Losing your temper in public or at work, advice pls...

[richard_smith237]

A regular whinge on here and finding out that many others experience many similar frustrations helps.... then you will see the 'if you don't like it go home' responses and realise there are others who are unaware they are stupid and far worse off than you !!!

In seriousness, a whinge is often good to get some frustrations off your chest and maintain a little sanity - where better to do this than an anonymous web forum ?

I find regular sport keeps the frustration in check...

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I had a meal last night and when I ordered my Steak to be Cooked medium I was told "Cannot - Rare or Medium Rare only"... I asked the waitress if she was also going to be paying for the steak and and eating it ?... "cannot" was the reply... ... its idiocy such as this which tends to raise the frustration levels...

"had a meal last night and when I ordered my Steak to be Cooked medium I was told "Cannot - Rare or Medium Rare only"... I asked the waitress if she was also going to be paying for the steak and and eating it ?... "cannot" was the reply... ... its idiocy such as this which tends to raise the frustration levels... "

https://youtu.be/TvXVP5lSF1s

Funny video - I've been there many times !!!..

Asking for a Tonic Water - "No Have".... OK, Gin+Tonic.... No Gin !...

Au Bon Pain Promotion for a Sandwich + Ice Coffee... I asked for Hot Coffee... "Cannot".... OK... Ice Coffee - Please heat it up !!!!

[fishbrando]

It's never cool anywhere to lose it (in the West or East). It broadcasts your character flaws. As for the Thais, well I have seen them spit the dummy many a time at work and outside (I will include my wife and her family in this). To the point that I feel the show no temper is almost a scam Thais have invented to keep Frangs in check.

"Don't lose your temper in Thailand...people don't lose their temper here."

"Don't make a Thai person lose face, they will literally kill you."

[SOTIRIOS]

...they can do as they please...and they do...haven't you been reading the news....

...example 35 year old baby smashes multiple cars...multiple times...because his mommy won't give him a toy......

...we...as foreigners are not allowed to do anything.....

...except pay and pay and pay.....and die.......

[zyphodb]

I find that I lose my temper with inanimate objects, much to my village neighbors amusement, things like non functioning motorbikes, cars, scooters, Duk duk's etc.

Everyone has a good laugh at me while I get to have a harmless vent....

Works for me.

[MissAndry]

I find that I lose my temper with inanimate objects, much to my village neighbors amusement, things like non functioning motorbikes, cars, scooters, Duk duk's etc.

Everyone has a good laugh at me while I get to have a harmless vent....

Works for me.

Is your name Basil?

[little mary sunshine]

It's called growing up or Maturity!

[gandalf12]

Lots of things like talk a walk, get a coffee and my favourite is think "does this issue really matter? Is it actually important?" You will come to the conclusion it isn't so let it go and carry on with life.

Bills, housing, banking, visas and many other essential services you paid for do usually matter and are important. If those issues are unresolved, it would not be easy to carry on with life. Thai service staff sometimes do not make it easy, or care to.

All of those is your own inability to manage and life your life that is nothing to do with others. I agree many times staff do not make things easier but if you are the boss you hired them so you can either get rid of them and gt someone else or accept the situation and try to find ways around the situation.

However, it does not alter the fact that losing your temper will not resolve any of these issues, if anything it will set you further back. You are in control of your own life no matter how good or bad that happens to be at any given time. Only you can control it and losing your temper will definitely not help, it just exposes your weaknesses.

[Donutz]

Err?? Is there any place in the civilized world where it is ok to lose your temper? I certainly xan't tell you of a work place where it would be acceptable to shout at your colleagues or ataff. Maybe if your name is Gordon Ramsy or Basil Fawlty... I act very much the same in NL and TH. I don't lose my temper or if I'd be about to (rarely, must be every few years or so) I'd do so at home or some place were nobody could see me shouting or close to attacking an object. It doesn't get you anywhere. Smiling and knowing when to be persistent (possibly using alternative approaches) or shen you lost and need to give up, those things are normal and succesful regardless of what country you are in.

Ofcourse as in any place some people will lose there temper, we all know about Thais who lost it. Main difference I can think of is that Thais would be (too!!) tolorant to a higher up including a customer (smiling while a custumers frustration is clearly increasing and such rather then tryimg defuse the situation with more tactical means) but they too have their limits.

[peter48]

Seek some help with anger management. It's not normal to be regularly losing your temper with people.

Because you will never see Thais like this. Rubbish most Thai women and Farang men lose it and for some it is the reason they may separate in the long term. I am of the opinion that Thai women but not all are prone to moodiness, shouting and discontent. But I may be wrong ...

[SoiBiker]

Proud to be angry?

Weird. Don't blame it on being a farang though - we're not all like you.

[metisdead]

A post containing profanity has been removed as well as a reply:

8) You will not post disruptive or inflammatory messages, vulgarities, obscenities or profanities.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?app=forums&module=extras&section=boardrules

[Wilsonandson]

Yoga group has helped me alot recently. I spend many hours sitting in the lotus position. Also smiling alot promotes happiness. I am feeling much better now and more part of our happy community.

Edited July 18, 2016 by Wilsonandson

[jhwest]

Lots of things like talk a walk, get a coffee and my favourite is think "does this issue really matter? Is it actually important?" You will come to the conclusion it isn't so let it go and carry on with life.

PS Moderators why does this site use American English as opposed to English English?

Well like in teaching English the Educational people just love the Filipinos , who definitely are brought up studying American English. Yes they think it sounds cool and also the pronunciation is diabolical, let alone the grammar. They are definitely not native English teachers at all

A Director up at the High School at Danmakhamtia was apparently fuming (heard this from a very reliable source) in that why can not the students speak one sentence of English.

He, perhaps should have found out this a long time ago and this is nothing new and to be fair the Thai English teachers simply can not string together one sentence in English and that includes so-called Section Heads LOL.

In any case everyone in High School passes, so it does not matter.

[Guest]

Ask yourself which is most important:

(1) Getting results

(2) Not getting results.

Now let me be clear, in the West .. losing your temper and becoming an impatient bully DOES yield results! We see it time and time again.

The opposite is true here.

So .. to answer your question, and if you want RESULTS:

When you want to yell ... do the opposite, and speak MORE softly

When you want to talk fast and make a point, talk more SLOWLY.

When you want your face to mirror anger .. adopt a small smile.

When you want to look someone in the eye and intimidate them .. look at any other facial feature (nose) and smile.

Then experience the Thailand Miracle. They actually CAN reason, solve problems, find solutions ... etc.

"Thailand" translates to "Free Land" ... Thais delight in expressing this via passive aggressive purposeful stupidity.

The best example of this is here at my condo pool. As a Westerner, of course, I swim laps in a perfectly straight line.

It is a BIG pool.

But... you guessed it ... add one Thai ... and sooner or later there will be a collision!

TWO people in a HUGE pool .. and BOOM!

I asked my Thai wife "Why"

She smiled "it is the way you look at them" They think you are saying "This is MY pool" and to prove it is not, they swim in your way. Try smiling and see what happens."

Never had a problem after that.

[bazza40]

A regular whinge on here and finding out that many others experience many similar frustrations helps.... then you will see the 'if you don't like it go home' responses and realise there are others who are unaware they are stupid and far worse off than you !!!

In seriousness, a whinge is often good to get some frustrations off your chest and maintain a little sanity - where better to do this than an anonymous web forum ?

I find regular sport keeps the frustration in check...

------

I had a meal last night and when I ordered my Steak to be Cooked medium I was told "Cannot - Rare or Medium Rare only"... I asked the waitress if she was also going to be paying for the steak and and eating it ?... "cannot" was the reply... ... its idiocy such as this which tends to raise the frustration levels...

Why didn't you just pay for what you had already consumed, and walk out? Life's too short.

[Wilsonandson]

Could masturbation help me sleep better at night? My wife often helps me out but she gets tired quite quickly. Although she has no problem making papaya puk-puk salad during the day. I think a good nights sleep could improve my temper.

Edited July 18, 2016 by Wilsonandson

[sipi]

Take up muay Thai.

grow the flock up .....

Pardon? Muay Thai teaches tolerance.

[slipperylobster]

when i get flustered...i get in my car and drive like a madman....honking at pedestrians and cars that get in my way.

it is what the thais do....and it seems to relieve my anger.

[dutchisaan]

when i get flustered...i get in my car and drive like a madman....honking at pedestrians and cars that get in my way.

it is what the thais do....and it seems to relieve my anger.

Why I'm I not supprised that this bs statemant comes from you?

[mesterm]

Lots of things like talk a walk, get a coffee and my favourite is think "does this issue really matter? Is it actually important?" You will come to the conclusion it isn't so let it go and carry on with life.

Bills, housing, banking, visas and many other essential services you paid for do usually matter and are important. If those issues are unresolved, it would not be easy to carry on with life. Thai service staff sometimes do not make it easy, or care to.

All of those is your own inability to manage and life your life that is nothing to do with others. I agree many times staff do not make things easier but if you are the boss you hired them so you can either get rid of them and gt someone else or accept the situation and try to find ways around the situation.

However, it does not alter the fact that losing your temper will not resolve any of these issues, if anything it will set you further back. You are in control of your own life no matter how good or bad that happens to be at any given time. Only you can control it and losing your temper will definitely not help, it just exposes your weaknesses.

Yeah I meant it more in the sense of we as customers having to deal with such staff. I don't lose my temper here in Thailand, it's too risky. Loss of face can lead to loss of life.

[mrfaroukh]

My advise is to start Yoga and meditation specially learn the breathing system. Whenever you feel you are going to loose control start deep breath and it relax you. Just ignore anything stressful.

[smokie36]

Regular exercise is better than coffe, alcohol and other ranting expats.

[gemguy]

It depends on the circumstances and the situation at the time.

Everyone has to think first about the consequences of flipping out or publically displaying your anger while every persons situation and circumstances are going to be different in some aspects while often similar in some aspects as to what angers other people also.

Meantime, if you think that the Thais do not get angry and shout and rage on when something really pisses them off then you are mistaken while that is another fallacy about Thai people...and believe me, they get angry also and lose their temper also...while you are not there to witness it...but I have seen it enough times.

I have had words with a few Thai people when they basically fxcked up but I did not flip out on them rather just told them this is the last time I will be doing business with you .....while you...... just lost money.

If your running a company then your employees should be forewarned that you will be angry if they do not do their work correctly while flipping out on them in front of the other Thai people is not the way to handle it ..rather talk to them in private and tell them they are going to be looking for another job very soon if they do not do their work correctly and or sharpen up...as you would be amazed at the incompetence of all too many Thai employees.... as in, not all.....but all too many

Or put up with the problems that come with all too many Thai employees and lose money and or be frustrated all the time with their performance...while often their performance is somewhat dismal...relative to the simple tasks they are given to do.

A month or so a go I am in a taxi and I am playing with the cell phone and I can hear the taxi driver going beep, beep at something but I am not really paying attention other than glancing up and things look OK to me and then I hear a motorcycle horn going beep, beep and off to the left side of me.

I look over to my left and there is one of the motorcycle taxis drivers and sort of weaving back and forth beside the taxi I am in.

I do not know what the guy is up to other than trying to drive and fight traffic like everyone else is and then shortly after that we stop for a red light ahead and the motorcycle taxi driver is now beside the taxi and now kicking at the left side, back door where I am and shaking his fist and shouting at me...the passenger...while the driver is just staring straight ahead as if nothing is happening and then the motorcycle guy kicks the door again but harder and shouting at me all the more .

So of course I just ignore the motorcycle driver the same as the driver but the motorcycle guy is making gestures with his elbow like he is going to Muay Thai box me with his elbow...and for what?

Finally the motorcycle guy moves on ahead because cars behind him were beeping to move ahead as he was blocking that lane and off he goes.

I asked the driver what he thought that was all about and he answered the motorcycle had tried to cut in front of the taxi and to the right front with very little room but the taxi driver got the jump on the motorcycle driver and the motorcycle driver had to swerve back into the left lane beside the taxi on the left side where I was positioned ...so he was angry ,,,,but takes it out on the foreigner in the taxi while kicking the door nearest to me and shouting at me and giving me the aggressive: I will beat you up gestures....rather than the taxi driver.....like DUH.

Just joking around, I asked the cab driver if he knows the motorcycle driver while knowing the cab driver would say: Of course not

So I said: "Maybe he thinks we are the guys having a secret affair with his wife and he is angry all the time at everyone"

The driver did not get the joke right away ..but finally it sunk in ...lol

Then I started a conversation and we talked about that aspect of Thai people and I said everyone thinks Thai people do not get mad and angry and for the next 5 minutes on the way to the BTS station we talked about how Thai people are supposed to keep calm and never turn angry ( Jai yen, Jai Yen ...and My Ba Ly.... and My Pen Rai ) but that is not true while many Thai people lose it also when they are really angered by somethings...but, those things are often different than what angers us.

I believe we are a little more on edge and more frustrated than they are while we want things to be in order while we are less tolerant about a number of issues

Cheers

Edited July 18, 2016 by gemguy

[Emster23]

"PS Moderators why does this site use American English as opposed to English English?"

Has to do with Brexit, no doubt

Other methods to deal with stress:

Go home and beat the wife (kidding, and I'm no longer married anyway)

Remind self that if you lose your temper, they win

[Harveyg]

If you feel like you have quite a bit of anger inside, send me a message

[slipperylobster]

when i get flustered...i get in my car and drive like a madman....honking at pedestrians and cars that get in my way.

it is what the thais do....and it seems to relieve my anger.

Why I'm I not supprised that this bs statemant comes from you?

in that case....don't believe it.

[Thingamabob]

Best advice is for you to try to grow up.

[Wilsonandson]

Best advice is for you to try to grow up.

What do you mean?

[Berkshire]

Losing your temper and going ape-shit is not a good idea in Thailand. The Thais do not see anything positive about it. It just shows incredible immaturity and a weak mental make-up, an inability to control ones emotions. Makes you no different from a wild dog.

Of course, there are occasions when such a response is justified. If your daughter just got ran over by a drunk driver, you can be forgiven for "losing it." But farangs in Thailand lose it over the stupidest things.

[Donutz]

"Losing your temper and going ape-shit is not a good idea in any country. People do not see anything positive about it."

Fixed, just don't lose your temper unless some worser than worse happend. Rather stay calm, take a breath and think of the (other) options available to you on how to get where you want. Anger doesn't get you anywhere, being friendly yet persistent and cooperating does wonders. And trying to see things from other peoples perdoectives and not jumping to conclusions or being too judgemental goes a long way in not getting all worked up in the first place so that you can keep a smile on your face. Nothing to do with nationality, Thai are not from a different planet. It's human nature with a very thin layer of 'culture' (speaking of a term that overly simplifies matters!) over it.

Though perhaps too much calmness may agitate some silly people. I remember a part time job at a restaurant back in my highschool and college days. Some girl that was also on the staff was not happy with something I had done. Her tone of voice clearly indicating this. I listend, continued what I was doing where I was standing at half speed, keeping eye contact and not interupting her. But when she was at the end of her rant and becore I could really give any reply she lost it and started shouting that she was talking to me and what not. I may or may not have bursted out into laughter thinking how insane her behaviour was, she went crazy. I lost any respect fir her that I had, she was always a bit selfish and self centered but apparantly me not telling her how sorry I was at the very start of her complaints direct at me, made her absolutely mad. Now I try not to judge people too fast, nobody is perfect but I don't think I ever bothered taking her seriously or assisting her ever again.