Lack or compassion or just different social values?

[bbbbooboo]

Or is this further evidence that some Thais really only care about money?

[MrY]

I had a similar thing a few years ago. I had to make a choice between going back to the UK for my fathers funeral and lose my job or dont go and have a job. Since I had a family who depended on me I did what my father would have said. He would have sad "You cant do anything here and you have a family t support so dont be bloody stupid stick with the job".

I did exactly that. My brother never forgave me and we have since agreed never to contact each other. It was a choice I had to make and I stand by it to this day

This is what I learned in Thailand;

"Work comes first because family is No. 1"

[MrY]

sounds like its time to go home

You guys won't ever stop, will ya..?

[jacko45k]

Strangely these actions do not surprise me.......

[frank0424]

#22,23

Maybe the place is more important than ever, similar lifestyle are in Mexico, Brazil, Angola, Mozambique someone might call it fatalism but not me, is a sickness from environment to which natives have found a self defence and results different from the achievement of the west. Of course neighbours like Indinesia, Singapore, Malesya can have another idea but they have money, the big plaster, to play a role. But a tour in the country will tell you, where wealth is missing, how is lifestyle. In LOS the Sun run 1/3 of the path in the opposite emisphere, the shadow makes a turn of 180 and the light unmask the dark side. Hard to grasp for who has the shade fixed in one place.

What the hell does that say ?!!!!!

OK I understand English clearly isn't your first language but at least use Google so the rest of us have the faintest chance of understanding what you're on about because that is just undecipherable !

I think he did use Google translate...

[MaeJoMTB]

And yes, it is sad that the mother "has a scar" from the event. She'll have to have a C-section for all future births, making them more difficult. Her health and that of future children will be compromised.

Why will she need to have c-section for all future births?????????

Back in the UK my former wife had,

1 c-section (age 30) (dam_n awful scar)

2 natural (age 32)

3 c-section (age 39) (free tummy tuck and scar removal)

4 natural (age 42) (assisted with forceps)

Edited April 13, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[LivinLOS]

My first wife died here while was young and very in love with her.. It ruined me for years..

Her mother clearly didnt give a shit.. Ohh sure she had a wailing fit for everyone to see at the funeral but even her sister was rolling her eyes at the over acting.. She came up to me at one point in my grief and said "why you so sad ?? she wasnt 'that' good"..

The same woman had her kids taken from her when the local primary school teacher, after noticing they hadnt been for a few days, found them hungry and thristy where mom had gone off on a 3 day drink and card bender.

Edited April 13, 2015 by LivinLOS

[LivinLOS]

double post

Edited April 13, 2015 by LivinLOS

[LivinLOS]

triple post

Edited April 13, 2015 by LivinLOS

[Bangkok Barry]

A tragic story with the words 'Thai' inserted in it as often as possible to provide more thai bashing.

and that's all this is !! unless of course you're suggesting there are countries on this planet where heartlessness doesn't exist ?

Only what you will find in Thailand is children who generally have complete respect for their parents, which is something you will find very thin on the ground in the UK

Carry on bashing .................

You will also find in Thailand tens, maybe many hundreds of thousands, of girls who have been deserted by a boyfriend or husband when she becomes pregnant or soon after the baby is born. Not much compassion there. Don't see as much of that going on in the UK. Or is that just different social values in what is claimed to be a land of ultra-close families.

[Bangkok Barry]

My sister-in-law had a baby a few years ago. The first I knew of it was when we happened to meet up by chance at the Driving License place in Bangkok, her with the husband and the baby in a pram. I asked my wife why I hadn't been told and she replied that it was none of my business. I didn't get on with the sister at the time so maybe that played a part. Another time, she did tell me that a relative had just had a baby. Now, the immediate question in the western world would be is it a boy or a girl, so that's what I asked. She didn't know, hadn't asked. Thais think differently to us.

[bheard]

First of don't judge the husband, he is thinking long term. Maybe he has a good job and worries what will happen if he quits. This is not Europe where you can have unemployment benefits. Who knows how little money he has saved. I too would go for long term and would not sacrifice my future for this. Call me insensitive but I prefer to keep food on the table long term over comforting now.

Sure in an ideal world I would want both.. but if I had to choose...

Good comment by robblok. Don't judge the man, he may be acting responsibly.

The comment by the sister about the scar - that really does take the cake for being totally inappropriate, certainly at that time, probably at any time.

[smotherb]

A son you say sad fact but true no earning potential to take care of ageing parents.

Not all Thais are dependent upon a daughter selling her wares to support them. Indeed, some sons find good work and provide support too. This mindset is, to me, a primary cause of so many farang-Thai relationship issues. It seems so many farangs only know whores. Wake up guys, would you settle for a whore in your home country? There are many nice Thai girls, why do so many farangs stick with the bar-girls? Yes, I know, they are easy. Is that what you want? It must be so, or there would not be as many tales of woe--stories about the farangs who fall in love with ladies of negotiable virtue and are taken to the cleaners. If you wallow in garbage, guess what you become.

Now, back to the topic. I agree with robblok. The husband may be more of a man than you think. He may have a good job and few chances of finding another. He may be staying on the job to be able to pay for the hospital care of his wife and child--in that he may be an honorable man and not be expecting someone else to pay his family's way.

Regarding the OP's wife's comment about having a scar and no baby to show for it, I tend to agree that may be problematic--it may only be a sad tale of her shallowness. However, I don't see either comment or action as being solely Thai, I have seen similar actions with farangs.

[MaeJoMTB]

Not all Thais are dependent upon a daughter selling her wares to support them. Indeed, some sons find good work and provide support too. This mindset is, to me, a primary cause of so many farang-Thai relationship issues. It seems so many farangs only know whores. Wake up guys, would you settle for a whore in your home country? There are many nice Thai girls, why do so many farangs stick with the bar-girls? Yes, I know, they are easy. Is that what you want? It must be so, or there would not be as many tales of woe--stories about the farangs who fall in love with ladies of negotiable virtue and are taken to the cleaners. If you wallow in garbage, guess what you become.

Are you really demented enough to think a 60 year old man can get a respectable 30 year old woman?

Of course not, when you get to our age hookers are what it's all about, no choice.

If you look around you can find one that doesn't look like a hooker ...........

Edited April 13, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[smotherb]

Not all Thais are dependent upon a daughter selling her wares to support them. Indeed, some sons find good work and provide support too. This mindset is, to me, a primary cause of so many farang-Thai relationship issues. It seems so many farangs only know whores. Wake up guys, would you settle for a whore in your home country? There are many nice Thai girls, why do so many farangs stick with the bar-girls? Yes, I know, they are easy. Is that what you want? It must be so, or there would not be as many tales of woe--stories about the farangs who fall in love with ladies of negotiable virtue and are taken to the cleaners. If you wallow in garbage, guess what you become.

Are you really demented enough to think a 60 year old man can get a respectable 30 year old woman?

Of course not, when you get to our age hookers are what it's all about, no choice.

If you look around you can find one that doesn't look like a hooker ...........

Really, you do have issues don't you. I am sorry you think so little of yourself that the thought of a decent woman loving you is inconceivable.

Of course, I think a 60 year old man can get a decent 30 year old woman. If the man has made something of his life and can interest the woman--and I don't mean money. I have a 65 year old friend, a university professor, who married his 32 year old graduate student. She is impressed with his knowledge and experience and wants to learn all he can teach her. She is the marketing manager of a Thai-German company in Bangkok, he teaches at Maridol University. I think they both make about B125/mo and she is from a well-to-do family, so his money was not the issue. My wife and I just spent a week with them in Bangkok and Hua Hin. They appear very happy and she seems to be enthralled by his presence--my wife and his are good friends, they talk, as women do. Consequently, I believe they are deeply in love, and there is a 33 year difference in their ages. However, he is an intelligent good looking man, well-respected, a great sense of humor, and a loving heart.

Sorry, if you have nothing to offer a woman, except money.

[gandalf12]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

I had a similar thing a few years ago. I had to make a choice between going back to the UK for my fathers funeral and lose my job or dont go and have a job. Since I had a family who depended on me I did what my father would have said. He would have sad "You cant do anything here and you have a family t support so dont be bloody stupid stick with the job".
I did exactly that. My brother never forgave me and we have since agreed never to contact each other. It was a choice I had to make and I stand by it to this day

Can only conclude that it speaks volumes about your employer at the time. Hopefully you are not working there anymore. If you still are working for same company.........

all Oil companies are heartless this was just one. I dont expect anything from these companies. They pay good but little compassion

[MaeJoMTB]

Not all Thais are dependent upon a daughter selling her wares to support them. Indeed, some sons find good work and provide support too. This mindset is, to me, a primary cause of so many farang-Thai relationship issues. It seems so many farangs only know whores. Wake up guys, would you settle for a whore in your home country? There are many nice Thai girls, why do so many farangs stick with the bar-girls? Yes, I know, they are easy. Is that what you want? It must be so, or there would not be as many tales of woe--stories about the farangs who fall in love with ladies of negotiable virtue and are taken to the cleaners. If you wallow in garbage, guess what you become.

Are you really demented enough to think a 60 year old man can get a respectable 30 year old woman?

Of course not, when you get to our age hookers are what it's all about, no choice.

If you look around you can find one that doesn't look like a hooker ...........

Really, you do have issues don't you. I am sorry you think so little of yourself that the thought of a decent woman loving you is inconceivable.

Of course, I think a 60 year old man can get a decent 30 year old woman. If the man has made something of his life and can interest the woman--and I don't mean money. I have a 65 year old friend, a university professor, who married his 32 year old graduate student. She is impressed with his knowledge and experience and wants to learn all he can teach her. She is the marketing manager of a Thai-German company in Bangkok, he teaches at Maridol University. I think they both make about B125/mo and she is from a well-to-do family, so his money was not the issue. My wife and I just spent a week with them in Bangkok and Hua Hin. They appear very happy and she seems to be enthralled by his presence--my wife and his are good friends, they talk, as women do. Consequently, I believe they are deeply in love, and there is a 33 year difference in their ages. However, he is an intelligent good looking man, well-respected, a great sense of humor, and a loving heart.

Sorry, if you have nothing to offer a woman, except money.

He doesn't speak Thai?

Edited April 22, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[smotherb]

Not all Thais are dependent upon a daughter selling her wares to support them. Indeed, some sons find good work and provide support too. This mindset is, to me, a primary cause of so many farang-Thai relationship issues. It seems so many farangs only know whores. Wake up guys, would you settle for a whore in your home country? There are many nice Thai girls, why do so many farangs stick with the bar-girls? Yes, I know, they are easy. Is that what you want? It must be so, or there would not be as many tales of woe--stories about the farangs who fall in love with ladies of negotiable virtue and are taken to the cleaners. If you wallow in garbage, guess what you become.

Are you really demented enough to think a 60 year old man can get a respectable 30 year old woman?

Of course not, when you get to our age hookers are what it's all about, no choice.

If you look around you can find one that doesn't look like a hooker ...........

Really, you do have issues don't you. I am sorry you think so little of yourself that the thought of a decent woman loving you is inconceivable.

Of course, I think a 60 year old man can get a decent 30 year old woman. If the man has made something of his life and can interest the woman--and I don't mean money. I have a 65 year old friend, a university professor, who married his 32 year old graduate student. She is impressed with his knowledge and experience and wants to learn all he can teach her. She is the marketing manager of a Thai-German company in Bangkok, he teaches at Maridol University. I think they both make about B125/mo and she is from a well-to-do family, so his money was not the issue. My wife and I just spent a week with them in Bangkok and Hua Hin. They appear very happy and she seems to be enthralled by his presence--my wife and his are good friends, they talk, as women do. Consequently, I believe they are deeply in love, and there is a 33 year difference in their ages. However, he is an intelligent good looking man, well-respected, a great sense of humor, and a loving heart.

Sorry, if you have nothing to offer a woman, except money.

He doesn't speak Thai?

Very little, but his wife speaks fluent English and German.

[doridorci]

Many similar experiences with my thai ex-boyfriend.. So the guy is a muay thai teacher and active boxer, from Southern Thailand. Not much education, no money, but big heart - I thought.. haha We lived together in Koh Phangan. So here are just a few stories of lacking compassion.. I can't understand still today..

1) After 2 months of us staying together, he took me home to introduce to his family. And "by the way" I got to know we were also going there cause his grandma was dying. Grandma was raising him and his bros, so I thought this is gonna be a very sad and difficult time for him.. Well, he set next to Gramma's bed, but instead of using the last hours together, he was busy checking his facebook.. Then he took a picture from poor dying old lady and updated his FB status...!!! One could see, she was really at her last hours.. My heart was breaking even I never seen her before. Next day she died.... He didn't really bother himself, most important thing was how big the funeral party will be.. I suppose that was the first sign to just RUN.!!! 555

2) One day we decided to move back to Europe and continue our life there, mainly for financial reasons. A week before our departure, he went home to Nakhon Si to say goodbye to family. On the same day a few hours later I had a serious motorbike accident. I couldn't take care of myself, was attached to bed. I had no food, no water and stayed alone in our house in serious pain, after I could leave the clinic. He didn't care at all to return and help me, although it was only a 2 hours trip. I was supposed to go to Nakhon also, to meet the family and travel from there together, and since he didn't come to help I had to travel alone with all our stuff we were bringing to Europe, while I could barely walk.

3) The worst of all: we lived together in Europe already, I thought in greatest happiness, when he had to travel back to Thailand for 2 months taking care of his visa and work permit. Just after he left, I understood I am expecting a baby. I decided not to tell him at that moment, since he wanted to have a baby so much and I wanted to surprise him after his return. Well, this jerk was surprising me before, since he was keeping himself busy impressing young farang girls at the gym he used to work at, getting himself into casual relationships... When I understood this, I told him about the pregnancy. Guys, am telling you he just couldn't care less..!! He said he doesn't care because now he loves someone else - a tourist who left Thailand after her holiday.... So it was kind of an unimportant thing for him to have a child. Same like if he forgot his underwear in Europe and said, "no problem I'll buy a new one here"... (Of course now he is begging for forgiveness but no chance anymore )

And OMG I could go on for hours, not only with boyfriend but many Thai friends and colleagues, same stories.

These people just don't care.. They only care about themselves.

If anybody knows the answer why, let us know please! Is it really cultural difference?? Maybe yes, maybe not...

Love,

Dori

Edited October 30, 2015 by doridorci

[wooloomooloo]

I know, I know. Your sights are set too low. Musclebound boyfriend with no brain was never going far, was it?

[doridorci]

Wooloomooloo, true, very much. My only excuse is, when you are in love, brain just disconnects from heart

You know, now I understand already that cultural values are so much different, it was impossible for me to expect these things because I haven't seen much of those in my society. Cheating yes, but not the rest. So how can one be prepared for such events? Probably farangs will never be able to understand this culture fully even if living there for 30+ years.. And still, I believe lack of compassion is an issue there.. I've seen my thai friends leaving behind their 2 years old small daughter every day for hours, she was crying all the time, being so frustrated.. She had lice in hairs for 3 months but nobody really bothered.. Or other friends throwing away their daughter to grandparents, although they were really rich and had so much time.

I don't understand what's behind this. Is it some secret that we farangs don't know?? Religious beliefs?? Tradition?? Or is it just really that lack of education and/or poverty drags down moral values as well... More and more I believe it's the 2nd one..