Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Madness

[Jai Dee]

There are two things about Thailand that are totally incomprehensible to westerners:Buddhism and road rules. The two are inextricably linked, and by understanding one, you gain insight into the other.

Western religions are burdened with the concept of opposites such as good and evil, heaven and hell, and light and dark. Buddhism recognizes the inherent one-ness of all things and sees these supposed opposites as facets of the unity and totality of existence.

To follow the way of the Thai driver, you too must cast off these illusions of duality, such as the duality of two traffic lanes moving in opposite directions. The Thai driver sees both lanes as part of the one road, and both directions as an expression of the eternal flow of all things. When you have grasped this concept, you will then understand why Thais so naturally swerve into oncoming traffic to overtake, and why they are completely serene as they travel along a busy road the wrong way. It is because there is no wrong way, only ‘The Way’.

It’s the same with traffic lights. To the enlightened Buddhist driver, red and green are not different colours, but simply different ways of seeing the same traffic light. Unlearn such deceptive Western notions as ‘right of way’ and your inner eye will open, which is the only way to proceed through an intersection in Thailand.

In Thailand, existence is not seen as a linear progression from birth to death, but rather as an endless cycle of life, death and rebirth. As one’s soul gains experience and enlightenment from each lifetime, that soul is reincarnated into yet another lifetime until Nirvana is achieved and he, or she, escapes from this eternal cycle into a state of perpetual bliss. You never die, because life is a mere Honda Dream. Instead, you simply pass into another life for another chance to attain the wisdom necessary for enlightenment.

You should also never fear death, even when careening along a twisty Phuket highway at 200km an hour with a bottomless chasm yawning right next to the road. This life will end when it is time, and no matter how often you check your mirrors, a pick-up truck can come screaming up from behind and make that time now. Accept this as inevitable, and you will be free to follow the way of the Thai driver, overtaking on blind corners and driving in the rain at breakneck speeds without a helmet. Those who wish to spend a little longer in this lifetime should be especially careful when driving past Buddhist temples, because those drivers coming out have probably just made merit and may be looking for reincarnation while the getting is good.

Be like the water, which is the essence of all life and, as such, has many lessons to teach us. Water can fit into any container and seep through even the smallest crack, and so too can the Thai driver. He can manouever into any space between two speeding vehicles, no matter how small or inconvenient it may be, or at what speed he is travelling. When confronted by an obstacle, water does not stop, but flows around the obstacle, never losing momentum. So, too must you. When someone along life’s highway has stopped in the middle of the road to smell the roses, or pick up some fried chicken, you must flow around the obstacle, never stopping your harmonious movement.

Patience is also necessary when leaving a car park and turning across an oncoming lane of vehicles. You must slowly edge onto the road, keeping an eye out for even the tiniest cracks in the teeming traffic.

What is the sound of one horn honking? As you travel the road to enlightenment, you will ponder this repeatedly, because it is a sound you will hear quite a bit. The answer is childishly simple. It depends on how many times it honks.

One honk indicate that someone is overtaking or coming through, while a series of several honks is meant as a warning to anyone stupid enough to get in the way.

There is also the puzzle of the turn signal. A blinking left indicator can mean the driver is about to make a left turn, or it can mean he is about to make a right turn or no turn at all.

Understanding intractable questions like these is the secret to mastering the way of the Thai road.