General Advise Re New Thai Girlfriend

[THRG]

Hello Everyone, please be gentle I am new to this and trying to learn more about Thai people and the culture.

I visited Thailand for the first time 3 months ago and was totally amazed by how nice the people are. I met a lovely woman in her mid 20's on my second day in a bar and she stayed with me for another 10 days (I am 42).

We have been in touch constantly every day through Skype, phone calls and text messages.

I plan to stay with her for a month in a few months time.

At the moment we both feel strongly for each other, we get on really well and we are starting to plan a future together.

She has never asked for money to be sent (although I have helped her when I wanted to)

She has mentioned eventually moving to England but said she would need to get married before we could live together in England.

She is from the Isaan area. Her English language is perfect and she has graduated from University.

I would love to marry this woman. I know its still early days but at the moment its what we both want and no harm in making future plans.

My concern is the discussions around a Sin Sod (Dowry) payment at the wedding. Initially she said 1 million baht to which I said no chance. Then she said her mother had mentioned 500,000 baht which would not be returned. A small Sin Sod has already been paid to her mother by a Thai man when she was 16 although no paperwork was completed to make this previous marriage official.

I have read various things about the Sin Sod online. I do want to help her family out. I was thinking about offering 300,000 plus £200 gbp each month for life?

Also as its still very early days in our relationship I am concerned that after being married that a settlement visa could be refused or even after living in England for a long time that she may not like it (the cold weather, food etc)

I would like to register the marriage first and then obtain the settlement visa and after living together in England for a few months return to Thailand for the wedding celebration and pay the Sin Sod at that time? Is this likely to be understood and accepted? Or could it be seen as an insult to the culture in any way?

Please could anyone advise on this whole situation? I really like this woman and would like to plan for a future together

Thank you

[Thai at Heart]

Don't offer anything until you get to see the whites of her family's eyes.

Or I call troll.

[jspill]

20 year age gap, met in a bar on your second day, 300,000 plus £200 gbp each month exceeding 500,000 within two years... C+ troll attempt.

[THRG]

Don't offer anything until you get to see the whites of her family's eyes.

Or I call troll.

Thank you for your reply. On my next visit we are going to see her parents for a few days. She really does seem genuine. I get regular photographs and already have many photographs of her family.

I am looking forward to meeting them.

I just don't want to loose this woman or offend the culture

[ryanhull]

Your best off talking to her about it really, your going to get gunned down here.

Personally I would suggest staying together for a year or two before considering marriage, also I do not agree with sin sod but that's just me, I find it a bit like paying for your wife. Don't get me wrong, I do often pop money to help my wifes parents out (as I do my own in the UK) and pay bills etc however that's because I want too not because I am told too, but sin sod does sit well with me, not because I cannot afford it but I just dont agree with it and I think both cultures should meet half way. Of course financially I will take care of my wife and son forever, and her and my own parents.

My advise, take things slowly... spend alot more time to get to fully know each other, don't jump into anything you do not want to do and stick to your guns. If she truly loves you, sin sod will not matter and providing you plan financially for both of your futures all will be well.

Be a man and take charge.

Good luck anyway and happy new year.

[AYJAYDEE]

Don't offer anything until you get to see the whites of her family's eyes.

Or I call troll.

Thank you for your reply. On my next visit we are going to see her parents for a few days. She really does seem genuine. I get regular photographs and already have many photographs of her family.

I am looking forward to meeting them.

I just don't want to loose this woman or offend the culture

she may seem genuine but somehow you dont

[chickenslegs]

Or I call troll.

Not even a very imaginative,original, or humorous one.

[THRG]

20 year age gap, met in a bar on your second day, 300,000 plus £200 gbp each month exceeding 500,000 within two years... C+ troll attempt.

I am no troll. A genuine person who really likes this Thai lady.

We are not too bothered about the age difference. I know many other people married to much younger Thai women are the relationships work well

[Gsxrnz]

20 year age gap, met in a bar on your second day, 300,000 plus £200 gbp each month exceeding 500,000 within two years... C+ troll attempt.

No way, it's a C- troll attempt at best. The "please be gentle" phrase is a bit of a trademark.

Edited December 29, 2014 by Gsxrnz

[Thai at Heart]

Don't offer anything until you get to see the whites of her family's eyes.

Or I call troll.

Thank you for your reply. On my next visit we are going to see her parents for a few days. She really does seem genuine. I get regular photographs and already have many photographs of her family.

I am looking forward to meeting them.

I just don't want to loose this woman or offend the culture

I didn't want to either, but I had no intention of paying a penny.

That was 14 years ago. It started 1mn, and ended at 90% less than that and it was returned. I don't agree with it, and if your girlfriend understands you she will support you.

I am 41 and the wife 40. So in a different situation to you.

Look. Your issue has been written about 1000 times on here. If you don't agree with dowries refuse to pay and see what happens. You barely know this girl, her family, language or the culture.

I would suggest you acquaint yourself with everything else bwfore marrying anyone. Or you might as well sign half your wealth over today to save the hassle.

[THRG]

Your best off talking to her about it really, your going to get gunned down here.

Personally I would suggest staying together for a year or two before considering marriage, also I do not agree with sin sod but that's just me, I find it a bit like paying for your wife. Don't get me wrong, I do often pop money to help my wifes parents out (as I do my own in the UK) and pay bills etc however that's because I want too not because I am told too, but sin sod does sit well with me, not because I cannot afford it but I just dont agree with it and I think both cultures should meet half way. Of course financially I will take care of my wife and son forever, and her and my own parents.

My advise, take things slowly... spend alot more time to get to fully know each other, don't jump into anything you do not want to do and stick to your guns. If she truly loves you, sin sod will not matter and providing you plan financially for both of your futures all will be well.

Be a man and take charge.

Good luck anyway and happy new year.

Thank you for taking the time to write this. Very interesting

[Gsxrnz]

Don't offer anything until you get to see the whites of her family's eyes.

Or I call troll.

Thank you for your reply. On my next visit we are going to see her parents for a few days. She really does seem genuine. I get regular photographs and already have many photographs of her family.

I am looking forward to meeting them.

I just don't want to loose this woman or offend the culture

I didn't want to either, but I had no intention of paying a penny.

That was 14 years ago. It started 1mn, and ended at 90% less than that and it was returned. I don't agree with it, and if your girlfriend understands you she will support you.

I am 41 and the wife 40. So in a different situation to you.

Look. Your issue has been written about 1000 times on here. If you don't agree with dowries refuse to pay and see what happens. You barely know this girl, her family, language or the culture.

I would suggest you acquaint yourself with everything else bwfore marrying anyone. Or you might as well sign half your wealth over today to save the hassle.

Better still, stay in the UK, find a woman you hate and buy her a house. You'll save a fortune in the long run.

[THRG]

Thank you for the useful posts. I wrote please be gentle because I did not want any abuse.

Even if you believe this to be a troll post (which it is not) then please still be polite as your answers could help others

[Gsxrnz]

Thank you for the useful posts. I wrote please be gentle because I did not want any abuse.

Even if you believe this to be a troll post (which it is not) then please still be polite as your answers could help others

OK, I'll play the game with you.

How many kids has she got?

[redandyellow]

Take a HARD look and ask yourself why so many farang go by default to the bars to meet women, when those girls only constitute about 2 or 3% of available Thai women.

I wish you Good luck, it may work, but if it goes south, consider the other 90 plus % of regular (meaning not in the sex-trade) Thai women as a very viable option next time..

[redandyellow]

Western culture dictates money and love don't mix. While money is associated with business - love is something deep down in a person 's heart. In contrast, Thais show love by offering financial support. The concept of financial support as part of love is difficult for westerners to understand. It makes the westerner feel their independence is threatened, or impinged upon. When westerners are expected to share their wealth, they often balk at the idea. Many male foreigners wrongly assume that all Thai women are only after their money ( although some are for sure ). Outside of a small minority of bad girls, this isn't the case. This type of cultural ignorance dooms many inter-racial relationships from the start. But think about it! In reality- very few western women would marry a man that offered them little or nothing in terms of tangible financial support. Love doesn't put food on the table - and Thai women are quite pragmatic in this regard...

[David48]

I am no troll. A genuine person who really likes this Thai lady.

We are not too bothered about the age difference. I know many other people married to much younger Thai women are the relationships work well

This is where guys like THRG trips themselves up.

The OP states ... "I visited Thailand for the first time 3 months ago and was totally amazed by how nice the people are." ... but ... "I know many other people married to much younger Thai women are the relationships work well".

Somehow I doubt the OP would be moving in Thai circles back in his Homeland before coming to Thailand.

That said ... carry on ...

.

[daveAustin]

Run!

[Gsxrnz]

I am no troll. A genuine person who really likes this Thai lady.

We are not too bothered about the age difference. I know many other people married to much younger Thai women are the relationships work well

This is where guys like THRG trips themselves up.

The OP states ... "I visited Thailand for the first time 3 months ago and was totally amazed by how nice the people are." ... but ... "I know many other people married to much younger Thai women are the relationships work well".

Somehow I doubt the OP would be moving in Thai circles back in his Homeland before coming to Thailand.

That said ... carry on ...

.

Yep, and he forgot to mention children in the OP so now he's wondering if he should say she has any or not, and is annoyed he forgot to mention kids (or lack thereof) in the first place.

So it will be interesting to hear if he met one of only three bargirls in the entire country that don't have a kid, or she has a 9 year old looked after by the hard working parents at the farm.

Unfortunately I have to drive for the day so can't play any longer.

[AYJAYDEE]

I am no troll. A genuine person who really likes this Thai lady.

We are not too bothered about the age difference. I know many other people married to much younger Thai women are the relationships work well

This is where guys like THRG trips themselves up.

The OP states ... "I visited Thailand for the first time 3 months ago and was totally amazed by how nice the people are." ... but ... "I know many other people married to much younger Thai women are the relationships work well".

Somehow I doubt the OP would be moving in Thai circles back in his Homeland before coming to Thailand.

That said ... carry on ...

.

I moved in thai circles in my homeland for 8 years before i visited thailand.

[Thai at Heart]

Don't offer anything until you get to see the whites of her family's eyes.

Or I call troll.

Thank you for your reply. On my next visit we are going to see her parents for a few days. She really does seem genuine. I get regular photographs and already have many photographs of her family.

I am looking forward to meeting them.

I just don't want to loose this woman or offend the culture

I didn't want to either, but I had no intention of paying a penny.

That was 14 years ago. It started 1mn, and ended at 90% less than that and it was returned. I don't agree with it, and if your girlfriend understands you she will support you.

I am 41 and the wife 40. So in a different situation to you.

Look. Your issue has been written about 1000 times on here. If you don't agree with dowries refuse to pay and see what happens. You barely know this girl, her family, language or the culture.

I would suggest you acquaint yourself with everything else bwfore marrying anyone. Or you might as well sign half your wealth over today to save the hassle.

Better still, stay in the UK, find a woman you hate and buy her a house. You'll save a fortune in the long run.

No, but really if this was your best mate in the pub, what would you say?

Mate. Slow the hell down and just take it slow. So keep the cash, get to really know her and her family, learn the lingo, learn the culture and then make a decision

I mean, she might fart in bed and use your toothbrush.....these are important issues beyond money.

[David48]

I am no troll. A genuine person who really likes this Thai lady.

We are not too bothered about the age difference. I know many other people married to much younger Thai women are the relationships work well

This is where guys like THRG trips themselves up.

The OP states ... "I visited Thailand for the first time 3 months ago and was totally amazed by how nice the people are." ... but ... "I know many other people married to much younger Thai women are the relationships work well".

Somehow I doubt the OP would be moving in Thai circles back in his Homeland before coming to Thailand.

That said ... carry on ...

I moved in thai circles in my homeland for 8 years before i visited thailand.

Fair enough to ... a rare breed you are.

AYJAYDEE ... with that contact you had in the 8 years ... did you get to know a lot of their ways before coming to Thailand ... assuming that you are in Thailand now?

[AYJAYDEE]

I am no troll. A genuine person who really likes this Thai lady.

We are not too bothered about the age difference. I know many other people married to much younger Thai women are the relationships work well

This is where guys like THRG trips themselves up.

The OP states ... "I visited Thailand for the first time 3 months ago and was totally amazed by how nice the people are." ... but ... "I know many other people married to much younger Thai women are the relationships work well".

Somehow I doubt the OP would be moving in Thai circles back in his Homeland before coming to Thailand.

That said ... carry on ...

I moved in thai circles in my homeland for 8 years before i visited thailand.

Fair enough to ... a rare breed you are.

AYJAYDEE ... with that contact you had in the 8 years ... did you get to know a lot of their ways before coming to Thailand ... assuming that you are in Thailand now?

not rare at all. many others travelled in the same circles. and of course i learned a lot

[THRG]

Thank you for the useful posts. I wrote please be gentle because I did not want any abuse.

Even if you believe this to be a troll post (which it is not) then please still be polite as your answers could help others

OK, I'll play the game with you.

How many kids has she got?

She has no children

[THRG]

A very close friend of mine is aged 65 and his wife is 42. They have been living together for over 10 years, now married very happy and have a child together.

When I visit this friend he often has other English / Thai couples at his home and they all seem very happy together

[wooloomooloo]

What is this lady's occupation?

[AYJAYDEE]

Thank you for the useful posts. I wrote please be gentle because I did not want any abuse.

Even if you believe this to be a troll post (which it is not) then please still be polite as your answers could help others

OK, I'll play the game with you.

How many kids has she got?

She has no children

you realize she will want them. u ready for that?

[sdanielmcev]

Something just doesn't jibe here. She's a bar girl, yet is a university grad and speaks good English. And you want to marry a prostitute.

Mr. Scott, 1 to beam up.

[THRG]

I also don't like to judge people. The woman was working in the bar and had been for a few months on a part time basis.

I know she has to do this to support her family in Issan. I find this type of person who cares so much about her own family genuinely nice.

I know a lot will disagree with me. But she is so caring about other people around her, thinks about others before herself and will do anything for her family.

We do get on well together and I want to help both her and her family. I want to pay the family enough money to have a better house and a better quality of life. I just don't want to part with a large amount of money too early in the relationship and before the visa was in place.

The reason we had discussed marriage in Thailand was for future planning, commitment to each other which will help with the eventual settlement visa.

I am grateful for genuine advise as it is all new to me

[THRG]

Something just doesn't jibe here. She's a bar girl, yet is a university grad and speaks good English. And you want to marry a prostitute.

Mr. Scott, 1 to beam up.

She graduated from University early this year. Yes she does work part time in a bar and does get bar fined. He English is perfect.

And yes you can call her a prostitute if you decide to judge her in this way

I would love to marry her and would accept everything about her