it is built by their familes , at their homes .

you don't have to embrace that , but it is worth a look . make up your own mind , what is best for you , your family .

happy new year .

[Lex Talionis]

You didn't mention whether you had discussed this with your Thai wife. How does she feel about you not wanting your children to play with other Thai children? Seems to me that might be a potential stress point.

Ultimately, as a father, you have to do what you think is right for your children. And I think your concerns are genuine. But I'm having a hard time accepting your observation that ALL the Thai children are this way. Surely there must be some non-wild type personalities among them. Might be worth it to take some time to seek these types out set up social situations where they can interact.

It's a tough decision and I wish you luck.

[Showbags]

I'm fine as long as they dont catch anything..

[AnotherOneAmerican]

My kids are Thai kids, and out with other Thai kids and Burmese kids every day.

I don't let them mix with farang kids though ..........

Not your country!

Edited December 20, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[benalibina]

My kids are Thai kids, and out with other Thai kids and Burmese kids every day.

I don't let them mix with farang kids though ..........

Not your country!

Words of a wise man.

[sdanielmcev]

You really should let them be around Thai kids so they can be a smug <deleted> like you.

[bowerboy]

Hi Lex Talionis

Yeah its a tough one for sure. I have discussed with her and she completely agrees about the Thai kids to be honest. The reality of not having them mix with other Thai kids is of course a completely different situation.

The reality is that if you are living in a country then it is unavoidable if your wife is Thai. Completely manageable and indeed likely though if you are an expat couple.

One solution is to move to a fully "expat" village or condo block I guess. Wouldn't be such a bad thing.

[kwestroc]

Hope the children of the Australian couple don't grow up thinking Thais are beneath them.

[benalibina]

Hi Lex Talionis

Yeah its a tough one for sure. I have discussed with her and she completely agrees about the Thai kids to be honest. The reality of not having them mix with other Thai kids is of course a completely different situation.

The reality is that if you are living in a country then it is unavoidable if your wife is Thai. Completely manageable and indeed likely though if you are an expat couple.

One solution is to move to a fully "expat" village or condo block I guess. Wouldn't be such a bad thing.

I agree, based on what i have witnessed myself, that parenting skills are not a thing thais are very knowledgeable about, but to indicate that foreigners are good in it only, is way of the mark and rather racist. What i have seen is that most thai kids are very polite. Most likely you just have bad luck regarding the neighbourhood you live in.

[bowerboy]

One thing I have really noticed is that you never see the fathers at the pool or at the play ground (that does go for the western fathers with Thai wives too apart from me of course, seriously)...its always only ever the mothers that you see...the kids just pretty much run riot and are seldom given much guidance or told what or what not to do or what is or isn't correct behaviour. None wear bike helmets and none are supervised while playing (kids aged 3 and 4 riding bikes around the village and swimming in the pool completely unsupervised...such freedom is lovely to see for sure but at the same time it does seem a bit young to be unsupervised).

Yes it is indisputable that they are all polite kids..that is beyond question...they are nice kids on many levels. Its just the lack of control and lack of maturity that worries me....they do seem very far behind their "western" or "expat" counterparts in their demeanour and maturity.

[Honkie]

How old should they be before you allow your kids to mix with the LOCALS？

[Satcommlee]

I have absolutely no problem with my 4 year old mixing with Thai kids, after-all we need to remember where we are!

I would never in a million years try and shelter my boy from what is effectively 99% of what may be his future social circles!

In fact there is something about the Thai culture and their respect for family and elders that I would love to promote.

[Eddy B]

I have a step-son who is mixed Thai/Filipino. He is 8 yrs old and he goes to school Thai kids. At the weekends I teach private classes and he helps out and plays with his friends. Myself and my wife who is Thai are from different cultures but luckily she has worked outside of Thailand and has seen the world. We set ground rules and he knows to obey them, they are not completely strict rules that result in a beating but he will get a ticking off verbally. The one most important lesson I am trying to teach him is the use of common sense, to look at situations and find a solution. I find that is the main thing lacking in parenting in Thailand. The kids are smothered too much and never have to think outside of the box. I look back at my past when I was a kid and if my mum knew half of the crap I did ( climbing high trees, swimming in the river, just general boy stuff ) she would go crazy. Luckily, she taught me common sense. Never go anywhere alone at night, always have a friend with you and always be home before 6pm. I am 37 yrs old now, I do not have to be home at 6pm anymore but she still worries and that's what good mums are all about, she is not trying to hold me back but she shows she still cares.

[benalibina]

In fact there is something about the Thai culture and their respect for family and elders that I would love to promote.

As long as it does not lead to blind obedience and loyalty thus therefore hampering the development of SELF, for the child.

[Gecko123]

Your kids can learn a lot of socialization skills from Thai children.

I can empathize with the desire for your children to have good role models, but for a parent to play an overly-protective heavy-handed role in the process is not a positive thing.

My goal wound be to encourage an open-minded spontaneous social disposition in my child.

Subtly sending your child signals that they are superior to other children is not going to serve your children well as they grow up.

[Thai at Heart]

U think Thai kids have a monopoly on bad behaviour and poor manners?

[kurtramsbottom]

U think Thai kids have a monopoly on bad behaviour and poor manners?

In Thailand they do !

[kurtramsbottom]

U think Thai kids have a monopoly on bad behaviour and poor manners?

In Thailand they do !

[puukao]

I have been in Thailand for 11 years, and I have a walking cane and dark glasses to act blind and deaf. I once bumped into a Thai in BKK and went straight to the hospital!!! This kind of xenophobia is really outlandish, and I can't understand this kind of thinking. Yes, from me, I definitely say divorce your Thai wife immediately and let her live with an understanding person. Leave Thailand and never return, and hopefully it's not coming back to my country. I know this post will be deleted, but honestly you should really be ashamed.

[mogandave]

I'm not clear how the children are out of control. What are they doing that their parents have told them not to do?

[Lissos]

Reading the subject of the post it reminds me of a Jordanian man I met in Aqaba who had spent years living and working in Germany but had moved back to Jordan with his son now that his son was just reaching teen age. I asked him why, and without hesitation and with sincerity he said that he didn't want his son to be exposed to the negatives of western culture at that very sensitive age, and felt he would be in a better overall climate of influence in Jordan. I was mixed in how I felt about it. On the one hand it seemed like a cheeky thing to say considering that I'm western myself, but on the other hand I quite understood his reasoning. It gets to the crux of the matter that many migrants are in another culture for what 'they' wish to get from it (for many, to earn money first and foremost let's be honest), and are very selective about what they expose either themselves or their children to. I think this applies also to western families moving to very different cultures. China towns, Little Indias, Little Britain's all pop up for a reason. Perhaps there is an initial interest in the culture being moved to, but the average migrant Pakistani or Chinese family in Britain is going to keep a tight hold on the reigns if they can manage it. I guess the Austrian couple will be in Thailand for what 'they' wish to get from it all and for their children, not the whole package, and will be no different from the aforementioned Jordanian man in this regard.

[hellohello123]

I wonder if thai parents say 'lets not let our kids mix with farang kids because chances are they will grow up fat, lazy, alcoholic, drunks'

not referring to OP for the record

[ExPratt]

Fine with it , my kids don't look Thai at all but are fluent in Thai , they seem to be accepted by their Thai friends and neighbors

[i claudius]

When he was young we lived in the UK so untill he was 12 he mixed with British kids of all classes ,well off and ordinary,they were all nice ,since coming here he mixes only with Thai young adults ,most seem very nice ,and very polite ,but their parents are all quite rich , As he has really never mixed with "ordinary" kids here like he did in the UK .He has turned out to be a nice young man so it is difficult to answer ,but from what i see most ordinary kids seem ok ,

[mikemac]

My kids are Thai kids, and out with other Thai kids and Burmese kids every day.

I don't let them mix with farang kids though ..........

Not your country!

My son is 15 months old, half Thai - half Aussie, and just getting to the stage where he is mixing with other kids. I will encourage him to interact with any kids he wants to, let him make up his own mind who to be with. But I will ask him not to go near the Aussie kids mentioned in the op, they are too good for him.

As for the author of the op, your last sentence was a waste of time, as I am sure you would have offended most of the population.

[wow64]

Daughter goes to an International School and has to mix with both.

I cant shield her forever and even if we were back home there are kids all over the world that are a bad influence.

Remember my mother saying "I dont want you hanging around that boy he is a bad influence". That didnt work..he was the best man at my wedding.

Sent from my c64

[Beetlejuice]

The OP and the farangs living in that housing village appear to be a bunch of arrogant snobs and one big reason why I would never want to live in a so-called farang community or have them as neighbors.

My 3 children were brought up with Thais from an early age, their childhood friends were all Thais and the family they know are all Thai. All have prospered here and are better off for it. There is no need to give any, move back to your own country comments because it seems that those in the said housing village have created their own little so-called hi-so circles and consider themselves superior to the Thais inside and outside of their self created environments, full of their own importance.

The types of farang or half farang children mentioned in the OP, I would never had wanted my kids to be associated with the likes of them who are given sheltered lives away from the real world and have parents with high pompous attitudes. Who would want to be friends or mix socially with people like that?

I bet financially many of those farangs living in the housing village are not so well off, more than likely would be considered just average working class peasants in their home countries yet once they plonk themselves in Thailand will put on airs and graces and start believing they are supreme and above those living around them in status. To put in mildly, these are the types of people I loathe, the fake and phoney that in reality would do nothing for anyone but rather wallow in their own self-gratification that actually fails to impress anyone in the real world.

The OP describes these people as nice and professional, he even considers his wife’s nephew as unworthy and too low class to be a part of his family. I describe them as inhospitable and pretentious or what we used to describe as sardines and curtains types of people, meaning, they have posh curtains hanging in their windows for appearances sake but inside they have many things to hide, probably live most of their lives on credit and can only afford sardines for their tea. Nice and professional, perhaps only on their facebook profiles. I wonder how many of these high class professional people have to do visa runs as they are unable to meet the requirements for long term stay with Immigration?

As you may guess by my above comments, I have an extremely low regard for those types of people, farang, Thai or otherwise.

Edited December 21, 2014 by Beetlejuice

[AnotherOneAmerican]

One thing I have really noticed is that you never see the fathers at the pool or at the play ground (that does go for the western fathers with Thai wives too apart from me of course, seriously)...its always only ever the mothers that you see...the kids just pretty much run riot and are seldom given much guidance or told what or what not to do or what is or isn't correct behaviour. None wear bike helmets and none are supervised while playing (kids aged 3 and 4 riding bikes around the village and swimming in the pool completely unsupervised...such freedom is lovely to see for sure but at the same time it does seem a bit young to be unsupervised).

Yes it is indisputable that they are all polite kids..that is beyond question...they are nice kids on many levels. Its just the lack of control and lack of maturity that worries me....they do seem very far behind their "western" or "expat" counterparts in their demeanour and maturity.

Thai dad has to work 12hrs a day, 7 days a week.

Yep, not much free time to go out with the kids.

Retired western dad, on the other hand, has all the time in the world.

[sparkey]

Yep and all the time to open up Colditz for kids.