manxninja Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I will run this with you, as someone has possibly had the same issue. My stepdaughter has never met her father, think left before she was born.The step daughter now wants to meet him, which I think is a good idea and il help out.The wifes family and the wife are dead against it and wont even speak about him, so il track himdown myself have his address on birth certificate.Any advice would be appreciated as to pros and cons of her meeting with him. Cheers Ninja. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colinneil Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Leave well alone, if something goes wrong you are the bad guy. Farang not understand Thai, is a favorite Thai saying. Let Thais do it without your interfeerance. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manxninja Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 Yeah problem is she is coming up to 16 now and isn't stupid. She wants to meet him and to be fair if I was her I would as well, every kid deserves to know the biological father. On the other hand I don't know how much trouble it may cause between the Thai families. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandomSand Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 If she knows her fathers address then perhaps she could try writing a letter to start with. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khwaibah Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Leave well alone, if something goes wrong you are the bad guy. Farang not understand Thai, is a favorite Thai saying. Let Thais do it without your interfeerance. +1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toknarok Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Leave it up to your step daughter. You keep out of it. At 16 she is big enough to make her own enquiries and it's up to her whether she wants to meet up with him should she discover his whereabouts. My brother in law died 12 years ago. At the time he had a girlfriend with whom they had a 6 months old baby girl. After the funeral the mother disappeared abandoning the baby with my wife and myself. Since then we have brought up this little girl as our own (we don't have any children ourselves). We are the only parents she has ever known, she is now 13 years old. When my daughter (I call her that, what else?) was about 7 years old my wife and I wanted to see whether we could legally adopt her. The process involved having to get permission from the natural mother. We found out she was living near Chiang Rai with her new husband and had since had another child. During this process my daughter found out that we were not her natural parents and that her real mother lived in Chiang Rai and she had a half brother. On a couple of occasions the mother actually spoke to her (our) daughter on the phone. The mother expressed a wish to see her daughter albeit after 7 years. My wife wasn't very happy with this but I said she was the natural mother and had a right to see her child, we could hardly refuse. Just think how that might affect the child. In any event the visit never materialised and we have heard nothing more from the natural mother for some years now. My daughter is aware of the position, but she never makes any reference to it. I am still 'Daddy" and my wife is still "Maer, however when she reaches adulthood and expresses a desire to see her natural mother, I shan't try to dissuade her. It will purely be her descision. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manxninja Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 I will probably take a drive up and see if I can find him, its about a 5 hour drive from here. Then see where the land lies before I take her up to meet him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swissie Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Yeah problem is she is coming up to 16 now and isn't stupid. She wants to meet him and to be fair if I was her I would as well, every kid deserves to know the biological father. On the other hand I don't know how much trouble it may cause between the Thai families. As long as the Family plus wife is against it, that should tell you something about the character of the "father". At any rate, the "Father" will remind his daughter, that she is obligated to support him (Thai Tradition). So, if shortly after the visit, the daughter needs a new i-phone, you will know, that the"father" needs (and deserves) a new refrigerator. Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squeegee Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Yeah problem is she is coming up to 16 now and isn't stupid. She wants to meet him and to be fair if I was her I would as well, every kid deserves to know the biological father. On the other hand I don't know how much trouble it may cause between the Thai families. As long as the Family plus wife is against it, that should tell you something about the character of the "father". At any rate, the "Father" will remind his daughter, that she is obligated to support him (Thai Tradition). So, if shortly after the visit, the daughter needs a new i-phone, you will know, that the"father" needs (and deserves) a new refrigerator. Cheers. Simplistic generalisations. The father has not supported the daughter in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevo2 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Have to agree with the majority. Let her do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScarpoFongness4U Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Perhaps this thread should read: I supported a Thai girls child from another marriage and then went against their entire fanily and facilitated a meeting, Now she has a terrible attitude towards me, Won't talk to her mother And blames me for ruining her childhood Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manxninja Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 Scarpo, you have spent too much time with negative people, im sorry your such an unhappy person, get out and exercise or something, it will do you the world of good. Anyway im going up tomorrow, so it will be a surprise all round. I will keep you informed how it went. Ps. All that leave it to the Thai stuff, grow a pair and just do what you want to do, not what Thais want to do. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rct99q Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Best advice was your own. Do a recon check out the guy. My step sons bio father left the family around the one year mark. Son met him one time around age five and has never wanted anything else to do with him. The guy is okay, good job, new family, same old story. But I would still be very careful. The Thai grapevine goes long and deep. I would suspect the bio father knows what's going on through family of family. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manxninja Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 Thanks Rct, appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScarpoFongness4U Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Thanks Rct, appreciated. Max, how old are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlyAnimal Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 My wife was in a similar sorta situation, except that she'd always known who her father was, just never really spent any time with him (He left when she was about 1 year old). She was always in a bit of a bind, because she had pretty negative thoughts towards her father, because her mother had of course raised her and told her about how her father had walked out on her when they were having financial problems. He had only been a very small part of her life from then on, occasionally visiting with a gift every few years, even though he literally lived 5 minutes from her. As a result, she was in a bit of a confused state, since she loved her mother very dearly, and hated her father for the situation he'd left her mother in. But at the same time, it's her father, and in Thai culture, it's very important to pay respect to your parents. So she kinda wanted to make amends with him, but didn't want to at the same time. Her father than tried to make a bit more of an effort to spend some time with her, possibly spurred by our engagement, as we invited him to be a part of the ceremony, for which he was very appreciative (At which point I learnt that he could actually speak a bit of English, which amazed me). She recognised that she should spend more time with him, and so was kinda thinking about doing something to help him or to visit him more often. But then he passed away, and she felt really guilty, and regretted not having spent more time with him, or getting to know him, particularly as she only started to really learn about him and his life, at his funeral, where she found out that although not necessarily a faithful man, he had had a very interesting life. With that in mind, it's probably important for your step-daughter to go and meet her father, to see what kind of man he really is for herself. As she'll have only heard what her mother has told her, and will want to know what kind of person he really is (Particularly if you've corrupted her with those free thinking Farang ideas lol). But also, regardless of whether he is a good man, or a bad man, he's her father, and so she should pay her respects to him, even if it's just a one time visit, since she might not have another chance in the future. As for the family, they'll understand and cope with the situation, but listen to your stepdaughter, and if she loses heart, support her but don't kinda force her to do it, or champion her cause without necessarily having her full support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krisb Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 I'd help her out. The girls 16 and she deserves to make her own mind about her father up. Best of luck to both of you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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