If Thai woman has a farang hubbie, does she get derided by other Thais?

[Smithwick]

Do thais discriminate against a thai woman with a farang boyfriend/husband?

[AYJAYDEE]

are you suggesting all thais will react in the same way?

[NeverSure]

I don't think you can lump all Thais together. There is a pronounced class system in Thailand for one thing.

You might find resistance in a rich and connected family whereas many farangs find wives from Isaan where having a farang might be a badge of honor due in part perhaps to money.

IMHO many poorer Thai families hope for a farang for financial benefits. A village girl marries a farang who builds her a mcmansion and others might want the same including the family. Others might actually be jealous and hope for the same.

Deep down I believe that most Thai women would rather marry a Thai, especially when younger. IMHO "love" means something different to a lot of Thais than it does to Westerners. It can mean "take care" whatever that means to them.

I will never get married again. I don't understand any women much less Thai women so I'll just keep my money in my pocket and have the occasional girlfriend. I don't like playing a gambling game I don't understand or where the odds are stacked against me.

Bottom line - no, some women and families are proud of their farang but I think it's usually about money. Some exceptions both ways of course.

[AYJAYDEE]

I don't think you can lump all Thais together. There is a pronounced class system in Thailand for one thing.

You might find resistance in a rich and connected family whereas many farangs find wives from Isaan where having a farang might be a badge of honor due in part perhaps to money.

IMHO many poorer Thai families hope for a farang for financial benefits. A village girl marries a farang who builds her a mcmansion and others might want the same including the family. Others might actually be jealous and hope for the same.

Deep down I believe that most Thai women would rather marry a Thai, especially when younger. IMHO "love" means something different to a lot of Thais than it does to Westerners. It can mean "take care" whatever that means to them.

I will never get married again. I don't understand any women much less Thai women so I'll just keep my money in my pocket and have the occasional girlfriend. I don't like playing a gambling game I don't understand or where the odds are stacked against me.

Bottom line - no, some women and families are proud of their farang but I think it's usually about money. Some exceptions both ways of course.

lol! you admit you dont understand thai women and then proceed to explain your understanding of why these thai women want to marry farang!!

[NeverSure]

I don't think you can lump all Thais together. There is a pronounced class system in Thailand for one thing.

You might find resistance in a rich and connected family whereas many farangs find wives from Isaan where having a farang might be a badge of honor due in part perhaps to money.

IMHO many poorer Thai families hope for a farang for financial benefits. A village girl marries a farang who builds her a mcmansion and others might want the same including the family. Others might actually be jealous and hope for the same.

Deep down I believe that most Thai women would rather marry a Thai, especially when younger. IMHO "love" means something different to a lot of Thais than it does to Westerners. It can mean "take care" whatever that means to them.

I will never get married again. I don't understand any women much less Thai women so I'll just keep my money in my pocket and have the occasional girlfriend. I don't like playing a gambling game I don't understand or where the odds are stacked against me.

Bottom line - no, some women and families are proud of their farang but I think it's usually about money. Some exceptions both ways of course.

lol! you admit you dont understand thai women and then proceed to explain your understanding of why these thai women want to marry farang!!

LOL.

[mitsubishi]

Do thais discriminate against a thai woman with a farang boyfriend/husband?

Yes and they sometimes openly comment about it also (but this is rare). However if you are in her home village it won't be too bad, you'd probably just be seen as a patron-farang.

Typically Thais in mainstream circles tend to consider a women who marries a foreigner to be of low-status or even a prostitute. It won't be derogatory though it will be just matter-of-fact to them.

[Donnie Brasco]

Any Thai woman who gets seriously involved with a foreigner has some explaining to do.

To whom, and exactly what the nature of this explanation involves depends almost entirely upon her family's position or their perceived position in the food chain.

The Thai hierarchical system is the key here.

The higher her family's position, the daughter of a doctor or a prominent businessman, the more explaining she will have to do.

The lower her family's position, the daughter of a sam lor driver or a sharecropper, the less explaining she will have to do.

This should be evident to all parties from the outset.

If it is not evident, or if the need for explanation is blurred and obscured primarily by physical attraction and emotion there will be blowback in direct proportion to the woman's family's social standing.

I have heard of Thai fathers and heads of family actually begging and imploring a foreigner to consider abandoning marriage plans.

After a nice lunch another father invited his daughter's boyfriend back to his office.

Over coffee he pulled file folders of three years credit card receipts from his desk drawer, placed them squarely in front of the prospective groom.

He then asked him point blank if he was prepared to take over and support his daughter's shopping habits in addition to the normal responsibilities of raising a family. He added that although he hadn't spoiled his daughters he had always approved of their spending habits as a protection against inappropriate matrimonial choices.

At the other end of the scale we have all heard of entire villages in Thailand's agricultural hinterlands celebrating the good fortune that comes from their daughter landing a farang tuna.

Kind of works like that.

[AYJAYDEE]

Any Thai woman who gets seriously involved with a foreigner has some explaining to do.

To whom, and exactly what the nature of this explanation involves depends almost entirely upon her family's position or their perceived position in the food chain.

The Thai hierarchical system is the key here.

The higher her family's position, the daughter of a doctor or a prominent businessman, the more explaining she will have to do.

The lower her family's position, the daughter of a sam lor driver or a sharecropper, the less explaining she will have to do.

This should be evident to all parties from the outset.

If it is not evident, or if the need for explanation is blurred and obscured primarily by physical attraction and emotion there will be blowback in direct proportion to the woman's family's social standing.

I have heard of Thai fathers and heads of family actually begging and imploring a foreigner to consider abandoning marriage plans.

After a nice lunch another father invited his daughter's boyfriend back to his office.

Over coffee he pulled file folders of three years credit card receipts from his desk drawer, placed them squarely in front of the prospective groom.

He then asked him point blank if he was prepared to take over and support his daughter's shopping habits in addition to the normal responsibilities of raising a family. He added that although he hadn't spoiled his daughters he had always approved of their spending habits as a protection against inappropriate matrimonial choices.

At the other end of the scale we have all heard of entire villages in Thailand's agricultural hinterlands celebrating the good fortune that comes from their daughter landing a farang tuna.

Kind of works like that.

and i have friends married into wealthy families where the heads of the thai families came to them and suggested the connection!

[krisb]

Do thais discriminate against a thai woman with a farang boyfriend/husband?

Answer, how would we know?

We're not Thai.

[ATF]

It all depends on the Falung, if he's a good catch or not.

[kurnell]

It depends on the level of intelligence.

[kannot]

1 you can NEVER know what theyre thinking

2 Everyones different

[sdanielmcev]

Yes. And so do blacks and whites and Asians and Arabs and Americans and Mexicans and Africans and Protestants and catholics and Muslims and buddhists and,.....

[bkkjames]

I would not be commenting on subjects that are not allowed to be discussed on here.

As for the question at hand, who cares - my wife, nor I do. But then again, we are not sheep who give a toss about what others think when it comes to absolutely trivial stuff like this.

[hhgz]

By some, not by others. Exactly, what's your point?

[AYJAYDEE]

Ok, but then did she get ,as so politely put in the OPs title, "shit upon"?

no she didnt

[eldragon]

God, this is a depressing thread already... Ever since the first time I walked down my soi with a Thai girl and she said, "Everyone thinks I'm a bargirl," I've had the feeling that most decent Thai girls that care about their reputation are ashamed to even be seen talking to a foreigner. (Cue "maybe it's just you" comments.) Even the ones that say they don't care are somewhat defensive about it. I kinda equate it to a scenario back home where a white suburban girl brings a black man home for the holidays. And as is the case in TH, a poorer family probably wouldn't care. Granted, just like back home, there are some middle-class and up families that don't care or just want their daughter to be happy. But I've found- besides all the other bits of culture shock- this issue makes dating or even meeting a quality girl here more difficult that it seems.

I can't wait for all the varieties of "my girl's not like that and she comes from a good family, makes a ton of baht, etc." that are sure to follow. But those of us that are realistic about this place know those girls are the exception and for the majority dating a foreigner is seen as a step down socially speaking. So, to answer the OP's question, yes. They even have a slightly negative term to describe these girls: "mia farang". Listen for it next time you're with a Thai girl.

[Gecko123]

OP:

It is very difficult to generalize about this.

A foreign husband can both raise or lower a wife's social status.

Having a spouse who is physically attractive, is in good health, is a good provider, is good natured and affable, is abie to speak Thai, and is perceived to be compatible with his spouse will raise the wife's social status.

Conversely, having a spouse who is physically unattractive, has poor health, is a poor provider, isn't good natured or affable, is unable to speak Thai, and is perceived to be incompatible with his spouse will lower the wife's social status.

Social status here (the same as everywhere else ) is derived from numerous factors, all of which are important.

[Bkungbank]

There two side of it ,good and bad

1) Farang husband meaning she lives a comfortable life and beautiful babies.

2) The bad side is people might think she is working in bars even if she not if she walking with a farang.

Nowdays many city girls would like to have farang husband because they are more responsible and caring compare with local guys.

As for racist it don't exist here or sometimes ' nick noi'

[Berkshire]

God, this is a depressing thread already... Ever since the first time I walked down my soi with a Thai girl and she said, "Everyone thinks I'm a bargirl," I've had the feeling that most decent Thai girls that care about their reputation are ashamed to even be seen talking to a foreigner. (Cue "maybe it's just you" comments.) Even the ones that say they don't care are somewhat defensive about it. I kinda equate it to a scenario back home where a white suburban girl brings a black man home for the holidays. And as is the case in TH, a poorer family probably wouldn't care. Granted, just like back home, there are some middle-class and up families that don't care or just want their daughter to be happy. But I've found- besides all the other bits of culture shock- this issue makes dating or even meeting a quality girl here more difficult that it seems.

I can't wait for all the varieties of "my girl's not like that and she comes from a good family, makes a ton of baht, etc." that are sure to follow. But those of us that are realistic about this place know those girls are the exception and for the majority dating a foreigner is seen as a step down socially speaking. So, to answer the OP's question, yes. They even have a slightly negative term to describe these girls: "mia farang". Listen for it next time you're with a Thai girl.

There's a lot of truth in what you're saying. The question isn't whether Thais think that all Thai girls with a farang are bargirls, it's why would they think that? In a place like Pattaya, I would imagine something like 90% of the Thai girls one sees on the street with a farang is a bargirl. So if one was to assume that every Thai girl with a farang is a bargirl, one would be correct 90% of the time. Is that really a stereotype? If it is, it's pretty darn accurate.

Thailand is more of a class society rather than one based on race. Bargirls are at the lower rungs of society, looked down upon as desperate people of low morals who would sell their bodies to any man. So any Thai girl who's suspected of being a bargirl will be looked down upon. How can Thais tell? It's the way these girls talk, and dress, and behave. And in some circles, a telltale sign may be that she's with a farang....especially if she possesses all the other traits. So it's not necessarily just being with a farang, but what that implies.

[metisdead]

A number of dangerous posts of a Lese Majeste nature have been removed.

[kaorop]

Any Thai woman who gets seriously involved with a foreigner has some explaining to do.

To whom, and exactly what the nature of this explanation involves depends almost entirely upon her family's position or their perceived position in the food chain.

The Thai hierarchical system is the key here.

The higher her family's position, the daughter of a doctor or a prominent businessman, the more explaining she will have to do.

The lower her family's position, the daughter of a sam lor driver or a sharecropper, the less explaining she will have to do.

This should be evident to all parties from the outset.

If it is not evident, or if the need for explanation is blurred and obscured primarily by physical attraction and emotion there will be blowback in direct proportion to the woman's family's social standing.

I have heard of Thai fathers and heads of family actually begging and imploring a foreigner to consider abandoning marriage plans.

After a nice lunch another father invited his daughter's boyfriend back to his office.

Over coffee he pulled file folders of three years credit card receipts from his desk drawer, placed them squarely in front of the prospective groom.

He then asked him point blank if he was prepared to take over and support his daughter's shopping habits in addition to the normal responsibilities of raising a family. He added that although he hadn't spoiled his daughters he had always approved of their spending habits as a protection against inappropriate matrimonial choices.

At the other end of the scale we have all heard of entire villages in Thailand's agricultural hinterlands celebrating the good fortune that comes from their daughter landing a farang tuna.

Kind of works like that.

and i have friends married into wealthy families where the heads of the thai families came to them and suggested the connection!

Yeah but mines bigger

[HCB]

God, this is a depressing thread already... Ever since the first time I walked down my soi with a Thai girl and she said, "Everyone thinks I'm a bargirl," I've had the feeling that most decent Thai girls that care about their reputation are ashamed to even be seen talking to a foreigner. (Cue "maybe it's just you" comments.) Even the ones that say they don't care are somewhat defensive about it. I kinda equate it to a scenario back home where a white suburban girl brings a black man home for the holidays. And as is the case in TH, a poorer family probably wouldn't care. Granted, just like back home, there are some middle-class and up families that don't care or just want their daughter to be happy. But I've found- besides all the other bits of culture shock- this issue makes dating or even meeting a quality girl here more difficult that it seems.

I can't wait for all the varieties of "my girl's not like that and she comes from a good family, makes a ton of baht, etc." that are sure to follow. But those of us that are realistic about this place know those girls are the exception and for the majority dating a foreigner is seen as a step down socially speaking. So, to answer the OP's question, yes. They even have a slightly negative term to describe these girls: "mia farang". Listen for it next time you're with a Thai girl.

There's a lot of truth in what you're saying. The question isn't whether Thais think that all Thai girls with a farang are bargirls, it's why would they think that? In a place like Pattaya, I would imagine something like 90% of the Thai girls one sees on the street with a farang is a bargirl. So if one was to assume that every Thai girl with a farang is a bargirl, one would be correct 90% of the time. Is that really a stereotype? If it is, it's pretty darn accurate.

Thailand is more of a class society rather than one based on race. Bargirls are at the lower rungs of society, looked down upon as desperate people of low morals who would sell their bodies to any man. So any Thai girl who's suspected of being a bargirl will be looked down upon. How can Thais tell? It's the way these girls talk, and dress, and behave. And in some circles, a telltale sign may be that she's with a farang....especially if she possesses all the other traits. So it's not necessarily just being with a farang, but what that implies.

Your are correct Berkshire good saying !

Edited December 27, 2014 by HCB

[Gecko123]

God, this is a depressing thread already... Ever since the first time I walked down my soi with a Thai girl and she said, "Everyone thinks I'm a bargirl," I've had the feeling that most decent Thai girls that care about their reputation are ashamed to even be seen talking to a foreigner. (Cue "maybe it's just you" comments.) Even the ones that say they don't care are somewhat defensive about it. I kinda equate it to a scenario back home where a white suburban girl brings a black man home for the holidays. And as is the case in TH, a poorer family probably wouldn't care. Granted, just like back home, there are some middle-class and up families that don't care or just want their daughter to be happy. But I've found- besides all the other bits of culture shock- this issue makes dating or even meeting a quality girl here more difficult that it seems.

I can't wait for all the varieties of "my girl's not like that and she comes from a good family, makes a ton of baht, etc." that are sure to follow. But those of us that are realistic about this place know those girls are the exception and for the majority dating a foreigner is seen as a step down socially speaking. So, to answer the OP's question, yes. They even have a slightly negative term to describe these girls: "mia farang". Listen for it next time you're with a Thai girl.

There's a lot of truth in what you're saying. The question isn't whether Thais think that all Thai girls with a farang are bargirls, it's why would they think that? In a place like Pattaya, I would imagine something like 90% of the Thai girls one sees on the street with a farang is a bargirl. So if one was to assume that every Thai girl with a farang is a bargirl, one would be correct 90% of the time. Is that really a stereotype? If it is, it's pretty darn accurate.

Thailand is more of a class society rather than one based on race. Bargirls are at the lower rungs of society, looked down upon as desperate people of low morals who would sell their bodies to any man. So any Thai girl who's suspected of being a bargirl will be looked down upon. How can Thais tell? It's the way these girls talk, and dress, and behave. And in some circles, a telltale sign may be that she's with a farang....especially if she possesses all the other traits. So it's not necessarily just being with a farang, but what that implies.

Berkshire: I'm in agreement with almost everything you said. The only caveat is that from the perspective of rural Thailand, people may be initially judgmental about where this farang 'tuna' came from, but in pretty short order it boils down to 'Do they love one another?' 'Are they happy?' Thais do pass moral judgments, but that seems to fade away pretty quickly when they see that the relationship has substance. If all the relationship is about is money in exchange for sexual favors, well, truth be told, social status probably won't be very forthcoming.

eldragon: I'm not sure if mia farang is derogatory. I hear things like "She has a pua farang," from time to time. Most of the time, it seems like it's being said enviously. Never heard it being used in an openly derogatory manner, just a descriptive adjective as near as I can tell.

Edited December 27, 2014 by Gecko123

[eldragon]

God, this is a depressing thread already... Ever since the first time I walked down my soi with a Thai girl and she said, "Everyone thinks I'm a bargirl," I've had the feeling that most decent Thai girls that care about their reputation are ashamed to even be seen talking to a foreigner. (Cue "maybe it's just you" comments.) Even the ones that say they don't care are somewhat defensive about it. I kinda equate it to a scenario back home where a white suburban girl brings a black man home for the holidays. And as is the case in TH, a poorer family probably wouldn't care. Granted, just like back home, there are some middle-class and up families that don't care or just want their daughter to be happy. But I've found- besides all the other bits of culture shock- this issue makes dating or even meeting a quality girl here more difficult that it seems.

I can't wait for all the varieties of "my girl's not like that and she comes from a good family, makes a ton of baht, etc." that are sure to follow. But those of us that are realistic about this place know those girls are the exception and for the majority dating a foreigner is seen as a step down socially speaking. So, to answer the OP's question, yes. They even have a slightly negative term to describe these girls: "mia farang". Listen for it next time you're with a Thai girl.

There's a lot of truth in what you're saying. The question isn't whether Thais think that all Thai girls with a farang are bargirls, it's why would they think that? In a place like Pattaya, I would imagine something like 90% of the Thai girls one sees on the street with a farang is a bargirl. So if one was to assume that every Thai girl with a farang is a bargirl, one would be correct 90% of the time. Is that really a stereotype? If it is, it's pretty darn accurate.

Thailand is more of a class society rather than one based on race. Bargirls are at the lower rungs of society, looked down upon as desperate people of low morals who would sell their bodies to any man. So any Thai girl who's suspected of being a bargirl will be looked down upon. How can Thais tell? It's the way these girls talk, and dress, and behave. And in some circles, a telltale sign may be that she's with a farang....especially if she possesses all the other traits. So it's not necessarily just being with a farang, but what that implies.

Berkshire: I'm in agreement with almost everything you said. The only caveat is that from the perspective of rural Thailand, people may be initially judgmental about where this farang 'tuna' came from, but in pretty short order it boils down to 'Do they love one another?' 'Are they happy?' Thais do pass moral judgments, but that seems to fade away pretty quickly when they see that the relationship has substance. If all the relationship is about is money in exchange for sexual favors, well, truth be told, social status probably won't be very forthcoming.

eldragon: I'm not sure if mia farang is derogatory. I hear things like "She has a pua farang," from time to time. Most of the time, it seems like it's being said enviously. Never heard it being used in an openly derogatory manner, just a descriptive adjective as near as I can tell.

Actually, Im not positive either. But the times I hear about it being used are either 1) to tease a girl or 2) to imply a girl thinks shes a big shot bc shes married to a foreigner. Basically took it to mean "sellout".

Good point about the negative stereotypes passing. Ive found that to be the case too when people realize your relationship is sincere or- as another poster alluded to- is a good match. It still makes getting through that initial embarrassment a total pain in the ass, and a bit tiring.

[A1Str8]

I don't think you can lump all Thais together. There is a pronounced class system in Thailand for one thing.

You might find resistance in a rich and connected family whereas many farangs find wives from Isaan where having a farang might be a badge of honor due in part perhaps to money.

IMHO many poorer Thai families hope for a farang for financial benefits. A village girl marries a farang who builds her a mcmansion and others might want the same including the family. Others might actually be jealous and hope for the same.

Deep down I believe that most Thai women would rather marry a Thai, especially when younger. IMHO "love" means something different to a lot of Thais than it does to Westerners. It can mean "take care" whatever that means to them.

I will never get married again. I don't understand any women much less Thai women so I'll just keep my money in my pocket and have the occasional girlfriend. I don't like playing a gambling game I don't understand or where the odds are stacked against me.

Bottom line - no, some women and families are proud of their farang but I think it's usually about money. Some exceptions both ways of course.

lol! you admit you dont understand thai women and then proceed to explain your understanding of why these thai women want to marry farang!!

Not understanding women and having an opinion about why they might want to marry a foreigner are two different things.

[AYJAYDEE]

I don't think you can lump all Thais together. There is a pronounced class system in Thailand for one thing.

You might find resistance in a rich and connected family whereas many farangs find wives from Isaan where having a farang might be a badge of honor due in part perhaps to money.

IMHO many poorer Thai families hope for a farang for financial benefits. A village girl marries a farang who builds her a mcmansion and others might want the same including the family. Others might actually be jealous and hope for the same.

Deep down I believe that most Thai women would rather marry a Thai, especially when younger. IMHO "love" means something different to a lot of Thais than it does to Westerners. It can mean "take care" whatever that means to them.

I will never get married again. I don't understand any women much less Thai women so I'll just keep my money in my pocket and have the occasional girlfriend. I don't like playing a gambling game I don't understand or where the odds are stacked against me.

Bottom line - no, some women and families are proud of their farang but I think it's usually about money. Some exceptions both ways of course.

lol! you admit you dont understand thai women and then proceed to explain your understanding of why these thai women want to marry farang!!

Not understanding women and having an opinion about why they might want to marry a foreigner are two different things.

nope. you cant know their motives if u dont understand how they think and act

[WhamBam]

I found in the past that a lot of women are very conscious of where her foreign b/f has been in Thailand, as are her friends and family.

Those that met in Pattaya are more obvious targets for derision regarding the bar girl talk.

Yet when a Thai woman meets a man in Nakhon nowhere, it is better for her status. She gets less derision aimed at her. Her family are better able to fend off the bar girl jibes too.

Obviously it is more complex than that, but it is another point of view.

[samsensam]

nothing like making a sweeping generalisation to try to make a point

[chrisinth]

Some really good posts here reference the Thai culture/social standing part. Mostly spot-on IMHO.

But, from observation over the last 25 years or so, there is another side to it.

Too many times I have seen the spouses of the foreign husbands/long term BFs change to the point where they bring derision onto not only themselves but to the relationship itself. Obviously, it is not across the board and I am not generalizing here, but when someone's life is changed in a dramatic way, someone who now has access to things they never had before, it is inevitable they will try to show off at some point.

This causes problems. Too many noses in the air to put it mildly. There are times when I would love to video nights out among groups of farang and their spouses, and playback the next day to show how the ladies act, what the conversations are based on.

Just something to think about and add to the pot...................