Been Courting A Young Lady For 2 Weeks, She Knows I'm Old Fashioned...

[Sheryl]

Why Slated cannot just continue to reassure the young lady that he likes her, and ask her to cool it until they know each other better, remains a mystery.

I believe the OP likes the attention. His posting in the "ladies of thailand" forum now, and on previous posts, makes me think he is looking for attention from the ladies here, not their advice. His coming across as the "Perfect" guy( great shape, sesitive, blah blah,blah) may have some of you ladies swooning but smells like troll to me.

I had similar thoughts. Incidentally, I find bulk muscles a complete turn-off.

Actually there has been no update on the situation since his original post. Slated, what have you done about this matter? Don't keep us in suspense...

The troll possibility had occurred to me too but he's been a member for some months with a number of other, unrelated and innocous posts so doesn't seem too likely.

Agree with FB on bulk mscles but I didn't assme his avatar to necessarily be a photo of himself or look like him...(no offense if it does, Slated! Some folks like the look)

As to looking for attention from the ladies, perhaps...or perhaps he was just looking for more thoughtful responses than the " there's more fish in the sea" and slurs against Thai women which male posters responded with.

[pumpuiman]

Why Slated cannot just continue to reassure the young lady that he likes her, and ask her to cool it until they know each other better, remains a mystery.

I believe the OP likes the attention. His posting in the "ladies of thailand" forum now, and on previous posts, makes me think he is looking for attention from the ladies here, not their advice. His coming across as the "Perfect" guy( great shape, sesitive, blah blah,blah) may have some of you ladies swooning but smells like troll to me.

I had similar thoughts. Incidentally, I find bulk muscles a complete turn-off.

Actually there has been no update on the situation since his original post. Slated, what have you done about this matter? Don't keep us in suspense...

The troll possibility had occurred to me too but he's been a member for some months with a number of other, unrelated and innocous posts so doesn't seem too likely.

Agree with FB on bulk mscles but I didn't assme his avatar to necessarily be a photo of himself or look like him...(no offense if it does, Slated! Some folks like the look)

As to looking for attention from the ladies, perhaps...or perhaps he was just looking for more thoughtful responses than the " there's more fish in the sea" and slurs against Thai women which male posters responded with.

I just got the impression that he was looking for validation, not advice. He seems to be full of himself, and thinks he is above "regular guy" thinking,believes himself to be on a higher moral plane. I think he's fishing for hugs and " Oh aren't you sweet's"

Edited November 10, 2006 by pumpuiman

[markr]

slated where art thou ??

[Ijustwannateach]

I believe 'Slated' has taken a short holiday (for other reasons) and I think I will take the liberty to clean up this thread a little- let's get back on topic, please, ladies & guests.

[Little Black Duck]

slated where art thou ??

I'll bet he is American...

If Not he is taking his tonge out of his cheek..

Ladies it is marvelous that you gave this young man some very knolegable advise which he seems not to have taken..

[austallia_1980]

Ive been dating a tradional girl for the last 1.5 years. She is very sweet and virgin. We have not yet had sex, and I do not mine. I am willing to wait for her because I love her.

[Little Black Duck]

Ive been dating a tradional girl for the last 1.5 years. She is very sweet and virgin. We have not yet had sex, and I do not mine. I am willing to wait for her because I love her.

Worth waiting for is worth having its called Respect..

[austallia_1980]

Ive been dating a tradional girl for the last 1.5 years. She is very sweet and virgin. We have not yet had sex, and I do not mine. I am willing to wait for her because I love her.

Worth waiting for is worth having its called Respect..

Yeah, I obviously agree. I have begun making monthly payments, in the traditional style, and we should be ready for sex in less than 6 months.

[Donz]

Ive been dating a tradional girl for the last 1.5 years. She is very sweet and virgin. We have not yet had sex, and I do not mine. I am willing to wait for her because I love her.

Good for you

[Robski]

I'm 25, she's 20 ( a waitress)

We went out last night and when I told her I had to go home and that I had a lovely time, she repeatedly asked to come home with me.

We went straight to sleep, only barely next to each other. A few hours later I wake up and she's kissing me, and then some. I refuse sex, and tell her how much I like her and that I want us to go slowly and remind her how beautiful she is.

She then rolls over to the farthest edge of the bed, and goes to sleep. I fall asleep as well.

2 hours ago, I wake up, put some water by her bedstand, and go into the bathroom to prep some laundry.

I come back into the room and she's awake. I smile at her and she says she's going home.

Is she mad just because I didn't want to have sex with her? Before she left, I told her how much I truly liked her and she just smiled and left.

After she left, I texted her and apologized and said I wouldn't bother her anymore and I was sorry I couldn't make her happy. A minute later, she replies with a text 'I like you'

I guess you could say I'm naive and gulible..... If this is typical however, these mind games will ruin me....

Poofter eh?....

[Robski]

Ive been dating a tradional girl for the last 1.5 years. She is very sweet and virgin. We have not yet had sex, and I do not mine. I am willing to wait for her because I love her.

Man to man advice son, don't buy a car without giving it a ###### good test drive first, know what I mean, nudge nudge wink wink.

[britmaveric]

I have begun making monthly payments..... and we should be ready for sex in less than 6 months.

[London Crocodile]

I believe 'Slated' has taken a short holiday (for other reasons) and I think I will take the liberty to clean up this thread a little- let's get back on topic, please, ladies & guests.

Suspending one of the forum sponsers? Wow, now thats good customer relations.

Edited November 14, 2006 by London Crocodile

[John_Rambo]

^ Nobody's above the law....

The OP needs to sort himself out. At the minute he's an easy mark. He needs to stop looking straight out for love and play the field around here until he has a good grasp of what's really going on.

It's clear that he's far to naieve at the moment and there are plenty of ladies who will look to use that against him. If he works his way through a load then he'll give himself a far better chance of finding a good one, because he'll experience a lot of the games and deceptions first hand and realise what he's dealing with, and then be able to really recognise a good one when she comes along.

As much as there are many decent Thai ladies who want a Falang partner, the ones most agressively seeking, and that's the majority who will throw themselves his way, have a motive beyond just being interested in his good looks and sparkling personality.

If i was him i would put a ban on himself from getting seriously involved with anyone until he's been here for at least a year, and just date casually. Looking to take things so seriously with the first girl who shows an interest is often a mistake here.

Edited November 14, 2006 by John_Rambo

[Robski]

^ Nobody's above the law....

If i was him i would put a ban on himself from getting seriously involved with anyone until he's been here for at least a year, and just date casually. Looking to take things so seriously with the first girl who shows an interest is often a mistake here.

Or at least just try getting laid first

[BKK90210]

Ive been dating a tradional girl for the last 1.5 years. She is very sweet and virgin. We have not yet had sex, and I do not mine. I am willing to wait for her because I love her.

Worth waiting for is worth having its called Respect..

Yeah, I obviously agree. I have begun making monthly payments, in the traditional style, and we should be ready for sex in less than 6 months.

I thought you're already married to a thai girl!, according to many of your previous posts

Edited November 14, 2006 by BKK90210

[Slated]

Update:

she has continued to sms me, and we have gone out twice since my last post.

I am taking things slow, and trying to be more critical of the situation and feel things out.

It is true that I am naive. Because of that I'm trying to be as reserved as possible.

As much as I would love to meet my future wife, I'm not willing to make a mistake that could cost me in more ways than I'm aware.

Thank you again for all of the great assistance ladies!

[Sheryl]

Thanks for the update, Slated. One other thought: although you say this woman knows you are old-fashioned, she may know less than you think taking into account language barrier and especially the cultural difference. A Thai woman has no cultural frame of reference for understanding western conservativism -- what it's about, what its values are, etc. The dynamics differ from those at play in Thai conservatism. So don't assume she understands where you're coming from, even if you have told her. She is likely to be baffled, especially since it goes against everything she has heard about westerners. If you continue seeing her and if you have a mutual friend who is either a farang speaking fluent Thai or a Thai who has lived a bit in the west, it would be helpful for that person to have a long chat with her.

If your conservatism has a religious base, you might also want to think about trying to meet a Thai women of similiar religious affiliation. Although not large, there are communities of Thai Christians including some evanglical sects.

(I'm not trying to imply that Christians are in any way better -- personally I'm a Buddhist -- I just think things might be easier if you go out with women with a similiar frame of reference in these matters).

[somchai jones]

Ive been dating a tradional girl for the last 1.5 years. She is very sweet and virgin. We have not yet had sex, and I do not mine. I am willing to wait for her because I love her.

Good for you

Being a fairly typical Malay guy, my brother-in-law waited until he got married before having sex.

When he married he was 31. A long wait but just imagine the joy he felt the first time he whacked his conkers!

Apologies for my frivolity.

[a2396]

Ive been dating a tradional girl for the last 1.5 years. She is very sweet and virgin. We have not yet had sex, and I do not mine. I am willing to wait for her because I love her.

Good for you

Being a fairly typical Malay guy, my brother-in-law waited until he got married before having sex.

When he married he was 31. A long wait but just imagine the joy he felt the first time he whacked his conkers!

Apologies for my frivolity.

What century are we living in now?? If the situation and your intuition is positive about someone - do it. If not, don't. To H-ll with all the moralistic irrelevant clap-trap. You ever read the story of "Waiting for Godot"? Some people I know are waiting for God to drop the perfect man/woman down their chimney, if they had one.

[sbk]

a2396, to each their own. How another person chooses to live their life and their own morality is not really yours to judge, is it? If the OP feels more comfortable going his own route than so be it.

[TRIPxCORE]

Thanks for the update, Slated. One other thought: although you say this woman knows you are old-fashioned, she may know less than you think taking into account language barrier and especially the cultural difference. A Thai woman has no cultural frame of reference for understanding western conservativism -- what it's about, what its values are, etc. The dynamics differ from those at play in Thai conservatism. So don't assume she understands where you're coming from, even if you have told her. She is likely to be baffled, especially since it goes against everything she has heard about westerners. If you continue seeing her and if you have a mutual friend who is either a farang speaking fluent Thai or a Thai who has lived a bit in the west, it would be helpful for that person to have a long chat with her.

Took the words right out of my mouth. Excellent point Sheryl!

[baennaenae]

Having sex prior to marriage used to be very bad in Thailand but as the world has changed, things have changed !

I was one of those,too. I was so in love with my bf from my village and snuck out to see him I couldn't resist the feelings so I gave myself away once... after that he disappeared ! I didn't know how I felt, didn't even cry or angry but I was numb.

Months and months later I met my farang husband ( we worked together ) we got married but no kids. When I went back home I saw my ex bf....we chatted and he wanted me back but it's too late !!!

I just wanted to say that...if you have sex prior to marriage, you will probably not see him again...

Edited November 25, 2006 by baennaenae

[Lawrence o' Surin]

I'm 25, she's 20 ( a waitress)

We went out last night and when I told her I had to go home and that I had a lovely time, she repeatedly asked to come home with me.

..............

I guess you could say I'm naive and gulible..... If this is typical however, these mind games will ruin me....

Now, I would counsel you,

Make home with speed;

There frame a will; whereto you shall inscribe

This lady your sole heir.

[mapletree]

I suspect that the OP may well be struggling with his sexuality as well.

Or maybe I maintain some values that western society now sees as outdated?

I'm insulted by your comment

"Insulted" ? Hmmm. A little homophobia to go along with whatever else is going on.

Maybe it's just me, but as a gay woman, I'm not really believing or trusting this guy. My BS meter is going off. Maybe not the story--maybe that happened (?)--but coming into the ladies forum to write about it comes across as weird to me. Slated, don't you already have any women friends you can ask if you're such a sensitive guy? The photo is over the top. Too much not ringing true for me in this whole thread.

[bina]

maple,

slated is christian,and he is like many i met in america in the past that he is strict christian and they really do not have 'relations' before marriage; the same as most orthodox jews i know here in israel... they really do wait until marriage.... i just remembered as he had asked about christian associations in thailand a long group of posts ago...

and btw, my 19 yr old daughter has been dating an ethiopian traditional jewish guy for a year and they are both, yes, virgins.... as he is and she is still 'waiting for the right one' ... it does happen u know.

bina and anon

[mapletree]

maple,

slated is christian,and he is like many i met in america in the past that he is strict christian and they really do not have 'relations' before marriage; the same as most orthodox jews i know here in israel... they really do wait until marriage.... i just remembered as he had asked about christian associations in thailand a long group of posts ago...

and btw, my 19 yr old daughter has been dating an ethiopian traditional jewish guy for a year and they are both, yes, virgins.... as he is and she is still 'waiting for the right one' ... it does happen u know.

bina and anon

It's not about not having sex that I found suspect, it's taking up time on the ladies forum about it. I see that pumpuiman and fruitbatt alluded to this before. Reading between the lines for me sounds like this:

"Mom, I am such a good little boy! Look what a good little boy I am! So handsome and decent and pure! Do you see? Do you see what a good little boy I am?

"Oh, mother dear, protect me from those brutish, rude men for I am not like them! I am a delicate sensitive flower that must not be plucked before it's time.

"Oh, what a good little boy I am!"

I am not being entirely kind in making my point, but this is what I hear. This forum is supposed to be for women supporting women, right? Or stuff that comes up for women that they want other ladies' support or thoughts about.

This thread strikes me as a guy taking up women's attention and indirectly seeking approval. It reminds me of a dynamic in the US where people of color often say that they'd rather deal with the overt racism of the South than the smile-in-your-face-but-stab-you-in-the-back, hidden and sometimes subtle racism of the North. Maybe I'd rather have the blatant sexism with no pretense than the guy who thinks he's being good but sucking up just as much of women's energy. Go start a forum for sensitive guys supporting sensitive guys (or whatever you want to call it) instead.

[fruittbatt]

maple,

slated is christian,and he is like many i met in america in the past that he is strict christian and they really do not have 'relations' before marriage; the same as most orthodox jews i know here in israel... they really do wait until marriage.... i just remembered as he had asked about christian associations in thailand a long group of posts ago...

and btw, my 19 yr old daughter has been dating an ethiopian traditional jewish guy for a year and they are both, yes, virgins.... as he is and she is still 'waiting for the right one' ... it does happen u know.

bina and anon

It's not about not having sex that I found suspect, it's taking up time on the ladies forum about it. I see that pumpuiman and fruitbatt alluded to this before. Reading between the lines for me sounds like this:

"Mom, I am such a good little boy! Look what a good little boy I am! So handsome and decent and pure! Do you see? Do you see what a good little boy I am?

"Oh, mother dear, protect me from those brutish, rude men for I am not like them! I am a delicate sensitive flower that must not be plucked before it's time.

"Oh, what a good little boy I am!"

I am not being entirely kind in making my point, but this is what I hear. This forum is supposed to be for women supporting women, right? Or stuff that comes up for women that they want other ladies' support or thoughts about.

This thread strikes me as a guy taking up women's attention and indirectly seeking approval. It reminds me of a dynamic in the US where people of color often say that they'd rather deal with the overt racism of the South than the smile-in-your-face-but-stab-you-in-the-back, hidden and sometimes subtle racism of the North. Maybe I'd rather have the blatant sexism with no pretense than the guy who thinks he's being good but sucking up just as much of women's energy. Go start a forum for sensitive guys supporting sensitive guys (or whatever you want to call it) instead.

Whilst this is a bit harsh on Mr now-well-and-truly-slated, i share some

resonance with what you perceive, Mapletree. In particular, i have reservations about such postings on a women's forum because of the inherent assumption that women are innately more sympathetic than men.

I think it is the dissonance between the avatar and the verbal message that bothered me in this thread.

The avatar, whether it be Mr Slated or Mr Universe, invites a female focus on a (supposed) conventionally attractive male body. Predictably appreciative responses from several women posters surely provided instant ego-gratification to Mr. Slated. Whilst i have heard of "muscular Christians", if Mr Slated is as narcissistic as his avatar suggests, then his claim to be a "good boy" seems improbable IM experience and opinion. Or perhaps he is just utterly confused and gives off distressingly mixed messages to his potential partners.

[sbk]

In particular, i have reservations about such postings on a women's forum because of the inherent assumption that women are innately more sympathetic than men.

Seems you two have thoroughly debunked that theory

That said, I do see what you mean but I tend to take things at face value at first. I am not very good at "reading between the lines" about people's motives. I try to live by something my father taught me "You can never know what is going on in another man's head or another man's bed".

[Boo]

Any man thats posts on here wihtout being abusive or insulting will generally be taken at face value by me. If he is a troll or attention seeking then it is a minor infraction in comparison to the other kind.