What Are Her Options?

[chuchok]

In addition to my comment above: Yes, the denial of fatherhood is something beyond comment.

BUT AGAIN, referring to the original "duping" scenario, and this only for "food of thought" and purely theorethical (because in real live, of course, this could never happen): A Thai/Farang relationship starts to go "sour" and the "Lady" starts to realize it and in the process starts flushing her birth-control tablets down the toilet?

The outcome? Should be fairly clear!

Remember: The subject of this thread is basically who is "duping" whom and for what reason and who has to gain in any sort of "duping" scenario. The Farang? Hardly, under any circumstances!

PS: Yes, I am still crying in my pretzels. But not because of the story itself. I am just amazed how many Farang "white knights" surface and rush to the defence of an average Thai Bar Lady that (in all likelyhood) has supplied ample reason to make the Farang walk out of this relationship.

Cheers.

You must be taking the piss.Good troll.Very impressive.Well done.

I hope that the soggy pretzels go down well with you.You sound like you enjoy them

[Maizefarmer]

In addition to my comment above: Yes, the denial of fatherhood is something beyond comment.

BUT AGAIN, referring to the original "duping" scenario, and this only for "food of thought" and purely theorethical (because in real live, of course, this could never happen): A Thai/Farang relationship starts to go "sour" and the "Lady" starts to realize it and in the process starts flushing her birth-control tablets down the toilet?

The outcome? Should be fairly clear!

Remember: The subject of this thread is basically who is "duping" whom and for what reason and who has to gain in any sort of "duping" scenario. The Farang? Hardly, under any circumstances!

PS: Yes, I am still crying in my pretzels. But not because of the story itself. I am just amazed how many Farang "white knights" surface and rush to the defence of an average Thai Bar Lady that (in all likelyhood) has supplied ample reason to make the Farang walk out of this relationship.

Cheers.

Fair enough Swissie - one reaps what one sows is a fair argument and applies to both parties, I also thought there was a bit to much of "taking sides" with respect to alot of the contributions and the opinions they contained - but with respect to one aspect of it there can be no doubt at all: you sure as hel_l have a responsibility to any child you father - and if this was just a case of what a rotten girl she turned out to be, then why is it that he has not done anything to look after the child's interests?

Tim

[udon]

PS: Yes, I am still crying in my pretzels. But not because of the story itself. I am just amazed how many Farang "white knights" surface and rush to the defence of an average Thai Bar Lady that (in all likelyhood) has supplied ample reason to make the Farang walk out of this relationship.

Cheers.

You really do have a reading & comprehension problem.

Please show us where TP said the lady was "in the trade" or a bar girl.

Swissie, I would keep quiet in future, you are just making a fool of yourself with each post.

[swissie]

bkkmadness: My issue? No!

This "issue" has now been adopted by immigration authorities throughout Europe as an "urgent matter" that needs to be rectified (clarified).

So much for "my issue".

Cheers.

[chuchok]

bkkmadness: My issue? No!

This "issue" has now been adopted by immigration authorities throughout Europe as an "urgent matter" that needs to be rectified (clarified).

So much for "my issue".

Cheers.

What on earth are you talking about?

[Douggie Style]

ThaiPauly, I greatly commend you for your efforts, it is humbling to see people jumping in to help, especially where they have no connection or reason, apart from sharing the same human condition (and to those who also posted suggestions).

However...with respect... from past experience jumping in, it can be wise to reserve judgement on the other party until you find out all the facts.

Obviously where a child is involved that is the first concern.

I am sorry I cannot help otherwise.....

[Boo]

TP, if the man is named as the father on the birth cert then the thai court process is the way to go IMO. See if there is a legal aid lawyer who would take up the case or else one who will accept payment in installements or after the final descision when she would hopefully have some sort of child support coming in.

As for if she was a bar girl on not, he legally married her & had a child with her so it becomes irrelevant. To run off & set up with another women is bad enough but to ignore his responibility to his child makes him the worst of all scum.

There are always two side to every story but to make a child suffer for it is disgusting IMO.

[mraitchison]

What's the differece between abonding your daugther with her mother

and the mother dumping the daughter on her parents?

[udon]

What's the differece between abonding your daugther with her mother

and the mother dumping the daughter on her parents?

Thai girls have a chance of supporting their mums and their daughter/children, by fair means or foul...... working.

What would you suggest?

[soic]

The whole point should be responsibility and the welfare of the child. Whether or not it was a planned pregnancy is irrelivent... if he stuck his pickle in there and had live ammo, he knew the risk. Condoms and birth control pills aren't 100%, there was always the risk, even if they were using contraceptives. getting clipped even has a minimal risk of pregnancy, if the tubes grow back together. Total abstenance is the only 100%.

No matter how it happened, he should provide for that child if it's his. Whether or not she's a bar girl doesn't matter. He assumed the risk and he should be prepared to shoulder the responsibility. That child had nothing to do with the problems of the parents.

[mraitchison]

Lets change the story to an common one

Thai lady robs her husband blind and runs off with the kid. He posts on here or a friend does telling them about the story.

He has beem left behind with huge debts and not leg to stand on.

What would people say.

" It's your own fault mate you should have known better"

" I remember when that happened to x"

" You shouldn;t have married a bar girl"

"Ooh I feel bad for you mate"

Yet when you lot read it's a nice lady in distress you all jump on your shining chariots and run around saying it's terrible.

Hypocrisy flows thick and fast on this forum, doesn't it.

[soic]

Lets change the story to an common one

Thai lady robs her husband blind and runs off with the kid. He posts on here or a friend does telling them about the story.

He has beem left behind with huge debts and not leg to stand on.

What would people say.

" It's your own fault mate you should have known better"

" I remember when that happened to x"

" You shouldn;t have married a bar girl"

"Ooh I feel bad for you mate"

Yet when you lot read it's a nice lady in distress you all jump on your shining chariots and run around saying it's terrible.

Hypocrisy flows thick and fast on this forum, doesn't it.

to be quite honest, his problem and her problem are don't mean diddly... I care about the child. As it was pointed out, there are always two sides to a story and as the one other posters put it; sometimes three sides to a story, his, hers and the truth. None of that is really the core issue. That child is... I'll never believe for a minute that he tripped and accidently fell in and made a baby... No matter what adult did what to whom, that child shouldn't be the one to pay for it.

[mraitchison]

I agree that the childs welfare is the most important thing here.

What I don't like is the rubbish that flows fourth from other posters about how this man is so bad, yet when the role is reversed they berate the man for being stupid.

[britmaveric]

Well thai men do the same all the time, not sure what her options would be. I guess the beating angle could work, but to be honest I dont think thats right if it didnt take place.

[leftcross]

who knows what goes on behind closed doors?

so ........ she marries a guy, has a kid. guy pays for everything - house, car etc etc. he falls for someone else and leaves her.

i bet a lot of posters have been in exactly the same situation, either in thailand or at home.

life goes on. leave her to sort it out.

[soic]

who knows what goes on behind closed doors?

so ........ she marries a guy, has a kid. guy pays for everything - house, car etc etc. he falls for someone else and leaves her.

i bet a lot of posters have been in exactly the same situation, either in thailand or at home.

life goes on. leave her to sort it out.

I've been through 3 marraiges and started from scratch 4 times... a daughter with the first, she's 23 now, a daughter with the 3rd, she's 4 now. Neither of my daughters have paid the price for the divorces. The relationship or lack of didn't affect the relationship I had with my daughters. That's a completely separate issue. All our daughters needed to know is that we couldn't live together and we divorced. I paid child support for the oldest until she married and moved out on her own. I'm paying support for the 4 year old. Any man that is a real man shouldn't run from the responsibility of being a father, or at least supporting their children.

As for my ex's re-marrying and finding someone else to support them, I wished them that... I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life alone and bitter, they shouldn't have to either. The first marraige, we were both young and barely had a pot to pee in, but I gave her what we had. The second, no children together, but I gladly gave what we had, except for my personal stuff, she had a son that I raised as my own for 14 years, she and I have been divorced for 7 years, and he's still my son... the third, we've just recently divorced and I gave them all that we had accumulated.... house, cars, furniture and I've built a new life in Thailand. I didn't give that stuff to my ex's because I was a nice guy, or because I'm rich and it didnt' matter; I'm not and it hurt, I had to struggle: I gave it to them because I didn't want the children to suffer because she and I couldn't live together. My children never had to leave their rooms or do without because we split. Sometimes you have to put your wants and needs below the needs of others. I can start again... my children shouldn't have to. That's my story... those were my choices... I took and gladly take responsibility for my children as every other man should do.

If you want to play, you'd better be willing to pay. If you don't want the responsibility for supporting children, keep your pecker in your pants, get clipped or self gratify. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong, who was cheated or cheated on. Working out those issues are between the adults and the law. The children should never have to even know that the adults have issues. Heck, my oldest daughter mused a year ago about why her mother and I ever got a divorce, in her 23 years, she never saw her mother and I fight, argue or abuse each other. She saw us laugh and cry together, hug, make jokes and enjoy being around each other. She never suffered... even during a particularly tough custody battle at one point. It's an adult choice; the parents decide what they're willing to put their children through during a break up. If I want sympathy, I'll call my mother, I don't want my daughter to hear what a bad Mommy she has, or what a bad Daddy she has.

I dont' know the facts about those two adults, but it doesn't matter. That child does... Thai, American, British, German, Belgian or whatever, It doesn't matter if Farang's have been cheated in the past, or whether Thai men would shoulder up or not... I can guarantee you one thing.... and this is a fact. There has never been a baby born that ever abandoned their parents.

Edited October 14, 2006 by soic

[ThaiPauly]

Please allow me to set the record straight here.

I am no "Knight in shining armour"in this matter.

We just know this couple to say "hello" too.

Afrer my Wife met her at immigration and told her her story, she later came round to our house after being brushed off by immigration and asked if My Wife knew what she should do next.?

Its not herself She is concerned for but her daughter.

What goes on behind closed doors is no concern of mine.

HOWEVER , when it comes to somebody deserting a Child and leaving them with no means of income and IF THIS IS TRUE,FOR WHATEVER REASON THAT IS WRONG.

Like many of you I have maintained Children following a divorce because it's the RIGHT thing to do

All I was merely doing was asking forum members if they could point her in the right direction out of compasion for her small child as I had no idea what she should do next, but there are many experieced Memers on this forum who WOULD.

Is that not whaqt this forum is for? Or is it only for Farangs bitching aout Thai Women??

It beggars beleif and makes me wonder how seriously disturbed some of you are when I read some of the comments posted here. I am not going to go into each one individually, but many of you are a sad reflection of the Human Race.

As far as the "Two sides of the story" brigade are concerned, I don't really care if there are. But leaving HIS CHILD...definatley without any visable means of support is just wrong, and I make no appologies for repeating myself.

As for the "Bar Girl" bits...even IF she was (and I have no idea) what fukcing difference does it make even if she was? She is still a Human Being.....some of you <deleted>...well I will leave it there

Thankfully I have gleaned enough information from posters who were guenuinly concerned to be able to give her some guidence...which was all I was looking for, and to those of you that have made such contributions I thank you.

They will be passed on.

[bkkmadness]

All I was merely doing was asking forum members if they could point her in the right direction out of compasion for her small child as I had no idea what she should do next

You also said this Thaipauly.

Anyone any ideas.......but I know what MY OPTIONS will be if I ever see the old fat git in town

What are your options I wonder?

And lets be honest, you don't even know whether it's his kid or not, that's how much certain information you have, or rather don't have. You've listened to one side of a broken up marraige story and firmly put all your belief in it. If you see the man in town you may end up looking foolish when exercising your 'options'.

Advise from the sidelines and with caution is all what some posters on here are saying.

Edited October 14, 2006 by bkkmadness

[Mobi]

Well said TP, and Thank God you said it.

The young lady hopefully will have some good advice to act on. It doesn't matter if her version of events is true or not - the facts were presented thus, and we advise accordingly.

No doubt the man involved will also take appropriate advice in due course and will also act accordingly.

Hopefully, the truth will without.

Personally I have never understood why some members of this forum seem to have a mission to make viscious attacks on statements that are made in good faith, without the slightest evidence to indicate they are probably a pack of lies. Surely it is only reasonable that we give the poster the benefit of the doubt until there is overwhelming reason to assume otherwise?

IMHO, anyone who suffers at the hands of a spouse or partner, be they Thai or farang, male or female, deserves compassion and sympathy; not derison, contempt and cynical amusement. We should be above all that.

Edited October 14, 2006 by Mobi D'Ark

[Maizefarmer]

THAIPAULY - bang on the mark: it has nothing to do with whites in shining armour or anyother rubbish about good and bad of either party - its about the kid and the fact that dad walked away from his responsibilities as a father.

Nothing less and nothing more.

As said: off to the hearest Department of Public Welfare office (under which child welfare related issues fall), where mom should hunt down a social worker who is motivated i.e. one who wants her case load statistics to look good.

Dad has a legal obligation to provide support for junior and I have no doubt that a case worker worth half her salt will quickly see this as a viable case to pursue - meaning dad will face a court order which I am inclined to think the old judge won't hesitate in issuing. Thailand is not a soft touch for farangs her wish to shirk their parental responsibilities. Unfortuneatly alot of Thai's get away with it because they can be so difficult to pursue for what is often more hassle than its worth - but foreigner with the finacnes (to support another partner(?)) Me thinks the courts will hound him.

Just advise mom to go about eveything in the right way and follow the book.

Tim

[leftcross]

how does anyone know he walked away from his responsiblity?

i've got a daughter in england and was denied access at every turn. i'm not going to bore you with the details but i was pushed away by the mother cos she had a new man whispering in her ear who wanted to play daddy.

there is no black and white in looking after kids, especially when the law favours what women want...........

fair play to the men who pay for their kids but i said no access, no money.

[britmaveric]

As said: off to the hearest Department of Public Welfare office (under which child welfare related issues fall), where mom should hunt down a social worker who is motivated i.e. one who wants her case load statistics to look good.

I applaud your well meaning, but public welfare office wont do anything I'm afraid. They could care less. If it was that easy I'm pretty sure all the thai ladies I know of who have farang children would have pursued this route.

He did a runner and she is <deleted> out of luck. Is it right? No - if it were my lil one I couldnt comprehend not being part of his/her life, however thats me, and lets face it not everyone takes responsibility in such way. (lot of bastards out there)

Anyways I think best one can do is try to help out on a personal level - find her a job/child care/new home. It's rather sad, but there is so many like her.

[soic]

how does anyone know he walked away from his responsiblity?

i've got a daughter in england and was denied access at every turn. i'm not going to bore you with the details but i was pushed away by the mother cos she had a new man whispering in her ear who wanted to play daddy.

there is no black and white in looking after kids, especially when the law favours what women want...........

fair play to the men who pay for their kids but i said no access, no money.

I can sympathize... when my daughter turned 14 and got busy "hanging with her cousins", Ole Dad became pretty boring and she couldn't fit me into her busy schedule. She told me that she'd "call you when I'm not too busy". I only heard from her on her Birthday and Christmas for two years. I still provided for her and lived up to my responsibilities. I know that we men get the bad end of the stick in the courts historically. Her mother and I went through a tough custody battle after my ex was arrested for drug use, I fought for permanent custody and despite her second conviction, and the fact that my daughters school attendance and grades improved... she was returned to her mother. The nice thing about it was, that our daughter didn't hear a cross word or negative thing about either of us from the other. She didn't suffer or do without, she made it through the whole ordeal in spite of the treatment I recieved. If that child is biologically his, that guy needs to shoulder up to his responsibilities.

[Chang_paarp]

Just a point.

If the house and car are on finance, they are probably in the lady's name, and she should have had a job to get the finance. As has been moaned about here on more than one occasion, it is very difficult for falang to get finance in Thailand. She may be able to come to some agreement with the bank about the house as the bank would not like to lose money on a fire sale. If the finance on the car is guaranteed by the husband, when the loan defaults they will go knocking on his door, maybe the keys and an address delivered to them.

This, however, does not put food on the plate of the lady or the kid. Nor does it absolve the man in question of his obligations for supporting the child.

[ThaiPauly]

All I was merely doing was asking forum members if they could point her in the right direction out of compasion for her small child as I had no idea what she should do next

What are your options I wonder?

If I were to bump into him in town I would ask him if it was true, not that I would get much sense out of him as he does not speak much English. But I certainly ain't going out looking for him

If it were true I would ask him why he had abandoned his daughter, not his Wife, I have no interest whatsover in their personal situation, as some have said there may be very good reasons why he left her, I would do nothing violent, I am not like that and it really is none of my business, as I said before there has een enough positive info given here for my Wife to pass on to this Woman FOR THE SAKE OF HER CHILD

[meemiathai]

In addition to my comment above: Yes, the denial of fatherhood is something beyond comment.

BUT AGAIN, referring to the original "duping" scenario, and this only for "food of thought" and purely theorethical (because in real live, of course, this could never happen): A Thai/Farang relationship starts to go "sour" and the "Lady" starts to realize it and in the process starts flushing her birth-control tablets down the toilet?

The outcome? Should be fairly clear!

Remember: The subject of this thread is basically who is "duping" whom and for what reason and who has to gain in any sort of "duping" scenario. The Farang? Hardly, under any circumstances!

PS: Yes, I am still crying in my pretzels. But not because of the story itself. I am just amazed how many Farang "white knights" surface and rush to the defence of an average Thai Bar Lady that (in all likelyhood) has supplied ample reason to make the Farang walk out of this relationship.

Cheers.

Great Post!!

[ThaiPauly]

In addition to my comment above: Yes, the denial of fatherhood is something beyond comment.

BUT AGAIN, referring to the original "duping" scenario, and this only for "food of thought" and purely theorethical (because in real live, of course, this could never happen): A Thai/Farang relationship starts to go "sour" and the "Lady" starts to realize it and in the process starts flushing her birth-control tablets down the toilet?

The outcome? Should be fairly clear!

Remember: The subject of this thread is basically who is "duping" whom and for what reason and who has to gain in any sort of "duping" scenario. The Farang? Hardly, under any circumstances!

PS: Yes, I am still crying in my pretzels. But not because of the story itself. I am just amazed how many Farang "white knights" surface and rush to the defence of an average Thai Bar Lady that (in all likelyhood) has supplied ample reason to make the Farang walk out of this relationship.

Cheers.

Great Post!!

Why is THAT a great post???????

As I already stated if you had bothered to read it, I am no knight rushing to the aid of a so called "Bar Girl"

My only concern is for the child, whom you have seen to have completely forgotton about

In ths "GREAT POST" SHE is never mentioned and SHE is what this whole thread is about.

Get It

doh, probably not...well never mind.

[meemiathai]

As said: off to the hearest Department of Public Welfare office (under which child welfare related issues fall), where mom should hunt down a social worker who is motivated i.e. one who wants her case load statistics to look good.

I applaud your well meaning, but public welfare office wont do anything I'm afraid. They could care less. If it was that easy I'm pretty sure all the thai ladies I know of who have farang children would have pursued this route.

He did a runner and she is <deleted> out of luck. Is it right? No - if it were my lil one I couldnt comprehend not being part of his/her life, however thats me, and lets face it not everyone takes responsibility in such way. (lot of bastards out there)

Anyways I think best one can do is try to help out on a personal level - find her a job/child care/new home. It's rather sad, but there is so many like her.

I don't quite get it. Are u saying u know a lot who has the same situation?

[Maizefarmer]

LEFTCROSS - how do we know dad walked away from his responsibilites? - because thats what Thaipauly has told us hasnt he? Please correct me if I am wrong on this.

My reply was based on what Thaipauly stated was the situation. Oh , It doesnt miss me that mom may not have given an honest account of this whole matter - in which case his side of the story will no doubt come out in due course. There could of course be alot we dont know about this case, she may have kicked him out and said that she doesnt want him to have anything to do with the kid (and now shes regretting it) - oh hel lthere could be a dozen other things we dont know about, but for the time been all we can do is respond to what we are told is the situation.

BRITMAVERIC - why do you feel that the Thai Public Welfare Deptment wont do anything?

Yes you are correct - sadly, there are a lot like her, but its equaly sad that a lot of them (in particular girls with a bar background) leave junior with the grandparents to work in a bar (rightly or wrongly).

It goes back to what I said in my posting:

- it is often just not worth chasing the father in the case of errant Thai dads - he just dissappears or

the task of chasing him outways the benefits (i.e what mom stands to benefit financially).

- in the case of ex-pat/foreign dads the problem is dad is often overseas - making it near to

impossible to enforce any support order, and no - in those cases the authorties do not pursue the

matter.

That is however is not the case with this guy - he's in Thailand - just moved in with another girl up the road - and that is the differance which makes it a viable case.

THAIPAULY - you say its about the child and she has not been mentioned at all.

Correction, it is exactly her I referred to in my last posting.

Tim

[unforgiven]

I simply couldn't believe my eyes when I read some of the comments to the OP's story!

...talking about stupid and simple minds out there without any feelings or compassion.

Get back under your rocks

LaoPo

Listen there's always 3 sides to every story!! how do you know the chidren are his?If she's a bar girl or not? why did he feel the need to split?maybe he is just a goof? but maybe not