Serious And Disturbing Email

[t.s]

Great idea to message stick and find out what he thinks

why?

so he can reply that he sells his services and cannot reply unless under retainer?

[udon]

Stick has already stated it's out of his league.

[t.s]

Stick has already stated it's out of his league.

just saw that. i stand corrected

[HarryHacker]

Tip - I don't think anything will be resolved in your mind until you haul your arse back there and thats the god's honest truth mate.

That is a puzzle to me, the fact that Tip has not rushed back to see her. Forget all these PI clowns. Come back and check it out for yourself or keep cool and forget it.

Edited August 24, 2006 by HarryHacker

[LoveDaBlues]

Tip - I don't think anything will be resolved in your mind until you haul your arse back there and thats the god's honest truth mate.

That is a puzzle to me, the fact that Tip has not rushed back to see her. Forget all these PI clowns. Come back and check it out for yourself or keep cool and forget it.

Because this scenerio could happen. Tip comes back and for various reasons the 'boyfriend' (assuming there really is one) happens to be out of town. All seems well when it really isn't.

There are clowns in every profession; including yours. A good PI can provide a valuable service when it's needed.

Also, it can be very hard for some people to just 'rush back' because of business reasons. Based on the posts here it seems Tip could lose some clients if he just takes off.

Nothing at this point that Tip has done is puzzling to me. If fact I think he is handling this rather well given the stress factor.

[Cent]

Tip - I don't think anything will be resolved in your mind until you haul your arse back there and thats the god's honest truth mate.

That is a puzzle to me, the fact that Tip has not rushed back to see her. Forget all these PI clowns. Come back and check it out for yourself or keep cool and forget it.

Harry,

Tip does state that leaving now could affect his employment/job/work. Also, if it is true that a Thai cop is involved with his wife it could turn out to be that there could be some possible physical threats if he catches them together, ruins the cop's gig and income stream, gets violent with him (plausible in the heat of the moment), his wife could get very angry-especially if it all turns out to be a hoax, etc. Not smart to just rush in not knowing what you are facing and what the truth actually is. I still say, get the info by using an reliable P.I. Know what the deal is before bracing her with the facts found or not found. The whole thing could be a ruse by a jealous neighbor, friend, relative, co-worker, farang wanna be lover, ex lover, whatever. Bad things have been known to happen in these sorts of situations. Throw in a Thai cop to the mix and a farang needs to be extremely careful. Just look at the cop in Kanchanaburi that killed that young couple, and many other dodgy deaths of farangs over the past few years in the news. If this is for real it is not be be taken lightly. People do awful things when caught out and where maybe money or love is involved.

hel_l, this 'e-mail informer' could even be the supposed Thai cop himself trying to get Tip to leave his wife because the COP is in love with her. From what Tip says his wife sounds like a keeper and a truly nice woman that many men would love to be with.

So, even though it would be nice to just chuck it all and fly over and face her with these suspicions and accusations, I think Tip is being level-headed enough to at least take this all into account and see if he can find the truth. Although I think he is waiting too long to hire a good PI and just find out the truth as much as it can be detected. He's letting the e-mails get to him and cause doubts about his wife's fidelity. That's not good.

As I said before in an earlier post, Tip, get the PI and get the truth, for you, for your wife's sake, and for your marriage's sake before believing anything in this sad scene. You owe it to both of you before making any decisions or taking any action.

Cent

Edited August 24, 2006 by Cent

[keda]

With respect, the only thing puzzling me is that Tipp and the missus have been apart for a full year, yet many seem surprised that she might be taking up with someone else.

keda

[HarryHacker]

Tip - I don't think anything will be resolved in your mind until you haul your arse back there and thats the god's honest truth mate.

That is a puzzle to me, the fact that Tip has not rushed back to see her. Forget all these PI clowns. Come back and check it out for yourself or keep cool and forget it.

Because this scenerio could happen. Tip comes back and for various reasons the 'boyfriend' (assuming there really is one) happens to be out of town. All seems well when it really isn't.

There are clowns in every profession; including yours. A good PI can provide a valuable service when it's needed.

Also, it can be very hard for some people to just 'rush back' because of business reasons. Based on the posts here it seems Tip could lose some clients if he just takes off.

Nothing at this point that Tip has done is puzzling to me. If fact I think he is handling this rather well given the stress factor.

Well I guess it’s all up to his personal priorities.

….well maybe after Tips issue has been resolved we can have a nice debate on the PIs based here in Thailand.

[t.s]

The latest from Stephen. Admittedly khon Thai.

I can not give my moblie to you i can not speak english [you can speak thai]

you can contract by mail only

i sent to you by open dictionary

i understand this new it shock! for you i sorry again

before i tell you i think many day verymuch

i think you can sole this preblem you love them

Jai yen yen

I can information for you by mail

One thing that i found different is ...,the english on "stephen's" previous Mail and the one now, looks different to me.

Yeah, I agree. Thats why I suggested that he may be following this thread, as his English was discussed before. Suddenly the points in question have changed. If he knows Tip's email he may well know his TV name and that he started this thread.

The plot thickens.....

oh goodie, now the real paranoia begins. perhaps that should have considered before this went public, i cant wait for the mangosauce article

i would like to say i think that the syntax is very much like what a moderately educated thai would write like. it seems credible to me:

new instead of news, open dictionary, i can information for you -- all are credible.

but then i am just another guy engaged in useless speculation on the internet.

To summarize:

-- absent for 8 months

-- mystery emails

-- missing 13,000

-- (allegedly) damaged vehicle

-- forgotten insurance provider

-- all possessions in wifes name

-- family history with policeman (father of aw)

-- incriminating photograph of headless man in a t shirt

-- refusal to get on a plane and deal with it head on (albeit after only 24 hours)

the stuff of fiction that

This thread goes against my very strongest beliefs regarding, dignity, privacy and discretion but it is as riveting as the aftermath of a motorcycle crash.

i wish you luck tip, but i find it difficult to believe you would make this public

[meemiathai]

All this fuss because of a few anonymous emails?? I am starting to wonder how strong the love really is between you both. I will be sending an email telling the person to <deleted> off if it was me. Sending a PI will be the best if that is something more reliable than your own eyes and feelings.

I wonder if it is going to clear your doubts even if the PI gave you positive results.

Don't ever let your wife know about all this that have taken place in your mind. It is going to hurt really bad.

Not tryin to criticize anyone here. Everyone is forced into different situations. I am just luckier in this case.

Solution : PI

[dekka007]

This thread could continue for eternity. 2 options plain and simple as far as I can see, the analsys of email, grammer etc. its gonna go nowhere.

1. Come Back To Thailand ASAP - I think the best option. Work will always be there and I reckon you are not functioning 100% at work anyway because your continually thinking about the situation. So 3-4 days off to put your mind at rest will in the long run be more productive when you return.

2. Hire one of the PI services if you feel it necessary.

I realise everyone has good intentions here and it is a good to know but at the end of the day the above 2 options are the only viable solutions right now and I think will continue to be the only 2 options.

Edited August 24, 2006 by dekka007

[udon]

I no longer think that Tip needs a PI after the last email.

You guys should give yourselves a pat on the back for the sincerity of your responses.

It shows what you guys & girls are made of.

[the swagman]

I's sorry to have to say this to you Tip, but the damage is already been done.

After all this it will take a mighty, mighty effort to get back that feeling you had before. Even if it is only a hoax, your doubting her has certainly put the cat among the pidgeons.

Iderally, after finding out it is all crap, you can both sit down and have a good chuckle about the whole thing.

This is not an ideal world.

The touch will be different, the smile will be more forced, your doubts will be there for a long time yet.

<deleted> happens mate.

[Tippaporn]

tip , if this guy is a falang , then you shouldnt really be formulating plans and posting here , he in all probability is following this and enjoying every minute of it.

if you need advice , then , if you are not doing so already ,communicate with those from whom you seek the advice by pm.

its starting to look like a nasty hoax by someone who knows your situation.

you need to have someone take a look.

your post number 276 suggests that you are starting to "wallow" and get too emotional.

you need to harden up right now , before you fall into a depressive vortex.

........ and start to get active in this plot , not passive.

once again , good luck .

Thanks again, tax.

These emails do admittedly get me wound up tightly and negatively focused but I do level out after awhile. I guess it's only human nature to fear the worst especially when it comes to issues that are gravely near and dear to your heart. In any case I do have to entertain the worst and consider how I would respond to that scenario. Compassion and love takes the pain away from me. Besides, meom did bring up a point which I agree with - I would harbor no ill will. That brings me peace.

Hiring a PI is my last resort. There are avenues available to me, through the offers of so much help I've been receiving via PMs, that I have yet to investigate and play out. Much of this is going on behind the scenes. Trust me tax, I am anything but passive right now.

[Tippaporn]

What a wonderful attitude you have, Tippaporn! I've always found it sad when a couple breaks up and one or both of the partner are so filled with revenge and anger. If you truly love someone, you will be happy for them if they've found true love elsewhere, inspite of your internal deep sadness. Being able to walk away from a relationship with your kind of attitude proves you really did love her. Breaking up with revenge just proves you never really loved her to begin with. Of course we all still hope for the best for you and that this is all just a hoax. Remember, at times like this it's very easy for your mind to play tricks on you and for you to believe things that are not real. Try your best to remain rational at all times.

If the worst happens and your fears are confirmed, do just like as you said you would do. And look on the bright side, there's so many more available women out there. You'll be in a lot of pain for a long time, but you certainly are virtually guaranteed that given enough time for your heart to heal you'll be able to find another wonderful woman and have many years of happiness with her. Think of the great times you've had with your wife, and know with certainty that you'll have equally or better great times in the future, whether it's with your current wife or a new wife. Keep your wonderful perspective of life and love and I'm sure you will be succesful and happy in life. Don't let any bad expereinces taint your view, but do learn from them and perhaps add more caution in your future relationships.

Thanks for that, Soju. I've been through the hateful and spiteful partings before. Never again. They rip you apart much more than allowing yourself to let go of something with love and compassion.

[qualtrough]

I've been dealing with Thais for 20 years in business and marriage.

Screwing over Farangs is a national pastime.

Her friends would probably ridicule her if she wasn't taking advantage.

My best friend married a lovely Thai lady.

Single with no kids.

He is out to Sea every 2 months.

If ten years down the road I hear she had a Thai husband and kids would still not suprise me. TIT.

Truth, integrity and trust are important to westerners, not Thais.

Not saying they are bad people, just raised different with different priorities.

Skipper I know from your previous posts that you have had a bad experience, but your saying that Truth, integrity, and trust are important to Westerners and not Thais is pure BS. Yes, there certainly are dishonest Thais who seek to exploit Farangs, but to extrapolate from that to a blanket statement about all Thais is ridiculous. I think part of the reason for this perception is that a good number of Farangs get involved in relationships or situations here that they would never get into back home simply because they are ignorant of the social. linguistic and other clues that would tip them off as warning signals back in their home turf. They also tend to meet up with a subset of Thais that already know English and have experience in dealing with Farangs for one reason or another, and thus are not necessarily representative of the Thai population as a whole. I found that my perception of Thais changed for the better when I learned to read and write Thai and thus was able to operate independently. I no longer had to depend on English-speaking Thais for help with anything, and could venture out beyond those areas that cater to Farangs.

Edited August 24, 2006 by qualtrough

[LoveDaBlues]

After reading Love Blues' post above, the idea of having someone borrow your truck is a good one. No downside in that idea

Butthead, glad to see you like the idea. The truck IS THE KEY TO THIS PUZZLE. It's called PHYSICAL EVIDENCE. No damage to the truck and the mysterious emailer is a jackoff to be ignored. If there is damage......then.......the 'red flag' should be hoisted higher as Tip's wife has not mentioned this to him in their phone conversations. If she voluntarily told him about losing the 13,000 baht then SURELY she would tell him about the truck being in an accident; don't you think?

Edit: my TW saw this thread and asked me what it was about. I told her the story. I asked her if I had to go back to America for an emergency or whatever and our vehicle was in an accident while I was gone would she tell me? She just laughed and said, "of course; right away!". As I said before, THE TRUCK IS THE KEY.

Edited August 24, 2006 by LoveDaBlues

[qualtrough]

Thanks for that, Soju. I've been through the hateful and spiteful partings before. Never again. They rip you apart much more than allowing yourself to let go of something with love and compassion.

I respectfully disagree. I still have no regrets about leaving a cheating girlfriend's belongings on the curb. My only regret years later is that I didn't leave them in a dumpster.

[Papa_Lazarou]

"Truth, integrity and trust are important to westerners, not Thais."

So how come there are so many farang chancers and rip off merchants in SE Asia?

[tourleadersi]

LoveDaBlues

If she voluntarily told him about losing the 13,000 baht then SURELY she would tell him about the truck being in an accident; don't you think?

A few years ago I would have agreed with you, then something happened. I used to be married to a lovely English women who would wait patiently for me as I jollied around the world leading tours. She kept our car for work purposes and used to drive it daily.

I returned home after a 5 month contract in Alaska and walked up the road to the house. The first thing I noticed was that the car was spotless. This was unusual as the car was always filthy whenever I returned, she never used to get it cleaned no matter how long I was away for. This raised my suspicions and so I walked around to the front. The bonnet (hood) was folded up pretty badly from where she had obviously rear ended another vehicle.

After catching up I casually said "The car looks different"

"Yes, I had it polished especially for your return"

"No. I meant that the front of it is damaged"

"Oh you noticed that did you? I knew you would and now you are going to get angry with me..."

"I'm not angry. What happened and when?"

"About 3 months ago a stupid truck driver stopped at a red light and I nudged him"

"Nudged huh? Have you had any problems driving it since?"

"Yes, on the motorway the steering wheel wobbles at 70mph"

"So what did you do?"

"I found that at about 90mph the wobble stops so I have been driving at that speed"

At this point I got a little angry. Not because she had damaged the car, these things happen, but because she could never admit any fault of her own and so had endangered her life and others. She hadn't even taken it to the garage to have it checked or made a report so we could claim on our insurance. I took the car to the garage and they said the impact must have been about 30mph and another 5mph faster and the car would have been a write off. The steering was shot, and the wheels were seriously out of line. Both tyres were completely worn and the mechanics reckoned they had another week before they would have blown out at high speed...

We didn't get divorced over this, but it was one example of many things that she did. Another was sending in my drivers license in for a speeding camera fine when I was in the Middle East. I got my Dad to call them and say that he had sent in the wrong license! She told me that she liked her license to be clean, and that people would think bad of her if not. The list goes on and on.

So, I feel it is perfectly feasible that Tips wife kept it secret. Especially judging by her feelings of humiliation following the loss of 13k Baht. Perhaps she was hoping that the insurance would cover it and Tip would be none the wiser, unlike my ex who thought a coat of polish would distract me from a crumpled car. That sounds like a thing that some Thai's might do to save face.

You are bang on about the car being the key though.

[Neeranam]

I met my Thai wife in '01 on my first trip to Thailand, precisely 18 hours after my plane touched down.

This get the warning bells ringing IMHO.

[suiging]

Anyone figure why hiring a PI is the last resort ?

A PI's view should be objective, friends of either party will certainly not be. Having shared the problem with the whole of the TV community, one more guy in a mac should not be a problem.

[kalaminsa]

Steven - Stephen .... why does the guys name change ??

[Alreadyinuse]

LoveDaBlues

If she voluntarily told him about losing the 13,000 baht then SURELY she would tell him about the truck being in an accident; don't you think?

A few years ago I would have agreed with you, then something happened. I used to be married to a lovely English women who would wait patiently for me as I jollied around the world leading tours. She kept our car for work purposes and used to drive it daily.

I returned home after a 5 month contract in Alaska and walked up the road to the house. The first thing I noticed was that the car was spotless. This was unusual as the car was always filthy whenever I returned, she never used to get it cleaned no matter how long I was away for. This raised my suspicions and so I walked around to the front. The bonnet (hood) was folded up pretty badly from where she had obviously rear ended another vehicle.

After catching up I casually said "The car looks different"

"Yes, I had it polished especially for your return"

"No. I meant that the front of it is damaged"

"Oh you noticed that did you? I knew you would and now you are going to get angry with me..."

"I'm not angry. What happened and when?"

"About 3 months ago a stupid truck driver stopped at a red light and I nudged him"

"Nudged huh? Have you had any problems driving it since?"

"Yes, on the motorway the steering wheel wobbles at 70mph"

"So what did you do?"

"I found that at about 90mph the wobble stops so I have been driving at that speed"

At this point I got a little angry. Not because she had damaged the car, these things happen, but because she could never admit any fault of her own and so had endangered her life and others. She hadn't even taken it to the garage to have it checked or made a report so we could claim on our insurance. I took the car to the garage and they said the impact must have been about 30mph and another 5mph faster and the car would have been a write off. The steering was shot, and the wheels were seriously out of line. Both tyres were completely worn and the mechanics reckoned they had another week before they would have blown out at high speed...

We didn't get divorced over this, but it was one example of many things that she did. Another was sending in my drivers license in for a speeding camera fine when I was in the Middle East. I got my Dad to call them and say that he had sent in the wrong license! She told me that she liked her license to be clean, and that people would think bad of her if not. The list goes on and on.

So, I feel it is perfectly feasible that Tips wife kept it secret. Especially judging by her feelings of humiliation following the loss of 13k Baht. Perhaps she was hoping that the insurance would cover it and Tip would be none the wiser, unlike my ex who thought a coat of polish would distract me from a crumpled car. That sounds like a thing that some Thai's might do to save face.

You are bang on about the car being the key though.

I met my Thai wife in '01 on my first trip to Thailand, precisely 18 hours after my plane touched down.

This get the warning bells ringing IMHO.

Tip,

The above quotes says alot.

I dont know if you already talked to her and settled everything?

First, meeting each others after merely 18 hours is taking a chance but since you have been together for 5+ yrs now. Thast would be a better sign.

Just wonder how long consecutive time period you stayed together.

You could have been lucky and have met the woman of your life. No one wants to admit that they have done something wrong. You have also mentioned that you go well together and hardly ever had a fight, which means that she is accepting the farang in you and the ways you discuss, communicate with her does not make her feel ackward or intimidated. You can never take away the Thai mentality and ask her to volountarily say what happened with the car. She would not hide it for you if you ever brought it up for discussion, atleast I dont think so. To live a long distance relationship is a trial of enourmous proportions and it takes alot from both parties to make it work. There is a lot of factors, cultural, distance to mention a few but the list goes on. This does not make it easier to keep it alive.

I dont like to generalize and say that the majority of Thai girls would all be disloyal. With that perception it is no wonder alot of people do split up. Youre always no matter nationality risking to be hurt. If you are treating her with integrity and respect and you met her out of the right reasons and you have a relationship in progress not regress. The chances are good.

As I mentioned before you ought to talk to her and I would like to stress the importance of doing so in person NOT over the phone.

I salute you for still having a good attitude and I am sorry that you have found yourself in this situation.

[Papa_Lazarou]

"18 hours"

What was her job by the way.

[Alreadyinuse]

"18 hours"

What was her job by the way.

Note they met, they did not marry.

Maybe it was a friend of a business associate

Maybe at a amusement park

Maybe in a restaurant

Maybe on the Skytrain

Maybe...... you name it

Does not neccesary have to be the bar

Edited August 24, 2006 by Alreadyinuse

[Papa_Lazarou]

Could be anything indeed.

But if she's a high court judge or a nun, it may throw a different light on this conundrum.

[tourleadersi]

What does it matter if she was from a bar? She married and has been with him for over 5 years, that is the only relevant fact.

Knowing what she did before has little or no bearing on this situation at all.

How many guys on this site have been or no of guys who have been done over by women not from the bar? I have twice, once by a western teacher and once by a western accountant. Never had it happen to me in Thailand though.

This guy is suffering and is asking for our help. I know one could say that 'if he can't handle these types of questions then he shouldn't come here'. We all know that but asking them is possibly only helping to add to his pain. Sometimes it is not necessary to say things just becasue you can. I remember my friend hammering his grandson at Checkers game after game. He simply couldn't resist the chance to win, even though he would have been a better man for losing the odd game.

Edited August 24, 2006 by tourleadersi

[Papa_Lazarou]

Over the course of a 22 page topic, its not an unfair question.

[Khun Jean]

One thing that works with Thai is talking about something that you dreamed about. It depends on her background, if she believes in stuff like that (ghosts, handreading, etc..) you will have a good change it will work.

Call her and tell you had a bad dream. You dreamed she was in a car with someone and had an accident. Say you have to call to know how she is and if she is not hurt. Tell her you are scared something is wrong with her. Your voice will have to sound scared and worrying.

If anything of the car accident is true she will be totally blown away and might "break". If nothing is true she will stay cool and tell you nothing is wrong (unless she is an Oscar class actress). Getting to someone with a story like that can take them of guard. And make the call at a strange hour, like 4 am or something.