Serious And Disturbing Email

[britmaveric]

Tip - why don't you call Meow and ask her if she's been emailing you???

[AmeriThai]

the person is using Tip's computer at home, and his wife is not computer savvy, then I would think that may narrow down the list of who would have access to find his email address.

Since the sender is who I believe her to be than she has had my email address all along. As to the question of whose computer the emails were coming from it was not mine. Khutan and I resolved that last night (my night).

Meow works as a beautician and the shop she works in has a computer on-line. Whether or not she made up a fictitous name or if it was that of the shop's owner is not yet unknown. But I do know she has access in the shop.

Her emails always came after 10PM. Shop closing time as I am familiar with it.

Thanks for clarifying that Tip. From what you're also saying, that's it's best to keep yourself safe and that a PI would be the way to go, I think you're making the wisest decision. I sincerely empathize for you and can understand that this is not the easiest thing to be going through. I know you're doing a great job at mustering up the ability to remain strong and level-headed, and it's good to get outside perspectives. I'm sure there are still moments that seem like eternity when you're feeling down about it. Just remember that it's not the end of the world and things do start to get better. You know that. But maybe it helps knowing a lot of other people here who are your friends know that too. Hang in there my friend.

[Lacoste]

Tippaporn, If this is the end of your romantic relations with this lady, from reading your posts on here there are a couple of things that i know you are certain to come away from this with, your pride and integrity.

Well done mate and good luck.

edit# and certainly MY respect.

Edited August 24, 2006 by Lacoste

[dr_Pat_Pong]

I hope her name isn't Wan nor Por.

I personally know a girl named Wan who has a Thai police husband and a farang husband, German I think. I also know a girl named Por who's a real cutie and she has both a Thai and American husband. I don't see these girls often, friends of my GF's sister and I think they all were beer girls together in BKK.

Maybe I'm an arse but I'd get an investigator for piece of mind. Forget the emotional thoughts of breaking trust and be purely logical. She'll forgive you after reading all the horror stories on the internet. I'm not cynical, I think most Thai's can be trusted but with you gone so long I'd be safe.

Doesn't ring any bells Tip ?

[Soju]

If you end up breaking up, there's one thing you must absolutely do. Protect Meow and not let your wife find out she was the informant. You must force some situation whereby you find out about the policeman via another means and let your wife know that. If you just break up and don't tell her how she found out, she may very well suspect Meow so you must take all suspicion off of her.

[Mighty Mouse]

This whole story has now become sad.

It's like sitting through a movie or reading a book where you fear the ending will be a heartbreaker, yet you still hope for a happy ending.

Tip, whatever you do, you must remain strong. Intestinal fortitude is required here.

If this is the end of a chapter in your life, think positive and look ahead to the next chapter.

In the next chapter, you will have learnt from your mistakes, you will be wiser, you will be stronger and you ultimately will be happier.

Keep your chin up, we all support you.

[quadricorrelator]

T,

I am sorry things worked out this way for you. It seems like you are handling this as well as anyone could handle this difficult situation, and you are doing all the right things.

May I offer a possible way to extricate yourself from this?

If you can afford to walk away without ever seeing her again, then that might be the safest way. You could do the following once your are absolutely sure you want to end it:

1. Close out your joint bank accounts immediately.

2. Tell your girlfriend/wife that you have fallen in love with someone else in your home country and that you won't be coming back to Thailand. Apologize, etc. Leave no wiggle room. It's over.

This accomplishes the following:

1. It leaves no room for hope for your girlfriend/wife.

2. It explains why you aren't ever going to see her again.

3. It prevents her from trying to come after you because you are too far away.

4. It reduces the chances she will try to track you down in Thailand because she thinks your life is in your home country, so she won't look for you in Thailand.

5. It protects Meow.

6. It avoids emotional scenes and hysterics.

7. It ends the situation quickly and decisively so you can start to take care of yourself and recover without interruptions or setbacks.

This plan involves telling a lie, and that might not be for you. But, this lie may be justifiable if it helps protect your life.

-q

[Head Snake]

I like that lie about having a new gf; particularly to save Meow's bacon.

But first, I'd have someone "borrow" the truck then claim he was in accident.

[taxexile]

sorry to read that there now appears some foundation for the content of the original e-mails.

if it is true then it really is a blessing in disguise for you to have found out about this , rather than find out years down the line , but you really should get concrete proof before accepting the e-mails as fact.

but i dont see where the danger to you comes from.

you haven't been threatened , and you are not likely to go storming in on them.

if it is true that she has taken up with someone else then you would remove yourself from her life.

why should he threaten you?

and just one question that i think needs asking ....... have you been sexually faithful to her in your 8 months apart ??

[The Skipper]

I've been dealing with Thais for 20 years in business and marriage.

Screwing over Farangs is a national pastime.

Her friends would probably ridicule her if she wasn't taking advantage.

My best friend married a lovely Thai lady.

Single with no kids.

He is out to Sea every 2 months.

If ten years down the road I hear she had a Thai husband and kids would still not suprise me. TIT.

Truth, integrity and trust are important to westerners, not Thais.

Not saying they are bad people, just raised different with different priorities.

Like I was saying.......The whole town is in on it and only one person considered spilling the beans.... and most likely she has ill intentioned motives as well. With a big Thai smile of course.

[Papa_Lazarou]

Sounds like your wife has killed the golden goose by not being able to take a long term view. (which is a Thai trait in places where you have grown up wondering about your next meal)

But the golden goose is only fully definable by the fact that it is finally killed. So thats that.

[withnail]

I agree with taxexile. However jai dam this guy is supposed to be there is no evidence to suggest you will be in any harm unless you provoke something. If you calmly accept the situation, which it appears you do, then I can't see what anyone has to gain by causing trouble.

I still think you need some more concrete proof first, and whilst quadricorrelator's idea about a new girlfriend would work, I can't believe you would want to make any final decisions before talking to your wife.

[kayo]

Tip, just quickly took a runner from work to se ehow things have been going today.

Well, It seems to be for a large part resolved, albeit not pleasantly.

Tying up the loose ends now, I suppose.

Tip, I...er... No words mate. Shivers yes.

Sorry with you, my friend.

Ya ever need a holiday, come on down here , okay?

PS: The women here are ugly, so we´ll just have a few drinks, alright?

Right, back to work.

Sorry Tip.

Somebody said, you´ll come out of this with your integrity and honour intact.

Yes. If anything, those will be stronger now.

A shitty hand was dealt, yet does not a lifetime make.

[LoveDaBlues]

I wouldn't be too worried about the cop either. He saw an easy mark and moved in for some fun and free booze, etc. What would have to gain by the demise of Tip? Nothing unless there is a will involved that he knows about and Tip's wife stands to gain upon Tip's death. Most likely once Tip reclaims the condo and truck the cop will simply move on to greener pastures.

Regarding this comment in red by Tip:

So that is the full story and I expect few of the details to change. What lies in the future is a huge question mark. If the love is lost then it is gone and done with. What my wife truly feels for me now is known only to her. But I will not and never will ask a woman to remain with me if I am truly unwanted. I can bestow all the boons in the world to her and her family but love cannot be bought. I can only come back now and look her deeply and penetratingly in the eyes and hope to catch a glimpse of love for me. If I see hollow sockets I will flee like the wind.

Tip, with all due respect this in my opinion would be a stupid thing to do. You are way too attached and in love with this lady; when you look in her eyes of course you will see some love.....because that's what you want to see. I could understand this course of action if she had a one-night stand because she got tipsy, etc. and made ONE mistake in a moment of not thinking. But that's not the case here, she's been banging the cop on a regular basis, lying to you, using your money and laughing behind your back. What do think they talk about when they're out on the town; a good piece of the conversation is about how stupid you are.

It's time to think logical; forget getting her back....it's over. Protect your assests and yourself.

It became fairly obvious to me when she didn't disclose about the wrecked truck in your phone conversation she was on the game. The truck was always the key.

Sorry you're going thru this and I can tell you're a good guy. You have given your wife the benefit of the doubt all along as you should have. However she's proven to be unfaithful, let her go. Ask yourself this; if you did work things out with her would you ever be at peace again when you left Thailand to travel overseas?

Chok Dee Tip.

[Schooner]

This must be some kind of record for this forum. What a interesting compelling story and I'm sorry that it is turning out the way it appears to be. I also think that tip has handeled it with reason and integrity, but it reminds me that all relationships are a crap shoot weather here or in the west.

Since there is such a huge audience here I think the question that should be asked is why do we expose ourselves to huge financial (i'm assuming there is some) and emotional loss (and in this case personal danger) when it is so easy to have relationships without this exposure?

Humans, men, women, Thai, farang, do what we do because we are complicated creatures. I have not always lived up to my own standards so why would I expect anyone else to. I actually think were better off with women in Thailand because they come with a warning label. Dosen't mean that they are any worse than farang but they do have the label. Actually if I had to make a conclusion based on what my experence has been over the last year in LOS I would have to say we are all even. I know of a couple of guys who have wonderful girlfriends who are devoted to them but they are not keeping there promises. There are so many stories like this. Just for grins the other day I searched for groups in the states dealing with relationships and there are tens of thousands of them and they describe every possible variation and it is the same stuff that you read about here. Personaly, I think we are bigger fools here because we ignore the huge clear warning label.

There is no down side to keeping your hard earned assets in your own name. It is easy to make secret provisions to provide for them if something happens to you. It is also a hel_l of a lot easier to walk away if things don't go the way we want. I adore my TGF she is a joy to be with but I think I would be a fool to believe that it will always be like this. For me it is a day to day thing. If we finished tomorrow I would not regret a single moment. She is paid up as far as I am concerned and earned every penny for the joy she brings me. I would love it if we lived happily ever after and hope we will, but I'm a realest. I've got a 50-50 chance at best. I would not invest my hard earned money with those odds.

The question we should be asking is what is it about ourselves, what romantic fantasy are we living out that is driving our decision making. Read the warning label.

Warning!!! This person that you are about to emotionally engage with is a human being. While sharing your genitic makeup may be prone to unpredictable behavior. This human may have had experences that make it difficult or impossible for them to meet your needs. They may have a different agenda. They will likely not even know themselves why they do what they do, but they cannot stop doing it. You will never know for sure where you stand, but may begin to have a clue after many years of observation. It is extremely dangerious to project your romantic hopes and dreams (and hard earned chash) onto this person because the likelyness of them failing is high. If you do not understand these risks and take the necessary precautions you will be exposing yourself to great loss and suffering. If you choose to ignore this warning it is recommended that you avoid operating heavy machinery, small motorbikes, avoid tall buildings in Jomtien and sharp utensels.

[LoveDaBlues]

I'm sceptical about these mystery emails. I've seen a few cases where jealous people have tried to interfere in someone else's relationship (mostly because they were a jealous ex, but not all). What does this person have to gain by telling you about this? Not much. Unless they had a vested interest in trying to split you up...that's the real issue here.

Ask her and get it over with. Good chance she will be able to guess where they come from - and then hopefully you can stop worrying about it.

That email looks like it was writen by an English speaker pretending to write Tinglish to me.

I agree. I edit Tinglish all day and this doesn't look 'authentic' to me.

Good luck.

Don't quit yer day jobs.....detectives you ain't

Hello Tippaporn!

Never open an E-mail from an unknown sender, never believe anonymous accusations!

Who are you, that you are going to make weighty decisions only bec someone is pissing in your mailbox???????

Keep cool, Patex

Had Tip followed this advice he would still be in the dark. By opening the email this started the

chain of events that led to the truth. Tip has played this perfectly. He asked for advice, ignored the foolish posts, and took it from there.

[tourleadersi]

Tip

I am so sorry to hear that things are not working out the way you hoped. You have gone above and beyond in respecting your wife's integrity, and I have no doubt you will treat her well if you should part. The only thing I can say is please think about what you are doing if you decide not to part. Things will never be the same, and you will never be able to relax or trust her again. I can say this because it happened to me. I loved a woman so much I just couldn't let go, no matter how bad she treated me. Eventually my brother and Dad made me snap out of it. Just imagine what might happen when your wife realises that even after she had a one year affair you still didn't leave her?

I agree that you should harbour no ill feelings for her, so make a clean cut on amicable terms.

Good luck friend, and remember that life is a series of ups and downs. The best thing about the downs is that you can look forward to an up sometime soon. I talked to my wife last night about this and she is shocked and sad. She asked me what I would do if she left me. I told her I would be devastated, but would party like a man just out of prison! I have always viewed my life on two paths, one with her and one without. I am excited about living either but most definately prefer this life for now.

All the best mate, chin up, and good luck.

[taxexile]

I can only come back now and look her deeply and penetratingly in the eyes and hope to catch a glimpse of love for me. If I see hollow sockets I will flee like the wind.

gimme a break , tip.

thats crazy mans talk !!!

should this story and the e mails prove to be true , and as yet you have no proof other than some e mails from a close mutual female friend whose motives in all this are not yet fully clear , at least to those reading these posts , then next time you see or speak to your girlfriend , you should thank her in no uncertain terms for her sleazy betrayal , her lack of moral fibre , and her unfailing willingness to accept all bills paid financial support for her and others living in your apartment , a roof over her head and a car , whilst all the time cuckolding you publicly in front of your thai peers and associates.

she may have been pressured by the policeman , he may be calling on a previous favour to the family , whatever , it does not excuse the betrayal and lack of honesty , aided and abetted by her family and most of her friends it would appear.

Tip, with all due respect this in my opinion would be a stupid thing to do. You are way too attached and in love with this lady; when you look in her eyes of course you will see some love.....because that's what you want to see. I could understand this course of action if she had a one-night stand because she got tipsy, etc. and made ONE mistake in a moment of not thinking. But that's not the case here, she's been banging the cop on a regular basis, lying to you, using your money and laughing behind your back. What do think they talk about when they're out on the town; a good piece of the conversation is about how stupid you are.

It's time to think logical; forget getting her back....it's over. Protect your assests and yourself.

exactly.

dont be too downheartened tip , close this chapter , and soon enough you will be moving on happily to a new phase in your life. happens to everybody. probably for the best too. we all need bringing down to earth now and again. tends to sharpen us up a bit .

Edited August 25, 2006 by taxexile

[qualtrough]

Tip-If your suspicions are confirmed then you should under no circumstances, repeat , under no circumstances, consider taking this woman back. This was not a momentary lapse, it was a major long-term deception akin to a scam, as hard as that may be to accept at the moment. Not only did she take advantage of you, but she potentially exposed you to harm because she was sleeping with another man who could well have had an STD or even HIV. Get as many of your assets back as you can and start a new chapter in your life, older but wiser.

[jing jing]

Tip, I'm very sorry to read that the worst case scenario for your relationship seems to have been realized. Many of us here on this forum can all say in unison, "there but for the grace of God go I..." This is far from an isolated occurance here in the Land of Smiles, but unfortunately rather more the normal course of events. I don't mean to paint all Thais with the same brush of being deceptive, selfish opportunists but so many of those ladies we farangs have access to are cut from a similar cloth.

I have one child with my Thai partner and another on the way and am planning to build a house on her land, but by no stretch of the imagination would I ever expose more of my assets or emotional capital than I am prepared to walk away from. My kids I will never walk away from, but partner and property - I must be realistic - are one short step away from being written off forever if things go awry.

I will join with the others who have said that the worst thing you can do if all the allegations prove true is to hold out hope for a reconcilation. Please pardon my shouting, but UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU CONTINUE ANY RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS WOMAN WHATSOEVER, PERIOD, END OF STORY. She has violated your trust in the worst possible way - the same trust that was so important to you that you would actually have hesitated to hire a PI to ascertain the truth - and no matter what good times may have been shared in the past they are but distant memories at this point, overshadowed completely by a major league betrayal.

If possible I would put an end to things without ever personally speaking another word to her (others can do that for you), and without allowing her to have another penny of your hard-earned money beyond what is already lost. I wouldn't do anything malicious -- just a clean, hard cut with no emotions shown and no quarter given. That is exactly what this situation calls for: kick her to the curb. Move on. NEXT!

Tip, you seem to be what our buddy Terry57 might call a real top fella, and I can't imagine you having much trouble finding a much more suitable woman with whom to share and enjoy your life... in fact I'm sure some forum members are probably already lining up candidates for you to choose from!

Cheers mate, and rest assured happier days lie ahead...

[Papa_Lazarou]

"I can bestow all the boons in the world to her and her family but love cannot be bought"

It can be rented for a while though.

[LoveDaBlues]

wise words jing jing; great post

[dekka007]

Sorry to hear the news mate.

I would be very careful how you play the BIB with regard to PI etc.

They can make life VERY VERY difficult for you if you upset them as I am sure you are aware.

I would have no contact with the copper dude either PI or otherwise. Just to protect your back mate.

Edited August 25, 2006 by dekka007

[Sing_Sling]

Tip-If your suspicions are confirmed then you should under no circumstances, repeat , under no circumstances, consider taking this woman back. This was not a momentary lapse, it was a major long-term deception akin to a scam, as hard as that may be to accept at the moment. Not only did she take advantage of you, but she potentially exposed you to harm because she was sleeping with another man who could well have had an STD or even HIV. Get as many of your assets back as you can and start a new chapter in your life, older but wiser.

Wise words, qualtrough. Wise words - IF, and that is a big IF, she was being coerced into the relationship I doubt this cop would have worried a lot about 'safety' . . .

Can of worms . . . so very sorry to hear about it and the feeling in the pit of your tummy is one I believe most of us have experienced . . .

Stand string and as tourleadersi (why the name - I've been wondering) mentioned, there is life after a break-up.

[Tippaporn]

Tip - why don't you call Meow and ask her if she's been emailing you???

Meow is very close to me. Yet she does not want to reveal herself. I don't know why. She expicity mentioned to keep this between me and herself. I emailed her that I had a Thai friend who wanted to talk with her and that I had emailed him the mails. I immediately got for her reply that I interpreted as her being a bit peeved.

"OH ...VERYGOOD YOU CAN SEND MY EMAIL TO HIM. I SURE HE CAN HELP YOU MORE THAN ME"

I'm not about to push her where she doesn't want to go or I'll lose her confidence and lose her, too. As I said, I don't know why she wants her identity to remain hidden. Fear of retribution? Perhaps my wife will find out? Not sure. From other emails I do believe she will reveal herself in time.

[meom]

Tip, you seem to be what our buddy Terry57 might call a real top fella, and I can't imagine you having much trouble finding a much more suitable woman with whom to share and enjoy your life... in fact I'm sure some forum members are probably already lining up candidates for you to choose from!

Plenty of candidates allright but if he's going away again for 8 months or longer there's like 95% chance somebody else will come along again.

I see it happen regularly here in the middle-east with the filipino's that come over on 1-2 year contracts.

First of all most of them end up with girlfriends (nurses etc) here and there wifes back home are no saints either.

[LoveDaBlues]

I have a feeling it is one of your wife's close female "friends" who is looking forward to the day when she can console you.........

Any of your wife's friends ever get overly 'playful' with you?

This scenerio may very well be chapter 2 in this saga.......

'Meow' waited an awful long time to 'help' Tip. Perhaps her own relationship is beginning to go sour and she's looking to the future with a guy she likes and knows has money.......

Just thinking out loud.......

[Tippaporn]

the person is using Tip's computer at home, and his wife is not computer savvy, then I would think that may narrow down the list of who would have access to find his email address.

Since the sender is who I believe her to be than she has had my email address all along. As to the question of whose computer the emails were coming from it was not mine. Khutan and I resolved that last night (my night).

Meow works as a beautician and the shop she works in has a computer on-line. Whether or not she made up a fictitous name or if it was that of the shop's owner is not yet unknown. But I do know she has access in the shop.

Her emails always came after 10PM. Shop closing time as I am familiar with it.

Thanks for clarifying that Tip. From what you're also saying, that's it's best to keep yourself safe and that a PI would be the way to go, I think you're making the wisest decision. I sincerely empathize for you and can understand that this is not the easiest thing to be going through. I know you're doing a great job at mustering up the ability to remain strong and level-headed, and it's good to get outside perspectives. I'm sure there are still moments that seem like eternity when you're feeling down about it. Just remember that it's not the end of the world and things do start to get better. You know that. But maybe it helps knowing a lot of other people here who are your friends know that too. Hang in there my friend.

Thanks once more, AmeriThai. The friendship extended here has been invaluable to me.

To be honest, I don't feel much pain now. I needed to put this in a proper perspective. Despite what my wife is doing now she has nonetheless give me 4 years of pure joy and laughter. I'll always have that to cherish. She can't remove that from my memory.

Whether she intended to or not, she has given me something extremely valuable. She's shown aspects of herself during that time that were truly beautiful to behold. But then again, she has some deep seated pain within her that she doesn't know how to deal with. I had hoped to draw more of those wonderful qualities out of her, to expand them. Unfortunately, the dark side of her that lay dormant for so long surfaced in the end. A bloody shame.

So, do I condemn her for what she's doing now? Is my pain the only reason I have to withdraw my love from her? Do I ignore all else that was good and wonderful? I can't. I'll always feel grateful to her and maybe I'll send her more love now than ever because she's truly in need of it. No problem, I'll deal with the <deleted>. That will pass quickly. And when that's gone I'll simply remember her for the beauty I was fortunate enough to share with her.

[Tippaporn]

I hope her name isn't Wan nor Por.

I personally know a girl named Wan who has a Thai police husband and a farang husband, German I think. I also know a girl named Por who's a real cutie and she has both a Thai and American husband. I don't see these girls often, friends of my GF's sister and I think they all were beer girls together in BKK.

Maybe I'm an arse but I'd get an investigator for piece of mind. Forget the emotional thoughts of breaking trust and be purely logical. She'll forgive you after reading all the horror stories on the internet. I'm not cynical, I think most Thai's can be trusted but with you gone so long I'd be safe.

Doesn't ring any bells Tip ?

Fortunately not. Well, there's two girls to avoid for a start in my new life.

[VanZam]

What proof do you have that the person sending the emails is meow?

Something does not ring true about this whole thing, your quite willing to write off a 4-5 year relationship based on vauge emails from an unknown party with unknown motives.

If this does turn out to be true, I suggest not making it known to her until you can safely return to Bkk and make up various reasons to dissolve your assets with her being none the wiser.

I'm not too surprised about this whole thing, how people can expect their TGF to stay faithful when they dissapear for months or years is beyond me. Nevertheless this does not make it any easier for people in this situation, emotions can be our worst nightmare at times.