Should I build a house next door to the inlaws?

[sipi]

No matter where you live, you are going to have neighbors (unless you are literally in a rice paddy). All neighbors can cause trouble.

Better the devil you know?

[Duncan Donut]

Negatory......

[patrick1968]

no way ,, go far away ...

[sipi]

I wouldn't do it, but if you must why not build a very cheap house there and buy house to retire in somewhere else, then you always have a house to live in when you and the Mrs want to go back.

Emphasize "very cheap" because if typical, the house will be trashed while you are away.

I do agree with Tonrays post to build something cheap (but not for that reason).

Just do something simple for now, and if things don't work out you haven't lost a fortune. The traditional Thai building method makes it very easy to extend or "add on" later if you are happy. And plan to escape occasionally (with the wife) for some "us" time.

Edit. It is normal for a Thai daughter to want to be close to her parents as they get older. I would never deny my wife that. You need to do the sums and work out what is best. Live far away and spend more time apart and money on traveling, or live nearby?

Edited May 2, 2016 by sipi

[Stradavarius37]

Dont listen to these guys. They dont know your situation. Be a man and make a decision.

[BritManToo]

Family squabbles apart, if you really must build or buy a place.

1. near modern amenities, electric, water, internet, schools, pharmacies, banks, university, hospitals, western shopping (all the stuff WE like).

2. in a place that has resale value CM, Pattaya, Hua Hin, Bangkok (not a rural village).

3. somewhere you have something to do (apart from drink and quietly go insane).

Good luck!

Edited May 2, 2016 by BritManToo

[Sheryl]

There are alternatives that fall between next door and hundreds of km away. You could settle within easy visiting distance (by car, not on foot!) This would make it possible for her to see her family often without having them literally living with you and running your home which is what most often occurs if you are right next door. It would also perhaps enable you to be closer to a town or city.

But before doing this, spend some time staying with her folks to get to know them better as othets suggested. There are some families who one really does need to stay several hundred km from.

For the average family, just being say a 20 minute drive away will suffice.

[otherstuff1957]

You should prepare to double your budget if you build next to your in-laws.... because you will need to build them one that is equally nice or nicer soon afterwards!

I would follow the recommendation made earlier about building a house in the nearest large town & a small cottage near the in-laws. I would also recommend that wherever you decide to live, you rent for a year before building. Building/buying first could turn out to be a very expensive mistake!

[Jeddah Jo]

Go up and live in the village for a few weeks first. If you haven't gone insane by then you will probably be OK. Also you will need to learn the Isaan dialect if you want to talk to anybody, people do not speak Thai at all in day to day life.

[mgjackson69]

My mother-in-law offered us a piece of land right next door to her, to build a house.

I said, "Thanks but no thanks." After about 10 seconds of thought, my wife agreed with me.

We ended up building an 8-unit apartment building on a piece of land my wife had in the village, and kept the last unit for ourselves. That gives us a place to stay when we go up to Loei to visit the family...our home is in Chok Chai, Korat.

[1FinickyOne]

Yes, internet access will be very important if you are going to be spending time there..

And also, as noted above, not much resale value...

[farmerjo]

Would the attraction still be there when her parents are not,long term views are important..

[willyumiii]

Up to you

Do you get along with the family ?

I built a house in my wife's village and am surrounded by many of her family.

They are all good people and are an asset to me.

They take care of things when we are gone, watch our child and help with almost everything I want to do. and never ask for a thing from me.

This has been the situation for almost 15 years now and I love it.

It all depends on you and your relationship with her family.

Evaluate your own situation and then decide.

As I said....up to you.

[stoneyboy]

Good idea. As your wifes parents get older she will want to spend more time with them and it will help if you are both nearby.

Thereby limiting the amount of time she has for you possibly causing issues in your own relationship,if you wish to play second fiddle to her family go for it.

Do let us know how it pans out though.

[siamcrut]

Only you can make the decision and we do NOT have any info to help.

1) Do you get along with them ?

2) How old are they and are they in good health ?

3) Do you currently support them (directly or indirectly) ?

4) Do they drink in excess ?

5) How far is the land from civilization ?

6) Are they relatively educated or do they live by the "Thai Way" of doing things ?

7) Noise level

Was the most crucial point for me, NOT to build next to my in-laws.

4 barking dogs (ban geo) 24/7,

Banging doors 24/7

starting 2 stroke motorbikes in the middle of the night,

Thai music on a thai-stereo....

just to name a few.

No thx.

[rgs2001uk]

Good idea. As your wifes parents get older she will want to spend more time with them and it will help if you are both nearby.

Thereby limiting the amount of time she has for you possibly causing issues in your own relationship,if you wish to play second fiddle to her family go for it.

Do let us know how it pans out though.

Stoney, never a truer word said.

A difference between those of us who live here full time and the 2 week blow ins from elsewhere.

Heard it all before, oh save money , no need for hotel , buy house in village.

Who the heck comes to Thailand to spend 4 weeks in the ass end of nowhere, Phuket, Pattaya, Koh Samui etc etc.

Trapped in a village, no thanks, go spend your time and money elsewhere.

Farangs have told me, what used to be something to look forward to, soon became something to be endured, and finally something to be avoided at all costs.

As your teerak heads North on the smoking bus from Mor Chit to Assendsville Nowhere, go pour a coldie at the swimming pool in Pattaya and be thankfull you didnt go with her.

[rgs2001uk]

Just as a matter of interest, Thailand has 77 provinces, how many of them have you actually visited?

Do you want mountains,or sea?

Can you speak thai or not, do you need to be in some place like pattaya?

Get yer ass in gear and travel around the country, choose a place you like and have your teelak follow you.

If she doesnt, pick up a new one at whereever you decide to lay your hat.

[davo2212]

The only part of Thailand I haven't been to is hua hin.

I want peace and quiet.

Not a fan of pattaya.

[ryanhull]

My thai fiancee of 5 years and I are thinking of building our retirement home on her land an hour from ubon.

The only thing stopping me from doing it now is its next door to her parents and a kilometre from her brother and sisters houses.

She is awesome and simply says follow your heart and do what you want to do.

Any advice

Thanks all

Dave

I did a year ago and to be honest it was a great idea as the money we saved in rent alone since would have covered the build nearly, plus it is great for my son living next door to his gran for him and her.

I only had built a small build with limited land but it is nice and modern and enough for my two dogs wife and 1 year old.

Best of all we now live rent free, renting is great for being able to hop around but expensive after a while. When we pass away it will be left to my son so for me it was a no brainer... I would not listen too much to everyone has different curcumstances, I mean how much rent have you paid in the last 5 years?

We bought the supplies for the builders and they built it, my father inlaw was the middle man with the builders and we agreed to not pay until completion which was nice of them. Every now and then we would pop them some cigs or whisky and when they completed it we had a big party with the builders to say thanks.

Good luck, cheers

[rgs2001uk]

The only part of Thailand I haven't been to is hua hin.

I want peace and quiet.

Not a fan of pattaya.

I want peace and quiet.

Head to Soi Dao in Chan, you wont be plauged by charcoal burning villages etc etc, you wont be pestered by 3 day monk parties and deaths.

The 3322 has some nice land for sale on the way to Kao Su Khim, 300k per rai.

[jeab1980]

We live same village as family no problem. I want to be close to my mum husband happy with that. We look up to family when they get ill/old. It's our way. As for houses trashed maybe in city not here and never seen in any village.

[mgjackson69]

We live same village as family no problem. I want to be close to my mum husband happy with that. We look up to family when they get ill/old. It's our way. As for houses trashed maybe in city not here and never seen in any village.

It is the Thai way, but not necessarily the farang way.

If it works for both of you, that is good.

I am the same, but my definition of "close" is different.

I cannot live next to my wife's mother, same as if I was in USA I could not live next to my mother.

In the same town/village, yes...but not next.

[davo2212]

The only part of Thailand I haven't been to is hua hin.

I want peace and quiet.

Not a fan of pattaya.

I want peace and quiet.

Head to Soi Dao in Chan, you wont be plauged by charcoal burning villages etc etc, you wont be pestered by 3 day monk parties and deaths.

The 3322 has some nice land for sale on the way to Kao Su Khim, 300k per rai.

Near hat yai?

[sipi]

Good idea. As your wifes parents get older she will want to spend more time with them and it will help if you are both nearby.

Thereby limiting the amount of time she has for you possibly causing issues in your own relationship,if you wish to play second fiddle to her family go for it.

Do let us know how it pans out though.

14 years and panning out well, Who wants to be stuck in a box with their partner 24 hours s day? We both enjoy having family around. This is actually quite common worldwide believe it or not.

[stoneyboy]

Good idea. As your wifes parents get older she will want to spend more time with them and it will help if you are both nearby.

Thereby limiting the amount of time she has for you possibly causing issues in your own relationship,if you wish to play second fiddle to her family go for it.

Do let us know how it pans out though.

14 years and panning out well, Who wants to be stuck in a box with their partner 24 hours s day? We both enjoy having family around. This is actually quite common worldwide believe it or not.

Yes that's why all these expat men live in Thailand,they are so close to their remaining family in their birth countries most live 7,000 miles away and never go back.

Do you jet back to your home country to visit your relatives every 3 months ?

I trust your really close to your relatives are you or just your extended Thai family,the love that some expats have for their Thai families is quite astonishing given most have abandoned blood relatives in favour of said Thais.

I suppose for some of them it's all they have to resemble what they once failed at back home maybe.

Edited May 2, 2016 by stoneyboy

[slipperylobster]

As long as the land is free.....and they have no outstanding debts on the property.

You really cannot control that.

Perhaps if they signed over the property in your wife's name....but still.

[samsensam]

i always ensure i am in control in any relationship with a thai lady, this is non-negotiable. i never abuse the control but use it to keep the relationship on logical common sense ground. living within the vicinity and clutches of the in laws would be to sacrifice logic and common sense and would be the last place i'd choose to live.

[sipi]

Good idea. As your wifes parents get older she will want to spend more time with them and it will help if you are both nearby.

Thereby limiting the amount of time she has for you possibly causing issues in your own relationship,if you wish to play second fiddle to her family go for it.

Do let us know how it pans out though.

14 years and panning out well, Who wants to be stuck in a box with their partner 24 hours s day? We both enjoy having family around. This is actually quite common worldwide believe it or not.

Yes that's why all these expat men live in Thailand,they are so close to their remaining family in their birth countries most live 7,000 miles away and never go back.

Do you jet back to your home country to visit your relatives every 3 months ?

I trust your really close to your relatives are you or just your extended Thai family,the love that some expats have for their Thai families is quite astonishing given most have abandoned blood relatives in favour of said Thais.

I suppose for some of them it's all they have to resemble what they once failed at back home maybe.

We have 4 generations of family living close by here in Australia.

Sure there are times when I mow my brothers lawn or have to drive my Mother to the doctors but that is life. My wife enjoys having them around,and in spite of being the only Thai in a population of 4000 she has never been refered to as a "blow in".

Of course we Westerners are far superior to these juvenile Thais....apparently.

Edited May 2, 2016 by sipi

[NanLaew]

Davo- surely the most important thing is the quality of the family...

We built a house in the village for my wife and I guess at first I envisioned a "home base" which my wife quickly developed into a home. She comes from a poor farming family and they are wonderful people. We have built our homestead into a family compound. I have often helped with no interest loans, which are currently all paid back and quickly too.

Having come from a small family, being part of a very big family has meant adjustments, but I would say near all positive. Yes, as noted, they can live more communally than we do, but they all respect my privacy. Some drink moderately but in 13 years here, no family member has ever asked me to buy them a beer. I do not drink. They have prospered through their own work and they now have another car, so i am not the only family vehicle, but when I was, an occasional ride was asked.

Being a family there is no accounting of who did what for who - In a health emergency, there is no other response than to drop whatever you are doing and help out in any capacity. It works for me too as they will always be offering me meals and to join in on bar bq - the day my car wouldn't start, my BIL popped out the battery, took it to be re-charged and w/o a dirty fingernail, I was up and running shortly.

Yes, I speak Thai and it has improved here. No, communication is not always perfect as many of the family members speak Northern only.

I was introduced to my wife by a friend who only told me that she comes from a great family. I never feel imposed upon and am glad to help them out with what I can. They are really nice people.

So, this is the judgment you will have to make. I had originally thought of locating near the sea, but my wife would not have been happy and she is very very happy to be near her parents. She did not express this before we moved here, but it might be good to ask her. Most Thai ladies want to be near the family. If the family is going to be constantly imposing and in your pocket, you will not likely be happy there...

You might start by observing - find out if they drink too much, are in debt, play cards and gamble... you might need to spend some more time with them.

Worked well for me, but surely may not work for everyone...

The best response so far. The OP has to assess what he is 'buying into' since family is a very strong bond in Thailand. Most of the previous posters who suggest a happy, symbiotic life in the boonies is achievable notably do not appear have the 'country estate' as their primary domicile. It's almost like the guys that have taken many vacations in Thailand posting questions about retiring in Thailand. The old adage, "It's a nice place but I wouldn't want to live there" applies to them and it should also be a primary consideration when facing the same situation as the OP.

Why would anyone "build" a house in Issan?? If you were not married and did not have children?

A lot of posters making terse, one-line, "Don't do it!" recommendations, either didn't do the 'due diligence' suggested above and 'lost the farm' or they are simply recycling the anecdotal tales of woe which are notoriously embellished on this forum. Others may have other reasons for their point blank dissuasion such their (or their spouses) opinion that their personal safety and that of their family is in danger in the prevailing political climate.This is also a concern that my wife and I share so we have a contingency plan. But it is up to the OP if he sees this as a threat at all and if he does, to plan accordingly.

Either way, and taking ALL of the above into account, if the OP can afford to write-off the home as his full-time domicile due to bad cultural experiences or circumstances that are truly beyond his control AND the family passes the due diligence examination, then go ahead. In my experience, the home building was a fun, family bonding experience (the family being in the building trade) and the subsequent home making was very spiritually enriching and rewarding. I learned more about myself and how I handled (or mishandled) my relationships before. I wasn't there full-time though as I was working overseas maybe 3 or 4 times a year. The odd short-term family feuds and spats were a minor blip and ultimately something that didn't involve me. We moved away primarily for our sons improved education opportunities but I would move back in a heartbeat and probably will when I finally stop working.

Edited May 2, 2016 by NanLaew

[NanLaew]

Good idea. As your wifes parents get older she will want to spend more time with them and it will help if you are both nearby.

Thereby limiting the amount of time she has for you possibly causing issues in your own relationship,if you wish to play second fiddle to her family go for it.

Do let us know how it pans out though.

14 years and panning out well, Who wants to be stuck in a box with their partner 24 hours s day? We both enjoy having family around. This is actually quite common worldwide believe it or not.

Yes that's why all these expat men live in Thailand,they are so close to their remaining family in their birth countries most live 7,000 miles away and never go back.

Do you jet back to your home country to visit your relatives every 3 months ?

I trust your really close to your relatives are you or just your extended Thai family,the love that some expats have for their Thai families is quite astonishing given most have abandoned blood relatives in favour of said Thais.

I suppose for some of them it's all they have to resemble what they once failed at back home maybe.

And your experience, anecdotally or otherwise, obviously differs.

I would wager that the amount of bitter and twisted living in Thailand because of some misadventure in prior relationships back home is inversely proportional to the amount of noise their existence makes on these pages. That's not denying that they exist; their numbers swelled only slightly by the ones that are so socially challenged, they couldn't make a go of it in LOS either. You know who you are.

For my part, now that my parents have both passed on, I truly miss the home visits I made 3 or 4 times a year with Mrs NL and NL Jr. tagging along on half of those trips. We sometimes wish that we had visited them more often. I would prefer to think that most people would have the same sentiments but are in the (thankfully silent) majority.