Is saying sorry

[buhi]

Is saying sorry a Western concept? Thai speakers I would like your reply.

[Berkshire]

Thais say sorry all the time. The word is "koh tod, krup/ka."

[Crazy chef 1]

think this part while learning the language my wife has somehow missed...

[buhi]

Thais say sorry all the time. The word is "koh tod, krup/ka."

I know that, but do they mean it, or do I for that matter!

[zeichen]

No, Thais don't actually apologize in the same respect that westerners do. Yes, there are the words but the meaning and intent are not the same.

Conflict resolution is quite difficult in most Asian countries, Thailand specifically. People in higher authority, class, age etc don't apologize and to do so would show that they are beneath the other person. There are subtleties that will arise that show regret, but not really the same as fully apologizing.

If the person was truly sorry, they would prostrate themselves on the ground and wai at one's feet. That is the most sincere form of apology and it just isn't done that often.

[buhi]

No, Thais don't actually apologize in the same respect that westerners do. Yes, there are the words but the meaning and intent are not the same.

Conflict resolution is quite difficult in most Asian countries, Thailand specifically. People in higher authority, class, age etc don't apologize and to do so would show that they are beneath the other person. There are subtleties that will arise that show regret, but not really the same as fully apologizing.

If the person was truly sorry, they would prostrate themselves on the ground and wai at one's feet. That is the most sincere form of apology and it just isn't done that often.

Yes bad hair day. When I said sorry I meant it, it was not a big issue.

My Thai wife just ignored it for a time and then asked if I wanted a coffee, was I hungry, which is a deflection of why I was angry.

[buhi]

No, Thais don't actually apologize in the same respect that westerners do. Yes, there are the words but the meaning and intent are not the same.

Conflict resolution is quite difficult in most Asian countries, Thailand specifically. People in higher authority, class, age etc don't apologize and to do so would show that they are beneath the other person. There are subtleties that will arise that show regret, but not really the same as fully apologizing.

If the person was truly sorry, they would prostrate themselves on the ground and wai at one's feet. That is the most sincere form of apology and it just isn't done that often.

Yes bad hair day. When I said sorry I meant it, it was not a big issue.

My Thai wife just ignored it for a time and then asked if I wanted a coffee, was I hungry, which is a deflection of why I was angry.

Am I allowed to say face without being banned!

[Berkshire]

Yes bad hair day. When I said sorry I meant it, it was not a big issue.

My Thai wife just ignored it for a time and then asked if I wanted a coffee, was I hungry, which is a deflection of why I was angry.

So this is more a wifey thing, not a Thai thing. In my experience, western wives aren't much into saying sorry either. But then there's no need to say sorry when you're never wrong!

[buhi]

Yes bad hair day. When I said sorry I meant it, it was not a big issue.

My Thai wife just ignored it for a time and then asked if I wanted a coffee, was I hungry, which is a deflection of why I was angry.

So this is more a wifey thing, not a Thai thing. In my experience, western wives aren't much into saying sorry either. But then there's no need to say sorry when you're never wrong!

I am often wrong, which is why I can honestly say sorry.

[aTomsLife]

The concept of apologizing in Thai offers insight into yet another significant difference between Thai and western cultures.

'Kor toht' is literally a request for punishment (kor = request / toht = punishment). I have actually stopped saying it in consequence, feeling as though it further places me in a subservient light in a society where I already don't rate. I now just say "sorry," as I think most Thais understand the word.

In English, it's quite the opposite. Instead of asking for punishment, we express regret and are requesting forgiveness: "Pardon me." The closest Thai equivalent I know is 'sia jai,' but one does not say this in passing, if, for example, one is brushing past people on a crowded train.

Edited May 28, 2015 by aTomsLife

[IMA_FARANG]

Yes bad hair day. When I said sorry I meant it, it was not a big issue.

My Thai wife just ignored it for a time and then asked if I wanted a coffee, was I hungry, which is a deflection of why I was angry.

So this is more a wifey thing, not a Thai thing. In my experience, western wives aren't much into saying sorry either. But then there's no need to say sorry when you're never wrong!

---------------------

Unfortunately, neither are husbands. I guess it is a universal human trait.

I suspect that many marriages start down the road to divorce because one or both of the partners can't simply say, "Sorry, honey, I was wrong"

[JockPieandBeans]

Yes bad hair day. When I said sorry I meant it, it was not a big issue.

My Thai wife just ignored it for a time and then asked if I wanted a coffee, was I hungry, which is a deflection of why I was angry.

So this is more a wifey thing, not a Thai thing. In my experience, western wives aren't much into saying sorry either. But then there's no need to say sorry when you're never wrong!

I am often wrong, which is why I can honestly say sorry.

turn on your sarcasm detector

[ExPratt]

If every you think they have done something you think is wrong , it just you "Misunderstanding" a heavy dose of Thainess. Same in many countries with the "Face" thing

I think its to do with so Many country Bumkins in this part of the world. If you come from a Big city you have no choice really other than to be polite, East London has a bad reputation but people are mainly very polite and respectful if they don't know you or vice versa. Its a survival thing, cost you nothing to be nice , cost you your life to be nasty. On the other hand once you get to know someone as a mate its non stop piss taking and winding each other up

Edited May 28, 2015 by ExPratt

[buhi]

The standard reply is " You're too serious,".

I have talked about this with other Thai freinds, not just "wifey" and they have got my point.

Saying sorry is not easy if sincere.

[coulson]

I gave my gf stick for the whole greng jai bit, few days later she noticed how I always say sorry out of habit for silly mundane things. She said, you too 'grang jai'

[lostoday]

The concept of apologizing in Thai offers insight into yet another significant difference between Thai and western cultures.

'Kor toht' is literally a request for punishment (kor = request / toht = punishment). I have actually stopped saying it in consequence, feeling as though it further places me in a subservient light in a society where I already don't rate. I now just say "sorry," as I think most Thais understand the word.

In English, it's quite the opposite. Instead of asking for punishment, we express regret and are requesting forgiveness: "Pardon me." The closest Thai equivalent I know is 'sia jai,' but one does not say this in passing, if, for example, one is brushing past people on a crowded train.

My wife says ka tote when she steps on the dogs foot; I'm sure she is not asking the dog for punishment. She uses ka tote or sorry interchangeably as she speaks both languages to me so since sorry is not asking for punishment I'll assume you are wrong.

[h90]

Come on guys.....West and East isn't that different. In the West people say they are terrible sorry, in fact they don't care, but learned to say that makes life easier.

Or do you really think the manager of the electronic shop who is terrible sorry that your TV had to be repaired twice in a month is really sorry? No he want to get rid of you with the least troubles.

[buhi]

Mai pen rai is the Thai standard. But it does matter!

[buhi]

Come on guys.....West and East isn't that different. In the West people say they are terrible sorry, in fact they don't care, but learned to say that makes life easier.

Or do you really think the manager of the electronic shop who is terrible sorry that your TV had to be repaired twice in a month is really sorry? No he want to get rid of you with the least troubles.

Thanks all, good observations and I am truly sorry!

[aTomsLife]

The concept of apologizing in Thai offers insight into yet another significant difference between Thai and western cultures.

'Kor toht' is literally a request for punishment (kor = request / toht = punishment). I have actually stopped saying it in consequence, feeling as though it further places me in a subservient light in a society where I already don't rate. I now just say "sorry," as I think most Thais understand the word.

In English, it's quite the opposite. Instead of asking for punishment, we express regret and are requesting forgiveness: "Pardon me." The closest Thai equivalent I know is 'sia jai,' but one does not say this in passing, if, for example, one is brushing past people on a crowded train.

My wife says ka tote when she steps on the dogs foot; I'm sure she is not asking the dog for punishment. She uses ka tote or sorry interchangeably as she speaks both languages to me so since sorry is not asking for punishment I'll assume you are wrong.

I'm sure the term has taken on a more colloquial meaning over the years. But its literal translation is a request for punishment, and as such offers insight into how Thais have been taught to think (whether they're conscious of it or not). My choice to stop saying it is just that: my choice. You want to say it, go ahead.

Did you happen to ask your wife if she was addressing her apology specifically to the dog, or instead to the karmic gods?

Edited May 28, 2015 by aTomsLife

[buhi]

Sorry folks , but a certain thing got me going on this. Moderators step in. One word , boats.

[SoiBiker]

'Kor toht' is literally a request for punishment (kor = request / toht = punishment). I have actually stopped saying it in consequence, feeling as though it further places me in a subservient light in a society where I already don't rate. I now just say "sorry," as I think most Thais understand the word.

I'm beginning to understand why Thai people say farang's think too much.

[zeichen]

"Mai pen rai is the Thai standard. But it does matter!"

Mai pen rai is also used when someone has died. "My dad died yesterday" response from close friend, "Mai pen rai"

So not really the same.

"Come on guys.....West and East isn't that different"

Yes, asian and western cultures are that different. Though we are all people and we all have feelings how, when why we express them are influenced by our respective cultures.

Do you really think Thais smile all the time because they are happy 24/7?

[aTomsLife]

'Kor toht' is literally a request for punishment (kor = request / toht = punishment). I have actually stopped saying it in consequence, feeling as though it further places me in a subservient light in a society where I already don't rate. I now just say "sorry," as I think most Thais understand the word.

I'm beginning to understand why Thai people say farang's think too much.

Haha, maybe you're right. But I figure I've got enough baggage from my own social conditioning, so I don't need anyone else's.

[HooHaa]

it is surprising how little insight board members have into the mindset of their thai mates.

actually, no it isnt.

[DP25]

No, Thais don't actually apologize in the same respect that westerners do. Yes, there are the words but the meaning and intent are not the same.

Conflict resolution is quite difficult in most Asian countries, Thailand specifically. People in higher authority, class, age etc don't apologize and to do so would show that they are beneath the other person. There are subtleties that will arise that show regret, but not really the same as fully apologizing.

If the person was truly sorry, they would prostrate themselves on the ground and wai at one's feet. That is the most sincere form of apology and it just isn't done that often.

This forum gets more ridiculous by the day. Now it's not a 'real' apology unless the person is groveling at your feet.

[CharlieH]

Moved to Expat forum

[Stan42]

A genuine Thai sorry is usually followed by a wai or at the very least slightly bowing down.

[Gecko123]

Thais say "I'm sorry" all the time, but the meaning is not the same as it is in the West, which sometimes leads to misunderstandings.

When a Thai uses this phrase, it usually means, "I'm sorry, really I am, but if by any chance, you think my apology means that I never again intend to do whatever it is I did to upset you, then, oh my gawd, mister, you seriously living in la la land."

[JohnnyJazz]

it is surprising how little insight board members have into the mindset of their thai mates.

actually, no it isnt.

I think you miss the point. What we see is a coping mechnism that helps posters to deal with their feeling of inadequacy in Thailand

Edited May 28, 2015 by JohnnyJazz