Stalker Problem Need The Boards Help

[evansfan]

Hi everyone,

First of all, I apologize to the moderator. I choose this subject area for maximum targeting of those with knowledge of Thailand. Here is my story. This involves a very good friend of mine whose advice I have counted on as I negotiated the minefield of long distance relationships.

She is an university educated Thai national with a natural fluency level in English that is very rare, and this skill has assisted her as she climbs the corporate ladder, but at heart she is a simple girl from the country, and that fact has exasperated the situation because she is lacking the guideposts that those of us that have spent our life in an urban environment acquire.

A few years ago she had an American born boyfriend, after she discovered him cheating on her, she unceremoniously moved out and got on with her life. End of story or so she thought. A few weeks ago she bumped into an old shared acquaintance in the hallway of her apartment building, she chatted with her for a few minutes, and continued on her way. The following Sunday, as she was doing laundry, she looked up and her old boyfriend appeared and proceeded to attack her, proclaiming she will never have anyone else, fortunately a neighbor intervened and away he went. Shockingly the police were not called. He made a few more appearances but was not allowed in the building and one time a confrontation with a security guard erupted. My friend was looking for a new apartment. I beseeched her to go to a motel. She was paralyzed into inertia. The idea of a stalker, someone who could not forget after two years was unfathomable to her "why why is he doing this after two years" she would say during our talks. She called me because she was trying to understand him, maybe this was an "American thing" I tried to explain to her that you cannot rationalize a stalker. That all became clear to her one morning when she left for work and noticed him around the building, she has always assumed morning time was safe because he was working, he jumped into a cab and followed her, she realized he was trying to determine her workplace. She smartly went right to the bus station, on the way she arranged a ticket by phone, paid, and ran right on a bus heading for her hometown. She called me Friday night, Thailand time, telling me that her parents are begging her to stay, and I advised her that would be a bad idea, he knew where her family lived and she would be the proverbial sitting duck. I advised her to hide in the concrete jungle of Bangkok. She left Saturday night and arrived early Sunday morning; with my paranoid urging she switched cabs numerous times as she traversed to her friend’s apartment. Sure enough, he arrived Sunday at her families house looking for her, he has lived in the kingdom long enough to speak enough Thai to get by, but they told him nothing useful.

Here is what is being done to buy her a little time:

She will never return to her old apartment

Her new apartment will be rented in a friends name with no bills or documentation linking her to the new place

She will no longer associate with anyone who could remotely be connected to her old boyfriend; luckily she has switched industries so that helps greatly.

Heartbreakingly, she can only contact her family by phone and email, and will not tell them where she lives for at least a few months

Her family will take her stuff from the old apartment back to her village

She will not leave Bangkok

Here are my questions:

1. Does Thailand have the equivalent of the “protective order” an edict by a court barring him from contacting her (a lawyer friend advised her that they did not?)

2. If Thailand does, can she file for the order without giving her whereabouts?

3. If he violates the order will his immigration status be affected? (He is in the kingdom legally)

4. He is an American citizen, is their some American statue we can fall back on if he is arrested for violating another countries protective order.

The situation is very fluid, and she is relying on me, because I have absolutely no contact with the stalker and she trusts me. She feels utterly alone and bewildered. I worked in Thailand for six months and at that time she worked in an ofice nearby, and I met her there. She is a remarkable young woman, bright, talented, with a heart of gold. In the spirit of John Donne, the world will be a poorer place if something happens to her.

I am exploring many different avenues, this board has been so helpful to many others, I would be remiss not to make an appeal here, and any advice would be greatly appreciated

Thanks

Jay

Edited November 22, 2006 by evansfan

[tangoll]

Be careful about what advice to give here -- maybe Jay = stalker?

[pumpuiman]

Have you spoken with the police?

[lannarebirth]

If your friend knows where her ex-boyfriend works, she should have the police (in a small group) pay him a visit during office hours. She should pay them if she has to, but he needs tro hear the message that his behaviour carries risk to his employment, his continuing to remain in Thailand, and perhaps, even his physical well being.

[t.s]

Hi everyone,

at heart she is a simple girl from the country, and that fact has exasperated the situation

She was paralyzed into inertia.

what does this mean?

you write with the style of a well educated american who has never actually read a book. classic malapropisms -- furtive ground for humour as they say

As for your friend, why wouldn't she go to the Thai police, immigration and his embassy? If as you say she is on her way up the coprorate ladder, she will possess enough cred to be taken seriously.

surely relinquishing her life and friends is unnessessary.

if all else fails plant a bag of herion in his apartment and make a phone call.

[evansfan]

I confess my editing skills in this post were lacking. Extralegal methods are being considered since we are in thailand, specifically the police paying a visit to his office, but since I am obviously an american, I have seen many of these cases end in tragedy here. A stalker has gone over the edge and is no longer rational. I want to find a legal method to remove him from the country if he continues.

Jay

P.S. As far as actually being a stalker hard to do from 10,000 km away, but I guess anything is possible

[thaihome]

In my experience Thais are very reluctant to approach police for assistance, unless they have some connection. To have a young Thai woman walk into a police station un-introduced, to complain about a past farang boyfriend is a recipe for disaster (for her).

She needs to find a senior person with some status to approach them for her. Ideally this would be her father or other relative, but is sounds like that is not an option as they are from upcountry and have little status themselves. Otherwise, her employer could possibley lend assistance, though that would leave some debt she may not want to carry. The only option I see is to retain a prestigious Thai lawyer firm to first approach the American and the police if that does not work.

Under no circumstance should she go to police her self.

TH

[t.s]

I confess my editing skills in this post were lacking. Extralegal methods are being considered since we are in thailand, specifically the police paying a visit to his office, but since I am obviously an american, I have seen many of these cases end in tragedy here. A stalker has gone over the edge and is no longer rational. I want to find a legal method to remove him from the country if he continues.

Jay

P.S. As far as actually being a stalker hard to do from 10,000 km away, but I guess anything is possible

having seen a number of spelling mistakes in my own post, i am a little red faced, but for some reason i cant edit the post.

[taxexile]

since we are in thailand,

P.S. stalker hard to do from 10,000 km away,

are you in thailand or in the usa.

[pumpuiman]

In my experience Thais are very reluctant to approach police for assistance, unless they have some connection. To have a young Thai woman walk into a police station un-introduced, to complain about a past farang boyfriend is a recipe for disaster (for her).

She needs to find a senior person with some status to approach them for her. Ideally this would be her father or other relative, but is sounds like that is not an option as they are from upcountry and have little status themselves. Otherwise, her employer could possibley lend assistance, though that would leave some debt she may not want to carry. The only option I see is to retain a prestigious Thai lawyer firm to first approach the American and the police if that does not work.

Under no circumstance should she go to police her self.

TH

I disagree, she should seek help as soon as possible. Explaining to a policeman that you have been assaulted will not be overlooked, and should be done as a matter of record.

[Briggsy]

In my experience Thais are very reluctant to approach police for assistance, unless they have some connection. To have a young Thai woman walk into a police station un-introduced, to complain about a past farang boyfriend is a recipe for disaster (for her).

She needs to find a senior person with some status to approach them for her. Ideally this would be her father or other relative, but is sounds like that is not an option as they are from upcountry and have little status themselves. Otherwise, her employer could possibley lend assistance, though that would leave some debt she may not want to carry. The only option I see is to retain a prestigious Thai lawyer firm to first approach the American and the police if that does not work.

Under no circumstance should she go to police her self.

TH

Good post.

This problem will be resolved simply. But it must be done through phoo yai of one sort or another. Her employer should be able to sort it out in 24 hours and 1 or 2 phone calls.

[PeaceBlondie]

I confess my editing skills in this post were lacking. Extralegal methods are being considered since we are in thailand, specifically the police paying a visit to his office, but since I am obviously an american, I have seen many of these cases end in tragedy here. A stalker has gone over the edge and is no longer rational. I want to find a legal method to remove him from the country if he continues.

Jay

P.S. As far as actually being a stalker hard to do from 10,000 km away, but I guess anything is possible

having seen a number of spelling mistakes in my own post, i am a little red faced, but for some reason i cant edit the post.

I suspect the first word error that evansfan made was to try to say "exacerbate" - a word I hate in writing or speech. I prefer to say "make it worse." At first, I thought he meant 'exaggerate,' which almost works.

Inertia takes two forms - a rate of speed which cannot be slowed down, and a speed of zero which cannot be accelerated. When you're paralyzed, your speed is zero.

Hey, I just started a grammar topic over on the Teaching in Thailand forum. If you're into editing other people's malapropisms (sp?), you're welcome over there.

Meanwhile, back to the real subject......

[sriracha john]

Sorry, but I think the stories of a couple weeks ago were better. They had more plot development and a more diverse cast.

[Soju]

since we are in thailand,

P.S. stalker hard to do from 10,000 km away,

are you in thailand or in the usa.

Also worth noting, since when did Americans start using kilometers?

[evansfan]

since we are in thailand,

P.S. stalker hard to do from 10,000 km away,

are you in thailand or in the usa.

USA-again editing-Thaione, your advice of hiring a top notch lawyer is probably the best option. I was hoping someone has come across a similar case and dispensed some wisdom.

thanks

jay

[chuchok]

Also worth noting, since when did Americans start using kilometers?

vietnam war

[Soju]

since we are in thailand,

P.S. stalker hard to do from 10,000 km away,

are you in thailand or in the usa.

USA-again editing-Thaione, your advice of hiring a top notch lawyer is probably the best option. I was hoping someone has come across a similar case and dispensed some wisdom.

thanks

jay

Out of curiosity, where abouts in the USA are you that's 10,000 kilometers away from Thailand? Last I checked, a flight from Bangkok to Los Angeles was over 13,000 kilometers.

[LaReina]

A person solicits help and goes on trial.

Since when can't Americans be educated/ live outside of the US to the point of using the Metric system?

As for the distance from where he is to thailand, perhaps he should add the distance from his home to the airport....... perhaps then only will the plea for help be valid.

On that note, I was not aware Hawaii had disappeared.

Edited November 22, 2006 by LaReina

[h90]

Hi everyone,

First of all, I apologize to the moderator. I choose this subject area for maximum targeting of those with knowledge of Thailand. Here is my story. This involves a very good friend of mine whose advice I have counted on as I negotiated the minefield of long distance relationships.

She is an university educated Thai national with a natural fluency level in English that is very rare, and this skill has assisted her as she climbs the corporate ladder, but at heart she is a simple girl from the country, and that fact has exasperated the situation because she is lacking the guideposts that those of us that have spent our life in an urban environment acquire.

A few years ago she had an American born boyfriend, after she discovered him cheating on her, she unceremoniously moved out and got on with her life. End of story or so she thought. A few weeks ago she bumped into an old shared acquaintance in the hallway of her apartment building, she chatted with her for a few minutes, and continued on her way. The following Sunday, as she was doing laundry, she looked up and her old boyfriend appeared and proceeded to attack her, proclaiming she will never have anyone else, fortunately a neighbor intervened and away he went. Shockingly the police were not called. He made a few more appearances but was not allowed in the building and one time a confrontation with a security guard erupted. My friend was looking for a new apartment. I beseeched her to go to a motel. She was paralyzed into inertia. The idea of a stalker, someone who could not forget after two years was unfathomable to her "why why is he doing this after two years" she would say during our talks. She called me because she was trying to understand him, maybe this was an "American thing" I tried to explain to her that you cannot rationalize a stalker. That all became clear to her one morning when she left for work and noticed him around the building, she has always assumed morning time was safe because he was working, he jumped into a cab and followed her, she realized he was trying to determine her workplace. She smartly went right to the bus station, on the way she arranged a ticket by phone, paid, and ran right on a bus heading for her hometown. She called me Friday night, Thailand time, telling me that her parents are begging her to stay, and I advised her that would be a bad idea, he knew where her family lived and she would be the proverbial sitting duck. I advised her to hide in the concrete jungle of Bangkok. She left Saturday night and arrived early Sunday morning; with my paranoid urging she switched cabs numerous times as she traversed to her friend’s apartment. Sure enough, he arrived Sunday at her families house looking for her, he has lived in the kingdom long enough to speak enough Thai to get by, but they told him nothing useful.

Here is what is being done to buy her a little time:

She will never return to her old apartment

Her new apartment will be rented in a friends name with no bills or documentation linking her to the new place

She will no longer associate with anyone who could remotely be connected to her old boyfriend; luckily she has switched industries so that helps greatly.

Heartbreakingly, she can only contact her family by phone and email, and will not tell them where she lives for at least a few months

Her family will take her stuff from the old apartment back to her village

She will not leave Bangkok

Here are my questions:

1. Does Thailand have the equivalent of the “protective order” an edict by a court barring him from contacting her (a lawyer friend advised her that they did not?)

2. If Thailand does, can she file for the order without giving her whereabouts?

3. If he violates the order will his immigration status be affected? (He is in the kingdom legally)

4. He is an American citizen, is their some American statue we can fall back on if he is arrested for violating another countries protective order.

The situation is very fluid, and she is relying on me, because I have absolutely no contact with the stalker and she trusts me. She feels utterly alone and bewildered. I worked in Thailand for six months and at that time she worked in an ofice nearby, and I met her there. She is a remarkable young woman, bright, talented, with a heart of gold. In the spirit of John Donne, the world will be a poorer place if something happens to her.

I am exploring many different avenues, this board has been so helpful to many others, I would be remiss not to make an appeal here, and any advice would be greatly appreciated

Thanks

Jay

You are a troll or? To hide in BKK is the most easy thing. "Switching cabs numerous times,

She will never return to her old apartment

Her new apartment will be rented in a friends name with no bills or documentation linking her to the new place

She will no longer associate with anyone who could remotely be connected to her old boyfriend; luckily she has switched industries so that helps greatly.

Heartbreakingly, she can only contact her family by phone and email, and will not tell them where she lives for at least a few months

Her family will take her stuff from the old apartment back to her village

She will not leave Bangkok"

if you switch apartment and job, not even KGB and CIA can find you anymore in BKK. You can leave Bangkok, you can tell your parents.

There is something very wrong at that story.

[Little Black Duck]

Hi everyone,

You are a troll or? To hide in BKK is the most easy thing. "Switching cabs numerous times,

She will never return to her old apartment

Her new apartment will be rented in a friends name with no bills or documentation linking her to the new place

She will no longer associate with anyone who could remotely be connected to her old boyfriend; luckily she has switched industries so that helps greatly.

Heartbreakingly, she can only contact her family by phone and email, and will not tell them where she lives for at least a few months

Her family will take her stuff from the old apartment back to her village

She will not leave Bangkok"

if you switch apartment and job, not even KGB and CIA can find you anymore in BKK. You can leave Bangkok, you can tell your parents.

There is something very wrong at that story.

Perhaps James Bond is alive and well living in BKK..

[Soju]

A person solicits help and goes on trial.

Since when can't Americans be educated/ live outside of the US to the point of using the Metric system?

As for the distance from where he is to thailand, perhaps he should add the distance from his home to the airport....... perhaps then only will the plea for help be valid.

Well, being he said he's in Thailand, followed by saying he's in the US, something smells very fishy about his post. I don't see how someone who was sincere would make such an obvious mistake. Also just look at his writing style. This isn't the writing style I'd expect someone to use in making a post asking for help. It reads more like a novel. Wasn't there some aspiring writer on this board who made up similar stories and had lots of people believing him? Forgot his username, but it sound to me like he's returned.

BTW, 10,000 kilometers is about the distance from BKK to the UK. He quotes a British poet. He makes the statement, "I am obviously an american". Why is it obvious? I'm an American myself, and if I was making such a post, I'd say "I'm an American", not "I am obviously an american". I do know kilometers very well, but I would never say I live in America which is 10,000 kilometers away from Thailand. I'd use miles. If I was talking to an audience of people that only understood kilometers, then I'd convert it, but not if the audience was such as this where people are made up of many nationalities.

Anyways, my apologies if this post is really sincere, but it certainly looks like a troll post to me.

Edited November 22, 2006 by Soju

[Briggsy]

Why would a Thai who has already been assaulted turn to a farang for help? Only in a Christopher Moore novel!

[Soju]

Why would a Thai who has already been assaulted turn to a farang for help? Only in a Christopher Moore novel!

Exactly, and a novel is precisely how it reads.

[Wolfie]

the sharks are circling... i feel sorry for the OP

[cdnvic]

I suggest you take her to the airport immedietly.

Get her on a plane to Sao Paulo (use your secret decoder ring to learn the real destination).

When you arrive, go to the safe house and tell Herr Stierscheiße that I sent you. He will arrange her new identity papers and send her to the plastic surgeon. After that I think she'll be safe.

Just to be sure, you'll have to have your memory erased in case you confess under torture and we have to go through all this again.

Herr Stierscheiße would not be pleased.

[MarkBKK]

Also worth noting, since when did Americans start using kilometers?

1893, I believe.

[thaihome]

In my experience Thais are very reluctant to approach police for assistance, unless they have some connection. To have a young Thai woman walk into a police station un-introduced, to complain about a past farang boyfriend is a recipe for disaster (for her).

She needs to find a senior person with some status to approach them for her. Ideally this would be her father or other relative, but is sounds like that is not an option as they are from upcountry and have little status themselves. Otherwise, her employer could possibley lend assistance, though that would leave some debt she may not want to carry. The only option I see is to retain a prestigious Thai lawyer firm to first approach the American and the police if that does not work.

Under no circumstance should she go to police her self.

TH

I disagree, she should seek help as soon as possible. Explaining to a policeman that you have been assaulted will not be overlooked, and should be done as a matter of record.

You would hope that so, and in most western countries this would be true. But this is not the west, this a third world country and police have a different agenda. Thais are more anxious about the police and power they have than most farangs have any concept of. Keeping a low profile is a matter of survival.

TH

[C-sip-degree]

A few years ago she had an American born boyfriend, after she discovered him cheating on her, she unceremoniously moved out and got on with her life. End of story or so she thought. A few weeks ago she bumped into an old shared acquaintance in the hallway of her apartment building, she chatted with her for a few minutes, and continued on her way. The following Sunday, as she was doing laundry, she looked up and her old boyfriend appeared and proceeded to attack her, proclaiming she will never have anyone else, fortunately a neighbor intervened and away he went. Shockingly the police were not called. He made a few more appearances but was not allowed in the building and one time a confrontation with a security guard erupted.

I advised her that would be a bad idea, he knew where her family lived and she would be the proverbial sitting duck. I advised her to hide in the concrete jungle of Bangkok. She left Saturday night and arrived early Sunday morning; with my paranoid urging she switched cabs numerous times as she traversed to her friend’s apartment. Sure enough, he arrived Sunday at her families house looking for her, he has lived in the kingdom long enough to speak enough Thai to get by, but they told him nothing useful.

Here is what is being done to buy her a little time:

She will never return to her old apartment

Her new apartment will be rented in a friends name with no bills or documentation linking her to the new place

She will no longer associate with anyone who could remotely be connected to her old boyfriend; luckily she has switched industries so that helps greatly.

Heartbreakingly, she can only contact her family by phone and email, and will not tell them where she lives for at least a few months

Her family will take her stuff from the old apartment back to her village

She will not leave Bangkok

Jay

Can I ask where up north, its amazing that he was able to arrive and then leave her families house in one piece after he had attacked her.

Doesn't she have any brothes, cousins, I disagree with you about saying stay it BKK.

Who is the sitting duck in the village.

Does she have a picture of this guy still, 'USE IT THEN', I would advise her and family to go straight to there local Police Station and talk to the Police Inspector, if Mr X shows up he will stick out like a sore thumb posts picture of him in the village telling everbody that he attacked her and to keep a look out and help this family. etc.

You might get a surprise how quick the local boys will rally to this situation.

With Police Inspector and report in hand, procedeed to the American embassy they might be very interested in this story about Mr X.

You need to get her protection ASAP, this Guy has already done wrong and enough is enough.

Step it up, put it in gear.

regards

C-sip

[Briggsy]

The Pink Panther meets Jake Needham.

Oh God

[LaReina]

Soju: Point taken. Actually if I re-read his initial post, I see where most of you guys are coming from. A normal person would have just stated the facts and left out all the "grandeur" that he uses to build up to the problem. And yes, there are things he states that are odd.

An American "born" boyfriend,.... as opposed to a Nationalized one?

I "beseeched" her to go to a motel... In Thailand? Why not a friends house for the night.

he knew where her family lived and she would be the proverbial "sitting duck".. yeah.. a farang is going to show up in somones home town and cause trouble at her folks house and have the upper hand to instill fear in the family?

Besides, no-one stalks a person after two years.

so maybe he really is a writer.