Do We Lose Touch as an Expat Living in Thailand? by The Pattaya Sleuth

[Aragorn]

Isn't the idea of being an expat that you want to get away from what life was offering you back home. The U.K. Is changing so much and at such a pace now, and the majority of it is not for the best.

Be happy with the life you have now, you chose this change. If you are not you made the wrong choice.

Just don't forget friends and family, they will not drift away if the are true friends and close knit relatives.

[sawadee1947]

I feel same. Thank you for the precise description.

[hspace]

This might sound a bit weird. But if you're feeling out of touch - contribute, be selfless and think less of yourself, and more of others immediately around you. You can try simple acts of going beyond mere pleasantries and empty talk over a drink - teach a local some English, just for the heck of it. Show some genuine curiousity and concern for others. Expect nothing in return.

Try to shake off the attitude that everyone is out to cheat and get you - they're poor as hell, they've got families too. Look for those genuine ones, those in need of help. Offer to organize gatherings. Go online and mentor some young kids. Go to kiva.com, make some microloans. Donate to some animal shelters, or WWF. Someone, someway, these things will come back and make you smile to yourself, and the world becomes a better place.

It's funny how human nature works. When we do something for the people around us, and expect nothing in return, we will feel connected to the universe, wherever we might be. That goes for the simple act of providing good information on this forum (thank you, all you oldies).

Edit: if you disagree, that's really fine. Just thought would throw out an idea I think is worthwhile to think about.

Edited February 21, 2016 by hspace

[GinBoy2]

I'm not sure I quite buy into, or get the original premise of the OP, but Hell here's my 2 cents worth.

There are many forms of 'losing touch'; family, friends, culture. morality.

I 'think' many of the people who thrive in Thailand, tend to be of the loner variety, I count myself as one. That's not to say we abandon our culture, values or anything else but are able to submerse ourselves into a foreign culture, almost in a bubble, at least within our homes.

I still have daily contact with my kids back in the US, watch US TV, am immersed in US culture, but live in deepest darkest Thailand.

That I think is very true of the farangs who live, and thrive, outside of the farang/sexpat havens, where they tend I again 'think' exchange the familiarity of home, family with a family of like minded expats.

So to the original OP point. It's a complicated question, which isn't easily answered, since human existence isn't easily explained

[Graeme Lahman]

My now wife and I moved to Thailand after many years living in China. I have spent most of my life in Australia. These days I don't have the need to consider myself as belonging to any country. I am where I am and thats enough.

[bazza40]

You can't prove a negative. It's a bit like saying you never forget anything, how would you know? So how do you know if you're not losing out if you've never had a comparison?

Incidentally, if you're saying you don't have to pay with a partner, permit me to doubt. Your partner's financial contribution to the relationship is equivalent to yours? That would have to be a rare occurrence.

A gift for you:

[SpokaneAl]

My wife and I split our time between the US and Thailand. When I listen to friends who have lived here a long time without returning to the US, and hear their views, fears, and opinions about life back there it does occur to me that are basing their opinions solely on television and the Internet and I do wonder in that I do not recognize the place that they seem to think that they know so very well.

[MaeJoMTB]

It's not a moral thing. I just prefer a partner who's actually into me. I manage ok without having to pay, so I'm not losing out.

You can't prove a negative. It's a bit like saying you never forget anything, how would you know? So how do you know if you're not losing out if you've never had a comparison?

During my 30 years marriage to an English woman, I would have said the same thing as SB.

After spending 1 year in Thailand using hookers I can categorically state ........

I had more love and affection (not to mention great sex) in 1 year from Thai hookers, than I had in 30 years with the English woman that professed to love me.

Really, it's just something you can't tell until you've tried it.

Hey, I'm not stating all English woman are cold and heartless ..... just the ones I (and my English pals) met.

Edited February 21, 2016 by MaeJoMTB

[huawei]

Being an expat retired in Thailand hasn't changed me personally.

I still have the same ethics and values I was raised to hold.

I never considered using a prostitute or buying a wife in the UK.

Not to mention bribing a police officer or government official.

Let's not get on to ladyboys and massage.

Guess I have changed.

PS

I don't take drugs in Thailand, so it hasn't all been downhill!

Changed or liberated?

It depends on your point of view. I'm pretty sure the vast majority of Thai bar girls don't regard themselves as prostitutes. They are just doing what they can to support their families.

It's a double standard when we males shag everything we can cajole into bed, but use pejorative terms to describe females who do the same for money.

The real prostitutes are those women who avail themselves of unfair laws to rip off men after they've contributed SFA to a relationship.

They are prostitutes, they know it, other Thais know it..support there families , many other ways..you are disrespecting the women who clean toilets in central malls..they sell their bodies...it's ridiculous to think otherwise..

Those who frequent them.. Is another issue..but they are what they are..

[SoiBiker]

Nope. Most men haven't.

Your loss. However, no doubt the halo fits well.

It's not a moral thing. I just prefer a partner who's actually into me. I manage ok without having to pay, so I'm not losing out.

You can't prove a negative. It's a bit like saying you never forget anything, how would you know? So how do you know if you're not losing out if you've never had a comparison?

Incidentally, if you're saying you don't have to pay with a partner, permit me to doubt. Your partner's financial contribution to the relationship is equivalent to yours? That would have to be a rare occurrence.

A gift for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETrFshvnk7c

Right now, she contributes more, as it happens.

[SoiBiker]

Yeah, a lot of farang men who came to Thailand hook up with Thai women. But farang men as a whole? The overwhelming majority prefer farang women.

[thehelmsman]

I have rentals in the US so I'll always be connected to there. Burning all bridges to your home country isn't wise. I like having that rent money coming in. Also, from reading some posts it seems they have also walked away from their adult children. I can't relate to that either.

[thehelmsman]

Yeah, a lot of farang men who came to Thailand hook up with Thai women. But farang men as a whole? The overwhelming majority prefer farang women.

You're speaking of foreign men who have never been to Thailand and not the ones who are in Thailand. Tricky wording SB.

[SoiBiker]

Yeah, a lot of farang men who came to Thailand hook up with Thai women. But farang men as a whole? The overwhelming majority prefer farang women.

You're speaking of foreign men who have never been to Thailand and not the ones who are in Thailand. Tricky wording SB.

I am. Because we were discussing what most men like. Most men haven't been to Thailand.

[MAJIC]

Being an expat retired in Thailand hasn't changed me personally.

I still have the same ethics and values I was raised to hold.

I never considered using a prostitute or buying a wife in the UK.

Not to mention bribing a police officer or government official.

Let's not get on to ladyboys and massage.

Guess I have changed.

PS

I don't take drugs in Thailand, so it hasn't all been downhill!

Changed or liberated?

It depends on your point of view. I'm pretty sure the vast majority of Thai bar girls don't regard themselves as prostitutes. They are just doing what they can to support their families.

It's a double standard when we males shag everything we can cajole into bed, but use pejorative terms to describe females who do the same for money.

The real prostitutes are those women who avail themselves of unfair laws to rip off men after they've contributed SFA to a relationship.

Even though prositutes are often are not the cleverest, I think they all realize that they are prositutes,

if they didn't realize you would not have to pay them and they therefore wouldn't be prostitutes.

It is not a double standard, if you are a male who gets paid for sex then you are a male prostitute.

The real prostitutes as you refer to them are not prostitutes at all, they are goldiggers.

A gold digger is like a prostitute, but smarter.

Gold diggers don't care what name is put on them as long as they get the money!

[thehelmsman]

Yeah, a lot of farang men who came to Thailand hook up with Thai women. But farang men as a whole? The overwhelming majority prefer farang women.

You're speaking of foreign men who have never been to Thailand and not the ones who are in Thailand. Tricky wording SB.

I am. Because we were discussing what most men like. Most men haven't been to Thailand.

And, now you're an expert on what most men like. Not all men prefer soft and white.

[SoiBiker]

Yeah, a lot of farang men who came to Thailand hook up with Thai women. But farang men as a whole? The overwhelming majority prefer farang women.

You're speaking of foreign men who have never been to Thailand and not the ones who are in Thailand. Tricky wording SB.

I am. Because we were discussing what most men like. Most men haven't been to Thailand.

And, now you're an expert on what most men like. Not all men prefer soft and white.

You don't need to be an expert to know that the overwhelming majority of men prefer a mate from their own ethnic group. That's just the way things are.

[Oceanbat]

And women, SB

OB

[SoiBiker]

And women, SB

OB

Indeed.

[louse1953]

Maybe you should venture out and actually meet some people from the country you live in and you then you may have a better grip on reality.

[louse1953]

Seems to be an over 40 thing, male relatives especially seem to start dropping like flies. A lot of my older male relatives are gone. I can count at least 1/2 high school buddies that are already gone, motorcycles are dangerous back home as well

But what really did it, about 7 years ago was the first time I brought my now wife back home, she's 16 years younger and smoking hot. Off to Barbeques with my male friends and their 'sheilas' the same age and size as them...well didnt go down to well...and strangely those friends seem to disappear after that

i can 2nd most of that. i also took a gf back in 2006 who was 38kg. soon after i was no longer invited to barbeques and left off of party invites even tho the spinner was long gone by then. 2 years later after a death and a will that didnt go the way some else expected has left me a stranger when i return to what used to be my country.

and i dont mind that at all.

All my friends ask when my missus is coming back,not me.Great barbies and pissups.My missus is also smokin' hot,and my friends are not so narrow minded and bigoted to care whether my missus has a top arse or not.They just want to party.

[louse1953]

This might sound a bit weird. But if you're feeling out of touch - contribute, be selfless and think less of yourself, and more of others immediately around you. You can try simple acts of going beyond mere pleasantries and empty talk over a drink - teach a local some English, just for the heck of it. Show some genuine curiousity and concern for others. Expect nothing in return.

Try to shake off the attitude that everyone is out to cheat and get you - they're poor as hell, they've got families too. Look for those genuine ones, those in need of help. Offer to organize gatherings. Go online and mentor some young kids. Go to kiva.com, make some microloans. Donate to some animal shelters, or WWF. Someone, someway, these things will come back and make you smile to yourself, and the world becomes a better place.

It's funny how human nature works. When we do something for the people around us, and expect nothing in return, we will feel connected to the universe, wherever we might be. That goes for the simple act of providing good information on this forum (thank you, all you oldies).

Edit: if you disagree, that's really fine. Just thought would throw out an idea I think is worthwhile to think about.

Every Thai in my soi says good morning now,whether it's morning or afternoon,only because i have said it the last 10 years.

[louse1953]

Being an expat retired in Thailand hasn't changed me personally.

I still have the same ethics and values I was raised to hold.

I never considered using a prostitute or buying a wife in the UK.

Not to mention bribing a police officer or government official.

Let's not get on to ladyboys and massage.

Guess I have changed.

PS

I don't take drugs in Thailand, so it hasn't all been downhill!

Changed or liberated?

It depends on your point of view. I'm pretty sure the vast majority of Thai bar girls don't regard themselves as prostitutes. They are just doing what they can to support their families.

It's a double standard when we males shag everything we can cajole into bed, but use pejorative terms to describe females who do the same for money.

The real prostitutes are those women who avail themselves of unfair laws to rip off men after they've contributed SFA to a relationship.

They are prostitutes, they know it, other Thais know it..support there families , many other ways..you are disrespecting the women who clean toilets in central malls..they sell their bodies...it's ridiculous to think otherwise..

Those who frequent them.. Is another issue..but they are what they are..

And what does that make the men,.....

[williet98248]

I am an expat with no real identity to anywhere or anyone

you nailed it for me, i relate to no one.

Maybe it is more of a retirement thing than Thailand. But I agree many of us struggle with making new friends or keeping up with old friends when we retire and change our lifestyles. It's much harder living thousands of miles away in Thailand.

Some people say expats are failures who cannot make it in their own country. I think most are pretty brave, or at least confident in themselves, to leave the safety net of family and their home country to start a new life in a foreign place.

Why live in the one place all your life? If the opportunity arises to experience something different go for it.

I have re-invented myself at least seven times. The last was in coming to Thailand twelve years ago and building a new life here. In a year or so I will do it again by moving out of urban Phuket to the wife's farm near Khon Khean and becoming a gentleman farmer. Expect to end my days there. I have never been back to the US; don't miss it and I have a close circle of friends I correspond with back there and a small circle of friends that I enjoy here. Of course a person's life changes when you become an expat. How can it not?

[smotherb]

I still hear from the UK, Germany, France, Portugal, Canada from time to time, but every year is getting less, mostly the reason is friends and family both older and younger some many years younger have died. All my friends for over 40 years from the USA have now died, even here Thai friends that I have known for 20 - 30 years are no longer around, 4 x + many days Temple trips in the past 12 months of close friends here + countless others not close, just one evening Temple visit out of respect

Guess 60% or more of friends and family are no longer here, that is 60% less contacts.

Came here to live in 2003, happy here and have no thought of ever going back to UK, or to re visit Canada... my Mother [died aged 41] was from Canada, one of 6 children, there is one Uncle still alive just aged 92, all the rest died before they were 50. the only others are there grand children which i have never met, in UK I have 1 cousin left alive we do keep in contact every month.. so there is nothing to go back to, most of my friends in Portugal and Germany are no longer on this earth.

Also perfectly happy with my life here

I'm 82 and I think I will steer well away from you. It seems most of the people whom you were near to have popped their clogs!

Well, you've got me chronologically, I'm only 71, but I have lost three friends here in Thailand in the last month; and all were younger than I. I have already outlived my father and paternal grandfather and my closest male relatives, my two first cousins. I cannot recall the number of friends over the years who have passed, but it is substantial. So, you had better steer away from me too and consider yourself very fortunate if those close to you have avoided death.

[smotherb]

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/prostitute?s=ts

You can try and bend the language to fit your opinion, but the dictionary doesn't lie.

Try curmudgeon or misogynist sometime. Dictionaries are for people who lack emotional intelligence.

Prostitutes are for people who lack emotional intelligence.

Are you insinuating that using the services of a prostitute involves emotion or intelligence? If so, it seems extremely naïve.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include 3 skills:

1. Emotional awareness, including the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others;

2. The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problems solving;

3. The ability to manage emotions, including the ability to regulate your own emotions, and the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/emotional-intelligence

Take this emotional intelligence quiz. Funny, not one question even referred to sex, let alone prostitution.

http://psychology.about.com/library/quiz/bl_eq_quiz.htm

[smotherb]

Yeah, a lot of farang men who came to Thailand hook up with Thai women. But farang men as a whole? The overwhelming majority prefer farang women.

The overwhelming majority of farang men prefer farang women. That is a very narrow statement.

I’d wager the overwhelming number of farang men have never had a relationship with an Asian woman. So, how would they know whether or not they prefer farang women?

[pgrahmm]

Yeah, a lot of farang men who came to Thailand hook up with Thai women. But farang men as a whole? The overwhelming majority prefer farang women.

According to the UK Daily Mail Asian women are the most desired on earth....Last place racial group - black females.....This is one of several studies coming up with the same conclusion....Tried to copy over the URLs but wouldn't take.....

Most desired male - white....

[smotherb]

Soi Biker said, "Someone with a little more emotional intelligence would have noticed the flippant nature of my post. Edited by SoiBiker, 3 minutes ago."

So, now you're attacking my emotional intelligence, but in doing so you had to edit even a single sentence.

You have no idea of my emotional intelligence, but then it is apparent from most of your posts that you have no idea about a lot of things.

I believe it shows a weakness of emotional intelligence to attempt to defend a vulnerable statement by claiming it was satirical.

[SoiBiker]

Yeah, a lot of farang men who came to Thailand hook up with Thai women. But farang men as a whole? The overwhelming majority prefer farang women.

The overwhelming majority of farang men prefer farang women. That is a very narrow statement.

Id wager the overwhelming number of farang men have never had a relationship with an Asian woman. So, how would they know whether or not they prefer farang women?

And why haven't they had a relationship with an Asian woman?

Because they prefer farang women.