Starting a social life

[bangmai]

I've also noticed that you can divide the retirees (or those on retirement extensions) into two groups: Those who actively manage and invest their assets and those, who simply wait until thei direct deposit from their pension shows up every month (regardless of how much it is). The latter know and care only about one thing, and that is that check. Sure, most of them worked hard for it, and earned every penny of it....although they are likely getting half of what they would have gotten through simple index investing. As an American, I would rather do a beer or three with the former from any nation on Earth, as opposed to having to endure the blob mentality from a fellow American, who only knows his monthly deposit. And those are the same people, who will waste your time to no end on the simplest of tasks. Tried to help a guy with FBAR the other day...showed him every detail, and he even is a decent computer user. He then approaches me to tell me that none of the five copy shops within 100 meters of here will print PDFs...but his Thai language ability is good enough to constantly correct others in meaningless ways. I'm willing to help people, but there comes a time, when the blobs have to pay their retainer.

[roo860]

Something that is kind of strange is the number of foreigners that won't make eye contact with other foreigners. This has been fairly well documented. I've been told that this exists in the farang ghettos of Huay Kaew, too, which is ironic because you would think if they didn't like farang they could go live in Lampang or Phitsanalouk and see very few of them. It's not really country specific, I've had French neighbors, who were a lot more friendly and better neighbors than some of my fellow Americans are. They generally seem to have very few Thai friends, as well. The US State with the largest Thai influence was also the first to give able bodied men SSI checks for conditions like drug addiction, even if they were homeless. Guess where a lot of these people wound up?

Many of us like western luxuries and amenities, which CM has and Lampang/Phitsanalok hasn't.

But don't want to be approached or accosted by strange unhealthy looking white foreigners who appear to be slightly demented.

I don't want to speak with Americans under any circumstances, no matter what their race.

Can you understand that?

Your mental illness is showing yet again or maybe you are trolling ?, So if you are in a social group and someone is from the U.S. you will not join the conversation or you will leave? poor baby.

i meet new people all the time but never when shopping, that is just not "normal" there are so many farangians in CM these days just part of the mix, make eye contact with everybody just cuz they are foreign? no, that would be creepy. Very easy to meet people here AND farang ladies are part of the social mix, often more interesting conversationalists than the men.

Some of my closest friends of my past life I met by chance while out shopping or at a post office, just started chatting and became life long friends. I met my first wife at a bus stop at Wood Green when I pulled her under my umbrella during a storm, 6 months later we were married. I met my present Thai girlfriend at a noodle stall. I don`t go out with intentions of stalking people and making first contact. On the otherhand I don`t go out of my way to be inhospitable if anyone fancy`s a chat with me.

I've met a few girlfriends while I was drawing money out of the ATM.

[rogeroc]

I've also noticed that you can divide the retirees (or those on retirement extensions) into two groups: Those who actively manage and invest their assets and those, who simply wait until thei direct deposit from their pension shows up every month.

What i don't understand is if you are retired why would you continue to invest and actively manage (presumably with an element of financial risk) if you did not need to. When young i would definitely recommend investment, purchase of property, etc. But at some later stage of life (probably sometime in the 50's) I think it makes more sense to rent (not buy) and plan to spend what you have before you die. Ok we do not know how long we have but for those of us with guaranteed pensions we can do some educated calculations.

There is no point being the richest man in the graveyard and limited point in leaving a legacy to offspring as they will need the money when we are in our 40's and 50's not when we are 70.

[bangmai]

Yes, retirees should be more conservative with their investments, but they should still follow economic indicators, global markets, and exchange rates. The blobs are getting .5% interest on their visa money, while others are getting 2-3%. My parents have been retired for 24 years, and make more now than they ever did working, investing passively in sectors and conservative mutual funds. It keeps their minds sharp, too.

[FolkGuitar]

I've also noticed that you can divide the retirees (or those on retirement extensions) into two groups: Those who actively manage and invest their assets and those, who simply wait until thei direct deposit from their pension shows up every month (regardless of how much it is). The latter know and care only about one thing, and that is that check. Sure, most of them worked hard for it, and earned every penny of it....although they are likely getting half of what they would have gotten through simple index investing. As an American, I would rather do a beer or three with the former from any nation on Earth, as opposed to having to endure the blob mentality from a fellow American, who only knows his monthly deposit.

It's interesting that you should say this. I find the exact opposite to be true.

One of my friends is very, very rich. And in almost every conversation, he will manage to tell who ever will listen just how many problems he has constantly dealing with investments, brokers, tax documents, etc., and his worry that he will lose it all if he makes the wrong decision.

Another friend lives on three separate pensions, investments in silver and gold bullion, and is quite sure that the word's financial doom will descend within the next two years and so is busy trying to convert all his paper assets into bullion.

Both these guys are consumed with 'what shall I do about my money.'

The friends I have who, like me, live on small fixed income pensions that just about make it to the end of the month with a little bit to spare, never give money a second thought.

We either have it or we don't.

Money is a tool to use when needed. It's not a lover to embrace 24/7.

[bangmai]

They have their pension checks too, so at worst case would be in the same boat as those who simply relied on their pensions. What if your pension check wouldn't even cover the property taxes on the family home? What if you needed medical care that was better than the free stuff?

[FolkGuitar]

They have their pension checks too, so at worst case would be in the same boat as those who simply relied on their pensions. What if your pension check wouldn't even cover the property taxes on the family home? What if you needed medical care that was better than the free stuff?

What if the sky fell?

Just because we live on pensions doesn't mean that we haven't taken care of our financial responsibilities.

It doesn't mean that we've ignored possible future scenarios without planning for them.

It means we don't live our lives thinking about money.

Silas Marner is not an ideal role model.

[rogeroc]

Ditto for my Post as well, i did specifically say why invest if you do not need to. Many of us neither want to watch global markets or exchange rates or make risk investments if we do not need to. I can think of better ways to keep the mind active. If that makes us boring to some ok.

[bangmai]

Kind of pretentious to live in a foreign country and claim you don't care about exchange rates. Ironically, you are also living in a place, where you could easily get chased down the block for five THB. Crossing HK is a risk.

[FolkGuitar]

Kind of pretentious to live in a foreign country and claim you don't care about exchange rates. Ironically, you are also living in a place, where you could easily get chased down the block for five THB. Crossing HK is a risk.

It's not pretentious at all. When one only has a small amount of money to convert, the difference between one or two baht per dollar amounts to nothing. I'd use up more money in gas chasing from one money changer to another trying to get a better exchange rate on my income. In the past three years I've ONLY changed my dollars for baht at Bangkok Bank. I don't feel the need to make an extra 50 cents a month by going elsewhere.

It's also foolish to live one's life worrying about getting chased down the block or crossing the street.

So long as you look both ways before crossing, the risks are pretty low.

Trust me on this; there are better ways to occupy time than with worry.

Edited January 30, 2016 by FolkGuitar

[willfreeman]

dont worry, this is thailand you will have plenty of friends as long as you have money and they think they can get some and they wont be shy in asking or expecting you to pick up the tab

[bangmai]

If your assets are all cash, guess what; you are invested in that currency, comrade. If you don't have any cash, except for pension day, then, yes, you are who I was talking about. Recall, I said "passive," which would indicate not totally consumed with it, but of course, this being TVF, you took my words out of context. To put it another way, either you can only eat fish, or you have the ability to learn how to fish, as well as teaching others.

[fey]

A very personal opinion, but if you don't like bar type setups there's not a lot of options around town for social life.

I can count gathering spots where english speaking foreigners congregate regularly on one hand (the left hand)

restaurant / bar setups typically. and there's not a lot of happiness and jovality when you walk in. could be age.

lively atmosphere is something i really miss about my home country venues.

i think writers club would be the closest thing you may be looking for, with the inescapable restaurant bar / setup though.

[FolkGuitar]

If you don't have any cash, except for pension day, then, yes, you are who I was talking about.

Yep! I realize that, and did so when I replied that I found the exact opposite to be true. But you are certainly free to choose your friends based on economics if that is your criteria. We all have our own value systems.

[fey]

Something that is kind of strange is the number of foreigners that won't make eye contact with other foreigners. This has been fairly well documented. I've been told that this exists in the farang ghettos of Huay Kaew, too, which is ironic because you would think if they didn't like farang they could go live in Lampang or Phitsanalouk and see very few of them. It's not really country specific, I've had French neighbors, who were a lot more friendly and better neighbors than some of my fellow Americans are. They generally seem to have very few Thai friends, as well. The US State with the largest Thai influence was also the first to give able bodied men SSI checks for conditions like drug addiction, even if they were homeless. Guess where a lot of these people wound up?

Many of us like western luxuries and amenities, which CM has and Lampang/Phitsanalok hasn't.

But don't want to be approached or accosted by strange unhealthy looking white foreigners who appear to be slightly demented.

I don't want to speak with Americans under any circumstances, no matter what their race.

Can you understand that?

i find just the opposite. i get regularly stared at everywhere i go by other foreigners.

it's not looks or clothes, i'm joe schmo normal.

i have been observing this for some time, typically is it younger foreigner males, but almost exclusively males, not females.

at first i thought it was some sort of father figure complex or gay thing, now not sure what it is.

why dont you ask yourself why you are eyeballing at other dudes?

and if you do get caught staring don't hold the stare or stare people down

OR

approach them and say whats on your mind and figure out why you are interested in staring at other dudes and having them stare back at you without saying anything?

[FolkGuitar]

A very personal opinion, but if you don't like bar type setups there's not a lot of options around town for social life.

I can count gathering spots where english speaking foreigners congregate regularly on one hand (the left hand)

restaurant / bar setups typically. and there's not a lot of happiness and jovality when you walk in. could be age.

lively atmosphere is something i really miss about my home country venues.

i think writers club would be the closest thing you may be looking for, with the inescapable restaurant bar / setup though.

My friends and I meet 4-5 days a week at lunch time in an open-air restaurant. We sit for 2-3 hours chatting about this and that. It's a group of perhaps 6-8 different people, male and female, some that come regularly on Tuesdays and Thursdays, others on Mondays and Wednesdays, and all usually will pick a third day at random as well. There are also "regular" tourists who visit Chiang Mai every year at the same time who join our group when they are visiting. This group has been meeting for years now, with new people being introduced from time to time, and others moving out of the Kingdom. Although no one in the group is a tea-totaler, usually no one even has a beer during these sessions. Don't know why that is... Some of the members do hit the local bars once or twice a week as well, but not on a regular basis. The restaurant reserves the table for us unless there is a large group tour staying at the guest house associated with it.

Socializing can happen at any time. For myself, I'd prefer to stay home at night with my wife, or go to someone's house to play music, rather than going out to a bar.

[bangmai]

for one thing, if they don't look where they're going; they might just be picking themselves up off the ground.

[northernjohn]

Since the responses have long drifted away from anything to do with my original question, I will unfollow and thank you all now who actually did respond to me.

L

Oh come on, Lew many of the original responders are still in here, we've just drifted off course, which is par for the course with Thai Visa. Usually the OP's question is answered in the first page or two and then the thread veers off in "interesting" directions. Sometimes a strong OP, like Jingthing (you'll get to know him, he's from the Pattaya forum, but pops over here sometimes), can get it back on track by challenging responses and reminding people of the original question, but most OPs just sit back and watch in bewilderment.

Edit: I don't mean this as an insult to you, Lew, just a statement of what happens here on ThaiVisa. Sometimes it gets so bad that the moderators have to step in and shut down a thread "for maintenance" like Tywais did recently with the important thread about Immigration Promenada. It had veered off into another galaxy.

It's called a 'conversation' and is completely natural. Trying to keep things 'on topic' is unnatural.

Many years ago just to pass the time I took a Psychology course. In the instructors opening talk he said that when in conversation if the topic changes just go with it. Got to admit it is easy to follow that and loose sight of the original issue.

[northernjohn]

Kind of pretentious to live in a foreign country and claim you don't care about exchange rates. Ironically, you are also living in a place, where you could easily get chased down the block for five THB. Crossing HK is a risk.

It's not pretentious at all. When one only has a small amount of money to convert, the difference between one or two baht per dollar amounts to nothing. I'd use up more money in gas chasing from one money changer to another trying to get a better exchange rate on my income. In the past three years I've ONLY changed my dollars for baht at Bangkok Bank. I don't feel the need to make an extra 50 cents a month by going elsewhere.

It's also foolish to live one's life worrying about getting chased down the block or crossing the street.

So long as you look both ways before crossing, the risks are pretty low.

Trust me on this; there are better ways to occupy time than with worry.

I pretty much agree with you but when you are living on the guaranteed income and it drops 5 or 6 baht to the dollar and shows no sign of returning soon you might worry.

You make the common mistake that every one has a lot of money and can just tie up 800,000 baht with precious little return on it. Not always true.

[JaseTheBass]

Something that is kind of strange is the number of foreigners that won't make eye contact with other foreigners. This has been fairly well documented. I've been told that this exists in the farang ghettos of Huay Kaew, too, which is ironic because you would think if they didn't like farang they could go live in Lampang or Phitsanalouk and see very few of them. It's not really country specific, I've had French neighbors, who were a lot more friendly and better neighbors than some of my fellow Americans are. They generally seem to have very few Thai friends, as well. The US State with the largest Thai influence was also the first to give able bodied men SSI checks for conditions like drug addiction, even if they were homeless. Guess where a lot of these people wound up?

Many people are here as an escape from where they came from. Many don't want to talk to others just because they are also from a western country. They might even be French! What a disaster that would be.

Acknowledgment of another human being is perfectly natural, be they friend or stranger. When passing a stranger, a polite smile acknowledging the fact that they exist within the same ecosystem is simply that; an awareness. Polite awareness. Making eye contact doesn't require conversation, nor does it imply friendship.

To pretend that they don't exist by forced avoidance of eye contact is usually done out of fear, just as it is in the animal kingdom... Do look at the other creature so they won't feel like you are threatening them, thus keeping you safe. People may try to convince themselves that they avoid it because they have no 'desire' to make contact. That 'may' be just a cover-up for real feelings.

I'd like to think we are better than animals.

Do you really acknowledge every person who happens to be in your vicinity? You'd be 'assessed' if you did that where I come from.

[JaseTheBass]

Many people are here as an escape from where they came from. Many don't want to talk to others just because they are also from a western country. They might even be French! What a disaster that would be.

You are quite right, especially don't try to discuss with French's because they absolutely don't want listen you.

but, with an open mind, you will soon learn that there are pretty big differences between the Parisians and the rest of the bunch. Or if you go to America, with a land size 65 times larger than England, a mere 10 Km can mean similar differences in attitudes and friendliness, even accents and language usage can differ in short distances.

As I am actually European, it feels odd being lectured to on these points of obviousness. And if you want to see real differences in regions go to the UK.

[JaseTheBass]

For all you anti American Brits French Belgians Poles and other countries I can't remember Take a trip to Madinlgey Cemetery in Cambridge when you are in the UK next then you may start to think a bit differently, and see the sacrifice that country made in order that we may be free from tyranny

http://madingleyamericancemetery.info/index.html

I doubt any Brit would be ignorant to the sacrifices made by the Poles, Belgians and others such as the Dutch and the Danes during WWII.

[JaseTheBass]

Kind of pretentious to live in a foreign country and claim you don't care about exchange rates. Ironically, you are also living in a place, where you could easily get chased down the block for five THB. Crossing HK is a risk.

I've lived here for 15 years and don't care at all what the exchange rates are. I get paid in baht so why would I?

[FolkGuitar]

I pretty much agree with you but when you are living on the guaranteed income and it drops 5 or 6 baht to the dollar and shows no sign of returning soon you might worry.

You make the common mistake that every one has a lot of money and can just tie up 800,000 baht with precious little return on it. Not always true.

I'm one of those who have very little money. But as there is nothing that I can do about it now, there is no sense in worrying about it.

That accomplishes nothing.

When you can't do anything, do nothing. It makes life a lot more comfortable.

[FolkGuitar]

Acknowledgment of another human being is perfectly natural, be they friend or stranger. When passing a stranger, a polite smile acknowledging the fact that they exist within the same ecosystem is simply that; an awareness. Polite awareness. Making eye contact doesn't require conversation, nor does it imply friendship.

To pretend that they don't exist by forced avoidance of eye contact is usually done out of fear, just as it is in the animal kingdom... Do look at the other creature so they won't feel like you are threatening them, thus keeping you safe. People may try to convince themselves that they avoid it because they have no 'desire' to make contact. That 'may' be just a cover-up for real feelings.

I'd like to think we are better than animals.

Do you really acknowledge every person who happens to be in your vicinity? You'd be 'assessed' if you did that where I come from.

A lot depends on location. If I'm walking down a crowded street in New York City, no... I don't acknowledge every person in my vicinity.

But I'm not in New York City. I'm in Chiang Mai. And the streets aren't so crowded.

I often just pass individuals walking in the opposite direction.

If they look up and see me, I see them and smile.

I don't grin like a made fool, and I don't necessarily say 'hello,' though might nod my head a bit.

But I do not pretend that I don't see them. To me, THAT speaks of its own pathology.

[NancyL]

A very personal opinion, but if you don't like bar type setups there's not a lot of options around town for social life.

I can count gathering spots where english speaking foreigners congregate regularly on one hand (the left hand)

restaurant / bar setups typically. and there's not a lot of happiness and jovality when you walk in. could be age.

lively atmosphere is something i really miss about my home country venues.

i think writers club would be the closest thing you may be looking for, with the inescapable restaurant bar / setup though.

I don't think you're looking hard enough. Oustide Group Activities of the CEC -- hiking, bridge, computer club, dining out. Several English language church congregations. Rotary club. All the activities listed in Steve Yarnold's email -- concerts, art shows, performances, special charity events. Someone can keep busy with a very active social life here.

[bangmai]

Kind of pretentious to live in a foreign country and claim you don't care about exchange rates. Ironically, you are also living in a place, where you could easily get chased down the block for five THB. Crossing HK is a risk.

I've lived here for 15 years and don't care at all what the exchange rates are. I get paid in baht so why would I?

well, for one, they raise the prices on imported goods, as soon as the THB weakens. That can mean higher prescription, food, clothing, gasoline, utility, etc..costs.

[elgenon]

Nancy, may I ask the name of your condo building? Still thinking of CM as my probable burrow..

Thanks.

[FolkGuitar]

Sometimes I think people stay up nights thinking up things to worry about!

Edited January 31, 2016 by FolkGuitar

[slipperylobster]

The only people I stay away from are the sniveling jerks who say stuff like "All "Name your country" are not as good as I am", and use every method, forum, body language available...to convey that.

Go home.

Edited January 31, 2016 by slipperylobster