I'm 25, she's 20 ( a waitress)

We went out last night and when I told her I had to go home and that I had a lovely time, she repeatedly asked to come home with me.

We went straight to sleep, only barely next to each other. A few hours later I wake up and she's kissing me, and then some. I refuse sex, and tell her how much I like her and that I want us to go slowly and remind her how beautiful she is.

She then rolls over to the farthest edge of the bed, and goes to sleep. I fall asleep as well.

2 hours ago, I wake up, put some water by her bedstand, and go into the bathroom to prep some laundry.

I come back into the room and she's awake. I smile at her and she says she's going home.

Is she mad just because I didn't want to have sex with her? Before she left, I told her how much I truly liked her and she just smiled and left.

After she left, I texted her and apologized and said I wouldn't bother her anymore and I was sorry I couldn't make her happy. A minute later, she replies with a text 'I like you'

I guess you could say I'm naive and gulible..... If this is typical however, these mind games will ruin me....

I don't know much about the situation mate, but in my exerience a relationship with a Thai girl is pretty different to a farang - different values etc. unless you get to grips with whats goin on in her head then it will all seem like mind games/confused signals.

Edited November 8, 200619 yr by ashacat

Slated

Nothing wrong with what you did, but if you want a old fashioned type of girl, i dont think she is

that type. Look upcountry for that.

regards

-nam

Slated

Nothing wrong with what you did, but if you want a old fashioned type of girl, i dont think she is

that type. Look upcountry for that.

regards

-nam

The strange thing is, I know most everyone at her work. I've been a regular there for over a month, going almost every other day. She's Isaan, and just moved here a couple months ago. Everyone always said, she isn't a butterfly and that she's a good girl.

I guess maybe I should just scratch it off as experience and be glad I didn't get my heart broken again.

After having lived here over 2 months, I wish I hadn't signed a lease in Bangkok, so I could move up north....

Plenty more fish in the sea, mate.

You might be old fashioned, but she aint.

It took me 5 months of dating to get my gf to sleep over, although I tried many times before that.

(oh, how I tried)

Not saying there's anything wrong with her, maybe she just likes you and can sense you're a nice guy and wants to take the "friendship" further. Pretty natural, don't you think?

My gf is from Isaan. I just back from there recently. There is a draconian conservativeness going on up there. I think a lot of the girls rebel against it when they leave. Can't blame them.

Life is risky. That's what makes it interesting. Take out the risk, you take out the adventure. (and your left with Farangland)

I say take her out again and go for it.

Don't think too much.

From what i have read everything seems fine.

She is probaly surprised you refused sex (as your a bloke) at first and thought maybe you dont like her, but you did tell her you want to take things slow so she also might try to do it too.

Who really knows, but she did text you that she likes you so i think your still in there.

This is the forum FOR ladies in Thailand, not about ladies in Thailand.

Something to remember, gentlemen

I see no purpose in continuing this thread here.

**closed**

OK, on further discussion with the OP this thread has been reopened. HOWEVER, he has told me that he wanted WOMENS opinions so guys, please control yourselves here.

Ladies, do you have any further enlightenment for the OP?

I was just looking for opinions on the situation from women, not guys.

I really don't trust anything a guy would say regarding the situation (nothing personal), but was hoping some of the women here would have insight.

Thanks again

just a thought:

she may be thinking that by knocking her back, that she is undesirable to you. i mean she was dangling it in front of your face but you rejected her.

sure, you may be old fashioned, but you need to let her know this.

nobody likes a knockback.

There are a lot of possibilities. She may simply have assumed that as a farang man you wanted sex (many Thais believe all farang to be sex mad), and been trying to please. She may have been used by men sexually in the past and come to think that this is how it must always be. Or she may have been interested in experiencing sex with a foreigner...not knowing her, I can't say. (there are more possibilities than these 3, they are just the ones that come immediately to mind)

To offer a man sex and be refused can be humiliating for a woman but it really depends on the individual, how they perceive things and why the offer was made in the first place. If the first or second reasons I mentioned are the case then she may be OK, even pleased, that you didn't take her up on her offer. Anyway the only way you'll know is by whether she contibnues to go out with you.

There is a LOT of unreported sexual abuse of young girls in Thailand; a recent UNFPA study found an extraordinarily high percentage of women reported some sort of forced sexual contact by the age of 15. It is just as traumatic for Thai girls as it is for girls anywhere and a lot of what goes on here I think stenms from this silent epidemic (for example, the current rash of extereme thin-ness, anorexia among young women; students prostitituing themselves for pocket money, etc). So the second possibility that I mentioned is not unlikely. In which case a caring man who does not want to use her would be very good for her.

I gather that you don't think the worse of her for her actions, which is good (some conservative guys would). That being the case, I suuggest you hang in there if she still seems interested and focus on really getting to know her. You may be glad you did.

If she refuses to see you again then you'll know she feeld she lost face, and have to move on. But her text message sounds hopeful.

It is always risky guessing aout a complete stranger but the things you report really sound to me like a mixed up girl who has been mistreated by men in the past. If she is, then the whole dynamic of your relationship may change once she realizes you are not just out for sex.

I gather that you don't think the worse of her for her actions, which is good (some conservative guys would). That being the case, I suuggest you hang in there if she still seems interested and focus on really getting to know her. You may be glad you did.

If she refuses to see you again then you'll know she feeld she lost face, and have to move on. But her text message sounds hopeful.

^^^^ I guess this is kind of where my mind is at.

I can't hold any past she may have against her, as we all have pasts of some sort.

Life is never simple, and relationships in Thailand are certainly not.

As alaways, I will wait patiently for the one I am to be with....

Might think your gay mate!!!

Seriously if you want to take things slow, why share a bed with her???

Might think your gay mate!!!

She brought that up

Seriously if you want to take things slow, why share a bed with her???

What can I say...I'm lonely, and to me there's more important things than sex in a relationship.

If you’re not interested in sleeping on the same bed or having sex w/ her because you’re not emotional ready yet, you shouldn’t have said “Yes, fine. come home with me” to begin with….you’re making thing more complicated than it should be.

After reading Sheryl's reply and that of britmavericks I can see why you're looking for womens advice on this. Think I'll just shut the f##k up.

If you’re not interested in sleeping on the same bed or having sex w/ her because you’re not emotional ready yet, you shouldn’t have said “Yes, fine. come home with me” to begin with….you’re making thing more complicated than it should be.

sleeping in the same bed, and having sex have nothing to do with each other IMO

When we got to my place, we both went to sleep. It wasn't till a few hours into sleeping that she woke me up and started...getting REALLY 'frisky'.....

Slated - you are thinking with a Western brain mate. Thai lady who has interest in you makes the big step of being alone and sleeping in the same bed, well certainly for the most part wants to take it to the next level and has expectations of such. If you want to take things slow I suggest no more overnites until you are ready.

It's just that we're not even officially dating or anything

I would prefer the love (or at least more emotion) prior to all else.

Thanks for that Brit...obviously my typing is slower than yours

Sleeping in the same bed is not equal to or the same as sex

If in the Thai culture it is, then I guess I've learned my lesson.

Well, slated, I agree with Donna here, this could very well have been what she thought you expected of her. Since you did invite her over, then she most likely assumed the only thing you wanted was sex.

If she is still interested in you then I suggest no more invites for "sleep overs" until you are ready to take the relationship to the next level. And then only do so by showing an interest in her as a human being, show her by your actions that you care about her and her feelings and you may find that your relationship is capable of being real and not just based on one person's wants.

Might think your gay mate!!!

Seriously if you want to take things slow, why share a bed with her???

Two good posts from Donna and Sheryl.

I think Brits comment brings a bit of balance though?

and as a little diversion and completely off topic, if i had that body in bed next to me (as is in your avatar) i think it may be hard to keep my hands to myself too!

Sleeping in the same bed is not equal to or the same as sex

If in the Thai culture it is, then I guess I've learned my lesson.

Are you sure that you are ready to really fall in love with a young lady of which you do not appear to know much, of a culture which you don't seem to understand? That's downright dangerous I'd say.

It's just that we're not even officially dating or anything

Missed this...what exactly is courting for two weeks? (generally means you are in pursuit and trying to woo the lady)

and as a little diversion and completely off topic, if i had that body in bed next to me (as is in your avatar) i think it may be hard to keep my hands to myself too!

On that note:

Last night I ate big brown larvae, ants and worms.

They were actually quite good tasting.

I desire to learn of her culture and everything about her. I guess it was my fault for thinking we could lay next to each other without sex (despite the fact that, I say again, we went to sleep upon returning to my condo....)

I'm 25, she's 20 ( a waitress)

We went out last night and when I told her I had to go home and that I had a lovely time, she repeatedly asked to come home with me.

We went straight to sleep, only barely next to each other. A few hours later I wake up and she's kissing me, and then some. I refuse sex, and tell her how much I like her and that I want us to go slowly and remind her how beautiful she is.

She then rolls over to the farthest edge of the bed, and goes to sleep. I fall asleep as well.

2 hours ago, I wake up, put some water by her bedstand, and go into the bathroom to prep some laundry.

I come back into the room and she's awake. I smile at her and she says she's going home.

Is she mad just because I didn't want to have sex with her? Before she left, I told her how much I truly liked her and she just smiled and left.

After she left, I texted her and apologized and said I wouldn't bother her anymore and I was sorry I couldn't make her happy. A minute later, she replies with a text 'I like you'

I guess you could say I'm naive and gulible..... If this is typical however, these mind games will ruin me....

She is thinking that you must be batting for the other side,

Still seeing lots of guys responding to this topic.

Per the OP's request, kindly refrain until the ladies have had their say, thanks

Well,

This really is a breath of fresh air!! A man who actually wants to wait to see how things progress before making love!!

How romantic, how gentlemanly, how civil!

But i must agree with Donna!! Do you have any older brothers?