Wife wants to divorce, two kids

[MaeJoMTB]

All this advice assumes rational players on all sides

This is not the case at all, and every experienced poster here knows it

They just brought the wrong cop last time

Expect them to learn from this mistake and strike again

once you are in jail its over

And your experience isn't exactly the same as that of 'every experienced poster here' either. It certainly isn't mine and I am pretty sure it's different from the OP's as well.

I think SF4 is more likely accurate from my experiences with many nutty Thai women (and my pals experiences too).

Rule 1 in relationships everywhere, once the slide starts, things only ever get worse.

Better to escape immediately, than prolong your misery for 5, 10, 20 years more.

Edited March 28, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[NanLaew]

All this advice assumes rational players on all sides

This is not the case at all, and every experienced poster here knows it

They just brought the wrong cop last time

Expect them to learn from this mistake and strike again

once you are in jail its over

And your experience isn't exactly the same as that of 'every experienced poster here' either. It certainly isn't mine and I am pretty sure it's different from the OP's as well.

I think SF4 is more likely accurate from my experiences with many nutty Thai women (and my pals experiences too).

Rule 1 in relationships everywhere, once the slide starts, things only ever get worse.

Better to escape immediately, than prolong your misery for 5, 10, 20 years more.

And I refute that because you simply never hear from the others that do manage to sort out their issues, whether it's culture shock, misunderstanding or personal issues. The only ones we (repeatedly) here about on TV are the personal train wrecks (and their pals train wrecks too).

From what the OP has intimated here, I see every reason to be on guard and closely reassess the relationship while prioritizing his personal well-being and that of the kids. I don't see any reason for the puerile 'Run Forest, run', don't look back, burn your bridges advice that may have worked for a somebody's pals... but probably didn't.

[arthurwait]

Sorry to hear about this, but it is kind of familiar as I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old and my wife has been very stressed and tired too.

But just to bring this up

When she plays outside and wants to come inside home, she doesn’t open the door, she just ignores her. I have to come from far to open the door. It’s so sad to see, a 2 year old for God’s sake!

What were you doing that means you couldn't open the door ? Has your wife been up all night feeding the baby , is she continuously tired right from through pregnancy to now looking after the baby ? While she is this tired and stressed she will have the 2 year old competing for attention and not understanding why she (the 2 year old) is no longer the main focus of her mum and of course asking endless questions over and over again. Is she also feeding everyone, making dinner, shopping , washing up, washing the clothes , etc etc ? Does she ever get a break from the baby while you take care of the baby and the 2 year old for her, you don't work so you should have plenty of time. Does she have time to go for a massage or get her hair done, see her friends or go shopping, just a couple of hours a week or fortnight ? Does anyone play with and entertain your 2 year old most days so she can have a break ?

I imagine she is absolutely drained and reacting too much because of it and you may feel like you are on your own with no help from anyone.

I know nothing of her parents or their background, but I don't want to judge, but they seem not to like you, maybe it's because they don't think you help her or maybe because you don't work, maybe it's the kak thing, only they can answer, maybe talk with them or through someone to find out what the problem is.

Sorry if this is all wrong presumption but maybe it will be of some help.

It might just be a case of your wife needing more help with the kids and some more money due to the increased costs of another baby and the rapidly rising cost of living in this country, but big over reactions due to stress and tiredness.

Edit: Was she also the one having to deal with all the stress of building the house due to the language barrier ?

Edited March 28, 2015 by arthurwait

[MaeJoMTB]

All this advice assumes rational players on all sides

This is not the case at all, and every experienced poster here knows it

They just brought the wrong cop last time

Expect them to learn from this mistake and strike again

once you are in jail its over

And your experience isn't exactly the same as that of 'every experienced poster here' either. It certainly isn't mine and I am pretty sure it's different from the OP's as well.

I think SF4 is more likely accurate from my experiences with many nutty Thai women (and my pals experiences too).

Rule 1 in relationships everywhere, once the slide starts, things only ever get worse.

Better to escape immediately, than prolong your misery for 5, 10, 20 years more.

And I refute that because you simply never hear from the others that do manage to sort out their issues, whether it's culture shock, misunderstanding or personal issues. The only ones we (repeatedly) here about on TV are the personal train wrecks (and their pals train wrecks too).

From what the OP has intimated here, I see every reason to be on guard and closely reassess the relationship while prioritizing his personal well-being and that of the kids. I don't see any reason for the puerile 'Run Forest, run', don't look back, burn your bridges advice that may have worked for a somebody's pals... but probably didn't.

No train wrecks for me, now I get off when the ride gets bumpy.

(Learnt that in the UK, when I failed to get off in time)

Edited March 28, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[Udoth]

I would like to let you guys know because of the many reactions, that everything is fine the last few days. My wife hasn't been seeing her parents or other family except for a cousin which has been supportive all the time, the cousin came here and we made pizza's too yesterday. I think my wife also doesn't like the negative talking of her family anymore. She is still happy and also hasn't been angry with the two year old. There is a flue going around the village so we're all sick too, otherwise we would have been gone to swimming today.

I'm happy I didn't run away and also not planning to do that just yet, I'm not afraid of her family. What I will do is making sure the baby gets a passport and gather important papers just in case.

@Arthur, I completely understand what you're saying and no, watching and managing the building of the house has been pretty much all on my shoulders, except a few translations which most were through the phone. About opening the door for the two year old, I've been busy outside on the land on my free time, for the garden and upkeep. We always go shopping together so we both can watch the kids and I do help her with taking care of both kids at home, changing the diapers and some house chores. She used to use her free time to sit and chit chat with family.

I do think what you are saying might hold some truth though and I will keep an eye on signs of her being tired and support her extra at those times. Thanks for the idea.

[MobileContent]

I would like to let you guys know because of the many reactions, that everything is fine the last few days. My wife hasn't been seeing her parents or other family except for a cousin which has been supportive all the time, the cousin came here and we made pizza's too yesterday. I think my wife also doesn't like the negative talking of her family anymore. She is still happy and also hasn't been angry with the two year old. There is a flue going around the village so we're all sick too, otherwise we would have been gone to swimming today.

I'm happy I didn't run away and also not planning to do that just yet, I'm not afraid of her family. What I will do is making sure the baby gets a passport and gather important papers just in case.

@Arthur, I completely understand what you're saying and no, watching and managing the building of the house has been pretty much all on my shoulders, except a few translations which most were through the phone. About opening the door for the two year old, I've been busy outside on the land on my free time, for the garden and upkeep. We always go shopping together so we both can watch the kids and I do help her with taking care of both kids at home, changing the diapers and some house chores. She used to use her free time to sit and chit chat with family.

I do think what you are saying might hold some truth though and I will keep an eye on signs of her being tired and support her extra at those times. Thanks for the idea.

Their is always a chance to have things work out Udoth.

Shielding your wife from the family might be a good idea for the time but longterm you got to think of moving away. I have a great relationship with my in-laws and at times my wife things they always are on my side but it is mainly common sense as her parents and I are in the same age group (40's).

I build on the land from my MIL and it was the best I ever did. Yesterday I returned to see my son and after a week I missed my boy and parents in laws. My wife stayed in Bangkok and I will return to Bangkok tomorrow. Next week my wife will return and after Songkran we will all move to Bangkok.

[RandomSand]

I agree with other posters that this is the calm before the storm hits.

She said she wanted you gone but because you care it's not that simple...

In my experience women like these will use your caring nature against you.

I think getting away from the relationship with periodic contact with our kids is sensible.

Trying to convince your wife to play "happy families" could well cause her more pain and inflame all issues further.

Instead of letting yourself become emotionally manipulated over time; it might be easier to start talking about money NOW and get to the end of this game quickly.

What's bizarre and unimaginable to you right now, is that if you moved out, rented somewhere, and got a pretty young GF, the situation might change completely: and perhaps not for the worst.

West to East is as East to West.

Edited March 29, 2015 by RandomSand

[puukao]

finishes builiding the house and wants a divorce a week later? chaaaa...chiing

marriage is usually the greatest job offer ever, for some. and the worst financial decision for others, all so their heart feels good for a bit...

women, sales, money.........a good job if you can get it. free houses!!!

[arthurwait]

I agree with other posters that this is the calm before the storm hits.

She said she wanted you gone but because you care it's not that simple...

In my experience women like these will use your caring nature against you.

I think getting away from the relationship with periodic contact with our kids is sensible.

Trying to convince your wife to play "happy families" could well cause her more pain and inflame all issues further.

Instead of letting yourself become emotionally manipulated over time; it might be easier to start talking about money NOW and get to the end of this game quickly.

What's bizarre and unimaginable to you right now, is that if you moved out, rented somewhere, and got a pretty young GF, the situation might change completely: and perhaps not for the worst.

West to East is as East to West.

You know nothing about her.

[kaorop]

i could be wrong, and often are,

but i dont believe when its that serious,

that people lay it all out like that,

on line, first post, for strangers to read.

reads like penthouse letters for bored expats <deleted>!

[ScarpoFongness4U]

Penthouse letters wouldn't have included the in-laws and would be about not getting caught with the wife's 19 year old twin sisters

This is a story that ends with the rtp declaring a man with an ice pick in his back,

A suicide

[ScarpoFongness4U]

Go buy some surveillance cameras that you zcan record and monitor online, and take a few days for a business trip to the next town and get a real understanding of what takes place there when youre gone

[arthurwait]

The woman is incredibly tired raising a 2 year old and a baby and suffering with horrible flu. She hasn't slept in months and is run down with flu. She over reacted and is crying out for help with the kids and some time to herself.

On top of all that she has her family on her back and you know what that's like for a Thai girl.

Some of you really need to get off her back and stop judging her due to your own inadequacies with woman and the behaviour of the only women you can 'attract' due to those inadequacies.

[NanLaew]

Go buy some surveillance cameras that you zcan record and monitor online, and take a few days for a business trip to the next town and get a real understanding of what takes place there when youre gone

Did that solution work for you?

Or was it a friend?

Or somebody that someone at the bar was yakking about?

[ScarpoFongness4U]

Go buy some surveillance cameras that you zcan record and monitor online, and take a few days for a business trip to the next town and get a real understanding of what takes place there when youre gone

Did that solution work for you?

Or was it a friend?

Or somebody that someone at the bar was yakking about?

y

No, I did it myself in Los Angeles, prior to my last encounter with my now ex wife

When I wasnt there she spoke in English about her plans.

She usually spoke Portuguese to her father when I was there....

I didn't bother to return while she was there, preferred to get my things out and let her discover the broken lock and empty apt.

[samuibeachcomber]

The woman is incredibly tired raising a 2 year old and a baby and suffering with horrible flu. She hasn't slept in months and is run down with flu. She over reacted and is crying out for help with the kids and some time to herself.

On top of all that she has her family on her back and you know what that's like for a Thai girl.

Some of you really need to get off her back and stop judging her due to your own inadequacies with woman and the behaviour of the only women you can 'attract' due to those inadequacies.

Part of what you say maybe true,and the OP is doing the right thing(being supportive).The problem seems to be with the in-laws.Could it be that the FIL is angry cos he bought his daughter the land and her new farang husband has got away with just building the house on this land instead of buying more land to build the house on?...sometimes it could be just this simple.If what i suggest is correct maybe the OP could be extravagant and buy him something he wants that's expensive....might work!

[ScarpoFongness4U]

Nonsense,

The old man gave them the land, and is now pulling the power play, alongside his daughter

Why westerners build houses on land they don't own, with all the failed stories out there is baffling

[ScarpoFongness4U]

threads like this remind me how lucky was to meet Rich, in Chiang Mai, a few weeks before I decided to shack up w a thai girl

Edited March 31, 2015 by ScarpoFongness4U

[NanLaew]

There's probably more that one greenhorn farang here who assumed the the land was a 'gift' and never thought the whole thing through. But not all of them.

There is also the aspect of the in-law's that consider the above mentioned 'gift' as the broken spigot on a stream of income from overseas. But not all of them.

There's always the aspect of the Thai family tie being supreme and paramount regardless of that families place in the Thai social strata. But not all of them.

[Rod Wallop]

As far as I know your wife cannot force a divorce unless you have done something wrong. There is a list of 15 things online. Very difficult for a woman to divorce a man in Thailand. Even a farang

[NanLaew]

As far as I know your wife cannot force a divorce unless you have done something wrong. There is a list of 15 things online. Very difficult for a woman to divorce a man in Thailand. Even a farang

I am pretty sure more Thai spouses are unaware of this than farang husbands. It may offer some reassurance to the OP if it does go to the wall but it doesn't lend any immediate help in his current circumstances.

[MaeJoMTB]

threads like this remind me how lucky was to meet Rich, in Chiang Mai, a few weeks before I decided to shack up w a thai girl

Did he force you to listen to his music too!

[Rod Wallop]

As far as I know your wife cannot force a divorce unless you have done something wrong. There is a list of 15 things online. Very difficult for a woman to divorce a man in Thailand. Even a farang

I am pretty sure more Thai spouses are unaware of this than farang husbands. It may offer some reassurance to the OP if it does go to the wall but it doesn't lend any immediate help in his current circumstances.

I have spoken to a Thai lawyer about this very subject. The family court will do what's best for the children even if it means giving sole custody to the father, if the mother is not fit to be a mother.

[samuibeachcomber]

Nonsense,

The old man gave them the land, and is now pulling the power play, alongside his daughter

Why westerners build houses on land they don't own, with all the failed stories out there is baffling

am not sure you are correct?It was the father's land and he put it in her name,does n't say when.that was why i raised the point about "maybe he was pissed off they built the house on his original land rather than the husband buying land separately to build the house.

[samuibeachcomber]

And a foreigner cannot buy land in his name.It's almost impossible to do it now even through company title,best he can do is to get the owner of the land to grant a long lease.happy to be corrected!

[hiller]

Udoth, you mentioned in your post post-partum depression.

Is it possible that your wife is still suffering from depression and nothing is good for her?

I would suggest, you take her on some holiday on an island, without the kids and try to sort things out.

Be patient and don't despair, I really hope this is a temporary thing and you will not get divorced for both your sakes and mainly for the kids.

Good Luck to you and your family.

COSTAS 2008 - Marriage counseling and legal advice for Issan women.

[KamalaRider]

Udoth,

I can only give you advise based on what you have written in your post so I might be way off, but here it goes.

It seems to me that you have given your children too much attention and that your wife have been neglected (in her eyes) over the past two years.

I can only speak for my own but when I realised I gave too much attention to our daughter (not my biological) my wife took it out on her daughter.

I didn't catch on until I sat down and thought our situation through.

As long as your wife hasn't threaten to kill, hit or actually have hit you before, you should try and revive the attention you gave her before the kids were born.

That could do the trick, as, and this is purely my view on Thais, they are without exceptions kids themselves.

My wife is the same, if I let her be a kid, she would be, without any hesitation, but I use communication every time we have a fall out of some sort and I don't let her get away with emotional gibberish.

I will never get my wife to admit that she acts like a child at times, but that's not my intention anyway.

Every person have their own way of logic and arguing technique, so find yours without too much degrading treatment of your wife.

I'm Swedish and in Sweden, we listen to what our women say and want, but with Thai women (woman) I have relearned my ways.

Now I always, yes always, decide what to do together, where to go and everything else but what she eats and she's never been happier. I never ask her anymore, but I leave a door half open for her opinion.

This of course assumes I already knows what she likes to do, what she enjoys the most etc.

Your wifes depression could very well have been a child's desire to be give 100% attention and when you didn't give her that, she turned against the two year old.

This is just speculations on my part, take it for what's it worth as I don't know you or your wife and the relationship you two have together.

Good luck in the future and remember, give your wife more attention than you give your kids as she's the biggest child in your family

Edited March 31, 2015 by KamalaRider

[ScarpoFongness4U]

Good thing I didn't have anything too acidic before reading that advice above..

[KamalaRider]

Good thing I didn't have anything too acidic before reading that advice above..

Would also have been better if you weren't too bitter and narrow minded from your own experiences when answering posts.

Did you know that not everyone lives in that small part of the world you obviously do, in your center of the world.

Edited April 1, 2015 by KamalaRider

[EyesWideOpen]

Finishing the house is often the end.

They only wanted the house.

Your extension will be cancelled the moment she informs immigration the marriage is over.

Haha I always thought that old chestnut about the Thai wife / girlfriend giving you

the boot immediately upon completion of the Isan palace you paid for was an

urban myth spun by bitter expats. Apparently not....