Admitting defeat

[DrTuner]

It's hard to admit anything when your brain matter is spilled on the parking lot five floors down.

[denby45]

As long as I can still get a 1000 baht long time then the dream is alive and well.

1000 baht long time??? You must have a time machine.

Den

[chicowoodduck]

Admit defeat??? First you have to beat me.....sometimes senseless.....? I always assume the grass is greener someplace else....and isn't it??. Lieland is just a stepping stone to the next level until my dirt nap....hasn't anyone heard of Alfred E. Newman from Mad magazine??? What? Me worry???? ?

Cool you heels boys, don't get all caught up in the hype and fireworks....I'm on my way down and I don't care who I step on.....woo, woo......???

[CharlieH]

“Defeat is a state of mind; no one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality.”........Bruce Lee

[IAMHERE]

I don't get it. Why do you have to "admit defeat" ?

When you take a new job you're very happy. You've successfully passed the interview, you're very optimistic with your future in the new company ... Yet a few years later you will leave to get an other job somewhere else. Will you "admit defeat" when you will leave the company. No. Life moves on. So why do you have to admit defeat when your time has come to leave Thailand ?

Leaving a job to move to a better one is progress.

Living here then having to go back because you cannot sustain your lifestyle, is not.

Going back for a better lifestyle though, wouldn't it be progress?

[chilli42]

I'm have been in Thailand for 25 years. I came here because my employer sent me. I stayed because it's a a decent place to live and my Thai wife is keen on the place. How did living in a particular country ever get to be part of someone's dream? There are lots of decent/good places to live. I would have thought that where you live would be incidental to ones dreams. If I were to be unable to achieve my goals/desires in one place then I would simply find another place to pursue them. I have never understood how people can give up a useful and productive life in one country and end up as a hourly wage tutor for rich kids in Thailand ... all with the goal of staying in Thailand what ever it takes.

[thaiduncankk]

I don't get it. Why do you have to "admit defeat" ?

When you take a new job you're very happy. You've successfully passed the interview, you're very optimistic with your future in the new company ... Yet a few years later you will leave to get an other job somewhere else. Will you "admit defeat" when you will leave the company. No. Life moves on. So why do you have to admit defeat when your time has come to leave Thailand ?

Leaving a job to move to a better one is progress.

Living here then having to go back because you cannot sustain your lifestyle, is not.

Going back for a better lifestyle though, wouldn't it be progress?

I doubt the people I was talking about would be going back for a better lifestyle, far from it.

[Lowdown]

I admit that I am frustrated and disappointed with Thailand, not so much the land as the people, women mainly. (Although the garbage and bad smells everywhere does distract from the enjoyment.) I am currently researching other options, and going home (Europe) is not one of them. Being a single white female, is a problem in Thailand. No interest in the 'birds' as all of you. I was only looking for still and quiet and a warm, sandy beach (Hua Hin) to recover from a brutal work schedule for over 25 years with hardly any vacation. What irritates me is the lack of status as a Farang and the discrimination, lack of equality, having to be on high alert all the time for attempts to be cheated and defrauded almost daily. Only a certain segment of the lower class will even interact with us socially. But most of those Thai are by definition uneducated, ignorant, often vulgar people with bad manners. Friendly yes, but can you trust them???? They'll fleece you for everything you have given the chance. It's not an occasional issue, it's the rate of these issues happening, it's become the norm. As a single white female, I am almost unable to get important business taken care of without the company of a white man. Best case, I will be ignored, worst case I am being actively deceived and cheated on, much more from women then from men. That is why I will be leaving Thailand. I would call it an experience I don't need to repeat, I am moving on. Defeated? To a degree, yes, absolutely.

[DaveinAsia]

The last thing I'd want to do is go back to my old country. When I've had enough of this place, I'm moving on to somewhere new. Fresh adventure, no looking back.

Ecuador is the place to be.

Or Vietnam, Costa Rica, Uruguay, etc, etc

Which girls like old guys?

For the old geezers looking for some younger women(for a mutually agreed price) then Vietnam or Cambodia. Maybe even Myanmar when it opens up more.

[subterminalvelocity]

“Defeat is a state of mind; no one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality.”........Bruce Lee

Theoretically yes. Literally I tend to disagree.

You only have to walk the tourist strips or make regular trips to immigration to see the masses of perceived losers defeated.

A good caliber of white man is lacking in this country.

[Gecko123]

I admit that I am frustrated and disappointed with Thailand, not so much the land as the people, women mainly. (Although the garbage and bad smells everywhere does distract from the enjoyment.) I am currently researching other options, and going home (Europe) is not one of them. Being a single white female, is a problem in Thailand. No interest in the 'birds' as all of you. I was only looking for still and quiet and a warm, sandy beach (Hua Hin) to recover from a brutal work schedule for over 25 years with hardly any vacation. What irritates me is the lack of status as a Farang and the discrimination, lack of equality, having to be on high alert all the time for attempts to be cheated and defrauded almost daily. Only a certain segment of the lower class will even interact with us socially. But most of those Thai are by definition uneducated, ignorant, often vulgar people with bad manners. Friendly yes, but can you trust them???? They'll fleece you for everything you have given the chance. It's not an occasional issue, it's the rate of these issues happening, it's become the norm. As a single white female, I am almost unable to get important business taken care of without the company of a white man. Best case, I will be ignored, worst case I am being actively deceived and cheated on, much more from women then from men. That is why I will be leaving Thailand. I would call it an experience I don't need to repeat, I am moving on. Defeated? To a degree, yes, absolutely.

I don't doubt the sincerity and honesty of what you wrote, but I believe the problems you describe would greatly be reduced as you became more acclimated, and picked up the language. Single white female is somewhat of an anomaly here, but definitely doable. If you do choose to stay, be careful in the romance department: Thailand's men can be just as beguiling as their women. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Edited January 28, 2016 by Gecko123

[MadMuhummad]

I'm pretty much with stoneyboy on this, I'm in my ninth year here, it hasn't gone quite to plan but I'm now thinking seriously about relocating back to the UK.

I don't regret any of my time here, there have been some lows, the loss of a property probably being the worst, but I'm on the verge of getting that back, or at least the cash equivalent, have to say it was Westerners who were the worst offenders, but there have also been highs.

But lack of affordable healthcare is a concern, I cannot get cover following a heart attack, the traffic is a major issue, so we're going to try the UK later this year.

I don't see it as admitting defeat, as I don't regret much here, but it's time for a new page in my book of life, and we've not ruled out returning here at some time in the future.

If traffic is a bug bear for you good luck in the U.K. I just returned from there and to say it's putrid is being polite.

[Rorri]

I returned, to Australia, with my wife and daughter, so they would have a far better, secure, life after I "kick the bucket", does that make me "defeated?" There something wrong with the way the author thinks, did he/she stop the think there would be many, still living in Thailand, who are "defeated" but, for many reasons, can not return "home." As for us "defeated" people criticizing Thailand, my wife, a Thai, also criticized her homeland, maybe it is the author who does not see the "real" Thailand, or can not see/admit he/she made a mistake.

[JAFO]

"Defeat" seems relatively harsh. I personally think it is how you came here, what you said when you left your home country. I mean if you bragged how great Thailand is and waved saying "See You Suckers" and then had to return its mostly swallowing your pride and taking a ego thump.

Same as OP, I always laugh at the guys that packed up and left Thailand yet still frequent the board screaming at the top of their lungs that the place they previously screamed at the top of their lungs they hated is now so much better. Its a really strange dynamic. Maybe its justification to make themselves some how feel better.

With that said I do appreciate the family dynamic. Children change everything. I completely understand the younger guy that sees the education limitation in Thailand unless copious amounts of money is spent to get a decent education. That individual decides to uproot his family and move. Nothing about defeat there. Just a guy looking out for his families best interest HOWEVER he shouldn't come back on the forum and slag Thailand. His decisions were based on his life and not others. For the guy that has worked in Thailand like me or is older, met a cool woman and not going to drop a seed, life's decisions are easy and Thailand works great. If my wife and I should ever return to the states I surely wouldn't slag Thailand nor would I consider it defeat. But my home is now in Thailand and this is where I plan on staying.

Edited January 28, 2016 by JAFO

[MaeJoMTB]

"Defeat" seems relatively harsh. I personally think it is how you came here, what you said when you left your home country. I mean if you bragged how great Thailand is and waved saying "See You Suckers" and then had to return its mostly swallowing your pride and taking a ego thump.

I told all my pals and neighbors, I was going on holiday for 3 weeks.

Been here over 7 years now.

Not sure where that leaves me .............

[SoiBiker]

Some people admitted defeat before they even got here.

[rickudon]

Admitting defeat - no. But financially, Thailand hasn't been as cheap as i thought at first, and with a wife and daughter, never will be. So life isn't 'perfect' but guess i will survive here unless serious illness forces me back to the welfare state. Just have to accept that life here will not allow me to do everything i would like. But compared to living in sheltered housing in UK's Costa geriatrica, got to be better.

[falang khinok]

The last thing I'd want to do is go back to my old country. When I've had enough of this place, I'm moving on to somewhere new. Fresh adventure, no looking back.

Ecuador is the place to be.

I would cheerfully relocate to Ecuador except for the Spanish language requirement. I am not learning a new language at 65. Ecuador most certainly offers quality healthcare with no age limit and no preexisting condition limits. Ecuador is even cheaper than Thailand. There are no draconian punishments for overstay, you simply pay a fine. They don't throw you in jail and make it impossible for you to get out without help. Defamation and LM charges are not possible there. You can pretty much post anything on the internet and there's no "war room" to watch your every online move. Thailand's big selling point is the possibility of getting by here with only English.

ecuador seems to have anasty murder rate....80% of citicen pay protection money ....check Mara Salvatrucha.

[soc]

The last thing I'd want to do is go back to my old country. When I've had enough of this place, I'm moving on to somewhere new. Fresh adventure, no looking back.

Ecuador is the place to be.

Been told that by a few people.

You can pick the temperature that you're comfortable with by changing altitude.

l like it very cool to cold. But not too cold! lol

[Coyoti]

My wife and I split our time between Thailand and the US. We have comfortable homes in both countries. We’re financially secure and happy with our lifestyle. For us, it is “living the dream”. At 68 years old, I can foresee a day when we possibly will have to choose to stay more permanently in one or the other country due to health, family or some other reason. I see that more as expediency; not defeat. Life changes, you adapt and move on, hopefully having learned something about yourself and others in the process.

[JohnnyJazz]

Some people admitted defeat before they even got here.

Unfortunately for some people moving to Thailand is admitting they can't make it in their home country. They expect to be "someone" here but when they realize that Thailand can be even less forgiving than where they come from, that's when the dream is crushed and the defeat total. You're right, these people were loser in life before they even got here.

[Cypress Hill]

Do you mean we caused the defeat or that the Thai way of life defeated a normal human being. Moving to a country, 3rd world country, is difficult & sometimes people look at things through rose coloured glasses.

Thailand isn't a third world country

[Lowdown]

I admit that I am frustrated and disappointed with Thailand, not so much the land as the people, women mainly. (Although the garbage and bad smells everywhere does distract from the enjoyment.) I am currently researching other options, and going home (Europe) is not one of them. Being a single white female, is a problem in Thailand. No interest in the 'birds' as all of you. I was only looking for still and quiet and a warm, sandy beach (Hua Hin) to recover from a brutal work schedule for over 25 years with hardly any vacation. What irritates me is the lack of status as a Farang and the discrimination, lack of equality, having to be on high alert all the time for attempts to be cheated and defrauded almost daily. Only a certain segment of the lower class will even interact with us socially. But most of those Thai are by definition uneducated, ignorant, often vulgar people with bad manners. Friendly yes, but can you trust them???? They'll fleece you for everything you have given the chance. It's not an occasional issue, it's the rate of these issues happening, it's become the norm. As a single white female, I am almost unable to get important business taken care of without the company of a white man. Best case, I will be ignored, worst case I am being actively deceived and cheated on, much more from women then from men. That is why I will be leaving Thailand. I would call it an experience I don't need to repeat, I am moving on. Defeated? To a degree, yes, absolutely.

I don't doubt the sincerity and honesty of what you wrote, but I believe the problems you describe would greatly be reduced as you became more acclimated, and picked up the language. Single white female is somewhat of an anomaly here, but definitely doable. If you do choose to stay, be careful in the romance department: Thailand's men can be just as beguiling as their women. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

You are kind. However I disagree with your statement that the problems would greatly be reduced in time. I also have no interest in getting into a relationship with a man, Thai or otherwise. But thanks for the warning. The women we are dealing with are uneducated, self righteous, contemptuous and quite often they are unstable individuals. As a man you will be charmed, lured, bewitched and deceived for the purpose of getting to your money. As an attractive white female with a secure income, I become the target of envy and jealousy. I am looking for still and quiet, that will never happen here. I have to leave.

[Gecko123]

I admit that I am frustrated and disappointed with Thailand, not so much the land as the people, women mainly. (Although the garbage and bad smells everywhere does distract from the enjoyment.) I am currently researching other options, and going home (Europe) is not one of them. Being a single white female, is a problem in Thailand. No interest in the 'birds' as all of you. I was only looking for still and quiet and a warm, sandy beach (Hua Hin) to recover from a brutal work schedule for over 25 years with hardly any vacation. What irritates me is the lack of status as a Farang and the discrimination, lack of equality, having to be on high alert all the time for attempts to be cheated and defrauded almost daily. Only a certain segment of the lower class will even interact with us socially. But most of those Thai are by definition uneducated, ignorant, often vulgar people with bad manners. Friendly yes, but can you trust them???? They'll fleece you for everything you have given the chance. It's not an occasional issue, it's the rate of these issues happening, it's become the norm. As a single white female, I am almost unable to get important business taken care of without the company of a white man. Best case, I will be ignored, worst case I am being actively deceived and cheated on, much more from women then from men. That is why I will be leaving Thailand. I would call it an experience I don't need to repeat, I am moving on. Defeated? To a degree, yes, absolutely.

I don't doubt the sincerity and honesty of what you wrote, but I believe the problems you describe would greatly be reduced as you became more acclimated, and picked up the language. Single white female is somewhat of an anomaly here, but definitely doable. If you do choose to stay, be careful in the romance department: Thailand's men can be just as beguiling as their women. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

You are kind. However I disagree with your statement that the problems would greatly be reduced in time. I also have no interest in getting into a relationship with a man, Thai or otherwise. But thanks for the warning. The women we are dealing with are uneducated, self righteous, contemptuous and quite often they are unstable individuals. As a man you will be charmed, lured, bewitched and deceived for the purpose of getting to your money. As an attractive white female with a secure income, I become the target of envy and jealousy. I am looking for still and quiet, that will never happen here. I have to leave.

People are envious because you are so physically attractive and have so much money? Many people would love to have problems such as these.

Even though you sound like you've definitely made up your mind to leave (and I'm certainly not trying to talk you out of it), it might be illuminating for you to compare notes with other female expats to see if they have had similar experiences to yours. You might even want to consider posting a thread in TVF's women's forum just to see what people say.

Anyway, good luck and hope you find the peace you are looking for.

Edited January 31, 2016 by Gecko123

[Lowdown]

I did talk to other single white females. My story isn't even the worst, one friend was the victim of several attempts of murder to get her out of the way to get to her husband. Another one was being cheated out of a large amount of money, and it's never just one person doing it, it usually is a clique of sorts. It was tried on me as well by a bank employee and only with the help of a white male friend after several attempts we gained control back over my account. But that was only one of countless other attempts. The creativity in relieving Farang of their money is astounding. And much too late I googled 'single white female in Thailand.' It was eyeopening and I wish I had googled it before I made the decision to come here.

[thaiduncankk]

What baffles me is, a westerner comes here, has cash, then loses everything for a fanny ! They all have them, If you fall for it, serves you right.

[JAFO]

I did talk to other single white females. My story isn't even the worst, one friend was the victim of several attempts of murder to get her out of the way to get to her husband. Another one was being cheated out of a large amount of money, and it's never just one person doing it, it usually is a clique of sorts. It was tried on me as well by a bank employee and only with the help of a white male friend after several attempts we gained control back over my account. But that was only one of countless other attempts. The creativity in relieving Farang of their money is astounding. And much too late I googled 'single white female in Thailand.' It was eyeopening and I wish I had googled it before I made the decision to come here.

Interesting story Lowdown. IMHO, peoples sad woes and mishaps almost always boil down to the company they keep, how they behave or the decisions they made. Its only rarely that it is an accident chain of unfortunate events. At least that's how it always seems to be.

I fully appreciate your 26 years of work and wanting off the hamster wheel. I think we all get there. It appears from your posts you landed in the wrong place and trusted the wrong people. In the end its good you are healthy and safe and can exit before anything else happens bad to you.

Best travels and good luck

[eldragon]

I think I'll have a better opinion of Thailand when I'm gone.

Edited February 1, 2016 by eldragon

[Sandy Freckle]

I'll never have to consider the OP's hypothesis...., I do love being able to spend the 4 months(winter + a month) of the year in LOS..., but there is no way in the known world I would leave my home country permanently...., I'm a blonde male but I'm not that stupid !

The living is just too good in Australia for those other 8 months of the year.

Edited February 3, 2016 by Sandy Freckle