General Advise Re New Thai Girlfriend

[THRG]

no ... everything sounds fine what you have described ...

You met in a bar ... stayed a few days with her , and now talking dowry & future ..

That's great ... all is going to plan.

You should end up paying around 500,000 for the dowry ... build the house , get the car & the buffalo.

Get some gold for mama & papa ..... probably about 2 baht.

Sounds like your ' one really lucky guy ' ..... well done !!

Let us know when & where the wedding will be ... we'd love to join you there....

I am sure your other posts must be more helpful to new members?

I was asking for advise regarding Dowry amounts. She does not have buffalo and I never offered both the Dowry and to complete the house build would be one or the other.

Please don't take any more of your time to insult others for what you may find funny

[spidermike007]

One other piece of advise. Have her meet some of your best friends. She how she interacts with them. Is she a lump or a blob? Does she have some.gumptipn? Can she relate to other foreigners who are not just bar patrons? See how they like her and what they think of.her. Get some objective feedback.

[THRG]

Just to update. I was on a Skype call with her this morning and at the same time she was on her phone to her parents.

They still want the 500,000thb as a dowry. I have made the decision that this is too much for me along with the cost of visas, flights and other money she may need sending each month while still in Thailand and not working in the bar.

I have decided to end the relationship because of the above.

I did offer her once she was living in England to pay 300,000thb to complete her house and £200 each month sent to her family. This was not acceptable to the family.

I know some have said the Dowry at 500,000 could be a reasonable figure but when everything else is added it could easily come to £20,000 gbp or more.

Its really hard for me as I do like the woman and maybe its my own fault this has ended so soon.

Thank you for the useful posts

[AYJAYDEE]

Currently renting in Pattaya. Working there, too.

Ok, dude, stick a fork in you.

I have never lied. She works part time at the moment and only for a couple of weeks then stays with her family for a few weeks.

She has not been working long in Pattaya and wants to stop

She has mentioned a new shopping complex in Nong Khai which is currently looking for staff to work there. She is thinking about staying with her family and working there

where did she get the money to half finish a house? from the german obviously and that tells me she's been working in the bar longer than youre telling us

Edited January 4, 2015 by AYJAYDEE

[redandyellow]

Greetings THRG, Part One

Possible qualifications to allow me to write this include being married to a ("wonderful") Thai woman, having an adventurous life in Thailand before I met her (I had a few Thai girlfriends, and a couple of sex-trade worker "buddies"), and spending some years in the country..

But first a short aside - My wife (Peung) told me that when she first came to Canada 5 years ago, she was quite shocked to see nude Caucasian women in the Ladies change room at the local swimming pool, prancing around as if there was nothing wrong... Fact: Thai women are very "modest" you see, and are masters at changing whilst having a towel wrapped around them..

Fact: The average 30 year old single western woman has had more sexual partners than the average 30 year old single Asian woman..

Read between the lines..

Now to the point..

Did you realize that out of the huge pool of available Thai women, legions of excellent quality ones are NOT on the take - they will take good care of you though, and make you very happy for the rest of your life.

It sometimes requires on-the-ground experience though, to cut through the onion-layers of the mirage, and lessen potential grief for those new farang on the scene - keen to meet a "good" Thai woman. To succeed you need a goal, certain precautions to undertake; if you are proactive, there are concrete steps to take before you finally meet her.. usually it ain't the first one..

If you want to meet a wonderful Thai lady for a long-term relationship and marriage - fly at it, but consider doing your homework first! After all, you are your own best self-advocate, so it behooves you to do a little research of your own, before you embark on one of the most exciting adventures of your life - discovering the bliss of a great relationship with a traditional Thai lady..

BUT - Like walking on top of an iceberg, you'll only scratch the surface when you go to Thailand half-cocked. Inherent dangers lay in wait, just under the surface - for the unwary, foolish and foolhardy foreigner in Thailand. There are way more good women in Thailand than bad, but a disproportionate amount of farang go for the 'bad' girls. Buying sex without love work for some forever, but most want to settle down with what they perceive is a good Thai woman.

Some farang leave their personal baggage, border-line alcoholism and personality disorders at home - they study Thai culture a bit, to wrap their head around it - it's 180 degrees different in most things than western culture - you gotta look through the Thai cultural lens to understand the women..

Like the parasitic passion fruit vine, the unsavory Thai woman will envelop its host (the unwitting farang), chew him up and spit him out. Next..

I have no idea if your new Thai girlfriend is "legit." Working in the sex-trade makes her a bit at-risk by default, along with the farang who pursue them, that's the odds talking..

Regards,

R and Y

[redandyellow]

Part 2

Let's face it - many western men (farang) find Thai women attractive, and why not? If you're still reading, you probably agree, LOL. By and large, Thailand missed the Women's Liberation movement of the 1960's. That fact is no slight on western women, but it renders the Thai woman a bit different by default. Born into a system of family-first, Thai women are brought up to be jai dee (good hearted), naturally happy and good-natured. They are imbued with a superior work ethic, and generally like their man to be the 'leader' in a marriage. It also doesn't hurt that Thai women are known around the world as being some of the most attractive women on the planet.

However, if you think for one minute that a Thai-farang, inter-racial, inter-cultural marriage is made in heaven by default - please reconsider. It takes plenty of work, so roll up your sleeves. Ultimately, you'll make the marriage what it is by dint of your behaviors and attitudes. I've made most of the usual mistakes..

[AYJAYDEE]

Part 2

Let's face it - many western men (farang) find Thai women attractive, and why not? If you're still reading, you probably agree, LOL. By and large, Thailand missed the Women's Liberation movement of the 1960's. That fact is no slight on western women, but it renders the Thai woman a bit different by default. Born into a system of family-first, Thai women are brought up to be jai dee (good hearted), naturally happy and good-natured. They are imbued with a superior work ethic, and generally like their man to be the 'leader' in a marriage. It also doesn't hurt that Thai women are known around the world as being some of the most attractive women on the planet.

However, if you think for one minute that a Thai-farang, inter-racial, inter-cultural marriage is made in heaven by default - please reconsider. It takes plenty of work, so roll up your sleeves. Ultimately, you'll make the marriage what it is by dint of your behaviors and attitudes. I've made most of the usual mistakes..

they dont necessari;y want him to be the leader, they want him to be responsible for things that they deem the masculine role.

[Robert24]

Here a few recommendations from my point of view:

- like ryanhull mentioned, don't get married for 1-2 years. Stay together as boyfriend/gf.

- ask her to stop working as a bar girl and get a normal job. Shouldn't be a problem if she a degree

- get to know her family and her background better. Why do they ask her to work as a bar girl? Which father or mother would want their daughter to do this?

-only consider paying Sinsod if after 2 years of living together you definitely want to marry her

Just a thought. Have you considered other women from different backgrounds? I don't mean you need someone rich. I've met plenty of smart, well educated girls who grew up in poor families too but would never consider working as bar girl.

[steven100]

it might be better for you to rent for a while until your really convinced she's the one. That way you can try before you buy. Also cheaper.

[THRG]

Here a few recommendations from my point of view:

- like ryanhull mentioned, don't get married for 1-2 years. Stay together as boyfriend/gf.

- ask her to stop working as a bar girl and get a normal job. Shouldn't be a problem if she a degree

- get to know her family and her background better. Why do they ask her to work as a bar girl? Which father or mother would want their daughter to do this?

-only consider paying Sinsod if after 2 years of living together you definitely want to marry her

Just a thought. Have you considered other women from different backgrounds? I don't mean you need someone rich. I've met plenty of smart, well educated girls who grew up in poor families too but would never consider working as bar girl.

Ok im talking to her again now. She said the original dowry for 500,000 was mainly just for show and 'some' would have been returned.

We are planning to see each other again and take things much more slowly.

EVENTUALLY like in two years time the family have now offered to register the marriage but want 200,000 for the commitment. Then a few years after that when she has been living in England we could return and pay some more money and have the village wedding celebration.

My girlfriend has offered to work in England to help pay towards the eventual village wedding.

My girlfriend has offered to return to live with her family now but would need 'some' money each month from me (I think around £200 per month) and stop working in Pattaya all together.

At the moment she says I could still visit in March for one month and if after two weeks we get on well then she will take me to meet the parents.

I have a lot of personal information from her which make me trust her a little better, like her address in Pattaya, family photographs and a copy of her ID card.

Please could anyone advise me now I really don't know what to do

Edited January 6, 2015 by THRG

[AYJAYDEE]

Here a few recommendations from my point of view:

- like ryanhull mentioned, don't get married for 1-2 years. Stay together as boyfriend/gf.

- ask her to stop working as a bar girl and get a normal job. Shouldn't be a problem if she a degree

- get to know her family and her background better. Why do they ask her to work as a bar girl? Which father or mother would want their daughter to do this?

-only consider paying Sinsod if after 2 years of living together you definitely want to marry her

Just a thought. Have you considered other women from different backgrounds? I don't mean you need someone rich. I've met plenty of smart, well educated girls who grew up in poor families too but would never consider working as bar girl.

Ok im talking to her again now. She said the original dowry for 500,000 was mainly just for show and 'some' would have been returned.

We are planning to see each other again and take things much more slowly.

EVENTUALLY like in two years time the family have now offered to register the marriage but want 200,000 for the commitment. Then a few years after that when she has been living in England we could return and pay some more money and have the village wedding celebration.

My girlfriend has offered to work in England to help pay towards the eventual village wedding.

My girlfriend has offered to return to live with her family now but would need 'some' money each month from me (I think around £200 per month) and stop working in Pattaya all together.

At the moment she says I could still visit in March for one month and if after two weeks we get on well then she will take me to meet the parents.

I have a lot of personal information from her which make me trust her a little better, like her address in Pattaya, family photographs and a copy of her ID card.

Please could anyone advise me now I really don't know what to do

you dont pay a dowry until the village wedding day, how much money has she been sending home each month? she needs that plus another hundred+ each month. what kind of visa are you going to be able to get her that will allow her to work?

[THRG]

She has been sending around £200 back to her parents each month.

She plans to work in a shopping centre in Nong Khai so I think if I send £200 per month she would be ok?

We were planning to register the marriage so that after then we could apply for a settlement visa or marriage visa. This is why the parents want 200,000 before allowing us to register the marriage at the district office. They would like a small family party when we register the marriage and have asked for 200,000 at that time?

Is this ok or should I walk away?

[AYJAYDEE]

She has been sending around £200 back to her parents each month.

She plans to work in a shopping centre in Nong Khai so I think if I send £200 per month she would be ok?

We were planning to register the marriage so that after then we could apply for a settlement visa or marriage visa. This is why the parents want 200,000 before allowing us to register the marriage at the district office. They would like a small family party when we register the marriage and have asked for 200,000 at that time?

Is this ok or should I walk away?

I cant tell you whether you should walk or not. i was in your position once and had to make the decision to step off the curb or not. only you can make this decision. however , if you are going to be legally married , you have to pay the dowry or the first installment at least.. and if she is working and living at home then the 200 is the max you should send. does your country have a fiance visa that would allow her to come and marrywithin a certain amount of time? then you could delay the thai wedding. feel free to PM me if u like.

Edited January 6, 2015 by AYJAYDEE

[steven100]

like I mentioned earlier .... rent and use for a year or so to make sure she won't wear out ....

[Robert24]

My view is 200,000 baht is not much even if it's ultimately lost if the relationship doesn't work out, so is the 10,000 baht per month you would send to her home. But be careful about getting legally married and how much you could loose if having to go through a divorce. I understand you only get married so she can stay with you in the UK.

Personally I would not do it because it's high risk to go wrong for the following reasons:

1) you hardly know her and get already married

2) money seems to be the key driver for both her and her family

3) she's a bar girl, she can make easy money through that profession, it will be hard for her to do a different job for eventually a lot less

4) her family seems to be more concerned about money rather than the wellbeing of their daughter.

Just my thoughts. As AYJAYDEE mentioned you need to make the decision yourself.

So

[Tonyguy]

Please listen to those with experience both happy and hard gained. Slow down and take your time to get to really know her and her family. A holiday romance with money in your pocket in an exciting fascinating place like Thailand is very different to living together in ordinary daily life. Many thais believe all farangs are rich and don't understand you save for a year to have a good holiday.

I was married to my thai lady a few weeks ago. We have known each other for 2 years. I sponsored her for two tourist visas to Australia so we could see how things worked in daily life living together with me at work each day. She got to see the Australian lifestyle and how much things cost, we spent the time to each know our values, wants and needs. I spent lots of time with her family, sisters and friends. She was in a hurry at first too but over time saw the wisdom of going slowly. She has friends who rushed and found out they made a big mistake by not knowing what the guy was really like, this applies both ways and bar girls can very charming at saying exactly the right thing to a farang new to Thailand.

Take it slow, ask questions and observe, good luck and hope it works out for you mate.

[Tonyguy]

PS - get the book Private Dancer from Asia Books or online at Amazon. It will give you a big insight into the thinking, motives and behaviours of bar girls.

[geronimo]

She has been sending around £200 back to her parents each month.

She plans to work in a shopping centre in Nong Khai so I think if I send £200 per month she would be ok?

We were planning to register the marriage so that after then we could apply for a settlement visa or marriage visa. This is why the parents want 200,000 before allowing us to register the marriage at the district office. They would like a small family party when we register the marriage and have asked for 200,000 at that time?

Is this ok or should I walk away?

Walk away is my advice and cut all ties herein.

[brewsterbudgen]

PS - get the book Private Dancer from Asia Books or online at Amazon. It will give you a big insight into the thinking, motives and behaviours of bar girls.

It is, however, a work of fiction.

[Bakeman]

Your girlfriend is not suppose to negotiate a Sinsod. This should be done with an elder Thai speaking with her father then interpreting to you. Many items come into play. She was married before so sinsod amount should be less, does she have kids?, what is her families status (government, rich, poor), what is her job, education, status, you met in a bar and I believe its going a little quick and she is asking for money.........

NOT GOOD...........WARNING LIGHTS COMING ON...........

[THRG]

She has been sending around £200 back to her parents each month.

She plans to work in a shopping centre in Nong Khai so I think if I send £200 per month she would be ok?

We were planning to register the marriage so that after then we could apply for a settlement visa or marriage visa. This is why the parents want 200,000 before allowing us to register the marriage at the district office. They would like a small family party when we register the marriage and have asked for 200,000 at that time?

Is this ok or should I walk away?

Walk away is my advice and cut all ties herein.

Thank you for your honest advise

[2unique]

PS - get the book Private Dancer from Asia Books or online at Amazon. It will give you a big insight into the thinking, motives and behaviours of bar girls.

It is, however, a work of fiction.

Actually it's based on a mostly true story

[2unique]

If she's sending 10k a month and paying rent in Pattaya plus running a bike... That's a fair few punters a month for a girl that's only been at the game a few ....weeks

[THRG]

If she's sending 10k a month and paying rent in Pattaya plus running a bike... That's a fair few punters a month for a girl that's only been at the game a few ....weeks

She does other work as well. She arranges visas, books taxis, designs menus for restaurants and earns a little from this as well.

At the moment she works for two bars in Pattaya but I believe she is working all afternoon and until about 2am just serving drinks, and being bought 'lady drinks'. I do believe since my last visit she has not had sex with another man because we regular talk and Skype when she gets back to her room just after 2am.

She always tells me while she has been living in Pattaya she needs £800 per month. I struggle to understand this.

Of the £800:

£200 to her parents

£120 roughly for the room in Pattaya

Her mobile phone ???

Her internet in the room ???

Running the motorbike ???

Food & Drink ???

Clothes --- This is a big one she has an unbelievable amount of good quality clothes and shoes

I think it will be very hard for her to adjust back from having this amount of money each month to a normal life

Thanks for any advise

[steven100]

' she has not had sex with another man because we regular talk and Skype when she gets back to her room just after 2am.'

THRG , you really crack me up ... this is better than any TV serial .... ..

Please keep it going ..... good luck

[geronimo]

If she's sending 10k a month and paying rent in Pattaya plus running a bike... That's a fair few punters a month for a girl that's only been at the game a few ....weeks

She does other work as well. She arranges visas, books taxis, designs menus for restaurants and earns a little from this as well.

At the moment she works for two bars in Pattaya but I believe she is working all afternoon and until about 2am just serving drinks, and being bought 'lady drinks'. I do believe since my last visit she has not had sex with another man because we regular talk and Skype when she gets back to her room just after 2am.

She always tells me while she has been living in Pattaya she needs £800 per month. I struggle to understand this.

Of the £800:

£200 to her parents

£120 roughly for the room in Pattaya

Her mobile phone ???

Her internet in the room ???

Running the motorbike ???

Food & Drink ???

Clothes --- This is a big one she has an unbelievable amount of good quality clothes and shoes

I think it will be very hard for her to adjust back from having this amount of money each month to a normal life

Thanks for any advise

I'm afraid it's already too late. The hook is set and these girls use barb type hooks so it's difficult to wriggle free once you take the bait.

[Bluetongue]

I haven't read it all but basically you are letting her set the pace. Trying to guesstimate her earnings and spendings is a

waste of time, as is trying to deduce from your limited knowledge, the truth of anything that she says. There is just so much potential for misunderstandings as well as genuine lying. You don't speak Thai and you say she speaks perfect English, this is probably an indication of where you are in the chain of understanding. You see it is unlikely she does speak perfect English, you just haven't figured it out yet as you were only with her a few days and you eyes and ears were fogged with love and

lust. So naturally she agrees with you and says yes at times she thinks it is appropriate but that doesn't mean you are truly

communicating yet. Just come back and holiday with her, make no commitments maybe go and meet the family, then go back and

wait for a while before thinking about it. Don't come on here and ask for advice, you'll do your head in even more, just read through old posts.

[pigeonjake]

20 year age gap, met in a bar on your second day, 300,000 plus £200 gbp each month exceeding 500,000 within two years... C+ troll attempt.

I am no troll. A genuine person who really likes this Thai lady.

We are not too bothered about the age difference. I know many other people married to much younger Thai women are the relationships work well

if your a genuine man, and you really like her,

go and marry her,

then in 2 years time come and tell us how your getting on,

if you have any money left for the internet,

[pigeonjake]

Here a few recommendations from my point of view:

- like ryanhull mentioned, don't get married for 1-2 years. Stay together as boyfriend/gf.

- ask her to stop working as a bar girl and get a normal job. Shouldn't be a problem if she a degree

- get to know her family and her background better. Why do they ask her to work as a bar girl? Which father or mother would want their daughter to do this?

-only consider paying Sinsod if after 2 years of living together you definitely want to marry her

Just a thought. Have you considered other women from different backgrounds? I don't mean you need someone rich. I've met plenty of smart, well educated girls who grew up in poor families too but would never consider working as bar girl.

Ok im talking to her again now. She said the original dowry for 500,000 was mainly just for show and 'some' would have been returned.

We are planning to see each other again and take things much more slowly.

EVENTUALLY like in two years time the family have now offered to register the marriage but want 200,000 for the commitment. Then a few years after that when she has been living in England we could return and pay some more money and have the village wedding celebration.

My girlfriend has offered to work in England to help pay towards the eventual village wedding.

My girlfriend has offered to return to live with her family now but would need 'some' money each month from me (I think around £200 per month) and stop working in Pattaya all together.

At the moment she says I could still visit in March for one month and if after two weeks we get on well then she will take me to meet the parents.

I have a lot of personal information from her which make me trust her a little better, like her address in Pattaya, family photographs and a copy of her ID card.

Please could anyone advise me now I really don't know what to do

like her address in Pattaya

pay one of the lads living in pattaya to spy on her,,lol

are you pulling our legs?????

mate go back to the start and read your posts, its like a sit com,, 500,000, then 200,000 paid now,, bloody hell get a grip man,,

[geronimo]

If there was a Troll of the Year award, this would win hands down!