Do Thai People Enjoy Putting Each Other Down?

[eldragon]

While negative gossip behind people's backs is common in this culture, it is definitely not the norm for Thais to put each other down or be disrespectful face to face except under exceptional circumstances, e.g. when a group has decided to shun or punish someone for a serious infraction, then they may start acting this way..

Nor is it the norm, in my experience, for them to do so to foreign coworkers.

There are a few possibilities here: (1) you may be misinterpreting their tone/behavior; or (2) if they have not worked with foreigners before they may be nervous around you and it may manifest like this. When Thais are nervous or unsure how to act they will often laugh or (in western eyes) smirk in ways that seem inappropriate/offensive to a westerner.

Another possibility is that you have somehow seriously offended them, or that for some other reason they resent you being in your position (did you replace a popular Thai? beat one out for a promotion?) but let's hope this isn't it and that they are not intentionally coming across this way but rather that it is a cultural misunderstanding.

Would help to have clearer examples of the behavior.

If you feel sure that they are, in fact, intentionally being unpleasant/disrespectful then I would suggest seeking out whichever Thai there seems most friendly to you for a private talk. Ask them what is going on, explaining that you feel hurt and truly don't understand why this is happening. That may be enough to stop it altogether, or at least reduce it. Or, if it is due to something you are doing, you'll finally know what and be able to adapt accordingly.

Overreacting about small stuff. Telling you you're doing something wrong when you're not. Acting like something they're telling you for the first time is the twentieth time. Etc. Basically talking to you like you're a baby. (Or maybe they're talking like babies. Not sure.) It's possible I'm doing something offensive. Or unintentionally offended someone and the words gotten out that I'm disrespectful. But honestly, it's not a majority of the people. Mostly Isan women and gay men... I'm not even sure it's personal anymore. Finding some of the older men don't even like working with em. I think it's just their attitude. But I don't like it.

[eldragon]

It's my experience that some Thai people do like to put others down, but no more than anywhere else I've been. Their lack of PC understanding is a GOOD thing and what could be thought of as a slight by some cultures may just be good old fashioned honesty - the type that isn't so common in the west anymore.

There are always those in an office, village setting or a family that HAVE to be at the top of their perceived ladder and will go out of their way for face. I think most just like the occasional nip or peck to reinforce their position - just like their dogs, hens and roosters do.

My wife and I moved to an area in our early years, where she wasn't considered a local and the neighborhood hierarchy made many attempts to put her and the farang in their place. It was my intro to the Thai style "stepping on heads to get taller" as my wife calls it. Over the years the BS stopped and most of the nastier individuals have had to retreat back under their stone. Other offenders are easily ignored or sent home after getting a nip from my lovely wife.

Fascinating story. Would love to hear it in detail. But good point about PC though. I was just thinking the other day- despite my frustrations- how nice it is that Thais work through differences and don't drag each other into HR like they do back home.

[Bangkokhatter]

Did i get read it wrong or did the OP say he was the lowest earner there and all the staff know this ?

That maybe why they act like they do ?

[RasiMike]

It's my experience that some Thai people do like to put others down, but no more than anywhere else I've been. Their lack of PC understanding is a GOOD thing and what could be thought of as a slight by some cultures may just be good old fashioned honesty - the type that isn't so common in the west anymore.

There are always those in an office, village setting or a family that HAVE to be at the top of their perceived ladder and will go out of their way for face. I think most just like the occasional nip or peck to reinforce their position - just like their dogs, hens and roosters do.

My wife and I moved to an area in our early years, where she wasn't considered a local and the neighborhood hierarchy made many attempts to put her and the farang in their place. It was my intro to the Thai style "stepping on heads to get taller" as my wife calls it. Over the years the BS stopped and most of the nastier individuals have had to retreat back under their stone. Other offenders are easily ignored or sent home after getting a nip from my lovely wife.

Fascinating story. Would love to hear it in detail. But good point about PC though. I was just thinking the other day- despite my frustrations- how nice it is that Thais work through differences and don't drag each other into HR like they do back home.

Hi eldragon

Nothing too serious or what would be considered out of the ordinary anywhere (Thailand, Australia,US, Europe or even the Thai visa forum). It was however a constant grind for my wife that the main instigators (a couple of the local 'wannabe more' wives ) were constantly having a go at her family and children. The fact that we built a shop which allowed them to drop in daily to pick at her didn't help.

Only one (impotent government) individual has posed any potential for serious problems - A regular at our shop, teacher/drunkard/ A hole was always having a go at my wife and treating her with disrespect, but on one particular day, took it to a whole new level. I decided to point out to him (respectfully as possible) that he couldn't do it anymore. It ended with me helping him fly out of our front gate onto the bitumen, second occasion (10 minutes later) he came back with a couple of the local rats (one is now a friend of mine) who decided that they would best be going home quietly, lest things got out of hand. On the third occasion, about 2 weeks later, a farang friend and his Thai wife were visiting, having a couple of beers when our teacher friend decided to drop in and buy a bottle of whiskey. I gave him orders to go as we would not serve him ever again and he could not come back on the property. He refused and said he would contact the police. I picked him up, carried him like a child to his bike and told him to OFF, which he did. He now scowls at me anytime I see him..... word has it that his wife and Poo Yai Baan sorted him out. My poor old mate and his wife couldn't believe the fool, nor could they stop laughing once they got over the shock.

A few of the details for you.

The wife, who obviously must have been "a Pattaya bar girl", bought land in THEIR area.

We decided to build our house ourselves (I have a joinery trade) - father/mother in law and a few of the uncles (all simple farmers) who wanted to help me out for a feed, drink and a couple of hundred Baht each day - we were obviously "too poor to pay a builder".

I built a modest, timber framed, bungalow style home up on stilts - quickly labeled "Baan Khao" - and again must be too poor to build a big concrete mansion.

I worked on the house, garden, fence etc in 30 Baht, fisherman pants and second hand business shirts from the talat - "no money for clothes".

Had two children - older one is "black like mum" and the younger " doesn't have a farang face/nose"?

Bought a good 2 year old car, "why not a new one".

Built a shop (in the same old clothes) which sold well enough to support the whole family and save a little - "should build a bigger one"

Kids started speaking Issan and English as toddlers do when exposed to that environment - "why farang kids too stupid to know Thai"?

I got a job and worked outside the home - "don't have enough money so have to work"

This theme continued on for a few years - until they started to realize that the farang and mia might actually like working for their family and keeping a modest but tidy home. I suppose it became obvious that we couldn't be too poor as we take international flights, go on holidays with friends and family, bought a new car when the other one got old and aren't too tight with cash when someone is ill or dies (their relatives and ours) in the village. There has only been one instance in a year or two where the woman who has been the worst to my wife, spotted my father in law riding his motorcycle in the rain. "Poor old man, why don't you get your daughter to buy you a car"? Hasn't said a word since dad's been driving around in a pickup when it rains.

[Stradavarius37]

Falang tink to mut

Edited June 16, 2015 by Stradavarius37

[eldragon]

Falang tink to mut

Absolutely. Talked to one of the guys at work today and he said the women are all like that. Can't handle the pressure. Give him a headache too. That's good enough for me. Problem solved. Thanks everyone.

[khunpa]

Most Thai-people I know (except a few very educated and smart ones) are mentally like children or at least mentally much younger than their age.

When looking at each other, Thais often look at age, wealth and position in society (no matter how you reach that position). This can give some problems at a work place. E.g. an extremely stupid person can only due to his/her age receive a lot of respect from co-workers, while a younger smarter person might be undervalued/respected because of age.

This in many ways have advantages and disadvantages. The important thing, is to understand that their thinking is different and view on life is different. I know many Thais, that will look at a foreigner and automatically think they are stupid or easy to cheat. Same as I will mostly NOT believe most Thais, until they prove to me that they have honor, respect, empati and basic human values - and are not only focused on money and personal gain/interests.

However, some of the best, most honest and decent people I have know, are actually Thais. (But they can be counted on one hand).

Just think of your co-workers as kids, because that is what most of them mentally are. And at the same time "Play the game" and show respect etc. Do as they do... Smile and think your own thoughts.

Edited June 17, 2015 by khunpa

[1900]

I think Barry Humphries summed it up well, "I was born in Melbourne with a precious gift. Dame Nature stooped over my cot and gave me this gift. It was the ability to laugh at the misfortunes of others."

Of course they jab eachother. It's a form of affection, as mentioned. Here in Mexico it's the great national past time. Now gossip is something else.

I'd just like to duck in and say .. a lot of expats in Thailand and just about anywhere in the World, have a perception problem; they complain or rant on about the differences in people. This makes you look bad. Bad in the sense you're announcing to the public you've never been anywhere else and can't imagine how the peoples of the World aren't just like they are in your neighborhood, or city, or island, or country .. you're provincial.

[BngkkB]

The more they put you down the higher they think they are. That along with the lack of a speech filter ........

[1900]

Sure Thais have an attitude. Prolly based in low self esteem. Think of yourself as a young Thai girl or boy. Then at certain times of the day you come upon these tall blondish people who came from places where the Internet was invented, the silicon chip, computation, cars, motorcycles, fashion, a justice system that works (sort of), educations in well-known universities, and last .. $$$, everything you like and admire. How are you goinig to have anything but contempt knowing all your culture is famous for is drugs, corruption and hoz?

[VIPinthailand]

Thai people don't try to fix problems, fixing? , what is that? , if they fix a problem it means they did a mistake... they don't accept mistakes and fix it. instead they blame others, smile and accuse. if you reply, you are the one responsible, you have lost, , you have lost the face.... at the end, the problem is still here and will repeat.

there is no much you can do, in farang countries, we say ok I screwed up, my mistake, sorry, and we resolve the problem together, in Thailand they just smile and laugh or laugh and smile. .... if you do a mistake in Thailand, best is to shut it up and smile like an idiot. just look at them, and give them a big f... smile and go back working and let them in their big s... t.

just smile smile smile and go home to laugh . nothing you can do because this attitude is so deep in their DNA, there is nothing you can do really. it s a lost case. and you can lose your job if you try to improve job safety after a mistake. (by example), this is why Thai people continue to crash cars and bikes ..this is why Thai people will continue to make mistakes and die . they just don't want to learn, they have no goal, no objective, no passion, .... they just don't care!

Edited June 17, 2015 by VIPinthailand

[1900]

Thai people don't try to fix problems, fixing? , what is that? , if they fix a problem it means they did a mistake... they don't accept mistakes and fix it. instead they blame others, smile and accuse. if you reply, you are the one responsible, you have lost, , you have lost the face.... at the end, the problem is still here and will repeat.

there is no much you can do, in farang countries, we say ok I screwed up, my mistake, sorry, and we resolve the problem together, in Thailand they just smile and laugh or laugh and smile. .... if you do a mistake in Thailand, best is to shut it up and smile like an idiot. just look at them, and give them a big f... smile and go back working and let them in their big s... t.

just smile smile smile and go home to laugh . nothing you can do because this attitude is so deep in their DNA, there is nothing you can do really. it s a lost case. and you can lose your job if you try to improve job safety after a mistake. (by example), this is why Thai people continue to crash cars and bikes ..this is why Thai people will continue to make mistakes and die . they just don't want to learn, they have no goal, no objective, no passion, .... they just don't care!

You've made a lot of good points.

I'd guess 90% of in-country Farang have come to the same conclusions. Thailand is more a place to visit than a place where you, with your Western ways, could improve whatever it is you think needs improvement. Best not to get involved, unless you enjoy failure.

Some of us aren't exactly whiny and pushy with expressing our dissatisfactions, but concerned simply because we happen to like the people and want to save them through our imbedded moralities. And as always religion is the base of a peoples culture. If I seriously believed I'd live after death maybe I'd be haphazard on a motorbike too.

What I got out of my stay in Thailand were some fond memories, especially women-related, and a far-away platform from which I could more clearly reflect on my own culture and realize just how f***ed up we Yanks are.

If you work in LOS you almost haven't an option but to find yourself submerged in what you either don't comprehend or what twists your guts .. like their table manners and nose picking, family values, or general lack of social consciousness.

Just because you want to find an alternative to life in your own country doesn't mean you should clam onto where ever your jet touches down. It's always easier to stay than to pack up and try again. I decided Thailand wasn't for me after a year, and another six to finally leave (one of my life's better decisions).

[crazygreg44]

above post is by far the best i have ever read here. While my decision is still, stay for a little while longer, the big concept is dead.

When the King passes away, Thailand will change a lot, substantially, most of it's internal structures will become chinese and maybe China's colony.

The road has been paved already

Edited June 18, 2015 by crazygreg44

[1900]

That's good. Only the lunatic optimistic would let himself believe Thailand will somehow improve after Elvis' passing. Can you imagine the planning, the dreaming, the evil scenarios that have stewed in the minds of the silent power brokers for generations? Stuff out of a horror flick. Be nice to people you meet on the way up, that’s their way up. All those Chinese hardware store owners and low key mama sans and pub cashiers will be your employers and law enforcers.

[eldragon]

Thai people don't try to fix problems, fixing? , what is that? , if they fix a problem it means they did a mistake... they don't accept mistakes and fix it. instead they blame others, smile and accuse. if you reply, you are the one responsible, you have lost, , you have lost the face.... at the end, the problem is still here and will repeat.

there is no much you can do, in farang countries, we say ok I screwed up, my mistake, sorry, and we resolve the problem together, in Thailand they just smile and laugh or laugh and smile. .... if you do a mistake in Thailand, best is to shut it up and smile like an idiot. just look at them, and give them a big f... smile and go back working and let them in their big s... t.

just smile smile smile and go home to laugh . nothing you can do because this attitude is so deep in their DNA, there is nothing you can do really. it s a lost case. and you can lose your job if you try to improve job safety after a mistake. (by example), this is why Thai people continue to crash cars and bikes ..this is why Thai people will continue to make mistakes and die . they just don't want to learn, they have no goal, no objective, no passion, .... they just don't care!

You've made a lot of good points.

I'd guess 90% of in-country Farang have come to the same conclusions. Thailand is more a place to visit than a place where you, with your Western ways, could improve whatever it is you think needs improvement. Best not to get involved, unless you enjoy failure.

Some of us aren't exactly whiny and pushy with expressing our dissatisfactions, but concerned simply because we happen to like the people and want to save them through our imbedded moralities. And as always religion is the base of a peoples culture. If I seriously believed I'd live after death maybe I'd be haphazard on a motorbike too.

What I got out of my stay in Thailand were some fond memories, especially women-related, and a far-away platform from which I could more clearly reflect on my own culture and realize just how f***ed up we Yanks are.

If you work in LOS you almost haven't an option but to find yourself submerged in what you either don't comprehend or what twists your guts .. like their table manners and nose picking, family values, or general lack of social consciousness.

Just because you want to find an alternative to life in your own country doesn't mean you should clam onto where ever your jet touches down. It's always easier to stay than to pack up and try again. I decided Thailand wasn't for me after a year, and another six to finally leave (one of my life's better decisions).

Yeah, at this point I'm just here until I have enough experience in my industry to take myself elsewhere. If anyone here has never read the book "Working with Thais" then don't waste your time. I thought it would be a manual on how to have a better working experience here. Instead, it just kinda lays out the frustrating characteristics we've all observed and attempts to explain why they exists, but doesn't really offer any manageable solutions. But hey, it's their country. I'm not really interested in trying to change em. Just good to know little of it's personal.

[1900]

"Manageable solutions" First someone has to be brave enough to mention the fact there might be a problem.

"Working with Thais"

Yeah, I read that book. THE best is, 'Elvis' Never Smiles. Try to find a copy of that at your local Barnes and Noble

May I add .. IMHO the root of the issue is this: I'm not a church-going Christian but being born and raised in a Christian-dominated society kinda makes you Christian, if you like it or not. I'm not Catholic either but now I live in a Catholic society. But it's still Christian. its still not alright to covet thy neighbor's wife and all that stuff. People here rob and steal and lie but they know it's not alright. Might even feel guilty and force themselves to attend confession. Thai evolution is a downward spiral landing them underneath any of that. And it's not really a Thai thing, it's a poverty thing.

On paper Buddhism looks good. And the Thai version ain't so bad either. But it seems they just don't give a toss about that <deleted> even though they’d never admit it.

Yes, they are poor. Maybe not the Thais you know but you don't have to go door to door doing surveys for a decade to realize it's true. I figure if families, mostly rural, are turning their daughters out to mama sans in BKK at the rate it's done how could the situation possibly be any worse? You cling to the RF, then to your faith, pray to the God of Kwai of you choose, restock the spirit house with fresh Fantas and nothing seems to work for you, so maybe it's time to consider being saved by your daughter's curvatures.

And when male bread winners lose the family “fortunes” betting on little fish fighting in a bottle of dirty water ….

[slapout]

Crab in the bucket syndrome.

Not many Thais are happy.

Can't say I blame them for that to be honest. Many if not most have horrid lives with no hope of progression. Some just deal with it better than others. Most don't deal with it very well.

What is so horrid about their life? When they only look 24 hours ahead

i think they are trying to show you even the boss can be controled/humulated by the underlings and seem to do so quite well.