If Thai woman has a farang hubbie, does she get derided by other Thais?

[lahgon29]

By now there has been many discussion on this topic it does get boring after a while. Different names and different faces all ways talking about the same thing. This is Thailand get real . My own experience is the wealthier the family the more her parents won't like a foreigner with there daughter that's the bottom line

I agree.But I think It is most countries. Most of us are "tribal"

If my university educated, 21yo beautiful [iMHO] daughter told me she was thinking of getting attached to an Indian or African, I wouldn't like It..I actually want Grandchildren that look like [a better version of] me. I wouldn't stand In her way..Those days are gone, I feel...But I'd be disappointed.

Most Thais, especially of upper social classes would feel the same as me, I'm guessing. I understand why they would feel like they do. It's not abnormal or racist.

[Water Buffalo]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Do thais discriminate against a thai woman with a farang boyfriend/husband?

Yes and they sometimes openly comment about it also (but this is rare). However if you are in her home village it won't be too bad, you'd probably just be seen as a patron-farang.

Typically Thais in mainstream circles tend to consider a women who marries a foreigner to be of low-status or even a prostitute. It won't be derogatory though it will be just matter-of-fact to them.

There is a big age gap between my g/f and myself yet I often notice when we are out together Thai ladies of all ages will turn and give her a long look of envy. This is especially true when we are in our condo bldg. and we pass a female member of the staff and also in the elevator. Female companionship is so much easier here than in Mexico (I lived there 10 yrs.) Mexican men really have a I am a male and these are my females mentality. Unlike Thailand they do not like foreigners hooking up with Mexican ladies. Like Thailand depending on wealth they also have their share of mea noi's.

Why must you mention the big age gap in every single post, lol? Yes, we know there is about 50 years between you both, but it's not relevant to every thread.

Look of envy?...

Well maybe, i suppose. They could be envious of her very calculated decision to hook up with you for very little while.

She is smarter than most. Gotta give her credit for that.

[AYJAYDEE]

By now there has been many discussion on this topic it does get boring after a while. Different names and different faces all ways talking about the same thing. This is Thailand get real . My own experience is the wealthier the family the more her parents won't like a foreigner with there daughter that's the bottom line

I agree.But I think It is most countries. Most of us are "tribal"

If my university educated, 21yo beautiful [iMHO] daughter told me she was thinking of getting attached to an Indian or African, I wouldn't like It..I actually want Grandchildren that look like [a better version of] me. I wouldn't stand In her way..Those days are gone, I feel...But I'd be disappointed.

Most Thais, especially of upper social classes would feel the same as me, I'm guessing. I understand why they would feel like they do. It's not abnormal or racist.

why couldnt a grandchild from a person of colour look like a better version of you?

[Oceanbat]

This may come as shocking news to the OP, but - as hard as it is to believe - Thai people are individuals, with their own experiences and attitudes about things. If you don't know that already, going in, maybe that is part of the confusion.

And we may have a winner...

OB

[ScotBkk]

Thais hate prejudice and white Farang Bastards

[Condorman]

OP:

It is very difficult to generalize about this.

A foreign husband can both raise or lower a wife's social status.

Having a spouse who is physically attractive, is in good health, is a good provider, is good natured and affable, is abie to speak Thai, and is perceived to be compatible with his spouse will raise the wife's social status.

Conversely, having a spouse who is physically unattractive, has poor health, is a poor provider, isn't good natured or affable, is unable to speak Thai, and is perceived to be incompatible with his spouse will lower the wife's social status.

Social status here (the same as everywhere else ) is derived from numerous factors, all of which are important.

Well said.

[bheard]

Do thais discriminate against a thai woman with a farang boyfriend/husband?

Answer, how would we know?

We're not Thai.

Spot on!

It's a Thainess thing that farangs could not know or understand.

[AYJAYDEE]

Do thais discriminate against a thai woman with a farang boyfriend/husband?

Answer, how would we know?

We're not Thai.

Spot on!

It's a Thainess thing that farangs could not know or understand.

our wives would know

[ggt]

Not really...unless he is a cheap-Charlie...some men may be jealous and speak disrespectfully...some women will be jealous and ask her if she can help get them get a farang personal banker also...enjoy your bride...

[empireboy]

Sometimes it's the opposite!

[mikiea]

wow. ..... bunch of old dudes & dudettes talking smack about a mixed union. sounds like a clutch of past prime stewing hens clucking their way into other peoples lifes :-)

[krisb]

Do thais discriminate against a thai woman with a farang boyfriend/husband?

Answer, how would we know?

We're not Thai.

Spot on!

It's a Thainess thing that farangs could not know or understand.

Or just don't care what others think.

[krisb]

Do thais discriminate against a thai woman with a farang boyfriend/husband?

Answer, how would we know?

We're not Thai.

Spot on!

It's a Thainess thing that farangs could not know or understand.

our wives would know

I don't think mine gives a crap what they think.

Does yours?

[AYJAYDEE]

Do thais discriminate against a thai woman with a farang boyfriend/husband?

Answer, how would we know?

We're not Thai.

Spot on!

It's a Thainess thing that farangs could not know or understand.

our wives would know

I don't think mine gives a crap what they think.

Does yours?

i wasnt addressing what they think if it happened , just the fact that they would know its happening

[Suradit69]

are you suggesting all thais will react in the same way?

Yes, it's sort of like asking if an American living in the US with a Thai wife will be looked down upon by all other Americans. Some people might have negative feelings. Some people will probably think he scored big time. 99% of the population will probably be too much concerned with their own lives to care one way or another.

On the other hand, on TV the resident gossips will assume she's a gold digger until proven otherwise, and even then the jury will be out for most, despite knowing nothing about the marriage or partnership or the people involved.

Whether or not anyone will care probably depends more on how consumed they are with propping up their own poor self-image by putting down others ... a specialty here at the hub of finger-pointing.

[OmarZaidMD]

Any Thai woman who gets seriously involved with a foreigner has some explaining to do.

To whom, and exactly what the nature of this explanation involves depends almost entirely upon her family's position or their perceived position in the food chain.

The Thai hierarchical system is the key here.

The higher her family's position, the daughter of a doctor or a prominent businessman, the more explaining she will have to do.

The lower her family's position, the daughter of a sam lor driver or a sharecropper, the less explaining she will have to do.

This should be evident to all parties from the outset.

If it is not evident, or if the need for explanation is blurred and obscured primarily by physical attraction and emotion there will be blowback in direct proportion to the woman's family's social standing.

I have heard of Thai fathers and heads of family actually begging and imploring a foreigner to consider abandoning marriage plans.

After a nice lunch another father invited his daughter's boyfriend back to his office.

Over coffee he pulled file folders of three years credit card receipts from his desk drawer, placed them squarely in front of the prospective groom.

He then asked him point blank if he was prepared to take over and support his daughter's shopping habits in addition to the normal responsibilities of raising a family. He added that although he hadn't spoiled his daughters he had always approved of their spending habits as a protection against inappropriate matrimonial choices.

At the other end of the scale we have all heard of entire villages in Thailand's agricultural hinterlands celebrating the good fortune that comes from their daughter landing a farang tuna.

Kind of works like that.

Spot on. When it all comes down to it, money carries the bed or destroys it. Marriage is business, love is business too -- after you get over the infatuation well enough to think again (both of you). If she loves you but you can't carry the weght of the bed youve made, she'll leave you flat unless you have a strong history of carrying the weight and made plans for the future. No free ride and no free love. No sir, No mam ... that's the way it is .... So yes, culture plays a role and I'm sure the credit card father had an angle based on both fact and wisdom. It may be a man's world, but as James Brown sang with all his heart, it ain't nothing without 'em.

[micmichd]

Do thais discriminate against a thai woman with a farang boyfriend/husband?

Yes and they sometimes openly comment about it also (but this is rare). However if you are in her home village it won't be too bad, you'd probably just be seen as a patron-farang.

Typically Thais in mainstream circles tend to consider a women who marries a foreigner to be of low-status or even a prostitute. It won't be derogatory though it will be just matter-of-fact to them.

Typically, women tend to marry up, ie improve their social status, eg to get out of the bargirl scene.

[robertson468]

Any Thai woman who gets seriously involved with a foreigner has some explaining to do.

To whom, and exactly what the nature of this explanation involves depends almost entirely upon her family's position or their perceived position in the food chain.

The Thai hierarchical system is the key here.

The higher her family's position, the daughter of a doctor or a prominent businessman, the more explaining she will have to do.

The lower her family's position, the daughter of a sam lor driver or a sharecropper, the less explaining she will have to do.

This should be evident to all parties from the outset.

If it is not evident, or if the need for explanation is blurred and obscured primarily by physical attraction and emotion there will be blowback in direct proportion to the woman's family's social standing.

I have heard of Thai fathers and heads of family actually begging and imploring a foreigner to consider abandoning marriage plans.

After a nice lunch another father invited his daughter's boyfriend back to his office.

Over coffee he pulled file folders of three years credit card receipts from his desk drawer, placed them squarely in front of the prospective groom.

He then asked him point blank if he was prepared to take over and support his daughter's shopping habits in addition to the normal responsibilities of raising a family. He added that although he hadn't spoiled his daughters he had always approved of their spending habits as a protection against inappropriate matrimonial choices.

At the other end of the scale we have all heard of entire villages in Thailand's agricultural hinterlands celebrating the good fortune that comes from their daughter landing a farang tuna.

Kind of works like that.

and i have friends married into wealthy families where the heads of the thai families came to them and suggested the connection!

And to prove the point, I am one of them!

[micmichd]

If you're wanting a short answer. YES

Everyone here is trying to rationalize however farang walking down the street with a thai woman does attract attention. First impression is "unusual". The thought of "is she a bar girl" or "look at the old man with young thai woman. He can't get a woman in his country so he buys a bride here" etc will cross their mind. It is irrelevant what we think. Hope this answers your question.

That's a perfect description of Farang prejudices, yet off-topic here

[micmichd]

OP:

No, if

1. the Farang is able to care for his woman (maybe for her children)

2. the Farang is reliable (not just a Christmas bonus scammer)

3. the ladie's family agrees.

Of course, you need to show some respect, including the possibility that you might have to defend your lady and her family.

[micmichd]

A Farang may be looked down at, if

1. he comes to Thailand for winter holiday, behaves like a big spender, but "forgets" to tell his lady that he is only rich once a year (due to Christmas bonus)

2. promises his Thai lady a rose garden, but "forgets" to tell his lady that his family may veto,

3. makes weird promises for a common future, but "forgets" to tell his lady that he lives on credit and his house actually belongs to his bank.

The question "How many Thai ladies get scammed by their Farangs? " might be off-topic, though...

[micmichd]

Typically, a Farang is older than his lady, and at first glance he's only a guest in Thailand.

Implications:

1. The Farang's income may decrease, his pension may be lower than his current wages.

2. He can use his property only in so far as it can be liquidated or transported to Thailand.

Taken this into account, it should be possible to make a realistic plan.

Prove that you're reliable, and don't promise too much.

I guess then Thais won't look down at you.

And don't forget:

If your lady is younger than you, she might want to work. So, it's not a bad idea to think about investments (a small shop eg)

[Strangebrew]

Actually I can careless what people think I gave up keeping up with the Jones years ago. I've had fancy houses fast cars, boats Still own 15 acres Stateside with the house my Mom and Aunts and Uncles were Born in Even had house restored and updated inside and out. Total cost to buy from my Grandma was 25,000 USD over 35 years ago I lease out the land to pay taxes the house is for the Family to use for reunions or if need arises to live in, I don't rent it out. Value of house and Maybe a bit north of 8 million USD taxes South of 2500.00 USD a year Lease covers taxes. Would I sell It hell No too many fond memories and funny stories. Do I have money Yes more than enough to enjoy life which I do. My needs are few my wants even less. Now would I buy here answer is simple What for? To impress you or others? No need don't care. Don't own a car cause just at the age and good common sense not to put your life or mine at risk. Plenty of cabs to go around or public transportation. Besides I enjoy being able to get out and walk keeps me healthy and in shape. I don't buy Gold or gems no need for them don't have a rolex even though I could if I wanted one I don't buy water buffalo's for no one. I don't borrow or loan money lost a life long friend over that wasn't worth it. If some one has a real need for cash If reasonable I give it not expecting it back but if I get it back They know next time the need arises I'm there to help. Yes have Thai girlfriend I cover her needs But she dosen't have the golden ticket. I give respect and she returns the same. But if something happens to me she is covered for life But she don't know that.

Raised 3 daughters sent all through college and all three doing real well they are also covered when I'm gone. Other than that People just don't know what I'm worth and I like it that way. So in the end Do I need a big house and a Lambo to define me Think not those who do are lacking in other departments which I'm not. I post here hear the banter listen to the BS laugh most likely ran into a few of you or passed you on the street Of course you wouldn't have given me a second look because I'm low key Jeans t-shirt tennis shoes , But that's just who I'am and just don't care one way or the other. Any way folks live, love, enjoy your time you got in the end we all die.

[jamiesilver]

It makes me quite sad sometimes

over Xmas i by chance came upon a huge swimming complex in Isaan that some Norweigan guy invested all his money in for his Thai wife and her entire family. The poor guy didnt look in good shape.
But what struck me most was how the, extended family were treating him.
They were strutting around as if it was theirs and not his anymore, they were showing off and burning what little money he had left.
I can understand he wanted to build something for the children in that area to enjoy and also gain his position of respect in his Thai family.
The only thing he achieved was making children happy - His Thai family were just hoping he would die quickly so they can find a new sponsor.

[Donnie Brasco]

HOW TO CONNECT WITH ANY WOMAN YOU DESIRE EITHER HERE IN THAILAND OR ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE PLANET

FOLLOW THESE GUIDELINES INSTEAD OF RELYING ON HER TO PERCEIVE YOUR "INNER GENTLEMAN"

The worst rebuff you can get in return is a polite, embarrassed, somewhat demure decline that I think any man worth his tackle can easily survive.

TRY THESE

1. IT’S NOT RUDE TO PAY FOR FOOD

As part of modern etiquette when dining with a lady, you are both expected to do the “check dance” (regardless of who invited who), even if she doesn’t want to dance. But only accept her offer to pay for half if you sense she’d be genuinely uncomfortable otherwise. A gentleman respects women’s equality, but wishes to pay for the meal as a sign of appreciation.

2. PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE

True, pretty much our entire lives are on our phones - but when you’re with someone else, devote your time and energy to being present and engaged with them, instead of with your device. All of your feeds can wait to hear about how your friend was chased down the street by someone dressed as a buffalo.

3. SAVE YOUR INNER LAWYER FOR THE COURTROOM

A gentleman understands the freedom of expression and thought, allowing others the entitlement of their own ideas. Even if convinced that your opponent is utterly wrong, graciously decline further engagement or dexterously turn the conversation - do not obstinately defend your own opinion until you become angry. You don’t see The Hulk invited to soirees.

4. DRESS LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING

Dressing well is a form of good manners. Don’t settle for shirts with baggy waists, too short sleeves, or too tight collars. From a hiking trip to a keynote speech, a true gent always knows how to look good. Unless you actually find a store with clothes that actually fit off the rack, go custom. People will notice. Life’s too short for bad shirts.

5. SO YOU THINK YOU CAN’T DANCE?

A true gent doesn’t stand idle, observing from a corner: you can probably already see the problem with this… creepy. Take a class and embrace your inner Fred Astaire. Dancing, much like life, is about courage and hopefully having fun - and remember, elaborate flamboyant arm movements disguise a lack of footwork.

6. LEARN HOW TO CONVERSE

Two year olds can have one word conversations. A gentleman should be engaged, thoughtful, and captivating. But do not steal the spotlight from others. Many people enjoy talking about themselves, so stay engaged, yet do more of the listening - and when they tell you some grandiose anecdote, let them have their moment. Don’t be a one-upper.

7. TO COFFEE OR NOT TO COFFEE

If the date has gone well, she might invite you up for coffee - or down; dating women who live in basement apartments is perfectly acceptable. The rule is if you’re not planning on calling her again or think that you might view her differently for having coffee on the first date, then do politely turn down the invitation. Do the right thing.

8. WATCH YOUR (DAMN) MOUTH

Endeavour to find words that express your ideas eloquently. A gentleman does not require offensive language to speak; for those who use words such as “gay”, “retarded”, or “ghetto” to describe something in a negative light not only adhere to stereotypes, but also show a lack of vocabulary and intellect. Cut back on that Hatorade. It’s a resentful beverage that too many fools drink.

9. KEEP THE CLASSICS

Chivalry is dead. Common courtesy is not. Some rules to being a gentleman will never change and should always be followed. The two biggest of which are opening/holding the door for other people and giving up your seat when there are no more seats, both in this order: an older lady, an older man, a lady.

10. BE A GOOD PERSON

This is everything else and it should be self explanatory, but we’ll go ahead and help you a bit more anyway. Be compassionate and show respect towards everyone. Don’t belittle or take advantage of others, ignore stereotypes, and understand that people from all walks of life are equal. It’s what we do that defines us. That, and a warm smile.

Edited December 29, 2014 by Donnie Brasco

[Howiehotspur]

My ' girlfriend ' of 14 years and she has been living with me in the Uk since 2004 .

She has been to university etc , her family whose father had died when she was very young , were I would very nice to me , 3 sisters & mother .. All from nr. Surin .

I never wanted to get married , her neither luckily .

But I must say walking around the supermarkets it was more ' me ' that got paranoid about people looking and thinking ( bar girl ) . She said it never bothered her , everybody equal etc .. Think what they like ,

When we holiday back in Thailand I now hardly go up country as I get bored very quickly , but it's more looking at me as if I was from another world from the locals ( which I am ofcourse ) but her sisters and children like to show me off ..

I think it's different for all ... And anywhere in the world the same .

[thailand49]

Not sure if she will be derailed but she will eventually also be looked at as a ATM! If you have she must have so every so call friend and good family member will be hitting her up for a loan even when they have no ability to pay. If she does not believe or get it she will learn the hard way!

You will soon see greed at its worst coming out of the wood works I just hope you and your wife see it before it end things?

Good luck you will need it!

Edited December 29, 2014 by thailand49

[Thongkorn]

Yes, other Thais see the Thai girl with a foreign husband as low life because they have married a foreigner. Most so called upper class Thais would not be seen dead with a foreigner.

thankfully theyre not all so racist as that

Have you ever been in Tesco lotus or Big C , when a so called upper class Thai lady does not get what she wants, the way she speaks to the lower Thai servant, its disgusting, and that's Thai against Thai. Have you been in London with your Thai wife and meet some Thai people on Holiday, They just ignore the other Thai person who speaks to them. No not all racist but elitist.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

HOW TO CONNECT WITH ANY WOMAN YOU DESIRE EITHER HERE IN THAILAND OR ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE PLANET

FOLLOW THESE GUIDELINES INSTEAD OF RELYING ON HER TO PERCEIVE YOUR "INNER GENTLEMAN"

The worst rebuff you can get in return is a polite, embarrassed, somewhat demure decline that I think any man worth his tackle can easily survive.

TRY THESE

1. ITS NOT RUDE TO PAY FOR FOOD

As part of modern etiquette when dining with a lady, you are both expected to do the check dance (regardless of who invited who), even if she doesnt want to dance. But only accept her offer to pay for half if you sense shed be genuinely uncomfortable otherwise. A gentleman respects womens equality, but wishes to pay for the meal as a sign of appreciation.

2. PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE

True, pretty much our entire lives are on our phones - but when youre with someone else, devote your time and energy to being present and engaged with them, instead of with your device. All of your feeds can wait to hear about how your friend was chased down the street by someone dressed as a buffalo.

3. SAVE YOUR INNER LAWYER FOR THE COURTROOM

A gentleman understands the freedom of expression and thought, allowing others the entitlement of their own ideas. Even if convinced that your opponent is utterly wrong, graciously decline further engagement or dexterously turn the conversation - do not obstinately defend your own opinion until you become angry. You dont see The Hulk invited to soirees.

4. DRESS LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOURE DOING

Dressing well is a form of good manners. Dont settle for shirts with baggy waists, too short sleeves, or too tight collars. From a hiking trip to a keynote speech, a true gent always knows how to look good. Unless you actually find a store with clothes that actually fit off the rack, go custom. People will notice. Lifes too short for bad shirts.

5. SO YOU THINK YOU CANT DANCE?

A true gent doesnt stand idle, observing from a corner: you can probably already see the problem with this creepy. Take a class and embrace your inner Fred Astaire. Dancing, much like life, is about courage and hopefully having fun - and remember, elaborate flamboyant arm movements disguise a lack of footwork.

6. LEARN HOW TO CONVERSE

Two year olds can have one word conversations. A gentleman should be engaged, thoughtful, and captivating. But do not steal the spotlight from others. Many people enjoy talking about themselves, so stay engaged, yet do more of the listening - and when they tell you some grandiose anecdote, let them have their moment. Dont be a one-upper.

7. TO COFFEE OR NOT TO COFFEE

If the date has gone well, she might invite you up for coffee - or down; dating women who live in basement apartments is perfectly acceptable. The rule is if youre not planning on calling her again or think that you might view her differently for having coffee on the first date, then do politely turn down the invitation. Do the right thing.

8. WATCH YOUR (DAMN) MOUTH

Endeavour to find words that express your ideas eloquently. A gentleman does not require offensive language to speak; for those who use words such as gay, retarded, or ghetto to describe something in a negative light not only adhere to stereotypes, but also show a lack of vocabulary and intellect. Cut back on that Hatorade. Its a resentful beverage that too many fools drink.

9. KEEP THE CLASSICS

Chivalry is dead. Common courtesy is not. Some rules to being a gentleman will never change and should always be followed. The two biggest of which are opening/holding the door for other people and giving up your seat when there are no more seats, both in this order: an older lady, an older man, a lady.

10. BE A GOOD PERSON

This is everything else and it should be self explanatory, but well go ahead and help you a bit more anyway. Be compassionate and show respect towards everyone. Dont belittle or take advantage of others, ignore stereotypes, and understand that people from all walks of life are equal. Its what we do that defines us. That, and a warm smile.

You often make decent posts,

This wasn't one of them.

ZERO relevance to most women and places in Thailand.

Most of the women I wanted (worldwide) liked bad men, the worse you were as a person, the more they liked you.

"Be a good person" got you nowhere.

Edited December 29, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[micmichd]

Yes, other Thais see the Thai girl with a foreign husband as low life because they have married a foreigner. Most so called upper class Thais would not be seen dead with a foreigner.

thankfully theyre not all so racist as that

Have you ever been in Tesco lotus or Big C , when a so called upper class Thai lady does not get what she wants, the way she speaks to the lower Thai servant, its disgusting, and that's Thai against Thai. Have you been in London with your Thai wife and meet some Thai people on Holiday, They just ignore the other Thai person who speaks to them. No not all racist but elitist.

Yes, it's noticed that some snobs - especially from Bangkok - look down at lower-class folks, and as a matter of fact, members of the working class are easy to pick out by the colour of their skin.