Threat Level Raised

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist

bombing and therefore have raised their security level from "Miffed"

to "Peeved'. Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to

"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit

Cross" since the Blitz in 1940 - when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been officially re-categorised from "Tiresome"

to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody

Nuisance" warning level was during the Great Fire of London in 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it had raised

its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels

in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated

by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively

paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level

Of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "shout loudly and

excitedly" to "elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain,

"ineffective combat operations" and "change sides".

The Germans, wishing to stay in lock-step with their neighbours,

Have also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance" to

"dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher alert

levels: "invade a neighbour" and "lose".

Threat Level Raised

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist

bombing and therefore have raised their security level from "Miffed"

to "Peeved'. Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to

"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit

Cross" since the Blitz in 1940 - when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been officially re-categorised from "Tiresome"

to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody

Nuisance" warning level was during the Great Fire of London in 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it had raised

its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels

in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated

by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively

paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level

Of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "shout loudly and

excitedly" to "elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain,

"ineffective combat operations" and "change sides".

The Germans, wishing to stay in lock-step with their neighbours,

Have also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance" to

"dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher alert

levels: "invade a neighbour" and "lose".

The British Terrorist Threat Appraisal Officer replies

"I say old chap thats a bit wide of the mark "

" Us Brits are NOT at a Bloody Nuisance level

I would say it's more of a "We are not Amused" level

but thats only me speaking don't you know?"

As to the Frogs well they can only surrender and collude with the bosche

as they have eaten all their legs and cannot run away

The Italians hmm

there isn't a day go..es by without me remembering

when the Italian army all fell under the paint wheel of the traffic wardens delight

and as to the dreaded Bosch they are only succesfull in dawn raids

around the liquid entertainment reclining areas

Latest appraisal complete

with the footnote when told to look behind you

the reply is always "we don't f

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good signature jing jo!

This thread has really given me a good laugh!

I was thinking that the Irish could have a 'Let's have a pint and talk about it' to, 'Do you want to step outside to sort this out?' to, 'You're me best mate, sure there's no hard feelings!'.