Jokes

[A. BOOZER]

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my

own pants.

2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said

"Implants?" She hit me.

4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a

moaner.

8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?"

9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get

elected.

10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and <deleted>'s.

11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special

person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive

days I've stayed alive.

14. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and

50 for Miss America?

15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a

peeing section in a swimming pool?

16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see

naked?

17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:

"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

19. Life isn't like a box of chocolates...it's more like a jar of

jalapenos. What I do today, will probably burn my ass tomorrow.

[jayenram]

7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a

moaner.

That is funny!

The rest weren't bad either.

but where is my davemate.pdf t shirt?

[..::LegalAlien::..]

jayenram...

No 7 definately... I nearly fell of my chair!!!