Relationships with Students

[eldragon]

Sorry if this is an old or repetitive topic. I just started reading the Education forum recently. And let me start by saying I am talking about students 18 and older, and not in secondary school. I assume we all agree that a teacher having a relationship with an upper mathayom student- regardless of her age- is at the very least a bad idea, and anything with a student younger than that is just plain wrong, and illegal.

With that out of the way, I'm curious how everyone feels about teachers having intimate relationships with their students. I will confess I've had relationships with a couple students I met whilst working at a university, although neither one of em were my students at any time. And I was a bit older than both of em. I've also dated a couple girls I met whilst teaching adult courses via language schools, both of em closer to my age and after the course was over.

Looking back, I don't think there's anything wrong with teachers dating adult students, provided they're not preying on em (teaching solely to meet women). They're adults, usually well into their careers, and fairly unimpressionable. Heck, I've even had supervisors try to set me up with my adult students. I do however think it's at least slightly immoral for a university teacher to date their students, past or present. If it happens here or there, fine. That's life. But I know some university teachers that seem to go through em like dominoes. I'm fairly certain the universities are not okay with this. And it just comes across as creepy.

Anyway, what do the rest of you think? I'm open to all opinions and stories.

[MaeJoMTB]

If they're old enough for it to be legal, why worry about anything else?

If you don't want to do it, why think about what others are doing?

Obsessing about other people, and what they do, is about as creepy as creepy can get, IMHO.

Edited December 22, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[Scott]

Not a good idea. Definitely not a good idea.

It's a conflict of interest for one thing and probably against the policies of the school.

[angsta]

And it just comes across as creepy.

True that.

[aidenai]

I think there's absolutely something wrong with teachers dating adult students.

As a good teacher, please read yourself in how relations and love start.

Edited December 22, 2015 by aidenai

[eldragon]

I think there's absolutely something wrong with teachers dating adult students.

As a good teacher, please read yourself in how relations and love start.

What's wrong with it? These aren't very serious situations. There's no grades or approval hanging over anyone's head. If your company made you take a training course and an instructor you felt attracted to was keen to hook up or date, you wouldn't do it?

[eldragon]

If they're old enough for it to be legal, why worry about anything else?

If you don't want to do it, why think about what others are doing?

Good point. But I can still think it's creepy. Young Thai students tend to seek the approval of their teacher. They also tend to think the foreign teacher is cooler than he/she might really be. And then there's grades hanging over everything. Could be some expectations involved. All things considered, it seems like exploitation.

[lostinisaan]

I think there's absolutely something wrong with teachers dating adult students.

As a good teacher, please read yourself in how relations and love start.

What's wrong with it? These aren't very serious situations. There's no grades or approval hanging over anyone's head. If your company made you take a training course and an instructor you felt attracted to was keen to hook up or date, you wouldn't do it?

Why taking an example, that's completely different to having sex with a student? Your imaginary "company example" definitely sucks.

Plenty of females, but also male students lose their virginity through some freaking Thai teachers who're abusing their position, there's absolutely no need for foreigners to do the same <deleted>. .....

<snip> Heck, I've even had supervisors try to set me up with my adult students. I do however think it's at least slightly immoral for a university teacher to date their students, past or present. Would you jump off a bridge if your supervisor would tell you so?

What's wrong with it? These aren't very serious situations. < snip ends.> ( Morality ends here) What's wrong with you?

It seems that you're only looking for a cheap excuse to use the position being a teacher to have sex with younger, maybe much younger students, you'd, as a foreigner on a holiday, never have.

What's not serious for you, might be very serious for others. Don't you get it that you're using your authority to have cheap, or free sex?

Keep your creepy fingers off them, please. It seems that you don't know all the duck stories.

Do you really think that anybody here who's got a daughter at a university, and that's what your OP is all about, would like to see you having a sexual relationship with them, which doesn't seem to be wrong for you? -

[MaeJoMTB]

Do you really think that anybody here who's got a daughter at a university, and that's what your OP is all about, would like to see you having a sexual relationship with them, which doesn't seem to be wrong for you? -

I have a wife at University (first year), up to her.

I have a 'daughter' (age 17) in the last year of high school, better someone educated has her than the local wild boy on yaba.

If it's to their advantage ..... why not?

Edited December 22, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[simon43]

Isn't there a saying "Don't **** in your own backyard?"

Playing with the emotions of a young woman (or guy) who is your student is really not a good idea, apart from being totally unprofessional.

I'm surprised that you think that it could be anything other than that.

[gerryBScot]

To my mind such a relationship will always be inappropriate. A teacher-student relationship has a unique dynamic and I think the introduction of Ugandan affairs destroys that. Consider the implications of pillow talk. Avoid like the plague I say.

[aidenai]

I think there's absolutely something wrong with teachers dating adult students.

As a good teacher, please read yourself in how relations and love start.

What's wrong with it? These aren't very serious situations. There's no grades or approval hanging over anyone's head. If your company made you take a training course and an instructor you felt attracted to was keen to hook up or date, you wouldn't do it?

Just think! Who likes you, falls in love with you because you're 'eldragon' as is? Not because of your position, work or status.

[ttthailand]

You don't worry that talk of your small limp member gets spread around the school. Maybe she takes a few photos when you are not looking and blackmails you later.

Maybe her Thai BF and his buddies meet you after class some day.

If you have to resort to banging the people that look to you for guidance you are one lost soul. You should be fired and if you were in a school my daughter went to I would make an effort to see it done... Sicko !

[MaeJoMTB]

Just think! Who likes you, falls in love with you because you're 'eldragon' as is? Not because of your position, work or status.

Excuse me, we're in Thailand,

No love here, they just want money and an Iphone.

Not all that sure about any love in the west either,

They're just a bit more subtle about getting the money.

Edited December 22, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[bigt3116]

Lost in Issan

"Plenty of females, but also male students lose their virginity through some freaking Thai teachers who're abusing their position, there's absolutely no need for foreigners to do the same <deleted>. ....."

You have proof to back up that ? Or, like most of your posts, is it pure fabrication?

Edited December 22, 2015 by bigt3116

[eldragon]

I think there's absolutely something wrong with teachers dating adult students.

As a good teacher, please read yourself in how relations and love start.

What's wrong with it? These aren't very serious situations. There's no grades or approval hanging over anyone's head. If your company made you take a training course and an instructor you felt attracted to was keen to hook up or date, you wouldn't do it?

Just think! Who likes you, falls in love with you because you're 'eldragon' as is? Not because of your position, work or status.

But is language school teacher a position a girl falls in love with? I was under the impression most adult Thais see it as a pathetic offering one accepts bc they couldnt find a better job in the west. Any girl who can see through that has to love you for who you are.

[eldragon]

Lost in Issan

"Plenty of females, but also male students lose their virginity through some freaking Thai teachers who're abusing their position, there's absolutely no need for foreigners to do the same <deleted>. ....."

You have proof to back up that ? Or, like most of your posts, is it pure fabrication?

I'll back Isaan up on that one. I think sex between students and teachers (monks too) is a bit of an issue here, although I have no data to support it. And I'm not sure many of em lose their virginity to the teacher. Pretty sure some Thai kid is way ahead of that.

[eldragon]

I think there's absolutely something wrong with teachers dating adult students.

As a good teacher, please read yourself in how relations and love start.

What's wrong with it? These aren't very serious situations. There's no grades or approval hanging over anyone's head. If your company made you take a training course and an instructor you felt attracted to was keen to hook up or date, you wouldn't do it?

Why taking an example, that's completely different to having sex with a student? Your imaginary "company example" definitely sucks.

Plenty of females, but also male students lose their virginity through some freaking Thai teachers who're abusing their position, there's absolutely no need for foreigners to do the same <deleted>. .....

<snip> Heck, I've even had supervisors try to set me up with my adult students. I do however think it's at least slightly immoral for a university teacher to date their students, past or present. Would you jump off a bridge if your supervisor would tell you so?

What's wrong with it? These aren't very serious situations. < snip ends.> ( Morality ends here) What's wrong with you?

It seems that you're only looking for a cheap excuse to use the position being a teacher to have sex with younger, maybe much younger students, you'd, as a foreigner on a holiday, never have.

What's not serious for you, might be very serious for others. Don't you get it that you're using your authority to have cheap, or free sex?

Keep your creepy fingers off them, please. It seems that you don't know all the duck stories.

Do you really think that anybody here who's got a daughter at a university, and that's what your OP is all about, would like to see you having a sexual relationship with them, which doesn't seem to be wrong for you? -

Did you read my posts? Anyway, what's wrong with free sex? You've gone way to native if you think a bloke has to pay for it every time.

[Rocketsurgeon]

Wow, what a bad idea. Even sounds like your interested in teaching as a way to potentially market yourself. Way creepy.

Only had one relationship in workplace in my life and I almost married her so it was legit.

Even in my 20s never respected profs shagging students. Direlect

If you had to ask, you belong in no ones employ.

[BuaBS]

Isn't that the main reason for becoming a teacher ?

[eldragon]

Wow, what a bad idea. Even sounds like your interested in teaching as a way to potentially market yourself. Way creepy.

Only had one relationship in workplace in my life and I almost married her so it was legit.

Even in my 20s never respected profs shagging students. Direlect

If you had to ask, you belong in no ones employ.

You need to read my posts a little closer too, bro. Anyway, how does almost marrying a girl make it any different? That's what defines a legit relationship?

Edited December 22, 2015 by eldragon

[aarontendo]

Grad students ok, undergrads not so much.

[cgphuket]

Teachers are in a position of authority. If you need to date your students your sad, unprofessional and disgusting. Predatory behavior and should be sacked. Any questions?

[Scott]

In addition to the usual admonitions against this that have been offered, it is important to remember that Thai society is a bit more hierarchical that some societies. A relationship with a student can easily be misconstrued as someone taking advantage of someone else.

Whose really getting taking advantage of, is, of course, debatable.

We have had teachers who have been dismissed (actually transferred to a school far, far away) for getting involved in a relationship with the parent of a student, even though both were single.

These situations tend to get complicated because they do not meet the conventional social norms and they often don't last. It's not necessarily the relationship that's the problem, it's the ending.

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

I think the traditional ethical lines are pretty clear on this:

--For a teacher, it would be UNETHICAL to have a relationship with any adult student who they are teaching at the time or may be teaching in the future, or over whom they have any professional role/involvement (department chair, counseling, etc.)

--On the other hand, if it's a relationship between a teacher and an adult student where the only connection is that they both are at the same school -- but aren't in class together and no professional connection -- then that would NOT generally be considered unethical -- although personally I'd consider it to be bad form and risky behavior on the teacher's part.

[bigt3116]

I think the traditional ethical lines are pretty clear on this:

--For a teacher, it would be UNETHICAL to have a relationship with any adult student who they are teaching at the time or may be teaching in the future, or over whom they have any professional role/involvement (department chair, counseling, etc.)

--On the other hand, if it's a relationship between a teacher and an adult student where the only connection is that they both are at the same school -- but aren't in class together and no professional connection -- then that would NOT generally be considered unethical -- although personally I'd consider it to be bad form and risky behavior on the teacher's part.

Are people now expected to know the future ?

[MartyMcFly]

...

[MaeJoMTB]

I think the traditional ethical lines are pretty clear on this:

--For a teacher, it would be UNETHICAL to have a relationship with any adult student who they are teaching at the time or may be teaching in the future, or over whom they have any professional role/involvement (department chair, counseling, etc.)

--On the other hand, if it's a relationship between a teacher and an adult student where the only connection is that they both are at the same school -- but aren't in class together and no professional connection -- then that would NOT generally be considered unethical -- although personally I'd consider it to be bad form and risky behavior on the teacher's part.

That would depend on the ethics you follow.

Christian Victorian ethical values are what you suggest.

Plato would suggest an entirely different set of values (Usually with male students).

Buddhist as practiced in Thailand ...... Who could guess?

[eldragon]

In addition to the usual admonitions against this that have been offered, it is important to remember that Thai society is a bit more hierarchical that some societies. A relationship with a student can easily be misconstrued as someone taking advantage of someone else.

Whose really getting taking advantage of, is, of course, debatable.

We have had teachers who have been dismissed (actually transferred to a school far, far away) for getting involved in a relationship with the parent of a student, even though both were single.

These situations tend to get complicated because they do not meet the conventional social norms and they often don't last. It's not necessarily the relationship that's the problem, it's the ending.

Foreign teachers? That sounds like an urban legend to me. Same with the one about the teacher that barfined his student. "The teacher was never heard from again." Or he just quit/was fired.

Notable points, btw, but many relationships don't last. In fact, most don't. And endings are almost always bad. But who ever said relationships have to last? Perception is not really a deterrent either. If two people love each other, than they shouldn't really care what others think. Although, in a teacher/students relationship, I would question if the latter really loves the former and isn't just infatuated.

Edited December 23, 2015 by eldragon

[eldragon]

Grad students ok, undergrads not so much.

I see the difference, but there's still the matter of grades and authority hanging over everything. That being said, I think it's fine provided there's a sincere connection, the teacher is not using predatory tactics, and the student is not just infatuated. And I would suggest waiting until the course is over. Sometimes students aren't as impressed with the teacher when the position of authority is taken away.