Neeranam Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I met a guy the other day who was 'sponsoring' a girl aged 12 to go through school/uni. with the purpose of marrying her in a few years time. This, he said was quite common where he comes from - Roi Et. It is called เลี้ยงต้อย líang-dtoi. He is about 35 years old and has a wife already. Any comments? Does anyone know if this is common in Thaiand? How is it viewed by other Thais? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donz Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I think its sick, but thats just my view, 35 year old already thinking about marrying a 12 year old?? It seems that this girl has no choice in this matter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qualtrough Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I have heard of this too. A few years back there was a case in the news about a woman who conspired with someone to kill her husband who was royalty here. I can't remember all the details, but one of the things that came out was that the victim had adopted or sponsored the girl with that same view in mind. Perhaps other readers can recall more about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astral Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I would think that sponsoring someone through school and university was a laudable thing to do. Whether the girl will want to marry the guy in 10-12 years time is another matter and it will be her decision alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
percy2 Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 (edited) I would think that sponsoring someone through school and university was a laudable thing to do.Whether the girl will want to marry the guy in 10-12 years time is another matter and it will be her decision alone. One hopes so. I know quite a few people who have sponsored young girls through school. Normally they get a photo and some reports on how the are doing. But no promise of marriage. edit below added. Infact I'm fairly sure there is no direct contact from the sponsor. Edited August 17, 2006 by percy2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soju Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Having a girl at the age of 12 promise to marry someone just for putting her through school doesn't seem right to me. Although her alternative might be to sell herself as a prostitute which I feel would be much worse. But if someone just sponsors a child through school without putting any pressure or obligation on her to marry at the end then I don't see anything wrong with it. I've sponsored several children, both boys and girls, and never expected anything out of it in return. I'm now happily married (to a woman I never sponsored) and certainly wouldn't dream of taking one of the girls I've sponsored through school to be a mia noi when she's finished even if she was keen on the idea. Once they finish school they're on their own financially and they have no olbigation of any kind to me. If a real love develops between the girl and her sponsor after she comes of age and is capable of making her own decisions, then that's a decision that two consenting adults make and I have no business to say if it's right or wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shotover Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I met a guy the other day who was 'sponsoring' a girl aged 12 to go through school/uni. with the purpose of marrying her in a few years time.This, he said was quite common where he comes from - Roi Et. It is called เลี้ยงต้อย líang-dtoi. He is about 35 years old and has a wife already. Any comments? Does anyone know if this is common in Thaiand? How is it viewed by other Thais? Just to clarify: Your post indicates the guy is Thai, not farang? I think Thai people would certainly disapprove if a farang tried this. Cultures and practices vary throughout the world. What is practiced and accepted in rural Roi Et may seem very different to urban Thais. or westerners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noel Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I would think that sponsoring someone through school and university was a laudable thing to do.Whether the girl will want to marry the guy in 10-12 years time is another matter and it will be her decision alone. If the decision to marry is left to the girl alone, then I totally agree with astral. However, the implication in the OP is that marriage is a condition. If the latter is the case, I personally find such an arrangement distasteful in the extreme. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soic Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I met a guy the other day who was 'sponsoring' a girl aged 12 to go through school/uni. with the purpose of marrying her in a few years time. This, he said was quite common where he comes from - Roi Et. It is called เลี้ยงต้อย líang-dtoi. He is about 35 years old and has a wife already. Any comments? Does anyone know if this is common in Thaiand? How is it viewed by other Thais? Just to clarify: Your post indicates the guy is Thai, not farang? I think Thai people would certainly disapprove if a farang tried this. Cultures and practices vary throughout the world. What is practiced and accepted in rural Roi Et may seem very different to urban Thais. or westerners. I too find it disquieting to say the least, but without knowing all the details, I'll withold judgement. There but by the Grace of God go us... My Ex-wife was considerably younger than I. At the age of 37, I married a young lady of 21 years of age. That's a small age difference for most farang/Thai relationships in Thailand. Had I met her parents when I was a rambunctious 16 year old that I intended to marry their newborn, I would have been shot, and rightly so. Meeting her at the age of 37, and she 21, that wasn't as distasteful. We need to know the whole story. I believe that 47 and 24 is common here... "stones and glass walls". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neeranam Posted August 17, 2006 Author Share Posted August 17, 2006 Just to clarify: Your post indicates the guy is Thai, not farang? Yes, he is a Thai politician. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
percy2 Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Just to clarify: Your post indicates the guy is Thai, not farang? Yes, he is a Thai politician. Well thats ok then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krikrik Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Interesting. Can't imagine I would be too happy if I were the girl, even if she knows it might be a desirable option in some ways. Even if it is culturally acceptable, a 12 year old girl will have her own dreams. I guess she has to try to blend those somehow with the reality. Does Thailand have a large number of single men ? If many men have 2 wives, what happens to the other men ? Monks and ladyboys ? Do poorer men have 2 women ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heng Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I sponsor two of my less than well off cousins (age 4 and 6) to go to school, but I don't plan marrying either of them. It's certainly not uncommon for older family members to support and sponsor the education of those less well off in their families and sometimes take care of those who they are not related to as well. I'd say this is entirely the norm. It's not always scholarship, it's giving business opportunities and jobs to those less fortunate as well. As the poster above mentioned, it's entirely relative. Sure, they all cry "string'em up!" when they are under 18.... but an awful lot cry "where'd you meet her!?" or "what a samaritan you are!" when they are over 18. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thaipwriter Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Just to clarify: Your post indicates the guy is Thai, not farang? Yes, he is a Thai politician. Well thats ok then. Is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaihome Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 (edited) Interesting. Can't imagine I would be too happy if I were the girl, even if she knows it might be a desirable option in some ways. Even if it is culturally acceptable, a 12 year old girl will have her own dreams. I guess she has to try to blend those somehow with the reality.Does Thailand have a large number of single men ? If many men have 2 wives, what happens to the other men ? Monks and ladyboys ? Do poorer men have 2 women ? Maybe your perspective would be different if you were up to your knees in a rice paddy every day and your main hope was you might have a piece of meat this week and had no chance to ever get out. No, the practice of polygamy in Thailand is somewhat limited and does not affect the number of available women. What are often referred to second wives, are in practice mistress. I understand that mistresses are very common in France, do they have problem with men becoming priests or transvestites because they can't find a woman? TH Edited August 17, 2006 by thaihome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
percy2 Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Just to clarify: Your post indicates the guy is Thai, not farang? Yes, he is a Thai politician. Well thats ok then. Is it? Please avoid stepping in dollops of irony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kurgen Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I think its sick, but thats just my view, 35 year old already thinking about marrying a 12 year old?? It seems that this girl has no choice in this matter i'm with you on this one Donz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simon43 Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I would have thought that this guy was taking a risk in insisting on marrying her in maybe 10 years time. By then, she might be ugly as a jackfruit, have a bad case of BO, and laugh like a pregnant donkey... Will he still be willing to marry her?? Who has the get-out clauses here? Simon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donz Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I think the guy has serious problems having to put a girl on lay-buy for the future, he must be one ugly mutherforker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bodypaul Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 What are often referred to second wives, are in practice mistress. I understand that mistresses are very common in France, do they have problem with men becoming priests or transvestites because they can't find a woman? TH Well said TH ..... I hate the Frogs as well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cwilliam Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 I met a guy the other day who was 'sponsoring' a girl aged 12 to go through school/uni. with the purpose of marrying her in a few years time. This, he said was quite common where he comes from - Roi Et. It is called เลี้ยงต้อย líang-dtoi. He is about 35 years old and has a wife already. Any comments? Does anyone know if this is common in Thaiand? How is it viewed by other Thais? Just to clarify: Your post indicates the guy is Thai, not farang? I think Thai people would certainly disapprove if a farang tried this. Cultures and practices vary throughout the world. What is practiced and accepted in rural Roi Et may seem very different to urban Thais. or westerners. When she gets educated she will dump him,at least I hope so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 Please avoid stepping in dollops of irony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathe Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 In thai we call * เลี้ยงต้อย * Liengtoy...having a toy. I dont think this guy shall marry her when she finish her school. But she thought he will. We should anti this kind of sex habit I have heard, there are so many Japanese business guys having student toys. She has apartment, she goes to college, he pays her tuitions and school and having her as free long term student pros. When will Thailand and thai girls have other perspectives, other moral ....when ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 In thai we call * เลี้ยงต้อย * Liengtoy...having a toy. I dont think this guy shall marry her when she finish her school. But she thought he will. We should anti this kind of sex habit I have heard, there are so many Japanese business guys having student toys. She has apartment, she goes to college, he pays her tuitions and school and having her as free long term student pros. When will Thailand and thai girls have other perspectives, other moral ....when ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuky Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 I think the guy has serious problems having to put a girl on lay-buy for the future, he must be one ugly mutherforker Donz, keep it cool mate. I don't mean this thread only... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamuiJens Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 Putting someone thru school is a noble thing, IF you weren't expecting sexual favors in return. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexth Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 I met a guy the other day who was 'sponsoring' a girl aged 12 to go through school/uni. with the purpose of marrying her in a few years time.This, he said was quite common where he comes from - Roi Et. It is called เลี้ยงต้อย líang-dtoi. He is about 35 years old and has a wife already. Any comments? Does anyone know if this is common in Thaiand? How is it viewed by other Thais? The gypsies are doing it too. I have no words to describe my opinion about this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaoPo Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 (edited) I sponsor two of my less than well off cousins (age 4 and 6) to go to school, but I don't plan marrying either of them. It's certainly not uncommon for older family members to support and sponsor the education of those less well off in their families and sometimes take care of those who they are not related to as well. I'd say this is entirely the norm. It's not always scholarship, it's giving business opportunities and jobs to those less fortunate as well. As the poster above mentioned, it's entirely relative. Sure, they all cry "string'em up!" when they are under 18.... but an awful lot cry "where'd you meet her!?" or "what a samaritan you are!" when they are over 18. Heng: this is what the OP wrote: ""I met a guy the other day who was 'sponsoring' a girl aged 12 to go through school/uni. with the purpose of marrying her in a few years time."" My question is: what do you mean with your own comment? Do you (and/or other better-off Thai) agree with "the purpose of marrying her" in the future; knowing he's married already..and 35? I don't quite 'get' you answer. Please clarify. LaoPo Edited August 18, 2006 by LaoPo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexth Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 In thai we call * เลี้ยงต้อย * Liengtoy...having a toy. I dont think this guy shall marry her when she finish her school. But she thought he will. We should anti this kind of sex habit I have heard, there are so many Japanese business guys having student toys. She has apartment, she goes to college, he pays her tuitions and school and having her as free long term student pros. When will Thailand and thai girls have other perspectives, other moral ....when ? We finally have here somebody making sense...I think more farangs should ask themselves this question too, unfortunately, I think that's not going to happen in the near future. Compare Singapore and Thailand (education, morality or common sense). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IMA_FARANG Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 I think its sick, but thats just my view, 35 year old already thinking about marrying a 12 year old?? It seems that this girl has no choice in this matter Arrangements like this have been made before, but I think that it is far less common now than years ago. I personally knew a American military officer who was offered one of his employees daughters to "adopt" (it was a good 35 years ago that this happened). He politely turned down the offer. In case you're wondering the girl was willing to accept the situation. She was from a very poor family from Issan and the deal meant she was going to be living much better than otherwise. Do you think it is fun to be working every day for 12 to 15 hours in a rice paddy? Cultural differences and poverty can make poor choices seem right at the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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