Expecting a child, im foreigner and she is also?

[stevepeters]

hi,

Im not sure in which section to put this in;( im in a peculiar situation unfortunately... Here it goes:

I have received a sms from a girl I met for the first time in February but we have chatted over 1.5 years online and she moved in Bangkok in late 2014 and met her in January 2015...We did the birds and the bees on the 1st day we ever met;) it was a nice time & we enjoyed our time together, however we never met afterwards and we stopped chatting online in March 2015... 4 days ago she sends me a message asking me if I "blah blah blah" inside her... just a reminer, always carry 2 condoms lol. So, I was wondering what she meant about that, did I gave her a disease or made her pregnant, since I know im healthy & dont have STD's.. she was probably pregnant. So, I message her back and ask her, you pregnant & she told she was.. then after she sent me ultrasounds & a pic of her being 5 months pregant already.

This was a shock for me because why she would not tell me 2-3 months ago;( I asked her if she sure it was me, she said 100% because she dont sleep with men after and everything leads to me. So, since she was not really a gf back in February and she vanished since March with no contact until this news in late June 2015, I think it will be hard to have relationship with her but we might try to stay together soon & try and see if we could have a relationship.. She did tell me that she want the child to know her real dad & we discussed about it on several occasions when we met in these last few days. I think its also important that the baby knows both their parents.

Now... Will this be complicated since we are not married & we are both in a foreign County from ours? Will I have to do DNA to prove its my child? What kind of visa the child will hold in Thailand? Do i need to go to my embassy to prove that this is my kid?

So many questions, hopefully some people could give me feedback, will be very appreciated.

Regards,

Steve

[Slip]

Oh bugger! The child will have no standing as a Thai citizen.

[h90]

DNA test would be a good idea....

[EmptyHead]

Ok.

You should get a DNA test.

If the child is yours, the child will get dual nationality very easy, if it is allowed by your country. Thailand certainly allows it.

You only need to go to the embassy with your name on the birth certificate to get the passport. At least in my experience, I am from the UK.

[Slip]

Ok.

You should get a DNA test.

If the child is yours, the child will get dual nationality very easy, if it is allowed by your country. Thailand certainly allows it.

You only need to go to the embassy with your name on the birth certificate to get the passport. At least in my experience, I am from the UK.

If the OP and the mother are from different countries, dual nationality may be a possibility. If they are not then dual nationality will not apply. This child will not be a Thai citizen.

EDIT- Always assuming he is actually the father,

Edited July 5, 2015 by Slip

[GuestHouse]

There are a number of issues to deal with, depending upon who's perspective is taken.

From your point of view you need to assure yourself the child is indeed yours, so that's a DNA test. You need to have an open and frank discussion with the mother to be on that matter.

From the child's point of view, it will need to have a nationality.

You don't say where you or the mother to be are from, different nations have different rules on this; But, if neither you nor the mother are Thai then there is no chance that the Thai government will grant the child Thai citizenship.

From the mother's point of view, she is obviously going to need access to health care during her pregnancy, she may need to consider going home for this if she has no means of support in Thailand.

You may of course choose to help her with this (your choice and I make no judgement either way), but it might be something in your favour when discussing paternity testing with her.

And finally from both the mother and the child's point of view there is the long term financial and 'fathering' care of the child. The DNA test will remove uncertainty around some of the issues there.

My advice, go see her and get your conversation with her on the right footing, where you can work together to get the best answer for all three of you.

That does not mean you automatically accept or reject responsibility, but it will get you into a better position for obtaining the DNA test.

Regardless of the inevitable trolling you will receive in response to your query, my personal view if I was in your position is, if there was any chance of me being the father to a child, under whatever circumstances, I would want to know about it and to be assured that I was or was not the father.

I can't imagine a little me running around without know who its dad is.

Clear the doubt with a DNA test.

Best of luck to you all.

[stevepeters]

There are a number of issues to deal with, depending upon who's perspective is taken.

From your point of view you need to assure yourself the child is indeed yours, so that's a DNA test. You need to have an open and frank discussion with the mother to be on that matter.

From the child's point of view, it will need to have a nationality.

You don't say where you or the mother to be are from, different nations have different rules on this; But, if neither you nor the mother are Thai then there is no chance that the Thai government will grant the child Thai citizenship.

From the mother's point of view, she is obviously going to need access to health care during her pregnancy, she may need to consider going home for this if she has no means of support in Thailand.

You may of course choose to help her with this (your choice and I make no judgement either way), but it might be something in your favour when discussing paternity testing with her.

And finally from both the mother and the child's point of view there is the long term financial and 'fathering' care of the child. The DNA test will remove uncertainty around some of the issues there.

My advice, go see her and get your conversation with her on the right footing, where you can work together to get the best answer for all three of you.

That does not mean you automatically accept or reject responsibility, but it will get you into a better position for obtaining the DNA test.

Regardless of the inevitable trolling you will receive in response to your query, my personal view if I was in your position is, if there was any chance of me being the father to a child, under whatever circumstances, I would want to know about it and to be assured that I was or was not the father.

I can't imagine a little me running around without know who its dad is.

Clear the doubt with a DNA test.

Best of luck to you all.

thx for taking your time to type informative info... I guess i need to wait until the child is born until DNA paternity test could be done?

[ubonjoe]

Moved to the family and children forum.

[ubonjoe]

Several off topic and inflammatory posts along with replies to them have been removed.

[steve187]

how long will a dna test take after the birth and how long before the birth has to be registered. maybe the 2 are not compatable

following on from others your location and country of birth and of the to be mother would help with advice.

Edited July 5, 2015 by steve187

[chrisinth]

There are a number of issues to deal with, depending upon who's perspective is taken.

From your point of view you need to assure yourself the child is indeed yours, so that's a DNA test. You need to have an open and frank discussion with the mother to be on that matter.

From the child's point of view, it will need to have a nationality.

You don't say where you or the mother to be are from, different nations have different rules on this; But, if neither you nor the mother are Thai then there is no chance that the Thai government will grant the child Thai citizenship.

From the mother's point of view, she is obviously going to need access to health care during her pregnancy, she may need to consider going home for this if she has no means of support in Thailand.

You may of course choose to help her with this (your choice and I make no judgement either way), but it might be something in your favour when discussing paternity testing with her.

And finally from both the mother and the child's point of view there is the long term financial and 'fathering' care of the child. The DNA test will remove uncertainty around some of the issues there.

My advice, go see her and get your conversation with her on the right footing, where you can work together to get the best answer for all three of you.

That does not mean you automatically accept or reject responsibility, but it will get you into a better position for obtaining the DNA test.

Regardless of the inevitable trolling you will receive in response to your query, my personal view if I was in your position is, if there was any chance of me being the father to a child, under whatever circumstances, I would want to know about it and to be assured that I was or was not the father.

I can't imagine a little me running around without know who its dad is.

Clear the doubt with a DNA test.

Best of luck to you all.

thx for taking your time to type informative info... I guess i need to wait until the child is born until DNA paternity test could be done?

DNA testing can be done on the mother by various methods while still pregnant.

However, it could be initially costly financially, with the possibility of working out cheaper in the long run.

[Mario2008]

the child will be a foriegner in Thailand, but will not need a visa till the child leaves Thailand and returns. Upon first exit from Thailand the mother simply shows the birth certificate, which explains why there is no immigration record of the child.

The child can be a dependent of the mother.

The birth must be registered within 15 days of birth at the amphur of birth. The birth certificate is in Thai only, so all the names need to be prepared in Thai language.

Once the birth certificate is issued, the child can be registered with both embassies.

Under Thai law you will not be the legal father untill you leitimise the child. see: http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/381917-how-to-gain-parental-rights-as-a-father/

[recycler]

It may be a good idea to figure out by prenatal DNA test if you are the father.

If you are sure and want to give it a good try it has many advantages if you are legally married when the child is born. It will give you paternal rights under Thai law and for some countries this is a requirement if you want your nationality for the child right after birth.

Getting married can take some time to get the required documents proving that you are not married from both countries, you'd probably best start this pending the DNA test.

[Guest]

Had a close friend get a call from his ex in Hong Kong.

Had a baby boy two months ago ...Your a Dad! Send me money!

Wrote back something to the effect of "You have an appointment next Thursday at (name of hospital) to test the dna of this baby. if it is mine, we need to meet and discuss how best to provide a positive and supportive life for it. It will be a pleasure to ensure my son has a good life."

A year later ... Still waiting for a reply.

[Just1Voice]

Hold it. You met her in person for the first time in FEBRUARY.

Now she sends you pics/ultrasound saying she's already 5 MONTHS pregnant?

That means you would have had to meet her and do the "birds & bees" thing the first week in February for her to be 5 months along by now.

Personally, I'd be DEMANDING a DNA test A.S.A.P.!!!

[alliswell]

DNA test would be great to clarify things out. She can give birth here in Thailand no problem. For government hospital (Ramathibodi premium clinic) normal delivery around 40k (3d2n) but i think u need to have several prenatal check up with the doctor in that hospital first. The most important thing is u need to have both parents name translated in Thai to process the birth certificate and ur baby name in thai too. Either u use translation service or ask ur thai friend to do it (My friend did it for me and has no problem). Depend on the hospital whether they will do the birth certificate or u have to go to local amphur of the hospital. Then u need to translate the birth certificate to other language (depend on the requirement of your embassy) and legalized by the ministry foreign affair thai in chaengwattana. They have translation service to english in the building (2hours process). Then u go to 3rd floor to submit the translated document and come back next day or any day to collect it. Please make sure u make copies for all documents coz u will need those (both passports, birth certificate in thai, translated one).

As others said, baby will not hold thai citizenship. The baby will hold dual citizenship if u registered the baby in both your countries. But again that depend on ur country policy.

Baby doesnt overstay if baby born in thai and doesnt leave thai. Only need birth certificate and leisser passer (this one depend on ur country) to go back to mom/dad country.

This all based on my experience. Hope this help.

[neeray]

There are some blanks to be filled in if sense is to be made of this story. Like why the rendezvous of two strangers (foreigners) in Thailand? Why no precaution? If she is such a good girl (no subsequent partners), why did she drop her panties on the first night (yes, I acknowledge that they had carried on long distance communication for a long time before meeting). No contact for several months and then whamo!!!

OP says it was "nice" (first night together). It sounds more to me like they ripped each other's clothes off on first night meeting. That should rise to more than "nice".

Whatever the circumstances, acknowledgement must be given to the OP for wanting to do the right thing for mother and child. He will have his hands full.

[snowpea83]

There are a number of issues to deal with, depending upon who's perspective is taken.

From your point of view you need to assure yourself the child is indeed yours, so that's a DNA test. You need to have an open and frank discussion with the mother to be on that matter.

From the child's point of view, it will need to have a nationality.

You don't say where you or the mother to be are from, different nations have different rules on this; But, if neither you nor the mother are Thai then there is no chance that the Thai government will grant the child Thai citizenship.

From the mother's point of view, she is obviously going to need access to health care during her pregnancy, she may need to consider going home for this if she has no means of support in Thailand.

You may of course choose to help her with this (your choice and I make no judgement either way), but it might be something in your favour when discussing paternity testing with her.

And finally from both the mother and the child's point of view there is the long term financial and 'fathering' care of the child. The DNA test will remove uncertainty around some of the issues there.

My advice, go see her and get your conversation with her on the right footing, where you can work together to get the best answer for all three of you.

That does not mean you automatically accept or reject responsibility, but it will get you into a better position for obtaining the DNA test.

Regardless of the inevitable trolling you will receive in response to your query, my personal view if I was in your position is, if there was any chance of me being the father to a child, under whatever circumstances, I would want to know about it and to be assured that I was or was not the father.

I can't imagine a little me running around without know who its dad is.

Clear the doubt with a DNA test.

Best of luck to you all.

thx for taking your time to type informative info... I guess i need to wait until the child is born until DNA paternity test could be done?

DNA testing can be done on the mother by various methods while still pregnant.

However, it could be initially costly financially, with the possibility of working out cheaper in the long run.

Paternity tested can be done from 9 weeks, through a simple blood test on the mothers blood. It will require blood from the mother and a buccal (cheek swap) sample from yourself.

There are normally two ways for you to do this, at home (non legal) or at a certified doctors (legal). Please save yourself the trouble and future expense and go the certified (legal) route as a home sample will not hold up in court (if it comes to that).

The maternal blood method (you used to have to collect amino fluid) is fairly new (maybe 6 years old). a quick google of it shows that Thai companies do indeed have it available, but it may be pricey. Potentially less pricey in the long run.

Good luck!

[jackanapes]

it is important that you do the right thing if there is doubt about you being the father then a dna test is the answer .

[Sheryl]

You and she both need to talk to your respective embassies to find out what the laws are in your respective countries (if you are from different ones) on paternity as it is this which will determine your legal status relative to the child. Thai law will recognize you as father if you are so recognized under the laws of your/her country (you'll need documentation of that of course).

If the baby is born in Thailand, be sure your name is on the birth certificate and follow the steps outlined in Allisewell's post, with the addition of then taking the translated birth certificate, and your passports, to your respective embassies. Many countries will just add an infant onto the mother's passport but some may issue a separate passport even for an infant. I believe that if added onto the mother's passport the baby will automatically come under whatever visa the mother holds, whereas if the baby has a separate passport then have to apply for a dependent visa -- but I suggest you verify all this through an inquery in the Visa forum, including in it the specifics of your and her nationalities and what type of visa you each have for Thailand.

I agree that you should get a DNA test, especially (but not only) if you actually used one of those condoms you say you always carry.

[jamie2009]

http://www.ptclabsthailand.com,

I used this company, no Thai involvement apart from the Doctor who took the saliva samples from the three of us. Samples sent to the States results in around two weeks, 15000 baht. If you want a test before the baby is born, bit more involved and the cost is around 50000 baht.

[PeCeDe]

http://www.ptclabsthailand.com,

I used this company, no Thai involvement apart from the Doctor who took the saliva samples from the three of us. Samples sent to the States results in around two weeks, 15000 baht. If you want a test before the baby is born, bit more involved and the cost is around 50000 baht.

Out of interest Jamie2009, what were your results, and how did the results change things for you? I'm sure your answer could help the OP, who is obviously a potentially responsible dad.

[jamie2009]

http://www.ptclabsthailand.com,

I used this company, no Thai involvement apart from the Doctor who took the saliva samples from the three of us. Samples sent to the States results in around two weeks, 15000 baht. If you want a test before the baby is born, bit more involved and the cost is around 50000 baht.

Out of interest Jamie2009, what were your results, and how did the results change things for you? I'm sure your answer could help the OP, who is obviously a potentially responsible dad.

The baby was not mine. I had known the lady in question, Thai, not a bar girl for some time, she had been married for eight years and never had a child which led to her husband leaving her.

Her story is she got very drunk at friends place, she doesn't normally drink and a Thai fella raped her !! All the time she was hoping the baby was mine. She always thought she couldn't have a baby but obviously the problem was with her ex husband. Do I believe her, find it difficult no matter how drunk she was she never stopped the fella. She always maintained she was not the typical Thai girl sleeping about ?

Where do I go from here, opinions from friends is divided, me. After the birth she went back to the family, after the result rightly or wrongly I called her and told her I wanted to know who the father was. I told her I was coming to see her her and tell the family the baby was not mine, they think it is, she called me back within minutes and pleaded with me not too she said she would come and see me and tell me face to face, she has and I have let her stay for the time, mug many are saying now ! She is worried if the family find out she might lose their support and more importantly financially.

I am out of here in three weeks, I am not in a position to support a child at 63 especially when it's not mine, she is 36, she said she will go back to work if I look after the baby !! She has never asked me for money although I buy food for her, only eats from the Market, never a restaurant, never has done, big money she says and stuff for the baby, Will I be back, undecided, I am not a long term resident of Thailand but like the place so some decisions to make, possibly I should have cut and run but hindsight is great.

[hawksway]

Start with a DNA test. If this confirms you as the Father then both you should register births at respective diplomatic missions.

Thai Law is quite different, compared to most others. The Child will not be afforded Thai Citizenship unless one of the Parents are Thai but may be able to remain in the Kingdom for the duration of their Visas. Get an International Thai Lawyer.

Condoms are much cheaper than dealing with the mess you've got yourself into, which will result in up to a 20 year financial settlement.

[PeCeDe]

http://www.ptclabsthailand.com,

I used this company, no Thai involvement apart from the Doctor who took the saliva samples from the three of us. Samples sent to the States results in around two weeks, 15000 baht. If you want a test before the baby is born, bit more involved and the cost is around 50000 baht.

Out of interest Jamie2009, what were your results, and how did the results change things for you? I'm sure your answer could help the OP, who is obviously a potentially responsible dad.

The baby was not mine. I had known the lady in question, Thai, not a bar girl for some time, she had been married for eight years and never had a child which led to her husband leaving her.

Her story is she got very drunk at friends place, she doesn't normally drink and a Thai fella raped her !! All the time she was hoping the baby was mine. She always thought she couldn't have a baby but obviously the problem was with her ex husband. Do I believe her, find it difficult no matter how drunk she was she never stopped the fella. She always maintained she was not the typical Thai girl sleeping about ?

Where do I go from here, opinions from friends is divided, me. After the birth she went back to the family, after the result rightly or wrongly I called her and told her I wanted to know who the father was. I told her I was coming to see her her and tell the family the baby was not mine, they think it is, she called me back within minutes and pleaded with me not too she said she would come and see me and tell me face to face, she has and I have let her stay for the time, mug many are saying now ! She is worried if the family find out she might lose their support and more importantly financially.

I am out of here in three weeks, I am not in a position to support a child at 63 especially when it's not mine, she is 36, she said she will go back to work if I look after the baby !! She has never asked me for money although I buy food for her, only eats from the Market, never a restaurant, never has done, big money she says and stuff for the baby, Will I be back, undecided, I am not a long term resident of Thailand but like the place so some decisions to make, possibly I should have cut and run but hindsight is great.

Thanks for your reply Jamie2009. Had a similar (I was raped, can you send me money) story from a girl in Manila, and even after that I continued to send money, like you not much, but enough for her to live until she gave birth. I found the Father (she wasn't raped) and shamed him until he sent her 5,000 pesos (dick all). I told the girl I would pay for her hospitalization to have the baby and then she was on her own. She had the baby which I paid for, and then I paid for the babies Christening and finally let go financially... Last I heard she married some drunk, and she and her kid were sorting through the Manila garbage dumps looking for tin cans and bottles. (a worse fate I cannot imagine) Why I still feel guilty I don't know, it's insane... but I do.

[F4UCorsair]

Had a close friend get a call from his ex in Hong Kong.

Had a baby boy two months ago ...Your a Dad! Send me money!

Wrote back something to the effect of "You have an appointment next Thursday at (name of hospital) to test the dna of this baby. if it is mine, we need to meet and discuss how best to provide a positive and supportive life for it. It will be a pleasure to ensure my son has a good life."

A year later ... Still waiting for a reply.

I had a similar experience in Cambodia. Pity (for her) I'd has a vasectomy 20 years prior.

No response to that news.

DNA test is your first stop OP.........if it's not a troll post.

Edited July 6, 2015 by F4UCorsair

[PeCeDe]

Had a close friend get a call from his ex in Hong Kong.

Had a baby boy two months ago ...Your a Dad! Send me money!

Wrote back something to the effect of "You have an appointment next Thursday at (name of hospital) to test the dna of this baby. if it is mine, we need to meet and discuss how best to provide a positive and supportive life for it. It will be a pleasure to ensure my son has a good life."

A year later ... Still waiting for a reply.

I had a similar experience in Cambodia. Pity (for her) I'd has a vasectomy 20 years prior.

No response to that news.

DNA test is your first stop OP.........if it's not a troll post.

The vasectomy news must have floored her! 555

[seancbk]

Ok.

You should get a DNA test.

If the child is yours, the child will get dual nationality very easy, if it is allowed by your country. Thailand certainly allows it.

You only need to go to the embassy with your name on the birth certificate to get the passport. At least in my experience, I am from the UK.

If the OP and the mother are from different countries, dual nationality may be a possibility. If they are not then dual nationality will not apply. This child will not be a Thai citizen.

EDIT- Always assuming he is actually the father,

What difference does it make that the child won't be Thai. Neither parent is Thai.

The child will get the nationality of one or both parents.

[jamie2009]

http://www.ptclabsthailand.com,

I used this company, no Thai involvement apart from the Doctor who took the saliva samples from the three of us. Samples sent to the States results in around two weeks, 15000 baht. If you want a test before the baby is born, bit more involved and the cost is around 50000 baht.

Out of interest Jamie2009, what were your results, and how did the results change things for you? I'm sure your answer could help the OP, who is obviously a potentially responsible dad.

The baby was not mine. I had known the lady in question, Thai, not a bar girl for some time, she had been married for eight years and never had a child which led to her husband leaving her.

Her story is she got very drunk at friends place, she doesn't normally drink and a Thai fella raped her !! All the time she was hoping the baby was mine. She always thought she couldn't have a baby but obviously the problem was with her ex husband. Do I believe her, find it difficult no matter how drunk she was she never stopped the fella. She always maintained she was not the typical Thai girl sleeping about ?

Where do I go from here, opinions from friends is divided, me. After the birth she went back to the family, after the result rightly or wrongly I called her and told her I wanted to know who the father was. I told her I was coming to see her her and tell the family the baby was not mine, they think it is, she called me back within minutes and pleaded with me not too she said she would come and see me and tell me face to face, she has and I have let her stay for the time, mug many are saying now ! She is worried if the family find out she might lose their support and more importantly financially.

I am out of here in three weeks, I am not in a position to support a child at 63 especially when it's not mine, she is 36, she said she will go back to work if I look after the baby !! She has never asked me for money although I buy food for her, only eats from the Market, never a restaurant, never has done, big money she says and stuff for the baby, Will I be back, undecided, I am not a long term resident of Thailand but like the place so some decisions to make, possibly I should have cut and run but hindsight is great.

Thanks for your reply Jamie2009. Had a similar (I was raped, can you send me money) story from a girl in Manila, and even after that I continued to send money, like you not much, but enough for her to live until she gave birth. I found the Father (she wasn't raped) and shamed him until he sent her 5,000 pesos (dick all). I told the girl I would pay for her hospitalization to have the baby and then she was on her own. She had the baby which I paid for, and then I paid for the babies Christening and finally let go financially... Last I heard she married some drunk, and she and her kid were sorting through the Manila garbage dumps looking for tin cans and bottles. (a worse fate I cannot imagine) Why I still feel guilty I don't know, it's insane... but I do.

I must be insane as well, I paid for the birth etc, not much at a government hospital. My problem was I had a vasectomy but the arrival date meant it could have been mine, not sure how she could have planned it as she had been trying for years to kids or so she told me ?? 0.01% of vasectomies can fail. It's difficult when you have/had feelings for some one and it's very very difficult to know if a Thai girl has feelings, they never show emotions, ok she cleans washes my clothes and would cook but ? ? Big decision to make as and when I come back later in the year.

[jamie2009]

Had a close friend get a call from his ex in Hong Kong.

Had a baby boy two months ago ...Your a Dad! Send me money!

Wrote back something to the effect of "You have an appointment next Thursday at (name of hospital) to test the dna of this baby. if it is mine, we need to meet and discuss how best to provide a positive and supportive life for it. It will be a pleasure to ensure my son has a good life."

A year later ... Still waiting for a reply.

I had a similar experience in Cambodia. Pity (for her) I'd has a vasectomy 20 years prior.

No response to that news.

I

DNA test is your first stop OP.........if it's not a troll post.

The vasectomy news must have floored her! 555

I had a vasectomy but the arrival date meant it could have been mine, 0.01% of vasectomies fail, I thought I was one of them.