How does one handle permanently drunk brothers of GF's?

[rockyysdt]

This guy is a total loser.

When he has money he drinks until he is blind rat faced.

The scary part is he will ride his scooter in these states.

He badly wrecked a leg in an accident 2 years ago, losing all of his land for the medical expenses. His wife left him soon after.

Now he leaches off his sister, living in a room she had constructed in her yard.

He is very uncomfortable to be around, and as locals think all farang are made of money, thinks I am going to lay SangSom and boxes of Leo for him.

His leg is far from 100%, but to add to it he took another tumble, badly breaking his tibia and fibula (arm).

The butchers at the hospital weaved their magic, and his lower arm now looks like a twistie. They didn't realign the bones properly.

He's downstairs now mouthing off with slurred speech.

His sister doesn't condone his conduct but is powerless to change him.

I feel totally uncomfortable having had exposure to a drunken father as a little boy.

How does one handle stuff like this without any party losing face?

[jvs]

Avoid him!

[Squeegee]

Don't be a mug giving him money for ANYTHING is a good start.

Kick him up the arse towards the direction of work.

If his sister prioritizes him over you and you're still around I wouldn't advise making a topic about it.

[KarenBravo]

The reality is, is that he is your girlfriend's family.

You don't want him around, you will either have to move away far enough where he can't visit, or, leave your girlfriend.

[rockyysdt]

Don't be a mug giving him money for ANYTHING is a good start.

Kick him up the arse towards the direction of work.

If his sister prioritizes him over you and you're still around I wouldn't advise making a topic about it.

She does not prioritize him.

She confides that her life is unlucky to have him and that if he has a fatal crash it will be better for his daughter and the family.

BTW I don't know if he is better or worse than his older brother who lives 1km away and who just came over,drunk, looking for smokes.

[manarak]

Laozi has said:

a bottle of 285 every second day, and soon your problem will go away... rhyme !

[konying]

Not much you can do.

Family is family and will always be family.

Sounds like the brother is in depression, for many reasons and found the bottle

May be try to suggest medical help to get off the bottle, and a job.

Also keep in mind, he is in pain, so bottle may be the only solution to deal with.

I have had a few surgeries and broken bones and often find myself going through periods of heavy drinking as pain just does not go away, especially in the cold or rainy days.

[rockyysdt]

Not much you can do.

Family is family and will always be family.

Sounds like the brother is in depression, for many reasons and found the bottle

May be try to suggest medical help to get off the bottle, and a job.

Also keep in mind, he is in pain, so bottle may be the only solution to deal with.

I have had a few surgeries and broken bones and often find myself going through periods of heavy drinking as pain just does not go away, especially in the cold or rainy days.

Thank K

He definitely has issues he needs to work through.

Unfortunately only he can initiate change.

His world fell apart but the real damage will be to his daughter who witnesses such behavior. At 5, with her mother taking off to be with another, her role model is far from ideal.

Her father is an alcoholic.

He drank before his accident and will continue drink in the future.

His wife had enough.

[NickJ]

buy him six cases of sang som and a case each of lao kao and red bull....hide all valubles. batten down the house and leave for two weeks....keep your phones off.

[konying]

Not much you can do.

Family is family and will always be family.

Sounds like the brother is in depression, for many reasons and found the bottle

May be try to suggest medical help to get off the bottle, and a job.

Also keep in mind, he is in pain, so bottle may be the only solution to deal with.

I have had a few surgeries and broken bones and often find myself going through periods of heavy drinking as pain just does not go away, especially in the cold or rainy days.

Thank K

He definitely has issues he needs to work through.

Unfortunately only he can initiate change.

His world fell apart but the real damage will be to his daughter who witnesses such behavior. At 5, with her mother taking off to be with another, her role model is far from ideal.

Her father is an alcoholic.

He drank before his accident and will continue drink in the future.

His wife had enough.

It is not easy and some people are NOT strong enough.

I would try to help as much as i could.

May be even visit to a decent doctor to get some pain killers or cortison shots would be a good start.

Not sure if have AA in Thailand, but may be something similar but i guess most of the work would be for the wife which is talk, talk talk and make him realize life has not ended and the kid still needs him

[Squeegee]

Don't be a mug giving him money for ANYTHING is a good start.

Kick him up the arse towards the direction of work.

If his sister prioritizes him over you and you're still around I wouldn't advise making a topic about it.

She does not prioritize him.

She confides that her life is unlucky to have him and that if he has a fatal crash it will be better for his daughter and the family.

BTW I don't know if he is better or worse than his older brother who lives 1km away and who just came over,drunk, looking for smokes.

I realise my wording was not very good. I don't mean she prioritizes him now, but that if you set about some strategy (the one I recommended is obviously the tough love option) and then she does not support you, that would be the time to not make a topic about it if you stay with her.

It sounds like you've married into a classic family of useless hangers on, at least as far as the males are concerned. There may be little you can do about their habits but you can sure as heck say no to giving them money and it's not difficult to educate them that not all foreigners have money or that you are not made of it.

Sit them in front of a few videos showing the poverty back home. Let them know how the big money they see from many foreigners in Thailand is worked hard and saved for over long periods of time for many, who back home are actually rather poor.

[rayongchelsea]

Jeez..who needs this cr*p when you move countries..just don't do the white savior thingy which many seem prone to do...this is just the start of a living hell for you..I guess the father is dead of booze already..

[konying]

Jeez..who needs this cr*p when you move countries..just don't do the white savior thingy which many seem prone to do...this is just the start of a living hell for you..I guess the father is dead of booze already..

and why not?

What is wrong with helping other human being? or are you one of those use and abuse kind?

[rayongchelsea]

Jeez..who needs this cr*p when you move countries..just don't do the white savior thingy which many seem prone to do...this is just the start of a living hell for you..I guess the father is dead of booze already..

and why not?

What is wrong with helping other human being? or are you one of those use and abuse kind?

Don't be silly. How can you infer that from what I said. Use and abuse..what sort of thought process extrapolates to that..

[NeverSure]

You can't help this guy, much less the whole family. Change has to start with them from inside and it's rare.

Instead of thinking about what's wrong with them?? the real question is what's wrong with you that would allow you to tolerate this?

What's up with you that you would even be attracted to this? The GF does in fact show him preference over you because she's providing him housing and risking losing a relationship with you.

Don't give me any crap about being inhumane because you can't rescue people from things they are doing by their own choices. I get to make my choices and you get to make yours and we each get the consequences. Why would you accept the consequences of his daily choices?

Run Forest, Run.

[rockyysdt]

When did I say that I'd be tolerating this, or that I'd be changing anyone?

First exposure.

Will evaluate and then act.

The first step is to fully evaluate how it affects me.

GF does not subsidize him other than a corner of her land for his shack.

If his conduct only self harms then I just observe.

[abhaya]

The only answer is get your girlfriend to boot his boozy butt off the premises. I've seen(and been through) this situation often enough where no matter how much the family tries to help some folks are just hell bent on self destruction. I don't even think this is a matter of face, just survival. Imagine him getting boozed up enough and coming at you or your girlfriend with big machete especially if he is taking yaba along with his liquor.

[Chao Lao Beach]

Put a bow on his head and give him as a present to another inlaw

[MaeJoMTB]

brother or husband?

[maprao]

Are you staying with them or property you paid for in your wife's gfs name. If you are providing then it is your rules. If you are a guest then move away. It's a no win situation. She will never side with you at her family's expense....It also depends where you are. If you are in a rural location tread carefully some places are safer than others.

[NeverSure]

When did I say that I'd be tolerating this, or that I'd be changing anyone?

First exposure.

Will evaluate and then act.

The first step is to fully evaluate how it affects me.

GF does not subsidize him other than a corner of her land for his shack.

If his conduct only self harms then I just observe.

I read a new thread with line after line of sad tales. So far you are tolerating it. A person with self esteem and some confidence in life would have been out of there in five minutes.

I know I'm being harsh but your reality is harsh. You're in a bad situation and pussy-footing around it won't help. You're at risk of completely losing yourself and who you are and your self esteem in this cloud cover.

Run.

[kaorop]

I had to leave a lovely girl, in part due to 3 older siblings sponging off her.

She was the only one who got sent to uni and now has a very very good paying job with a Japanese company and seems the only bread winner.

It was a hard decision for me and still hurts 6 months on!

What I know is, you need a good Thai male friend of reasonable back ground to come with you when you are with the family and give you the low down.

Simply because unless your extremely fluent and well versed you wont get a read on them.

Best of luck

[Just1Voice]

"Sweetheart, we have a problem. We both know what the problem is. Here's my solution. I will try for one month to help him get his life straightened out. If that doesn't work, then you have to make a choice. Either he goes, or I go. Simple as that. Up to you."

[TheKnave]

Under no circumstances make him your brother-in-law. Greener pastures await, in abundance.

[little mary sunshine]

Freaken drunks: selfish bastards, always,have $ for their

Booz, Don't care if the children have food or clothes. Ruin

The marriage and ALWAYS BLAME EVERYONE ELSE.

I once had to work with a State Program to HELP THIS

POPULATION....Waste of Money and Time.

[AYJAYDEE]

everything seems to be okay. your wife has a bit of land which she can spare and she can provide a bit of rice and fish when he can choke it down which wont be often. you dont buy him anything and he has chosen a slow death. when the time comes , the local public hospital will take him in to die. you dont need to do any more, every family has one or two. they die relatively soon.

[1FinickyOne]

This is not easy - - We have a drunken cousin who comes stumbling over once in a while. The dogs hate him, for good reason, and there is always a disturbance when he comes. I have to stop what I am doing and go outside to make sure he doesn't throw rocks at the dogs who want to take his leg off - - [because he throws rocks at them] -

The family has no idea how to deal with it either. They go into their houses and try and ignore him until he leaves. He is ok when he is sober though the dogs remember and still want a piece of him… so, either way, he disrupts my life here.

Everyone acknowledges that he has an illness… I have told him not to come here when he is drunk - which of course, he doesn't recall...

You have my sympathies but as you know, alcoholism is a nightmare that extends out well beyond the drinker. Whenever I see problems in the news that become physical altercations w/farang and Thai, I always expect that alcohol is part of the equation and that probably applies to most serious problems anywhere...

My sympathies for you… as I also see no good answers..

[tonray]

Tell the GF you need a break from his nonsense...get a hotel/apt for a month away from her...if she still chooses to indulge him you will know how life will be forever for you here.....sorry to break you the bad news.....BTW I have been there and know EXACTLY what you are going thru...appeasement only leads to more farang abuse....cut off the tap right now...both in terms of baht and booze.

[billphillips]

White whiskey .... Lots of it, boxes of it. He will enjoy it very much for the short time he is with you.

[jvs]

The average person does not have the capabilities to help a drunk get off the booze,and i have said it many times before '''you can not help a person who does not want to be helped!!!

In the west people like this can be dropped from the family but in Thailand this will rarely happen,family ties are very strong.

Keep your distance and try to avoid him and even forget him,it may sound cold but you are the one who carries him around in your mind and he will be too heavy.