Im having pre-marriage jitters

[Rajhulmaheesh]

My first question is. Where did you meet her ? #2. Can you speak Thai? #3 Can she speak English and where did she learn? #4 Has she had another foreigner before ? #5 If so where did she meet him ?

These are questions one ask if trying to find out if girl is hooker.....................lol.

[frank0424]

Why ask strangers if you should marry her or not?

[TallCoolOne]

First of all, deal with the negatives. You mentioned her condescending attitude and her lack of sweetness. Confront her on these issues and tell her what you want/need in a wife. If she's willing to understand and respect your needs, then go for it.

It sounds like a rational relationship, and I believe you have a better chance of succeeding as compared to an emotional or passionate relationship. Passion can lead to a passionate divorce. A real heartbreaker.

There's nothing wrong with a rational relationship, especially in the wake of an emotional disaster. A rational relationship can give you a lifetime of stability, as compared to an emotional rollercoaster. As long as you like each other and respect each other, and there's some basis for physical attraction, you can have a very satisfying time. When you want passion, well, that's what mia noys are for.

You've been with her for a while now, you know if you're getting along or not; also you will have detected any signs of severe mental illness by now. Tell her to knock off the condescending shit & treat you nice, and you'll marry her.

Worst case scenario: it doesn't work out, and you move on. If there's no great passion, then there's no great heartbreak.

[arjunadawn]

Brother, if you consideration of this important issue first boils down to "pros" and "cons" then you will fail.

This is called rationalizing; a back door; reservations. There's nothing wrong with this, per se- but if you need to apply reasoning to love, you are not in love.

if you are not in love, don't marry; get a dog.

[dragonfly94]

Does she take it up the bum? that's a key question!

[AnotherOneAmerican]

What is the point in getting married to a women who clearly does not love you

Just to get a visa?

Unbelievable you have to one lonely geezer

Im just looking for happiness and companionship in this life. Not so much to ask.

If sex isn't important (as you state), Labradors are great, not expensive, always in a good mood, don't need a VISA.

[Robert24]

what's the upside for you if you get married?

[ChiangraiTony]

The only advise that I can offer is to follow your heart. Remember one important thing. It is very easy to find a girl to marry. Are you ready for this with her now or not?

[sead]

Oh cmon. For me it seems that you don't have enough problems in life already but rest assured, marry her and you will have. I was married with Swedish girl 18 years and now in Thailand 18 months. My thoughts in beginning was to find a beautiful young girl to brag with. So my wife could see. But now after gf nr4 in Thailand i told her that marriage is going to take some years of good relationship before we go further. Relax now. Enjoy your life as a single. Whatever you do in Thailand before marrying a Thai. Such as buy condo / house or open business or buy car. Do it with your money and before marriage.

[Suitcase]

Getting married so that she can have the visa and go back with you? Understand the bit about being tired of this place, but sounds a bit drastic. IMO, I would heed these 'jitters', intuition or whatever you want to call it. They are trying to tell you something. I would definitely recommend more time before committing.

Yes youre right, it might be a bit drastic. But given the alternative of staying here, trying to find a more perfect woman, and then starting the whole process again, it seems like not such a bad choice.

Why do you need to get married?

What is wrong with being single?

The OP can't wait to spend more money on his lady and he needs

to justify it by getting married!

If all he says is true?!

I personally think the OP is a troll and you people are all playing into his story!!

[matman]

You don't get married to fix or make a relationship work

[twix38]

fwiw, imho you should wait to marry and find out more. The haste for other reasons such as wanting to leave Thailand is no reason to marry. Otherwise apply for a Fiance visa/settlement visa. I did that years ago and my girlfriend came to UK for 6 months. We did not get married in the UK and she returned to Thailand. We are still together and for 12 years all told. We didn't actually intend to marry in UK, but the Fiance visa was easy/easier to get, at least back then, and the option to marry is clearly implicit if you decide to, or she goes home to Thailand and/or marry later or never. I would advise living abroad in your home country together before marrying here just to be able to both go there. It is a shock to some Thai's and to be away from home/family etc and things can need a period of adjustment or may not work out at all. It's a bit tough if already married and this happens. You must apply for this visa demonstrating serious intention to marry and you may very well do so, but if you decide against it you have both been living in your country and had more time together and she just returns home to Thailand. The choice to marry or delay/quit with her return home is yours, assuming rules etc apply similarly these days.

[CapeThai]

I had the same jitters and thought your having just before I married my X wife back in my country. I would give my left testicle if I could turn back the clock and act to not have married her.

This is your 6 th sense warning you my friend..... Listen to it !!

[Suitcase]

What is the point in getting married to a women who clearly does not love you

Just to get a visa?

Unbelievable you have to one lonely geezer

Im just looking for happiness and companionship in this life. Not so much to ask.

That happiness to a Thai girl is going to cost you a lot of money!

And that companionship is going to cost you a hell of a lot more money!

Then if and when you run out of money she will be gone in a heart beat!

Why is it I have never heard of a Japanese, South Korean, or Chinese getting married

to a Thai girl.

It is always an Aussie, Britsh, or an American that want sto get hooked up to them

and haul them back to their country!

Sorry, I'm just not that lonely and desperate!

[Loptr]

If the OP cannot think of overwhelming convincing reasons to get married, then don't do it... IMHO, the only reason to get married in this day and age is if you plan on having kids... If not, then why, other than showing commitment to someone you obviously have doubts about... Why else are you here asking the peanut gallery?

Impossible to get her a Visa without intent to marry or actual marriage.

Understood, which opens another can of worms... Your odds of success diminish if you take a Thai woman out of Thailand... Much like picking a flower and trying to transplant it into a foreign environment... Not saying that it won't work, but it will be much harder to make it work than if you are living in Thailand... Solo mi dos centavos...

[robertson468]

Job, job, what is her job?

From this we can begin to deduce how she spends her days, what the source of her income is and how much it is.

Also education level please. Thank you.

Accounting clerk with 2 years of university.

2 years of university is odd for a Thai. The obvious qualification this points to is Por Wor Sor in Accounting. This is a vocational diploma. It is actually 2 years in a commercial college but equates to the first 2 years of a university degree.

Accounting students are the only ones with half a brain in commercial colleges. It is seen as the hard course.

And she actually works in accounting.

If this is the case, this is good.

Proceed with the marriage.

You have higher odds of success than most.

Thanks for this Briggsy.

Sorry Briggsy, but mental capacity is no indication of emotional feelings towards another human being. Example: top academics are know to get divorced (the claimed to be most advanced thinker in the World Professor ????? who has advaced motor nuron disease, sorry forgot his name) got divorced some years ago. His Ex-Wife, in an interview said they just grew apart and had nothing more in common. Personally, if I did not deeply love a person, I feel that all those "little annoying habits" would in time become BIG annoying habits and could very well put the kaibosh on a relationship. You already know how fragil a relationship can be, even if you are deeply in love at the beginning. It might be worth spinning this out for another year and to live as Partners, which in fact is recognised in most Countries, providing you can prove she is a common law wife. In the long term, this arrangement worries me. You have also already said that she is inclined to be condescending and bossy - to me that would get really annoying in time, for me a short time!! If you don't have to commit and are not under pressure, I think tempus fugit (slowly, slowly) is the cry. Good luck.

[jamestip2013]

I have a good Thai wife and it too 10 years to find her.. I am 67 , she is 39.Her parents live near Rama2 shops just South West of Bangkok which is 150 k's from Cha-am where I live .. W are happily married now for 2 years .. She is educated and has a Daughter , Remember most "farangs" have met a their lady doing something illegal, immoral or fattening !!!!! These ladies are pleasant, usually from the North East and want a child so I made sure I found a lady with a child because I am not giving a Thai lady at my age a child. Most important is that she has a daughter,, NOT A SON. Remember you can't tell a Thai what to do and you can't and Thais WILL NOT punish a naughty boy .

My wife had a good position at Home-pro in BKK and because I live in Cha-am they transferred her to Huahin. So she is occupied because she is working .

Next but more important is NOT to buy property in their name or build on family land as it will not get carved up if you split..I have a Condo IN MY NAME .. That is all a "farang"can own. Its mine before we met so it stays mine if we split

You have all these doubts.. I never had any doubts. If your thoughts were mine I would never of married her.. If you do make sure you don't have your car, scooter and things in her name .. Every stupid "farang" I have told NOT to put these thing in their ladies name who has since split up right now as I write .. NONE of them have had a car or scooter handed back to them .. Yes once its in their name it's THEIRS NOT YOURS.

Just remember not to give away your security to make a THAI LADY SECURE.. AND YOU DID NOT COME HEAR TO "ASSET SHED".. REGARDS and GOOD LUCK..you will need that as you indicate clearly that you two are not marriage material. So you need to be careful .. Most "farangs" get so involved they don't take advice anyway.

[macapie]

Simple Mate if there is no need for it don't do it.

[Jungle Jim]

The majority met their so called girlfriend/wife either in a bar or massage shop. The majority purchased a home, land, business and car. The majority could not speak a word of Thai. The majority are boozers. The majority lost everything. The majority have zero common sense, The majority never did their research nor ever listened. The majority are losers.

[Suitcase]

Not trying to be funny but why ruin a good relationship with marriage?

Exactly my thoughts after reading the OP.

The Pros sound very good, though. Seems to be a nice lady. But things too often are not what they seem to be.

After four and a half happy years I found out that my lovely lady had two affairs while I trusted her 100 % until I found a USB stick with many fotos from her and her lovers. Clear proof.

My advise: Open your eyes wide. Keep a close control over your money. Try to follow her facebook account, take a close look at her family and friends, don't believe what you cannot verify.

They are great liars and skilled cheaters.

Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do.

Boy, did you say a mouthful there!

I agree whole heartily!

( And I always thought they were wantabee actrasses just trying out

their routines on us farangs! ) 5555

[DamienG]

Go with your gut feeling, it's your life and your choice only you can make the decision. Good luck

[Southerndrawl]

I just spent nearly an hour replying to many posts in a multiquote, then my computer crashed as I was posting. I knew I should have saved it as I was writing it.

Thanks to everyone for all the responses.

[transam]

The majority met their so called girlfriend/wife either in a bar or massage shop. The majority purchased a home, land, business and car. The majority could not speak a word of Thai. The majority are boozers. The majority lost everything. The majority have zero common sense, The majority never did their research nor ever listened. The majority are losers.

Heeeeeeeeey, leave me outta this.............

[luckynero]

Who started to talk about marriage?

[georgemandm]

Hi if I were you I would not get married but up to you I have done it 2 times and did not work out .

So with the thai I just did the village bullshit and that is that , would never take her back home full time , like my time to my self when back home .

I just come and go to thailand when I feel like it I am one of the lucky one did not sell my home to live in thailand.

[Morakot]

She is condescending sometimes

If this really an emotion she is sometimes projecting on the OP, I'd be rather alarmed if I were the OP.

The rest sounds not a problem or something that can potentially be sorted.

[A1Str8]

And you still want to marry this woman? No wonder you are having jitters.

[twix38]

If this statement ..."Impossible to get her a Visa without intent to marry or actual marriage" is related to my post 104, then of course it is true, but doesn't change a thing I said. Of course in applying for a fiance/settlement visa there must be shown the intention to marry. So what...you show the intention. Things don't need to be all booked and paid for. It's an intention. Rules may have changed since my experience in 2005

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Why is it I have never heard of a Japanese, South Korean, or Chinese getting married

to a Thai girl.

Probably because you don't mix with those nationalities.

Plenty of old Korean dudes importing younger Thai wives to Korea, considered disgraceful by the other Koreans.

Loads of Chinese have married Thais in the past, half the forum posters are married to their descendents, China is a bit harder to get out of at the moment, more to do with politics and immigration than desire.

Japanese are totally xenophobic, they don't generally marry anyone except Japanese, happy to set up a holiday home in Thailand with a young Thai girl, buy them a house, buy them a car, pay ALL their expenses, visit for 2-3 weeks a year.

Any more questions about other Asian nationalities?

You really should get out a bit more.

[Mudcrab]

I couldn't sign the certificate probably when I got married to my second wife last year. I wrecked the first one much to my wifes annoyance , I then had to practice it and go for a piss to calm down. the second one wasn't great but I got away with it. I have a very squiggly signature and usually I dont have to think about it , but I just froze , it was like I couldn't remember how to do it, Never happened to me before or since. Great timing

how many do you plan on marrying this year?

just joking