I want to marry, but I afraid ;)

[soc]

Get a polish bird, they look much better.

Have to agree.

Most Polish women that l've met have been very beautiful.

Don't know much about their characters though.

[soc]

Get a polish bird, they look much better.

Have to agree.

Most Polish women that l've met have been very beautiful.

Don't know much about their characters though.

[soc]

If i had a dollar for every time ive been told by a freelance thai lady that she owns a beauty salon, id be truly wealthy.

My suggestion....send her some polish kielbassa on a regular basis....and avoid trouble.

Living together is indeed more complicated than playing "Hide The Kielbassa" on some romantic island.

She will never forgive you for not sending money to her family....the parents will be bewildered, when no money is in the mail. Your phone will be ringing off the hook at 1 am....and your wife will be sobbing herself back to sleep.

It is part of the package.

Similar to the Philippines, l've had that experience!

Must be a S.E.Asian thing.

[irishsmile]

Get a polish bird, they look much better.

Lol agreed they are hotties!

[soc]

Does not sound like you have done much planning. Nothing wrong with marriage but if you have only seen her on vacation...life is quite different in real terms. You should move to Thailand for 9 months to a year. Spend every day with her and see if you still want to marry after that. Trips and 2 months in Poland not enough....and BTW...a Thai woman will go crazy in Poland in about 6 months ...Thailand is in her blood...she can never leave it forever.

Tonray is absolutely right. There are plenty of advantages in marrying a Thai woman, but don't rush into it. Live with each other first. (Life is very different from what is was like for our parents and grandparents when you got married first and then had a life together. Many Thai women still believe in this notion... and they usually get burnt also.)

You need to check the law about marriage and divorce in Poland, and you can probably get her to sign a prenuptial agreement.

In Thailand, it's very different. Thai courts can obviously not make any rulings about your assets or obligations in Poland, but you are very much responsible for each other in Thailand. In the case of a divorce, she will be granted at least 50% of anything you own in Thailand. All property you buy will be 100% in her name (this fiddle of buying property through a company 51% owned by her or some other 'trusted' Thai is very fragile). There are ways to own property in Thailand, but it's never permanent: your wife and Thai family or children will always be the ultimate owners. And keep in mind that you are responsible for all her debts also, so try to get a feeling as to whether she has or is likely to borrow money from loan sharks or buy a fancy car on finance. (Check out her family & friends also - because they may use her name to borrow money, knowing that you will pick up the tab if it all goes wrong, and she will probably comply under pressure from them...!)

Tonray's warning about bringing her back to Poland is crucial. Poland is a cold, lonely place for a Thai woman. And she'll probably hate the food. She will be miserable there if she had to stay there for longer than a couple of months at a time - avoid the winter months (unless it's for a skiing holiday maybe).

Go slow. Stick to 3-month tourist visas (for her in Poland and you in Thailand) for a few years before deciding. Spend at least a year living together in Thailand with her if you can with the odd excursion back to Poland. And if you're going to buy property in Thailand then do the paperwork before you get married. A good lawyer will advise you, but don't trust him either. Thai lawyers (perhaps in collusion with your wife or her family) are notorious for signing away what is legally her property or forging your signature and selling off your property while you are still living in it. Maybe better just to rent long-term instead.

And a final bit of advice. No matter how honest or faithful she may be, keep your bank accounts and assets private and out of reach. You can pay her an allowance into her own account, but don't share a bank account and don't let her have access to yours. (That means pin codes and internet banking also!) It's too much temptation (if not for her then for her family, friends or lover). It's better that she doesn't know how much you are really worth - live your life as you have an income of a million baht p.a. no more - that's already considered 'affluent' in Thailand. Know this too: any signature will do when purchasing items with debit or credit card! So have a separate account which has no card for your money, and just transfer what you need for weekly expenses to your 'card account'.

PS Learn Thai. You won't be quite so vulnerable and ignorant if you can communicate with her and her friends and family and neighbors...

Very good advice.

[TigerGuardian]

I can understand why you feel the need to be vigilant in protecting your assets and your heart! I concur with other posts in that you should find a way to live here in Thailand with your gf for an extended period of time so you both can better understand each other's "daily pattern of life." And, I would say to you having a native Thai lady move permanently to your country - or any other country - can be a major cultural shock and adjustment to any person.

At the end of the day the reality is; Only you can decide what is best for you and your future. Listen to your inner voice.

Good luck

[nithisa78]

Let not fear prevail above thy will.

[fekman]

I would only marry if

A. I needed to bring the ole bird to the Police State

B. If I needed a second citizenship so I can renounce this pesky Police State citizenship

Thailand is an ancient culture. Much more than Poland. Can't give up Thai food and culture for snow and pierogies. She will go batshit crazy. Keep her here and visit often. When u retire, come here permanently.

If you must marry, don't depend on prenups and shit. Just hide it. Can't argue over what they dont know exists.

[fekman]

How old are you? How old is her?

If you want to know if she loves you, tell her that you cannot send any money to her family in any case, and that after your death she will not get nothing....

If she stil wants to get married with you....do it.

I used to think like that. Then I realized if a chick is interested in broke dudes, she has little respect for herself, her future, future kids future, and has low standards. So, if she chooses me, after telling her that, IM A LOSER because shes a poor decision maker with no self respect.

[cyberfarang]

If possible elaborate the advice, saying "don't do it" is not helpful for me :|

I was in Thailand about 15 times, each time for about a month, so I know quite well about thai girls mentality (I avoid and never was involved in bar-girls, I just don't like bars. My nature is to travel distant places and relax with a gf). I got know her almost 3 years ago on facebook. We have been to many places in Thailand, even go Cambodia and Laos together. She come to Poland 2 years ago for 2 months. She is a middle class wealth, owns a beauty shop, a decent house, no car. She has only mother, who would stay in Thailand alone (with bf) when we go Poland, so I'm not sure about this (not sure if her mother can carry the shop). What about my gf support for her mother, if her mother will not insist her after few moths to come back (because she either will miss daughter or her support and money), or at least insist my gf/wife to send money to mother which is not acceptable for me (I pay alimony for my child which is enough for me - also I would need to pay EVERYTHING for my wife because she will not be able to work at least for a few years (language)).

So that are my concerns. If I don't marry, will be difficult to have her here, if I marry other problems can start

If you are having all these concerns, why the hell are you getting married? Poland makes Thailand look like Monte Carlo. Is she in for a culture shock of the century. Not surprised you are expecting another divorce.

[Colabamumbai]

Do not marry for a visa to live in Thailand.

[ggt]

Going into a marriage...talking about how to best get a divorce and maintain your possessions...is not a good way to start my friend...

If you are not ready to accept some loss of income...you should just stay single and get a soapy massage from time to time...

[chilli42]

Well one thing to consider is that Thai's don't travel well. They are happy to take a vacation in any country but they quickly start to get home sick and bored very quickly. I have seen this with highly educated as well as poor. Have never really come up with a clear answer that does not end up sounding like a post rationalization (language, religion, culture, food, family etc). Add to that the your Central European weather is very depressing (cold, dreary, dark) on any level. Consider a Thai girl who has lived her whole life in warmth and sunshine. I think your biggest risk is that she may find that after a few months she won't be able to endure being away from Thailand ... even with the best of intentions. If there is any way you can bring her to Poland to give it a test drive during the winter you really should do it. This test drive won't work if it's just ten days at the height of summer. I can promise you, an unhappy wife will make your life a living hell. So before you plan to protect yourself from a divorce, plan to protect your sanity. She might be the exception but it's unlikely.

[chilli42]

Well one thing to consider is that Thai's don't travel well. They are happy to take a vacation in any country but they quickly start to get home sick and bored very quickly. I have seen this with highly educated as well as poor. Have never really come up with a clear answer that does not end up sounding like a post rationalization (language, religion, culture, food, family etc). Add to that the your Central European weather is very depressing (cold, dreary, dark) on any level. Consider a Thai girl who has lived her whole life in warmth and sunshine. I think your biggest risk is that she may find that after a few months she won't be able to endure being away from Thailand ... even with the best of intentions. If there is any way you can bring her to Poland to give it a test drive during the winter you really should do it. This test drive won't work if it's just ten days at the height of summer. I can promise you, an unhappy wife will make your life a living hell. So before you plan to protect yourself from a divorce, plan to protect your sanity. She might be the exception but it's unlikely.

[Shiver]

I was going to suggest that you don't get married, until you wrote that it was the only visa solution.

I'm recently back with my GF after she did some stupid and we were apart for some time (a bit off topic and not helpful to your question), and the family asked if we were going to get married. I gave that certain look as in "I can think of a dozen reasons for the woman to get married, but not even one reason for the man". She said "that's okay, because I know you never talked about that, and the family is okay with that too, because they know you have taken care of me and also them" or something to that effect. I said I am prepared to take care of you for the rest of my life, and will leave provisions for you when I'm gone (there are 16 years between us (I've just turned 46), so probable that I will go first if she will just wear that damned bike helmet I bought for her).

If you can provide for her and you are a good person with her, then I would like to know why people want to get married unless they have religious reasons (I can respect that, though it's not my bag), want to comply with government interference for such a commitment, or want to drink Blend285 with the whole village for a day for 'face'. If you take care of your girl, and understand that you can't easily own much here (though you can pay for it) then I really can't see the benefit. Or, to plagarise "I want a good relationship. Why would I compromise that with marriage?".

[Nowisee]

Get a polish bird, they look much better.

Have to agree.

Most Polish women that l've met have been very beautiful.

Don't know much about their characters though.

Character is way over rated.

I might have to plan a 2 week trip to Poland and see what all the talk is about.

[smotherb]

don't get marry if you are already planning the divorce. you should make sure you are compatible to each other, and work to walk the path of mutual understanding and acceptance.

Yeah, and you should always make the right decisions. Not planning for an eventuality so many farangs face when they marry a Thai girl is in itself a bad decision.

[Jimi007]

Take your time. Get to know her, her family and live together in Thailand for a while. Then you'll know a bit more of what you are getting yourself into. My wife and I lived together for over two years in Thailand before I went and met her parents and family. We did a small Buddhist engagement ceremony at her parents house. Just her parents and grandmother. After another three years together, I decided to apply for a fiancee visa for the US. That took almost two years to get. We went to the US and got married there over two years ago. We're still very happy together. But I have a house in Thailand as well as in the US and we spend time in both countries each year. My wife loves California, but she's Thai and has a big family here. We are out in the Sa Kaeo visiting her family now. Back to our house in Phuket on Wednesday for another couple of months, then back to the US to renew her residence card. It's not easy, but it's worth it if you are happy together! Good luck!

[smotherb]

Does not sound like you have done much planning. Nothing wrong with marriage but if you have only seen her on vacation...life is quite different in real terms. You should move to Thailand for 9 months to a year. Spend every day with her and see if you still want to marry after that. Trips and 2 months in Poland not enough....and BTW...a Thai woman will go crazy in Poland in about 6 months ...Thailand is in her blood...she can never leave it forever.

I was with you until you said, " . . . a Thai woman will go crazy in Poland in about 6 months . . . " Well, I have a very good friend who is married to a Thai, they have lived and worked for several years in Poland, the US, Azerbijan, and Russia. She has yet to go crazy. I doubt many Thai women who actually love their man would not go anywhere with him. My daughter-in-law is Thai, she is anxious to go to the States. I know several farangs with Thai wives in the US, several more when I was in Saudi Arabia, and several when I was in Iran--none of them went crazy. Three of my doctoral classmates were Thai and all three of their Thai wives were in the States with them.

[smotherb]

I would be concerned about her being very isolated in Poland. She can't speak Polish so it's going to be tough. Polish food and Polish culture isn't even close to Thai culture. She's not going to be working, so what is she going to be doing?

Are there any other Thai people in Poland she can mix with? If so, what sort of people are they?

While it is true she will undergo culture shock, but there are Thais in Poland. Just googled, "Thais in Poland," there are Thai restaurants in most large cities and in several smaller ones. There are Thai expat blogs and forums, so she can commiserate with other Thais, maybe even meet Thai friends, and she can go to school to learn Polish. However, her man has to support her and spend time with her.

[Liquorice]

Stapoz.

She has only mother, who would stay in Thailand alone (with bf) when we go Poland, so I'm not sure about this (not sure if her mother can carry the shop). What about my gf support for her mother, if her mother will not insist her after few moths to come back (because she either will miss daughter or her support and money), or at least insist my gf/wife to send money to mother which is not acceptable for me

In Asian cultures, it's quite normal to support parents when they are elderly.

Unless the Mother had a good job which pays a good retirement pension, then she will only get a state pension (800 baht pm)

Your g/f will in her own mind be thinking about working to send money home.

If that's not possible, then as a dependant, the Mother can always move in with you in Poland.

You need to speak to your g/f about her expectations and the financial support of her Mother.

You could be heading straight for divorce if you don't discuss these issues first.

[laislica]

OP, sorry that I have not read all the posts but I must say that post #30 is spot on.

If no one has mentioned it, may I suggest that you buy a copy of Thailand Fever.

Just google it, amazon have it.....It's not expensive but very helpful.

(I found it on the internet as a pdf)

"You've met the perfect Thai woman. You're dizzy with joy as her exotic world swirls around you.

You've heard so many horror stories, but your heart tells you that she's for real.

You want to understand her mysterious ways, and you wish she could understand yours.

Now, there's help.

Thailand Fever is an astonishing, one-of-a-kind, bilingual expose of the cultural secrets that are the key to a smooth Thai-Western relationship.

Whether you met in a bar, in a university, or at work, and whether you met last night or decades ago, Thailand Fever covers your issues:"

The best thing about the book is that it is written in both Thai and English and one is not a translation of the other.

Each script tells a story in a way which will be understood by a Thai, or the English reader.

If you have misunderstandings in your relationship, you may find the sentiment of what you are trying to say and she can read it in Thai.

She can find something in Thai and you can read the equivalent in English.

Someone mentioned that it is important to learn at least some Thai, they are perfectly correct.

There are many excellent online courses to be found.

Another asked if there are other Thais near where she will live.

This is a double edged sword IMO.

I have found Thai friends for my wife and we stay in Spain half the year and Thailand the other half.

My wife had worked "in outside countries" for years with other Thai co-workers.

They can have horrible jealousies and talk behind the back etc, friction you don´t need so choose those "friends" wisely.

(we are lucky and have great Thai friends).

Someone mentioned keeping your finances secret - up to you, but if a relationship is not based on trust..........

Once you marry in Thailand (and it is easy). but you will have to write an Affirmation of Freedom to Marry which will have to be stamped by your Embassy.

For this you will probably have to provide the original of your divorce certificate.

You will probably need to have the certificate translated into Polish,

she may need to meet the health requirements

and may need a police clearance certificate.

This may have to be done before you can get her an EEA family 90 day visa for her to accompany you to Poland.

If you take her on a tourist visa, it may prevent you from applying for a Polish ID for her ( only guessing here, please check)

The police clearance means a trip to BKK for her to offer her paperwork, finger and palm prints and they will take a photo.

It used to take about three weeks to get the certificate.

When she visits the DSI she can visit the police hospital and get the health check done there because they know the correct format and wording that must be used.

I have said "probably and may" because I have no idea what the Polish Embassy/Immigration will require.

I based my comments on what Spain required (I'm a Brit BTW)

In Spain there was much time and effort and money spent on paperwork before they were satisfied that we really were married and living together.

It took almost 6 months to do and I know others who took up to a year to complete.

These are things you may need to address before you try to get her back home.

(A poster said Thai Ladies are the best and I agree 100% - I've never been so happy in my life before)

Good luck with your adventure,

and may your God(s) go with you.

EDIT

Add a link so you can browse the first few pages of the book

http://thailandfever.com/inside_en/022.html

[F4UCorsair]

The op's head must be spinning with so much conflicting advice on property division on divorce. You can't all be right, but each poster posts with what seems like complete knowledge and authority on the subject.

Please......if you don't have complete knowledge, and can support it with references, qualify it with....I'm not a lawyer, but....., my experience is...., my friend copped a rough deal because........, I heard it in the pub, etc.

To do otherwise leaves the person asking the question confused and wondering why the hell he bothered.

[F4UCorsair]

8n australia ,prenup not worth anything.

This man sound very insecure.

You better just have fun mate. You could marry an angel but still fail. Calm down for about 2 years.

Not true in my experience, and provided the agreement is seen as 'fair', it will hold up.

My partner is a lawyer, and tells me that many/ most prenups along the lines of each retaining their pre union assets, and growth thereon, and split 50/50, on jointly acquired assets, thereafter are upheld.

There is no nominated figure where the split, post union, moves away from the 50/50 split, but is is normally around $6 - 7 million, the logic being that staying home raising kids, etc., cannot be seen to be a 50% contribution toward generating those assets.

Incidentally, there are NO percentages nominated in the Family Law Act, every case seen as being different, and never two cases Iidentical.

[cobbler]

8n australia ,prenup not worth anything.

This man sound very insecure.

You better just have fun mate. You could marry an angel but still fail. Calm down for about 2 years.

Not true in my experience, and provided the agreement is seen as 'fair', it will hold up.

My partner is a lawyer, and tells me that many/ most prenups along the lines of each retaining their pre union assets, and growth thereon, and split 50/50, on jointly acquired assets, thereafter are upheld.

There is no nominated figure where the split, post union, moves away from the 50/50 split, but is is normally around $6 - 7 million, the logic being that staying home raising kids, etc., cannot be seen to be a 50% contribution toward generating those assets.

Incidentally, there are NO percentages nominated in the Family Law Act, every case seen as being different, and never two cases Iidentical.

hahaha 50 50. Is that fair when you pay for everything? How much you have to pay the solicitor until its complete.. Do you think 5 separated fathers suicide per day in Australia because it is fair? Mate it may be 1 thing on paper but when push comes to shove, a crying women in court wins also as mother of the children with custody of the kids she is entitled to 70% of the total asset. So the man is paying child support, legal fees, his own rent , then still paying the mortgage because house is in his name ,or he dont like to see kids on the street. Meanwhile the <deleted> woman gets legal aid for a 1 off Payment of $70 because shes not working. Picks up the house because the husband can no longer afford all the bills. Thev xwife can then sell the house tax free cash in hand while still getting child support from the man.

<deleted>. The lawyers want you to fight because they make a good living when you fight. Western world is for women. Asia is for men. Cheers Cobblet

[mogo51]

Fear is your best friend.....don't let it go.

And so say all of us!!!

[Digitalnomade]

don't get married or buy a condo in a high rise building so you are sure to die on the spot when she will push you from your balcony.

[ToS2014]

You ever play poker? Thai's are very good at it. Often you think you have the 'nuts' when you actually have the worst hand. Funny how life can be summarised by a silly card game. Why marry when you are concerned about your wealth and current possessions? Not all, but most will slowly leak your 'chips' away from you. You won't realize it until you walk away from the 'table'....

[gemguy]

You will figure it out one way or another.

Meantime, let me forewarn you : The wife will go stir crazy in Poland as she will be so far removed from all and everything Thai she will turn frustrated and moody and when that happens .....you will be on the receiving end of a Thai women who is not happy living in a strange and foreign environment.

You will see, as sooner or later the Thai wife will not be happy about a lot of things about living in Poland....and that will include not happy with you who she will be blaming for her situation and all her frustrations.

95% of Thai women do not do well outside their tight little circle of Thainess and all that is needed to make them comfortable and

happy ( Sabai, Sabai)...

Sooner or later she will become home sick and distraught and want to be back in Thailand

Just letting you know.

Cheers

[F4UCorsair]

Cobblet said,

Ha white women ,i wouldnt piss on them. The lawyers want you to fight because they make a good living when you fight. Western world is for women. Asia is for men.

You sound as though you've been badly beaten in the Family Law Court, and think it was unfair; i did also. Lawyers, and it follow judges, think differently, and everything is in accordance with the LAW. I think you will disagree. They don't make the laws, just administer them, and I'm not defending lawyers.

On white women, they take advantage/are victims of the system. If family law in Australia was the same as in Thailand, you'd feel you were getting a better deal.

Incidentally, it was a very different Family Law Act until the early/mid 70's when the then Attorney General Lionel Murphy, another labor (left wing idiot) turned it all upside down, giving women a far better deal, and the Family Law Act its alternative name, 'Murphy's Law'.