North-eastern Thais Praise Foreign Husbands

[FlightRisk]

Re: "most had met their husbands through serendipity."

I thought "serendipity" was spelled "s-o-i-c-o-w-b-o-y"

It's all about $$$. $$$ for merit making, $$$ for status, $$$ to pay for the wedding in the 5 star hotel. Nothing new there ...

But cynicism aside, a bit of effort on the farang's part goes a long way towards assimilation and acceptance. Sometimes that can be a little tough, because the $$$ issue is always there, in ways that can be a little off-putting to Westerners, but that's Thai culture, and just the way it is. My TGF's son treats me like a demi-god, lol, and that wasn't bought -- it's based on respect and decent parenting, something his Thai dad was completely incapable of.

Edited August 27, 2006 by FlightRisk

[Thaddeus]

But cynicism aside, a bit of effort on the farang's part goes a long way towards assimilation and acceptance. Sometimes that can be a little tough, because the $$$ issue is always there, in ways that can be a little off-putting to Westerners, but that's Thai culture,

Not always, and not only Thai..... frequently is a far better word.... and not culture dependant.

My TGF's son treats me like a demi-god, lol, and that wasn't bought -- it's based on respect and decent parenting, something his Thai dad was completely incapable of.

Well done.

Edited because I forgot the smilie.

Edited August 27, 2006 by Thaddeus

[Schooner]

My girlfriend is from Bamnet Narong which is south of Chaiyaphum. While she spent several years in BKK with grandparents there she identifies herself with her village. I went there with her a couple of months ago for the village experence.

Most of the people in her village are related in one way or another. I was surprised at how many young women had married farang, mostly german men. Walking around the village she pointed out several nice homes that were a result of those marrages. Actually, the nicest home was the lady who arranged many of the marrages. She described how most were purchased through the hard work of the Thai woman.

Her aunt's home where we stayed is a simple, comfortable place that was built by her aunt and her husband. They spent many years living in a construction shack and learning home construction in BKK. Her other aunt lives with her grandparents next door and looks after them.

I admit that as I walked around the village and had nice places pointed out to me I felt a little like I would be expected to supply a home so I talked about it with my GF. Basically the response was if I can afford it than it would be nice but not necessary. She is ok with the support and security I bring and the most important thing to her is the opportunity for a better life.

This really makes sense if you think about it. Thai's are great at copying things. It makes sense and look where it got the Japanise. I looked at some numbers of the money that is pouring in to issaan and it is huge. The suggestion was that this money was comming from farangs who had hooked up with BG's but I think that most of it is comming from Thai's who are working in the west. I've looked at a couple of web sites for Thai people living in the states (360,000) none of them talk about fleeceing farangs. They are all about creating a better life for themselves and there families through education and hard work.

If you are a fool with too much money and think that you can buy loyalty or respect than you will find people who are willing to help you maintain that illusion and spend it. I knew a guy in the states who came into a bunch of money and he showed it off and used it unwisely and we all helped him spend it and when it was gone we scattered. He was a fool. "Stupid is as stupid does" seems to be a universal truth.

[Nemo.]

Addendum

Following marriage, the women's financial status had improved, with foreign husbands bringing steady income to the family, the study said. The marriages also brought the women more respect from neighbours, enabling them to move up the social ladder in their community.

I like that article, I really do..... but one thing is really important to me. That little piece of journalism is heavily weighted to the opinions of 'the friends and relatives' of the Thai national. It says scant little about what they really think about the partner.

I have no wish to be regarded as the farang with a Thai wife who everybody thinks the wife is great... I would rather be regarded as a couple that are good for the community..... that's why I do what I do.

After working in Isaan with mostly female tachers I heard from them....

Isaan men are

- lazy

- drunks

- womanisers (even weeks after marriage its off to the brothels with their friends!)

- selfish

- do no housework

- gamble

- beat their wives

etc etc

Even had one Head of English say how she told all her younger teachers (all female) to get farang husbands!

A divorced woman with kids has no chance of a decent Thai husband. so only chance is a farang.

Thais "worship" money (even more so in Isaan) hence money (and hence face) is bound to factor in what teh women say. It doesnt mean they dont feel love - they just are used to being treated like a piece of meat so its hard for them to adjust to western values

Its also why the fat/unattractive/balding older westerner is "attractive". Money and less womanising and wife beating means a lot to down trodden isaan women!

Edited August 28, 2006 by Nemo.

[Boomee]

Im 31yrs old and my wife is 26yrs.Thai woman are a cut above western woman.Western woman don't relize how easy they have got it.Ive been married just on two years now and it's the best thing Ive ever done.Sure I have had western girlfriends before I was married but they just didnt seem to do it for me.My wife spoils me to bits and I wonder what I would do with out her.Any way we are hopeing to buy a house in Udon Thani soon,so when we have saved enough money thats where we will end up.A lifestyle most people envy back home

[Q_Q_Dude]

This really makes sense if you think about it. Thai's are great at copying things. It makes sense and look where it got the Japanise. I looked at some numbers of the money that is pouring in to issaan and it is huge. The suggestion was that this money was comming from farangs who had hooked up with BG's but I think that most of it is comming from Thai's who are working in the west. I've looked at a couple of web sites for Thai people living in the states (360,000) none of them talk about fleeceing farangs. They are all about creating a better life for themselves and there families through education and hard work.

There are Thai-American forums on the internet?

Where are they

[dman]

but are they in love?

"What's love got to do with it ?" Tina Turner

"Rain drops on roses, and whiskers on kittens"

Love, in the meaning that most people understand or have probably experienced is a short term hormonal imbalance, respect, honour, faithfulness, shared humour, admiration of another individual, tend to last a lot longer..... and that is the true meaning of a couple that want to stay together.

Infatuation comes first, love comes second, respect and comfort comes third........ respect lasts.

(Thanks for the moderation earlier.... well deserved)

A very well stated and thoughtful comment. I think that short term hormonal imbalance you refer to is called Lust.

[dclaryjr]

So, back to the topic at hand which is, if I'm correct, Thai perceptions of Farang men & their Thai wives in the Isaan region. Not Bangkok, not the South, but how Isaan people feel about it. It would be interesting to hear from those men who live in their wives villages in the Isaan region and if they feel as accepted as this article appears to suggest.

Read CheekyFarang's blog!

[kevc]

CROSS-CULTURAL MARRIAGES

Foreign husbands pay off for Thais

She recalled that her daughter's marriage ceremony was a grand occasion admired by neighbours. Khamdee said she was not certain that if she had a Thai son-in-law, they would have had the chance to hold such a wedding ceremony in a five-star hotel.

--The Nation 2006-08-27

I think she's got her phrases mixed up, it isn't 'not certain' the phrase is ' definitely not'

[BPayette]

One thing that a farang can do to get well regarded is to take photos on a digital camera and show them on the little screen on the back.

Agreed, and also as Martin says, when you can, get them printed out and donate them accordingly. I take pictures at the local sports days and hand them out. I took pictures at the last event at school, a sort of end of term prize giving event, as I was the only farang to turn up.... guess what? ... I was asked to give out the prizes.

This is so very true. Most NE families have virtually NO photos of any of their relatives or children, only a few old B&W "official" pictures, as a monk or in the armed service. Most never owned a camera or could even think of buying film and processing (especially 20+ yrs ago).

I find this so sad, especially since there are very few (maybe 3) of my Thai gf growing up. I would have loved to see more of her when she was little, thru the various stages of growing up. We westerners take our children's (and parents') photos for granted.

My gf's hometown in in Chaiyaphum, and although we don't live there, we visit quite often, and I always take a LOT of pictures, and have the good ones printed and mounted for my next trip, to hand out to all the family and neighbors. They are SO appreciative. For many, it's the only photo they have of themselves or their children. I've even brought my scanner and laptop with me and scanned in all the old family pics, and provided enlarged, digitally enhanced, suitably mounted reprints for them, along with the photo-CD so that if anything should happen to the originals, the few photos they've ever had are not lost forever.

My gf's 105 yr old granfather passed away a few months ago, and I was fortunate to have visited him the month bofore, armed with, of course, a high quality digital camera. I was able to provide the whole family with excellent photos and decent movies of the eldest's last few days. There was only a single (75+yr old) pic of him hanging in my gf's parents' house before, now they have high quality color pics of all of them together.

The digital camera is a great icebreaker.

[peter48]

Well may be slightly off track but all the English guys I know who ended up living in some village in the middle of nowhere have tended to regret it - they just can't cope with the boredom in the mud, being a taxi service to everyone around, unending local Thai laziness and indolence and extended families eating their money but the guys who live a 8+ hours away in the modern holiday resorts with a local farang community in modern houses ( but not too big) with mod cons etc., decent schools, big shops, appear far far happier and content.

[sbk]

After working in Isaan with mostly female tachers I heard from them....

Isaan men are

- lazy

- drunks

- womanisers (even weeks after marriage its off to the brothels with their friends!)

- selfish

- do no housework

- gamble

- beat their wives

etc etc

Even had one Head of English say how she told all her younger teachers (all female) to get farang husbands!

A divorced woman with kids has no chance of a decent Thai husband. so only chance is a farang.

Thais "worship" money (even more so in Isaan) hence money (and hence face) is bound to factor in what teh women say. It doesnt mean they dont feel love - they just are used to being treated like a piece of meat so its hard for them to adjust to western values

Its also why the fat/unattractive/balding older westerner is "attractive". Money and less womanising and wife beating means a lot to down trodden isaan women!

Im 31yrs old and my wife is 26yrs.Thai woman are a cut above western woman.Western woman don't relize how easy they have got it.Ive been married just on two years now and it's the best thing Ive ever done.Sure I have had western girlfriends before I was married but they just didnt seem to do it for me.My wife spoils me to bits and I wonder what I would do with out her.Any way we are hopeing to buy a house in Udon Thani soon,so when we have saved enough money thats where we will end up.A lifestyle most people envy back home

Seems both of you failed to see the notice in this thread:

There will be no abuse of Thai men, Thai women, Farang women, and just to be fair, Farang men.

On topic again, life in the boonies

My story, although I am of a different gender and in a different location, is probably very similar to alot of the Farang men living in Isaan. Although I live in the south on an island when I first came it was far less developed. Electricity 12 hours a day (at night) and spotty at best, no hospital, no bank, no paved roads. The hospital opened shortly after I arrived but, to be honest, even now, if I broke my leg I would go to Samui to have it set. The bank also came after I arrived. Nice to not have to go to Samui to get money out.

It was tough (hand washing clothes, water was a problem, electricity was too) but I felt accepted by my husbands family because not only did I give it a good try but I made an effort to learn the local language, went to family affairs and helped out with family work.

I was curious how these guys do in places that get virtually no tourists so, it seems to me anyway, any influence on local Thais would be either from the media or personal experience.

[Schooner]

the websites for Thai's in the USA are: thaitownusa.com (LA) and thainewyork.com (NY)

back on topic, I live in Pattaya and frankly can't imagine living in a village. Maybe if I was younger but I am too set in my ways. My girlfriend can go to college and I have many farangs to hang out with.

[discostu54]

Seems to me like the majority of you don't appreicate the kind words, and the full meaning of the cross cultural acceptance that has been taking place. How someone can mention the topic of money is beyond me.

I have generally found that in the Northeast you can get on with a normal life without much hassels and certainly without predjudice and are rarely treated differently to any other person.

I find a humble approach to life works well with the Thais, because the greedy ones leave you well alone and the kind heartedness of the majority really shines through, especially in the Northeast.

.....ok ok on the subject of money -

As for this farang who spent two million baht on a castle in a village (where I live I could build 20 large houses for that amount of money)?! I really hope that he and his wife don't only attract the kindness and respect of the rich, greedy (and usually corrupt) villagers and the other 90 percent will slate him for being a poser. I also really hope he and his wife are happy and that the respect he has gained doesn't only last as long as his generous handouts.

anyone who says it's all about the money really needs to meet some different thai people.... perhaps Thai people who can't speak English, (the majority!). On that subject my wife's family have never asked for anything and have never wanted anything apart from a good heart for their daughter. (ok I admit it... I am broke!)

I do think however that rich posing foreigners do nothing good for the opinions of Thais, and is probably one of the main causes of human trafficking and sex-slave trading. Maybe it's about time foreingers stopped trying to look beter than the Thais in their own country and eat a ###### large slice of Humble Pie. Believe me - it tastes better than you might think

[terry57]

Well may be slightly off track but all the English guys I know who ended up living in some village in the middle of nowhere have tended to regret it - they just can't cope with the boredom in the mud, being a taxi service to everyone around, unending local Thai laziness and indolence and extended families eating their money but the guys who live a 8+ hours away in the modern holiday resorts with a local farang community in modern houses ( but not too big) with mod cons etc., decent schools, big shops, appear far far happier and content.

hi peter,

i have read your post and you make a very good point as myself would not want to be isolated in a small comunity.

i come to los, as i enjoy the hussle and bussel of the general thai community around the city.

but its only my own personnal opinion and we are all here on our own trip .

im just a bit interested to the percentages of falang that decide that small country community life aint for them ?

do you have any facts or are you just guestimating ?

cheers

[LoveDaBlues]

Seems to me like the majority of you don't appreicate the kind words, and the full meaning of the cross cultural acceptance that has been taking place. How someone can mention the topic of money is beyond me.

I have generally found that in the Northeast you can get on with a normal life without much hassels and certainly without predjudice and are rarely treated differently to any other person.

I find a humble approach to life works well with the Thais, because the greedy ones leave you well alone and the kind heartedness of the majority really shines through, especially in the Northeast.

.....ok ok on the subject of money -

As for this farang who spent two million baht on a castle in a village (where I live I could build 20 large houses for that amount of money)?! I really hope that he and his wife don't only attract the kindness and respect of the rich, greedy (and usually corrupt) villagers and the other 90 percent will slate him for being a poser. I also really hope he and his wife are happy and that the respect he has gained doesn't only last as long as his generous handouts.

anyone who says it's all about the money really needs to meet some different thai people.... perhaps Thai people who can't speak English, (the majority!). On that subject my wife's family have never asked for anything and have never wanted anything apart from a good heart for their daughter. (ok I admit it... I am broke!)

I do think however that rich posing foreigners do nothing good for the opinions of Thais, and is probably one of the main causes of human trafficking and sex-slave trading. Maybe it's about time foreingers stopped trying to look beter than the Thais in their own country and eat a ###### large slice of Humble Pie. Believe me - it tastes better than you might think

Get real. There's nowhere in Thailand you can build a large house for 100,000 baht. Haven't you ever seen some of the mansions the successful Thai build? In Udon Thani a Thai banker has just finished a 15,000,000 baht house....built entirely of teak.

rich posing foreigners ........hmmm........not all are 'posers' mate......

The meek shall inherit the earth.....those with money will rent all the nice spots from em

All the Thai's I have met respect someone who has worked hard and made a few coins. I didn't work my arse off to live in a shack regardless of the country I happen to be in.

[Martin]

"The meek shall inherit the earth" is actually bang on this topic of cross-cultural marriage, and the gaining of respect of the in-laws. When that phrase was first printed, 'meek' meant "competent and spirited, but controlled in action".

As a steed for a soldier, a meek horse was priceless.

And the shepherds needed meek dogs, too, because they had ability but would accept only putting it action when commanded, and would follow whistled instructions. Any reader who has attended sheep-dog trials will know what I am trying to explain.

Now consider cross-cultural marriage and what men and women can make a success of it.

Each must feel confident of their competence in reaching halfway across the culture gap.

Cross-cultural marriage is not for the timid and fearful.

But there will also be all those times when the spouse won't be yet able to reach across from their side of the cultural gap, and it will be a case of "Well, that will have to wait till some time in the future, when my spouse has developed more understanding of that particular difference between East and West".

Cross-cultural marriage is not for the impatient.

I find that Thais in our rural area are great ones for discussing the two sides of a man-woman partnership that they see developing. If they say: "Not good. Not equal." it is a fair bet that the partnership won't last. If they say: "Very equal, and he is lucky to get her (though she wouldn't do for many), and she is lucky to get him (though he wouldn't do for many)." it is probable that that couple will make a go of it.

In-laws won't value/respect a son-in-law who they think is unlikely to be around for long, because of a character mismatch with their daughter. But they will respect/value one who they feel increases the 'social capital' of the family.

And when I say "in-laws", I mean the whole package: if you marry a Thai woman in rural Isaan, you acquire parents-in-law, siblings-in-law, nephews-in-law, nieces-in-law, cousins-in-law, and grandparents-in-law (in great quantities as great aunts and uncles and many of the older generation, even though hardly related, are included).

Marriage in rural Isaan makes you a member of an extended family---and it can take years of patience to understand even the half of it.

And you are "inheriting the earth" in the sense that you are marrying into a family of people who are rooted in the soil.

Within twentyfour hours of my arrival in Isaan (my wife and I having met in Singapore), I was being taken on the back of her motorbike to meet my new sister-in-law and her husband, who were out ploughing a field for one of my new aunts-in-law, with a buffalo.

The buffalo had been born into the family, and had so many years on his back, that I felt he qualified as a buffalo-in-law.

Fortunately, I am the product of several dozen successive generations of British yeoman-peasants, so I didn't go into culture shock.

[Thaddeus]

The meek shall inherit the earth.....those with money will rent all the nice spots from em

And verily, the meek shall go to the bank and foreclose upon those that envied.

I love god speak

Sorry but I have been missing out on many things today..... Thai red tape..... I'll try to make the next insult slightly better

[Thaddeus]

Martin

I like you.... you tell it as it is...... but unfortunately, most will fall on stoney ground.

[Thaddeus]

Get real. There's nowhere in Thailand you can build a large house for 100,000 baht.

Yes you can..... of course you can.

You just need to listen to the Thais.

[Thaddeus]

I didn't work my arse off to live in a shack regardless of the country I happen to be in.

Funnily enough, neither did I..... but my hearing has never really depended on my arse, especially when it isn't being used for sitting on.

[jing jing]

If you believe as I do that, in general, women end up with the wealthiest man they can attract and men end up with the most attractive woman they can afford, then you may agree that this cross-cultural marriage phenomenon is potentially a good deal for all parties concerned. Normally these Isaan lasses, beautiful as some may be, would have little hope of attracting a Thai man with as much funding as the average expat farang, and by the same token the average expat farang would have little hope back home of being able to afford a woman as young and attractive as their Isaan bride. The issue of compatibility is bound to rear its ugly head at some point of course, but that is true of intracultural marriages as well and judging by the statistics it's not such a bad gamble to try the cross cultural gig on for size.

Incidentally, 100,000 baht will barely buy the airconditioning units for my village farang castle. It's a good thing the other villagers aren't comfortable at 22 degrees or I'd probably have lots more guests.

[jing jing]

Get real. There's nowhere in Thailand you can build a large house for 100,000 baht.

Yes you can..... of course you can.

You just need to listen to the Thais.

I listened to "the Thais" and the wall around my property ended up costing over 100,000 baht. I'm not sure what your Thais are saying but cement, blocks, and steel ain't free. I once heard about an emperor who had some very beautiful new clothing, at least according to the people he listened to...

[Thaddeus]

If you believe as I do that, in general, women end up with the wealthiest man they can attract and men end up with the most attractive woman they can afford, then you may agree that this cross-cultural marriage phenomenon is potentially a good deal for all parties concerned. Normally these Isaan lasses, beautiful as some may be, would have little hope of attracting a Thai man with as much funding as the average expat farang, and by the same token the average expat farang would have little hope back home of being able to afford a woman as young and attractive as their Isaan bride. The issue of compatibility is bound to rear its ugly head at some point of course, but that is true of intracultural marriages as well and judging by the statistics it's not such a bad gamble to try the cross cultural gig on for size.

Incidentally, 100,000 baht will barely buy the airconditioning units for my village farang castle. It's a good thing the other villagers aren't comfortable at 22 degrees or I'd probably have lots more guests.

Point taken.... several good points in fact.

But do you really believe that the wealthiest man will end up with the best looking woman? .... interesting..... ( a good solid reason for a relationship.... yeah right..... does Donald Trump have any kids?)

(P.S. I don't think That I mentioned air-con units or castles once...... I'll check the browser history and get back to you)

Edited August 28, 2006 by Thaddeus

[Thaddeus]

Get real. There's nowhere in Thailand you can build a large house for 100,000 baht.

Yes you can..... of course you can.

You just need to listen to the Thais.

I listened to "the Thais" and the wall around my property ended up costing over 100,000 baht. I'm not sure what your Thais are saying but cement, blocks, and steel ain't free. I once heard about an emperor who had some very beautiful new clothing, at least according to the people he listened to...

Recommendation.... don't just build a wall... build a barn.

Are you Thai? .... if you are you should be ashamed. if you aren't ........ oh well.

[Thaddeus]

Building materials here are incredibly cheap, as longs as you are prepared to go to the 'right' shop yourself and not be reliant on a go-between.

Effort.... that is all that is required.

[Thaddeus]

Moderators.... is there any recent input that serves as a useful addition to the original topic?

[harpman88]

Yes indeed, all foreign husbands are great.......

....as long as they are paying!

Let's be real,Bud. Mom wouldn't have married dear old Dad if he wasn't a good provider and "bringing home the bacon".

[Martin]

In the OP it said:

"Following marriage, the women's financial status had improved, with foreign husbands bringing steady income to the family, the study said. The marriages also brought the women more respect from neighbours, enabling them to move up the social ladder in their community."

I think there is a missing bit. Put in, after 'neighbours', the words 'who saw the income being wisely used'. Then it will ring true to me.

In rural areas, characters are well known. (If you want anonymity, live in an urban area. It isn't to be had in a rural area.)

So, who comes to you asking to borrow money will be spotted.

And you and your wife will be judged on how you handled it.

My wife and I have a policy that "We are farmers, not a Bank. So all our spare money is tied up in our little farming business. If we find we have a bit left over, it goes to the temple, where the monks will use it to help the 'deserving' poor, and not waste it on the 'undeserving'. But we may act like the monks ourselves, if it is family members who have fallen on hard times."

When it comes to building a house, you will gain a lot of respect if you do it well.

But you will be a laughing stock if you cock up.

(I have posted before about how my wife got our house built and how we have extended it, whenever my wife has had an attack of mansion-expansion-itis. I will try to make time to look that out and post it on this thread.)

Money won't buy you respect in rural Isaan. But it can help you to earn it.

[sunnydesu]

"since her daughter married her British husband, her life had been comfortable, running their restaurant with many employees."

To me this article is all about money. Money makes everyone happy....?? I guess happiness comes after money..??