do thai woman think the same way as farang woman. getting divorced

[AnotherOneAmerican]

What BJ says,

If you control the money, you control everything else.

If she doesn't need your money, different story.

So your OP didn't specify ........ you still paying for everything?

If you are, stop all money now, none for her, none for the kid, no home loan payments, no school fees, cut it all.

After that you can negotiate whatever you want or your terms.

If you keep giving, she will see it as weakness.

PS

Her not having sex with you is reason for divorce, her fault.

Looks to me like you put up with her sh_it for way too long.

I would have jumped ship at the first refusal.

There is no other way to describe this answer, other than "total disgrace" How can any human being (man included...) think this way about other human beings (women included...). May i remind the "Anotheroneamerican" that even in Thailand we do not, repeat not, live in the 18th century.

It appears to be YOU living in the 18th century, a time when a man had to provide for a woman and her children.

I live in the 21st century, everyone for themselves, and the state to look after the lazy and stupid.

[frank0424]

Speak to a Thai female counsellor/ psychologist who is fluent in English.

You a getting farang man's perspective here WT.. do we know?

[sir charles IV]

I think you deserve it. Suggesting thai women are different suggests to me that you value them less. This is typical of a chauvinist who thinks "why is she behaving like so? Normal women behave differently". The fact that you went to pattaya straight after u left home is another indication of a man who thinks he's got the rights to root around whenever times are tough. Running away to candy land rather than manning up and staying nearby to work on it. Take a good look at yourself before trying to differentiate between nationalities and somehow satisfying yourself that perhaps it's a cultural thing and not your fault. I reckon you are the problem not her.

[dirtycash]

I think you deserve it. Suggesting thai women are different suggests to me that you value them less. This is typical of a chauvinist who thinks "why is she behaving like so? Normal women behave differently". The fact that you went to pattaya straight after u left home is another indication of a man who thinks he's got the rights to root around whenever times are tough. Running away to candy land rather than manning up and staying nearby to work on it. Take a good look at yourself before trying to differentiate between nationalities and somehow satisfying yourself that perhaps it's a cultural thing and not your fault. I reckon you are the problem not her.

Oh but it is a cultural thing !!! And who says i have to stay in my country if we break up ? You sir do not have a clue .

[metisdead]

An inflammatory post has been removed as well as a reply.

[nithisa78]

Peace. You sound pretty young and not so experienced. Lucky you.

It took a lifetime. However, my late wife, passed young and unexpected, she mentioned it once or twice. . .to me.

Now the love and light of this life has mentioned it several times and it has taken root. Theerak, can't you just keep your mouth shut?

I can, I have and it works.

In past life, if things got too hot, I'd take a drive. I cool off very quickly. Who knew, just keep my mouth shut. After you succeed a few times, It is no longer an issue and life smooths out quickly. Any person who thinks women are different , read different comic books. They aren't.

They're all beautiful and intelligent.

[nithisa78]

What BJ says,

If you control the money, you control everything else.

If she doesn't need your money, different story.

So your OP didn't specify ........ you still paying for everything?

If you are, stop all money now, none for her, none for the kid, no home loan payments, no school fees, cut it all.

After that you can negotiate whatever you want or your terms.

If you keep giving, she will see it as weakness.

PS

Her not having sex with you is reason for divorce, her fault.

Looks to me like you put up with her sh_it for way too long.

I would have jumped ship at the first refusal.

There is no other way to describe this answer, other than "total disgrace" How can any human being (man included...) think this way about other human beings (women included...). May i remind the "Anotheroneamerican" that even in Thailand we do not, repeat not, live in the 18th century.

It appears to be YOU living in the 18th century, a time when a man had to provide for a woman and her children.

I live in the 21st century, everyone for themselves, and the state to look after the lazy and stupid.

We trust the state is caring well for you.

[Rajhulmaheesh]

First get back to YOUR DAUGHTER ! Why the hell ddi you ever decide to go to pattaya of all places ? As Sibergen said rent a place near your child and ex wife .That way at the very least you can spend time with your little girl. Work out a visitation schedule.

He went to pattaya for the girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I may be the only one who goes to pattaya and not have any. I just dont like the way they look.

[HooHaa]

how the hell would we know?

as for walking away from your child, why would you?

[Rajhulmaheesh]

Started to feel bad for this guy until the word PATTAyA popped up.......hahahahahaha.!

Dont marry Pattaya anything esp. the girls.

And for gods sake dont have kids. I do feel for her as she has a caring but foolish father.

more pattaya bashers , tut tut. dont be such a pea brained little fool to think all farang go to pattaya to get laid with bar girls !! did you not even read my posts ? have a look again then reply in a sensible manner. i am familiar with pattaya and had friends here 2 weeks ago when i first came , now they are away back to work , im getting bored of pattaya now and will maybe move onto hau hin or udon thani . at first i needed to get away from my home country for a break i have worked damn hard all year offshore , earned some good money so im going to live my life for me for a few months , is that so wrong ? before i came here i asked my other 19 year old daughter if i was doing the right thing going away from my wife , she is a level headed uni student studying law and she advised me it was the best thing to do for us both . my 5 year old daughter will still be around in 2-3 months when i return home then ill pick up the pieces .

Stop with the spin. Boffing hookers is not good for a marriage. Those who say its a part of thai culture are idiots.................lol.

[Rajhulmaheesh]

Get back to your daughter. Stats are not in favor of young thai girls raised only by a thai mother wo a father. First theyll start having early sex and then you know what that leads to.

[Minnehaha]

Sure they are different - the countries and cultures are very different.

There are many comments on these differences... I won't add to that.

The OP says that intimacy / sex is gone from the marriage and there is little or no communication.

In my experience, successful marriages and relationships (romantic or life partners or spouses) require 3 things for success.

1. Mutual respect

2. Communication

3. Chemistry (which in romantic relationships manifests itself in sex and intimacy)

The first 2 are necessary for the day to day stuff and to ensure the pair grow together as opposed to grow apart over time.

The chemistry is a tough one. Sometimes it falls out of the mix completely. I think most marriages experience a decrease in this activity over time, particularly in old age.

The interesting thing is.. I think most women are more intuitive than men. And when the chemistry is not there women notice it. Of course you would say that men notice it pretty fast if there is no sex, but the same goes for women. They need to feel attractive... to feel wanted. For the most part men can be happy with getting laid.

The OP did not say if the sex was absent from his side or from hers. Reading between the lines, I wonder if it is not as much his fault as hers that the chemistry is gone.

[HooHaa]

Peace. You sound pretty young and not so experienced. Lucky you.

It took a lifetime. However, my late wife, passed young and unexpected, she mentioned it once or twice. . .to me.

Now the love and light of this life has mentioned it several times and it has taken root. Theerak, can't you just keep your mouth shut?

I can, I have and it works.

In past life, if things got too hot, I'd take a drive. I cool off very quickly. Who knew, just keep my mouth shut. After you succeed a few times, It is no longer an issue and life smooths out quickly. Any person who thinks women are different , read different comic books. They aren't.

They're all beautiful and intelligent.

i suspect the op is not so young. one divorce already and willing to live with his wife and child in an issan village scream retired. but im just guessin'

[dirtycash]

OP, your typing style is so (deliberately?) annoying that I can't be bothered to read your posts.

Maybe you should spend some time learning to type before posting about complex emotional issues.

555 , did you go to a thai state school by any chance ?

[3bj]

Insanity - doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.

IMO I would focus on how to be involved in my daughters life, and accept that fixing the relationship is near impossible.

If things are bad in a relationship, they always get worse in time, never better.

They can only get better if there is a serious "want to change" by those involved, and which requires work.

It is difficult to get a thai to see that they played a part in being wrong, so IMO this is near impossible

[sgtsabai]

Here is the advice my Thai attorney gave me when I found 350,000 baht missing from my bank account and split. Get back to your house before you get stuck for abandonment. Yea, I split for Pattaya, had friends there, still do. You get no less than half and if she cops to the theft (she did) she is in deep trouble. It wasn't what I thought, not boy friend (first thought) and not the excuse her friends cooked up-gambling, her mom. Yep mom and pop have a very nice refurbished house and much of my furniture that went there as soon as I was gone. We are back together, have been for years, but things have never been the same, never will, the trust is gone. She is a good mother, takes good care of me, a great daughter, arrrggghhhh. On the other hand I am hard to live with, bachelor for many years, some would say I can be a hard man and I like my privacy and what is mine is mine, not the famdamnily's. As I'm often reminded, I'm not Thai. My advice, talk to a competent attorney yesterday. And to all you do-gooders, stick it where the sun doesn't shine. Crawl back in your troglodyte holes. Church is on sunday, gawd is awatchin' don't ya'll miss now ya hear.

[KhnomKhnom]

Hello to you, a man finally confronting reality of ordinary life.

Likely you came to Thailand as an escape from all your emotional baggage and sought relief with a cute little brown serving girl.... OOPS, they only exist in movies. In Thailand or everywhere, women are real persons whose personalities can not be reduced by your drive to be their sole master. Surprise!

Step 1, go back and take your place, first and now, as FATHER of daughter, your first job. Tell your wife that is why you returned and that your devotion to your role as Father will never take you away again, regardless........ mean that and make it stick.

Step 2. do not think a Thai will want to directly confront any unpleasantness, especially one on one interpersonal. You CAN NEVER talk anything out ... this is not the West. All good management of Thai books say NEVER call two contending employees together to talk out their differences and anger. NOT a solution technique, not at all. Get that through your thick head now and come to terms with it now.

Step 3. get a translator and pick her mother or some auntie or functional auntie and tell that person your story. Ask her to go to your wife and gently retell your story to her. NEVER try directly to solve interpersonal problems...instead get a Thai to work for you.

Step 4. stay around, never argue, never talk-fight. Show NO upset, no displeasure; pretend wife's complaints about you are in a foreign language and have small smile and show of listening. Just be there and BE QUIET and in a couple of months wife will calm down and be a normal person again. BUT, YOU can not go back to being the clueless dolt you were. The new you is quiet, non confrontational, and dedicated lovingly to your child.

If you want to be always an ego filled Westerner who just has to be right all the time, you messed up with that personality and had a child. Now man-up, get real, and at the very least, be a Father.

[pgrahmm]

beetle juice, as soon as i seen your avatar flash up i though " oh oh here goes another negitive rely " read through your history pal , you really ought to get a life, you sound sadder than me and im half way through a divorce allready. what gives you the right to slander me as a father ?

pgrahamm, you sound just like another pattaya basher, i have my reasons why i came to pattaya , yes one of them was because i can get drunk off my head and try forget my wife and if i want to bang hookers then yea i will but im not !!! where in thailand does not have hookers ? my village in isaan has 5 knocking shops on the outskirts , or holland or uk for that matter, you too get a life and stop being so quick to label someone. maybe take a look at yourself and your own life.

asking about thai ladies attitude toward marriage and divorce im not asking to be judged from any of you.

Well....getting ready to drop our 6 year old daughter off at a good international school..I gave you solid advice as others have....but you are too busy advertising your unsympathetic lack of comprehension of your own life situation along with your stunning shortcomings as a Man....in your case there are probably many good reasons your ex did what she did & you probably did what she expected from you.....things are not going to change if you don't.....follow some of the hard advice on here.....you want to play the victim and the manly rogue.....good luck... Edited January 22, 2015 by pgrahmm

[mikiea]

Started to feel bad for this guy until the word PATTAyA popped up.......hahahahahaha.!

Dont marry Pattaya anything esp. the girls.

And for gods sake dont have kids. I do feel for her as she has a caring but foolish father.

more pattaya bashers , tut tut. dont be such a pea brained little fool to think all farang go to pattaya to get laid with bar girls !! did you not even read my posts ? have a look again then reply in a sensible manner. i am familiar with pattaya and had friends here 2 weeks ago when i first came , now they are away back to work , im getting bored of pattaya now and will maybe move onto hau hin or udon thani . at first i needed to get away from my home country for a break i have worked damn hard all year offshore , earned some good money so im going to live my life for me for a few months , is that so wrong ? before i came here i asked my other 19 year old daughter if i was doing the right thing going away from my wife , she is a level headed uni student studying law and she advised me it was the best thing to do for us both . my 5 year old daughter will still be around in 2-3 months when i return home then ill pick up the pieces .

i cant make up my mind if you are a manskank or a himbo, or maybe what they call today a "tool" . you wifes boyfriend told her to tell you that going away was the best thing. do you not understand this ? :-)

[MJKT2014]

> so the question is , are thai woman same as farang woman as in talking things through ?

Thai woman = human being = farang woman. You do the math.

[bina]

knomknom gve some of the best advice ive seen ; i would basically disregard most of the women hating /thai women hating contingency and their remarks...

many thai women and many women in general, turn off from sex after having kids/work/worries... long time marriage... sometimes its just a phase. sometimes it really is their way of making you decide to break up...

good luck either way...

[In Search of Space]

I think all this thread shows is that everybody is different, especially when you mix personalities and nationalities, there must be a million combinations

[mebkk]

so the question is , are thai woman same as farang woman as in talking things through ? giving things another go ? reason why i ask is this , many thai girls i ask tell me that the thai man walked out on them and never returned and they hate them for this and they would never even speak to their ex thai husbands again ever ! i mean my ex wife and me are still friends after the uinitial breakup it was fiery but after couple years we became friends. so do you think my wife will do just as all the rest of thai woman and not even speak or look at me ever again ? even if we did not get back together i would still want to remain friends and help her out if and when she needs me.

i am always amazed and puzzled when I read posts such as this...

For the 1st question, let me answer with a question: are ALL farang women the same?? Do they ALL think/do the same about anything????

And for the 2nd question - how can ANYONE but you answer this question? It's about YOUR wife whom you've been with for at least 6 years (taking into account a child of 5 years + the pregnancy time). Why would you ask people you don't know what THEY think YOUR WIFE (whom none of them know) would think? And to all those offering opinions - how can you offer any opinion based on the OP? What makes you experts on lives of people you don't know??

Here's what I'd do if faced with a problem with my wife - Thai / Chinese / eastern / western or WHATEVER - I'd talk to HER. If something has made the situation such that a conversation between the 2 of you can't take place right now - I'd talk to my / her friends - people who know us or at least her. People she might have been talking to about the situation and can shed light on her state of mind.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Here's what I'd do if faced with a problem with my wife - Thai / Chinese / eastern / western or WHATEVER - I'd talk to HER. If something has made the situation such that a conversation between the 2 of you can't take place right now - I'd talk to my / her friends - people who know us or at least her. People she might have been talking to about the situation and can shed light on her state of mind.

That won't work,

Talking to your Thai lady usually results in an immediate insane and often violent reaction.

Talking to your Thai ladies friends would result in them taking the opportunity of luring you into bed, or telling your Thai lady you tried to lure them into bed, resulting in a delayed but still insane and often violent reaction from your Thai lady.

[FrankOff]

Build your relationship solely on sex and it will only be the kids who suffer in the end. If either parent can't dig deeper then perhaps it is best to "move-on", the kid will be raised by the grand-parents like so many others baring the brunt of a broken family.

[abrahamzvi]

What BJ says,

If you control the money, you control everything else.

If she doesn't need your money, different story.

So your OP didn't specify ........ you still paying for everything?

If you are, stop all money now, none for her, none for the kid, no home loan payments, no school fees, cut it all.

After that you can negotiate whatever you want or your terms.

If you keep giving, she will see it as weakness.

PS

Her not having sex with you is reason for divorce, her fault.

Looks to me like you put up with her sh_it for way too long.

I would have jumped ship at the first refusal.

There is no other way to describe this answer, other than "total disgrace" How can any human being (man included...) think this way about other human beings (women included...). May i remind the "Anotheroneamerican" that even in Thailand we do not, repeat not, live in the 18th century.

It appears to be YOU living in the 18th century, a time when a man had to provide for a woman and her children.

I live in the 21st century, everyone for themselves, and the state to look after the lazy and stupid.

The last sentence of your "remarks" shows your real social attitude - chauvinistic, anti social, selfish right winger. In the 21st century such things as gender equality, social justice and responsibility are part of our social order, at least in most democracies, which I believe, Thailand is.

[mikiea]

What BJ says,

If you control the money, you control everything else.

If she doesn't need your money, different story.

So your OP didn't specify ........ you still paying for everything?

If you are, stop all money now, none for her, none for the kid, no home loan payments, no school fees, cut it all.

After that you can negotiate whatever you want or your terms.

If you keep giving, she will see it as weakness.

PS

Her not having sex with you is reason for divorce, her fault.

Looks to me like you put up with her sh_it for way too long.

I would have jumped ship at the first refusal.

There is no other way to describe this answer, other than "total disgrace" How can any human being (man included...) think this way about other human beings (women included...). May i remind the "Anotheroneamerican" that even in Thailand we do not, repeat not, live in the 18th century.

It appears to be YOU living in the 18th century, a time when a man had to provide for a woman and her children.

I live in the 21st century, everyone for themselves, and the state to look after the lazy and stupid.

The last sentence of your "remarks" shows your real social attitude - chauvinistic, anti social, selfish right winger. In the 21st century such things as gender equality, social justice and responsibility are part of our social order, at least in most democracies, which I believe, Thailand is.

dude, kinda love yourself a little bit ? do not post here and pretend you are enlightned when you are not. you are here because cost of living is cheap & a lot of women will have you....ehhh not so much back home. you are a bar stool oprah &dr. phill, let me be the first to tell you. ..... you spend way to much time talking about another mans sex life. and if your a good man you would not be in thailand horn doggen. but that is just me :-)

[AnotherOneAmerican]

The last sentence of your "remarks" shows your real social attitude - chauvinistic, anti social, selfish right winger. In the 21st century such things as gender equality, social justice and responsibility are part of our social order, at least in most democracies, which I believe, Thailand is.

You think Thailand is a democracy ...... what a plonker!

[dirtycash]

Here is the advice my Thai attorney gave me when I found 350,000 baht missing from my bank account and split. Get back to your house before you get stuck for abandonment. Yea, I split for Pattaya, had friends there, still do. You get no less than half and if she cops to the theft (she did) she is in deep trouble. It wasn't what I thought, not boy friend (first thought) and not the excuse her friends cooked up-gambling, her mom. Yep mom and pop have a very nice refurbished house and much of my furniture that went there as soon as I was gone. We are back together, have been for years, but things have never been the same, never will, the trust is gone. She is a good mother, takes good care of me, a great daughter, arrrggghhhh. On the other hand I am hard to live with, bachelor for many years, some would say I can be a hard man and I like my privacy and what is mine is mine, not the famdamnily's. As I'm often reminded, I'm not Thai. My advice, talk to a competent attorney yesterday. And to all you do-gooders, stick it where the sun doesn't shine. Crawl back in your troglodyte holes. Church is on sunday, gawd is awatchin' don't ya'll miss now ya hear.

what ?

[louse1953]

Nothing will be solved with you staying hundreds of kilometres away. If you are serious about maintaining a relationship with your ex-wife and your daughter, perhaps it would be a good idea to find a house for rent nearby?

It's also a lot easier to end up having heated arguments over the phone or via SMS. Perhaps you should come back, stay at a nearby resort or hotel and deal with these issues head-on?

Good move,and harder for somebody to replace you.