Can An Asian Woman Really Love A Man? Or Are Men Just Atms

[NovaBlue05]

What women ANYWHERE marry men for love alone? In fact, probably most initially size you up for your potential as a companion and support mechanism and learn to "love" you later....unless you're a prick of course. If it were not for the fact that men in society have traditionally held the primary role of providing security in the relationship, probably most women would probably be Lesbians by now

[taxexile]

What women ANYWHERE marry men for love alone? In fact, probably most initially size you up for your potential as a companion and support mechanism and learn to "love" you later....unless you're a prick of course. If it were not for the fact that men in society have traditionally held the primary role of providing security in the relationship, probably most women would probably be Lesbians by now

and how do you come to that hackneyed cliched conclusion sigmund ?

[Mr Jones]

Love at first sight, it don’t happen, lust at first sight does.

Like it or not we are animals and the first thought that enters a males mind when he sees a female is sex, women encourage this process by dressing in a way that they think they are sexy, displaying the goods.

Don’t believe me? Take a look around, she isn’t wearing a wonder bra for comfort, and those high heals look really comfortable, the cloths she wears is to attract attention. We have all heard it,

“does my bum look fat in this” what dose it matter if she cant see it..

Still don’t believe me? Then next time your partner has a new dress on or a new hair style even a new pair of shoes, (ignore them at your own peril.)

Women being the weaker sex need someone to take care of them and look for strength in a mate, not just physical strength financial strength as well.

north east south or western it still applies

[WaiWai]

Seems to me you can't have it both ways: ie a 'traditional" female role where she is dependent onher husband for her money and a woman who isn't interested in a man for his money.

I wonder how long it will be before we hear of foreign male partners staying home to take care of the home and kids while the better-earning Thai female partner brings in the money. (Though paying for housework and childcare are, of course, far cheaper here than in the countries many of the posters here grew up in, there's presumably still a desire for one of the parents to be home for the kid.)

Perhaps such men would feel more loved and less used ?

[Thaddeus]

My Thai family are quite comfortable by themselves on the subject of money, by Isaan standards they are very comfortable...... requests for money that I will never see again never happen. Requests for a loan that they will pay back within a week.... it happened once, they needed to buy some chemicals for the trees and hadn't been able to get the last crop to market, so to speak, they couldn't get a ride into town to go to the bank (they didn't have a car at the time, and none of them could drive one anyway.... plus have you ever seen the queues at the Thai Farmers Bank in a rural town, they are ridiculous)

I lent them 10k Baht and the relevant product was ordered and delivered to them..... two days later, they paid me back, with an extra 1k on top to say thank you.

So that is the subject of money covered from my standpoint...... apart from one.

The OP stated

Spurred on by the recent posts about White men are good husbands and the reasons listed are all about $$$.

I have read those topics and will simply say this, not all the posts were all about money , but if that is the way you choose to read an entire thread..... up to you.

Now..... love.

Did I love my wife as I do now when we first married.... I doubt it.... lust certainly. We married very quickly, three months after we first met, mainly because the family wanted to see some commitment from this unknown quantity..... but that was just the village 'do' nothing on paper, and from where I was standing at the time, I wasn't really making any commitment, as far as Mama and Papa (and On) were concerned, I was making a huge one. The signing of some official paperwork came much much later on in the relationship, by that time we had a great deal of mutual respect and I would like to say that we both loved each other, otherwise I don't think that either one of us would have scrawled on the dotted lines.... having said that, the day we had the village ceremony is the day we celebrate our anniversary, we both look through the photo's every now and again with great fondness now, I'm sure that her fondness started on day one..... the paper signing has since become irrelevant and I'm quite sure that if I asked her now what the date was, she wouldn't have a clue.

Last point ..... why me?

I have asked this question, obviously, but only once, once was all I needed to hear.

On has a daughter from a previous marriage (Thai/Thai) so I'm just the Step-Dad.

When I asked the aforementioned question, her answer was quite simple. I didn't strike her as the sort of man who would go missing for three days, come back drunk, demand sex and then hit her. She said that the only reason she stayed with him for so long was for the sake of Noo, but when he finally beat her up so badly she had to stay in hospital for a week.... enough was enough.

Needless to say, our daughter is our daughter.

Final comment (thank God I hear you say)..... and it's to this.

I also doubt that they would behave in such a manner to a Thai man and I would expect that their emotional interest in a Thai man would play a greater role than that with a Farang.

That would be a Thai man with money then?..... her previous husband was in a very well paid job.... didn't stop the marriage going to the wall though.

Conclusion..... money doesn't make a marriage.

But you only need a couple of things to destroy one...... one of those is greed, one of the others is a selfish requirement to fulfil your desires first.

I'm not Bill Gates, she isn't Paris Hilton...... but neither one of us either wants or needs us to be.

Does she love me?..... of that I have no doubt, as I do her.

[Donz]

The OP is probaly the funniest questions ive seen in a long time.

What sort of a man are you hahahahahahhahaha really, maybe you had too many broken hearts or something.

Man I used to be a broke ass and pick up asian/farang woman all the time. I think this is generalisation at its finest.

[GracelessFawn]

Spurred on by the recent posts about White men are good husbands and the reasons listed are all about $$$. I am wondering does anyone in Asia every think about love? or is marriage in Asia just business?

I have asked a number of women in Asia what is important and I have noticed one trend, they say the man should love me, never they should love the man. I wonder if there is any love in Asia or is it all just business?

Of course the age of the women affects the answer. Over 25 seem to have more sense.

Please try to hold back the stupid comments and place some thoughtful posts. At least for the first 10

First of all, I don't think that stereotyping is right. There are a lot of women out there, including me that still believe in LOVE! Yes, love! L - O - V - E!

For a husband, I would look for a guy who can support myself and our future children! (And of course, I'd work to help with the finances!!!) Who wouldn't? It's common sense, right? Would you marry a bu_m? But there's a big difference between "wanting someone because of $$$$$$$ and wanting to love someone who is responsible."

I am 25 and I am not ashamed to say so, irregardless of what you think! And yes, I still believe in love and to me it is more important than money,status or looks. But even love has its limitations. I used to love my xbf. I didn't leave him when he lost his job, I didn't leave him when he was down or in a bad patch, but I left him when he cheated.

I am pretty aware of what's going on here in BKK, but I find no reason to be pessimistic and negative about things. The way I see it, girls who cling to guys for the $$$$$$$$$ are also being used/exploited (Their Bodies, plus the girls take good care of them!!!) by fat old ugly white men! So am I right to say that the relationship is merely "an arrangement of some sort" ??? or am I wrong?

But as I said earlier, it is not right to generalize and judge everone. Some of us are still out here and we are independent, responsible, and we don't consider $$$$$$ when looking for a man! Whether you believe it or not, we're still out here! You just have to sort out the bad ones from the good.

[Donz]

Spurred on by the recent posts about White men are good husbands and the reasons listed are all about $$$. I am wondering does anyone in Asia every think about love? or is marriage in Asia just business?

I have asked a number of women in Asia what is important and I have noticed one trend, they say the man should love me, never they should love the man. I wonder if there is any love in Asia or is it all just business?

Of course the age of the women affects the answer. Over 25 seem to have more sense.

Please try to hold back the stupid comments and place some thoughtful posts. At least for the first 10

First of all, I don't think that stereotyping is right. There are a lot of women out there, including me that still believe in LOVE! Yes, love! L - O - V - E!

For a husband, I would look for a guy who can support myself and our future children! (And of course, I'd work to help with the finances!!!) Who wouldn't? It's common sense, right? Would you marry a bu_m? But there's a big difference between "wanting someone because of $$$$$$$ and wanting to love someone who is responsible."

I am 25 and I am not ashamed to say so, irregardless of what you think! And yes, I still believe in love and to me it is more important than money,status or looks. But even love has its limitations. I used to love my xbf. I didn't leave him when he lost his job, I didn't leave him when he was down or in a bad patch, but I left him when he cheated.

I am pretty aware of what's going on here in BKK, but I find no reason to be pessimistic and negative about things. The way I see it, girls who cling to guys for the $$$$$$$$$ are also being used/exploited (Their Bodies, plus the girls take good care of them!!!) by fat old ugly white men! So am I right to say that the relationship is merely "an arrangement of some sort" ??? or am I wrong?

But as I said earlier, it is not right to generalize and judge everone. Some of us are still out here and we are independent, responsible, and we don't consider $$$$$$ when looking for a man! Whether you believe it or not, we're still out here! You just have to sort out the bad ones from the good.

Yes nice post

[sbk]

What women ANYWHERE marry men for love alone? In fact, probably most initially size you up for your potential as a companion and support mechanism and learn to "love" you later....unless you're a prick of course. If it were not for the fact that men in society have traditionally held the primary role of providing security in the relationship, probably most women would probably be Lesbians by now

and how do you come to that hackneyed cliched conclusion sigmund ?

Actually, I thought it quite funny.

Not necessarily true, but still, it did garner a giggle.

[skippybangkok]

Depends on where you hang out and who you meet with

[Heng]

It'd be interesting to hear from the few falangs on this board who have married Asians/Thais that were their economic equals or superiors.

IMO money is just another aspect of life. Take it out of the equation and you take out all/most of the problems/fights so many people have because of it.

That would probaby be 1% of the forum

I'd assume even less. Which is probably why a lot of guys around here like the OP make incorrect assumptions (correct in their own lives, but incorrect when extrapolated to include all Asian/Thai women) based on their own experiences.

[Thaddeus]

Good post Fawn

But as I said earlier, it is not right to generalize and judge everone. Some of us are still out here and we are independent, responsible, and we don't consider $$$$$$ when looking for a man! Whether you believe it or not, we're still out here! You just have to sort out the bad ones from the good.

Very good point..... and it works from both directions.

There is no magic formula, apart from one..... your own feelings.

[Thaddeus]

It'd be interesting to hear from the few falangs on this board who have married Asians/Thais that were their economic equals or superiors.

IMO money is just another aspect of life. Take it out of the equation and you take out all/most of the problems/fights so many people have because of it.

That would probaby be 1% of the forum

I'd assume even less. Which is probably why a lot of guys around here like the OP make incorrect assumptions (correct in their own lives, but incorrect when extrapolated to include all Asian/Thai women) based on their own experiences.

And it would be practically impossible for a single individual to experience even 1 percent of Asian females.

(Mods...... please jump on any post in reply to that comment that detracts from it's innocent intent please)

[Nam Kao]

In the US right now - its all about $$$ for the most part

They can get a guy with more $$$ they are gone fast

------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you meet a girl in Thai give them this story about yourself:

-I am poor / 10,000 baht in bank only

-I am kicked out of my home country can never go back

-I cannot give you or your family $$$

-I will find a job later making 25,000bt/mo

-Can you lend me 500bt til Friday

-Sin Sot is bad luck for my religion, ghosts will be very angry

This litmus test will clean out the gold diggers and greencard dreamers

I used to get my TW, married now 9 years no problems

good luck

nam

[Heng]

When you meet a girl in Thai give them this story about yourself:

-I am poor / 10,000 baht in bank only

-I am kicked out of my home country can never go back

-I cannot give you or your family $$$

-I will find a job later making 25,000bt/mo

-Can you lend me 500bt til Friday

-Sin Sot is bad luck for my religion, ghosts will be very angry

This litmus test will clean out the gold diggers and greencard dreamers

It will likely also screen out a majority of normal women worldwide as well.

[mark lamai]

the only real problem is that us poor lonely farang men will never meet a lovely lady like graceless fawn.

it is virtually impossible to gain entry to mainstream thai society,

unless you work in a high paid foreign company in bangkok.

so we meet the bar girls or poor uneducated girls from upcountry.

i ask my friends sometimes,

would you marry the girl in your country who works in the local supermarket?

of course not, she has low class accent, limited conversational ability, cannot discuss world events or philosophy...etc.

the odds of success i think are the same in thailand as in your native country when you engage in such a mismatch of education and 'class' levels.

that is, a very low probability of success.

so it is nice to read of success stories here.

but they are vastly outnumbered by the catastrophic failures we all know about.

i have been friends with some terrific and wonderful thai women,

a byproduct of working in thailand.

and i have known and met some of the nastiest females imaginable also.

not just bar girls, some of them quite rich.

i will propose this idea:

money is more important than love in thailand.

we romantic males in developed western countries find this idea very disturbing.

there is heaps of psychological research about romantic love and its development into mature love, all western based, would be nice to see studies that are asian based,

because i think a lot of the concepts that western thinking are based on would be unintelligable to thailand people.

would love to hear from an honest thai person as well about this topic.

it seems that thai culture does forgive or ignore bad behaviour if you are rich and influential.

sure in my country we suck up to rich people too.

there is a different set of rules here about what you can do and get away with,

things that in my country would be considered immoral or criminal.

what can a thai person emulate when the politicians, police, neighbours etc are some of the most corrupt and nasty people you could find any where in the world.

Thai people seem to lie to themselves about how wonderful they are,

in my opinion burmese and cambodian people are much nicer.

folks this is not an anti thai diatribe,

honesty is important.

my own countrymen are stupid and dull, i don't like many of them either.

but in the end, money rules everywhere.

[paully]

Yes, at that rate you might as well wear a baseball cap with "I'm a Loser" on it. Saves telling the story.

[Thaddeus]

i ask my friends sometimes,

would you marry the girl in your country who works in the local supermarket?

of course not, she has low class accent, limited conversational ability, cannot discuss world events or philosophy...etc

Well... that's a bit of a kick in the teeth for most of the UK. (probably not their loss though, and I'm fairly sure they won't miss that prejudiced attitude)

God help your wife....... hang on, from memory and reading previous threads would I be correct in saying that you don't have one...... if I am wrong, I apologise, if I am right...... I wonder why.

[GracelessFawn]

Good post Fawn

But as I said earlier, it is not right to generalize and judge everone. Some of us are still out here and we are independent, responsible, and we don't consider $$$$$$ when looking for a man! Whether you believe it or not, we're still out here! You just have to sort out the bad ones from the good.

Very good point..... and it works from both directions.

There is no magic formula, apart from one..... your own feelings.

Thanks Thaddeus.

[Thaddeus]

Good post Fawn

But as I said earlier, it is not right to generalize and judge everone. Some of us are still out here and we are independent, responsible, and we don't consider $$$$$$ when looking for a man! Whether you believe it or not, we're still out here! You just have to sort out the bad ones from the good.

Very good point..... and it works from both directions.

There is no magic formula, apart from one..... your own feelings.

Thanks Thaddeus.

You are more than welcome

"Slow to chide and swift to bless" is my motto.

I'm still working on the slow to chide part

[LoveDaBlues]

If this turns into a thai woman bashing thread, we will close it quick smart.

First of all, I don't think that stereotyping is right. There are a lot of women out there, including me that still believe in LOVE! Yes, love! L - O - V - E!

For a husband, I would look for a guy who can support myself and our future children! (And of course, I'd work to help with the finances!!!) Who wouldn't? It's common sense, right? Would you marry a bu_m? But there's a big difference between "wanting someone because of $$$$$$$ and wanting to love someone who is responsible."

I am 25 and I am not ashamed to say so, irregardless of what you think! And yes, I still believe in love and to me it is more important than money,status or looks. But even love has its limitations. I used to love my xbf. I didn't leave him when he lost his job, I didn't leave him when he was down or in a bad patch, but I left him when he cheated.

I am pretty aware of what's going on here in BKK, but I find no reason to be pessimistic and negative about things. The way I see it, girls who cling to guys for the $$$$$$$$$ are also being used/exploited (Their Bodies, plus the girls take good care of them!!!) by fat old ugly white men ! So am I right to say that the relationship is merely "an arrangement of some sort" ??? or am I wrong?

But as I said earlier, it is not right to generalize and judge everone. Some of us are still out here and we are independent, responsible, and we don't consider $$$$$$ when looking for a man! Whether you believe it or not, we're still out here! You just have to sort out the bad ones from the good.

[Plus]

1% of forum members is about 300 people but decided not to post here.

There are lots of girls like GracelessFawn but men often overlook them. Goes without saying that beer bars is probably not the best place to look.

On the other hand, every woman has these qualities in her to some extent, they must be appreciated and nurtured if you want them to shine through. Some men can turn beer bar girls into loving wives, but when it doesn't work we get threads like this.

[Donz]

1% of forum members is about 300 people but decided not to post here.

There are lots of girls like GracelessFawn but men often overlook them. Goes without saying that beer bars is probably not the best place to look.

On the other hand, every woman has these qualities in her to some extent, they must be appreciated and nurtured if you want them to shine through. Some men can turn beer bar girls into loving wives, but when it doesn't work we get threads like this.

And you would be quite right

[yoshiki]

One of the first things my TW asked me when we met face-to-face was, "will you take me shopping?". I almost dropped her right there but figured what's a few bucks. Well I gave her 8,000 baht and she went shopping while I drank coffee,etc. and watched the Thai stroll by. When she had finished shopping she handed me 5,000 baht. I looked at what she had bought and it was all 'basic' items of clothing and a few nicer things but all priced okay. Later when I visited her village I discovered she literally only had a few pieces of simple clothing. Also, I later found out she wanted to 'look nice' when we went out together; not unreasonable I think.

To this day the TW is frugal with my (our) money. She's wonderful in many other ways and yes she loves me and I her.

So what's my point? Simple. Many people would have viewed the "will you take me shopping" request as just another Thai girl after a farang and his money. This would become their perspective of Thai women. However, once the 'whole picture' comes to light it was just a request from someone asking someone else to provide some basics and a little happiness.

wow that's very sweet..

[meemiathai]

On the other hand, every woman has these qualities in her to some extent, they must be appreciated and nurtured if you want them to shine through.

[the swagman]

the only real problem is that us poor lonely farang men will never meet a lovely lady like graceless fawn.

You might but you wouldn't be able to recognise it.

it is virtually impossible to gain entry to mainstream thai society,

unless you work in a high paid foreign company in bangkok.

so we meet the bar girls or poor uneducated girls from upcountry.

Totally off the mark. It is not impossible, indeed it is quite easy.

'we meet the bar girls', well if that is where you hang your hat in the evening, then that is who you will meet.

i ask my friends sometimes,

would you marry the girl in your country who works in the local supermarket?

of course not, she has low class accent, limited conversational ability, cannot discuss world events or philosophy...etc.

the odds of success i think are the same in thailand as in your native country when you engage in such a mismatch of education and 'class' levels.

that is, a very low probability of success.

so it is nice to read of success stories here.

but they are vastly outnumbered by the catastrophic failures we all know about.

i have been friends with some terrific and wonderful thai women,

a byproduct of working in thailand.

and i have known and met some of the nastiest females imaginable also.

not just bar girls, some of them quite rich.

i will propose this idea:

money is more important than love in thailand.

As I said, if that is where you hang your aht in the evening that is who you will meet.

we romantic males in developed western countries find this idea very disturbing.

Ha, ha, ha.

there is heaps of psychological research about romantic love and its development into mature love, all western based, would be nice to see studies that are asian based,

because i think a lot of the concepts that western thinking are based on would be unintelligable to thailand people.

And a lot of eastern wisdom, accumulated over 1,000's of years is totally incomprehensible to westerners.

what can a thai person emulate when the politicians, police, neighbours etc are some of the most corrupt and nasty people you could find any where in the world.

Chern.

Thai people seem to lie to themselves about how wonderful they are,

in my opinion burmese and cambodian people are much nicer.

folks this is not an anti thai diatribe,

honesty is important.

my own countrymen are stupid and dull, i don't like many of them either.

but in the end, money rules everywhere.

You seem to a fixation with money.

I can't imagine what you do or where you live but with an attitude you have, I believe Siam Reap is nice this time of the year.

[udon]

GracelessFawn

Hello SCAMPY :D

[OlRedEyes]

This Thai-female bashing thingy, does that have something to do with BDSM?

OK folks, lets bash this Love-thing on the head once and for all.

It's been pretty much proven* that love is no more than a chemical reaction in the brain. Old hat.

Driven by the simple fact of need-satisfaction.

These needs are pretty much common in all animal life, with some obvious differences between male and female due to their different roles in life. Yea, dream on, we are NOT the same. Environment - and the resulting culture - also have an influence.

4 basic types of needs resulting in love:

1) Need to protect. Love for a child or dependant. Species cannot survive without it.

2) Need for security. Love for a parent, provider. Mostly found in females in order to raise family. Species cannot survive without it.

3) Need to multiply. Love for a sex-partner. Species cannot survive without it.

4) Need for growth. Adapt or die. Species cannot survive without it.

So you arrive in Thailand with a handful of dollars/pounds which seem like a fortune to a poor girl, #2 kicks in big time, and the rest later. Surprise, surprise. She loves you.

She's more educated and well-off? #4 becomes important, coz you are from the 'educated' west. You travel alone, so much she can learn from you, so much potential growth.

Most guys end up in the first scenario, with a not so educated girl, so is it surprising money is important? Of course she loves you, and if you cannot give her the security, then the family and growth, she will stop loving you. 'Love', like anything else, is not static. It moves along or dies.

Asian females 'love' as much and as 'true' as anyone else.

Don't believe love is a needs-based chemical reaction? Wake up, latest research* is blowing the concepts of free-will and free thought to hel_l as well.

* Sources - find them yourself. they're everywhere.

Edited September 7, 2006 by OlRedEyes

[Schooner]

God, I get so sick of all the Thai bashing. It seems to me that the one thing that never gets said is "I take personal responsability for the quality of my life" If it is not working for me it is MY falt.

I love it when a farang comes here and throws money around like he's trying to impress someone and who do you suppose he's going to attract? He spends a fortune on a woman he's just met and then is mad because she wants more or she runs off with another sucker.

If you haven't figured out by now how to evaluate the person that your about to enter into a relationship with regardless of their financial, education or geographic background and see the character of that INDIVIDUAL person than you get what you deserve. som nom na. The difinition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Is it love? Well, what the hel_l is love anyway. For millions of years humans got togather because it was practicle. It simply made sense. It was a win-win. I'm sick to death of trying to life up to some womens romantic expectations of "her knight in shining armor" and it is a refreshing relief to share life with a happy, fun, intelligent young woman who wants a better life for herself and her family and is willing to work for it. I am not reminded daily of how I am not living up to "her" romantic expectations. The worse thing that ever happened to the west is "romantic love" It's taken me most of my life to figure out that the women I'm "attracted" to I am least compatible with.

When I met my TGF there was an attraction. She had her reasons, I had mine and as it progressed we had long conversations about what our expectations were before moving to the next level. Yes, it was a little like a business contract but once we understood what to expect we got it out of the way and can focus on the day to day sharing of a enjoyable life togather. Is it love? well if it "walks like a duck"

I'm sorry, but I think that folks who try to sort individual humans beings into groups clouds their ability to see peoples individual character and isn't that whats really important?

[jbowman1993]

I thought this stupid thread had died. Can someone please kill it?